Belästigende Anrufe in Mädchenwohnheimen

Kapitel 14

A man in a white robe lay with his back to us, sprawled on a corpse; his beer belly betrayed his age. He was the director, completely absorbed in his frenzied experiments, an uncommunicative man. D suddenly frowned and said to Bell, "Ang Liu was here. Other clients want to kill this man."

Upon closer inspection, they found the man lying there with his eyes wide open, without a single wound on his body. They touched his nose; he was no longer breathing. His body was still slightly warm, suggesting he had only recently died. Judging from D's tone, it seemed other members of the royal family had received the same mission.

The wronged spirits who followed them in, seeing this scene, angrily rushed towards D. They shouted, "Why...didn't you say you would help us avenge ourselves? Letting him die like this is too easy for him!"

Why are they complaining like this? No matter how unwilling they are, they've already killed so many people; that's revenge, isn't it? And without the Party, how could they have harmed those people? Why are they attacking us now?

D's eyes suddenly dimmed, and she uttered a sentence with a sharp retort—a sentence I can still recall even now. When things reach a point of no return, remembering those words brings a different feeling. Perhaps, in the very end, I was the one who was most at fault. My self-righteous kindness… hurt everyone… Dao Lian, Nana, Rin, D… and everyone else afterward. Do I regret it? Perhaps not. Because without experiencing pain, perhaps I wouldn't know the taste of happiness.

"Humans...whether before or after death...are all so selfish..." D turned around, pulled out a talisman that seemed to have been prepared beforehand, and erected a black barrier in front of him. The swarming vengeful spirits crashed into the barrier, turning into white light and slowly merging with D. I knew what he was doing; those vengeful spirits had become part of D's power. The bell had already been in front of me the instant D took out the talisman, probably worried I would be affected. I noticed she was also holding a talisman in her hand, somewhat like a Taoist amulet protecting us.

It was over. The intense light that followed blinded me. For a moment, my mind went blank. I wondered if I should have made a choice after returning to the royal mansion. The hospital returned to calm, except for the faint smell of blood that reminded me of what had just happened. I silently followed D into the car back to the Misty Forest, feeling somewhat lost. I could only pretend to ask Bell some irrelevant questions, trying to ease the tense atmosphere.

"Lingdang, how many people are there in the Royal Family? Who is Ang Liu? Why did D know he was the one who did it just by looking at the Dean's body? And since the Dean had only just died, Ang Liu should have seen us. Why didn't he come out and say hello?"

"I can't remember how many people there are in the Royal Family. But among this generation, I remember Young Master Ang Liu and my elder brother the most clearly. Because they were both rare members of the Royal Family who returned from the Soul Reaper's Quarter without a single injury. The difference is that after my elder brother returned, that warm and genuine smile on his face disappeared. But Ang Liu returned with a smile on his face. I can't believe he was so young back then... The people my elder brother killed all looked like they were asleep when they died, while the people Ang Liu killed all looked like they were frightened when they died, with their eyes wide open. So, just by looking at the Dean's expression when he died and the uninjured body, you could tell it was Ang Liu's doing."

"Lingdang, what kind of family is the royal family? Why is it that the more I see, the less I understand?"

Author: Xinxinjun Reply Date: 2005-01-02 01:16:00

Bell turned her head, staring blankly ahead, and said softly, "A tragic family. They've witnessed too many people's desires, and while they loathe them, they discover that they also have many desires. Lost in contradictions, they're a family that can never escape the curse of the Misty Forest. Zero, once you make your choice, you'll slowly understand."

"But..." I didn't know what to choose. I didn't finish my sentence, because we were back in the Misty Forest. Even now, I still don't know exactly where this forest is in the city. The car always passed through countless dark tunnels, and just when you were getting tired of it, the target was right in front of you. Mysterious, eerie, just like the only inhabitants here, the Royal Family. But according to Bell, not all Royal Family members live here. Everyone is out on missions, except for D, who seems to have a strange attachment to this place, no matter how inconvenient or how far he has to go, he always has to return here.

When I noticed my body becoming more transparent, I knew I had to tell them the answer. The call to arms was already ringing in my ears; I had to return to my body. Before entering the Royal Palace, D had Nana call the client who had commissioned the task out of the umbrella; she had witnessed everything that had just happened. However, her eyes remained calm, even knowing that D hadn't completed the commission.

"Thank you! My child should be at peace now." She bowed deeply and then disappeared into a corner of the misty forest.

Where is she going?

“Souls without a path can only go to the wandering soul zone. She probably already knew that when she came to make the request.” Bell turned around and pulled me into the house. “That was her choice. We can’t help her. Even I don’t know how to walk the path to ascension. Now, you must make a choice before you go.”

Inside, D was already waiting for me. Under his gaze, I couldn't speak. The ringing in my ears grew clearer, while the body on my side grew fainter. Why must I choose? Why can I only choose one side? It doesn't make sense. Can't I dislike both sides? I should resent them, why am I helping them? It's ridiculous. Why are both families so certain that I'll help them after I know everything? Aren't they far too confident?

Do you think I don't want to die? Wrong! If I could, I'd rather die. Twenty-five years of life is long enough for me. Well, if they insist on an answer, then I have no choice but to make one.

Choose A or B. This is a single-choice question. Only one answer is required, regardless of whether it is correct or not.

A despises B, B wants to squeeze out C. You only have one chance in your life to solve this problem.

"...I can't possibly choose the royal family..." What am I saying? My brain can't keep up with the words coming out of my mouth.

“Is that so?” Bell’s expression changed. “Then I have no choice but to kill you… I cannot accept the existence of anyone who poses a threat to the Royal Family. I have persisted until now to protect the Royal Family.” But D stopped her from advancing.

"...I won't choose Taoism either. Your two families' affairs have nothing to do with me. However, I'm grateful that you've shown me what I should do before I die. Whether I die at 25 or 20 doesn't matter; my life has been rich enough. I want to use my abilities to save more people. I won't kill ghosts or people. I can do what I did in the Xiangxiang incident, persuading ghosts to ascend to a higher realm... and if there's real danger, I can protect people." I firmly stated, yes, between A and B, I created C myself. So I choose C; this is my path, no matter the cost.

D suddenly burst into laughter: "You think this is something noble?"

“This isn’t a question of greatness or lack thereof. It’s a question of personal principles,” I retorted.

"You're too naive. Do you think your neutrality will make others thank you? Whether it's a human or a ghost, doing this will only result in a lose-lose situation..."

"It's better than you treating human lives or ghosts as mere objects!"

"You really think so? Fine! Go ahead and do it! I won't kill you, nor will I do anything to harm you. But similarly, I won't save you when you're in danger. Remember this: you chose this path today. If one day you find your hands covered in blood, I hope you won't regret it and will continue with your noble sentiments. Human desires will never change because of life or death. Hesitating and standing in a neutral position will only hurt everyone."

"I'm going back. Take the bracelet back! Now, I'm no longer a royal artifact. I am myself, and there's no agreement between us." Her body became increasingly transparent.

"No! We have an agreement. You must learn to untie that bracelet yourself and return it to me, otherwise I will not accept it. Also, don't forget what I said: if one day you come looking for me to kill me, please don't disappoint me. When you kill, the knife must be plunged into my chest without mercy!"

I was somewhat afraid of his gaze for that instant. I backed away, my body beginning to disappear. I had to go back, back into my body. When I woke up, it was darkness again, and the Taoists I couldn't face.

Suddenly, he leaned close to my ear and said in a voice only we could hear, "If you really want to be independent, first learn to accept things! Some things you can't just hide from your eyes by forcing them to. You've already started to see certain things, and pretending they don't exist won't help..."

A sudden pang of pain shot through my heart. D's face gradually blurred, while Dao Lian's calls grew clearer.

“Zero…my name is also…Ren…the three of us…are all cursed. You can’t escape…”

Sometimes, not crying doesn't mean you're strong. I know that, but I have to hold back my tears.

Human desires are endless...

But I was too superficial back then...

The word "fate" is the funniest joke I've ever heard. Making choices is the most pointless thing I've ever done. They say modern people use everything and then throw it away; things have a shelf life of no more than three months. But my choice isn't one that spoils in three months; its very existence has pierced my heart regarding my future.

I had to hold back my tears… I had to hold back my tears… I had to pretend to be strong… I had to… I had to… open my eyes… My vision focused. It wasn’t darkness, I could see. Actually, I could see all along; my body was perfectly normal, I was just forcing myself not to. It was a mental issue. D’s words reminded me of my hypocrisy. Why? Was it reality, or was I weakly running away from something? But now I couldn’t run away anymore; I had to make a choice, because the Taoist was already standing before me. I had to speak; there were too many necessities in my life, but living meant continuing on, there was no turning back. Even if… the end of the road was a cliff.

Now I see it. And then, I cried.

Author: Xinxinjun Reply Date: 2005-01-02 01:18:00

"Dao Lian..."

He just looked at me sadly and untied the summoning bell: "You went to see the royal family...and you've already made your choice?"

The old woman said angrily, "You won't betray the Taoist school, will you? Don't let us down!"

"Grandma... get out! All of you get out! I want to talk to Zero alone! Now I am the heir of the Dao family, and according to the rules, I should be in charge of the Dao family. I still have that much power, right? Don't interfere! I haven't even held you accountable for hiding things from me before!" Dao Lian suddenly became angry and shouted at the group of people behind her.

The Taoists slowly withdrew. Dao Ting's eyes were red, and as she left, she glared at me fiercely, secretly mouthing "demon" at me.

A monster? I'd never want to be called that, would I? But, in truth, my inhuman, ghostly appearance must be what they call a monster! Seeing Dao Lian again, I felt he was very different from the person I knew before. His brows furrowed more often, and there was a hidden worry in his smile. He seemed to know many things, perhaps things he didn't want to accept. He had matured a lot; the once sunny him now stood in the shade, his shadow growing longer and longer.

"Now...can you tell me...what happened when you went to see the royal people? And your choice...no matter what the outcome...I will not...blame you...neither the Taoists nor I have the right..." He held my cold hand, so warm...but I had to cruelly push those hands away. Was I being a little cruel?

"I...won't choose Taoism..."

"Is it... the royal family?" He sighed, his brows furrowing even deeper. "...That makes sense...after all, the Daoist school owes you too much...and the royal family is stronger, perhaps they can save your life..."

“No. I didn’t choose the royal family either. I chose another path. I want to use my own power to help other people or ghosts. I don’t want to get involved in the conflict between your two families.” I tried to break the silence in the room with a smile.

“…But…” Dao Lian paused, somewhat surprised, “You might not live past 25!”

"It's been so long... Dao Lian... Sometimes... life feels so short yet so long. I feel that Heaven has ordained this to be the path I must take. I can't fully agree with either the Taoist or royal beliefs, but the fact that you have made me extraordinary is undeniable. I don't think I have the ability to change you, but I don't want to see you harming people or ghosts like this. Nothing is absolute; Taoism and the royal family are too absolute. Ghosts are still human before they die, and even bad people have the right to live. No one can decide the outcome for someone else. I think what I need to do is help them move towards the outcome that aligns with their own desires."

"Is that so? Is this your choice?" Dao Lian turned his back to me, so I couldn't see his expression. "Ling... I've learned a lot during my cultivation. Next month, I must inherit the Dao family. This is an unchangeable outcome, destined from the moment I was born. And I have another responsibility... Perhaps... your understanding of the Dao family or the royal family is too superficial... The Dao family isn't as cruel to ghosts as you imagine..."

"But... Dao Lian... I saw Dao Ting do that... I really can't believe it... even though I still want to believe you..."

"It doesn't matter... Zero... I care about how you see us. There are too many secrets about Taoism that you don't understand yet... I can only say that once I inherit Taoism... I will have responsibilities..."

"Dao Lian... what do you mean by saying these things?"

"Ling...you should rest well today! Tomorrow I'll send someone to take you down the mountain to catch a plane. You can go wherever you want...the Taoists won't make things difficult for you. I hope your future will never intersect with our two families again...that might be happier for you..."

“Dao Lian…” I forced a smile, “Your words make it sound like we’re about to part ways. It has nothing to do with the royal family, we’re still friends… The path I’ve chosen doesn’t have much impact on your Daoist school…”

He sighed, turned to face me, and looked at me with something I couldn't understand: "Ling... there's so much you don't know. After inheriting the Daoist family, I'm no longer the Dao Lian I used to be. I have responsibilities now, and I can't be so carefree with you anymore. Because the path you chose isn't the Daoist family. No matter what path you choose, as long as it's not the Daoist family, I can no longer be good to you. Our relationship has to be severed... it has to be severed... even if I... I... I... I... for you... for you... never mind... what's the use of saying this now? You should rest well, no one will bother you. The barrier has been removed, so don't worry about the royal family if they come looking for you again. This is the last bit of leniency I can show you before I inherit the Daoist family."

It's broken? Apparently, after choosing the path, the places I'd already traversed started collapsing. It's like leftover food left overnight; without a microwave, it won't return to its original temperature. There's no microwave around me, so the leftovers have to be thrown away. There's no turning back; once I've started moving forward, there's no going back. This is the path I've chosen.

Pain. Anxiety. But no aspirin. I lay down, hugging the blanket, but felt no warmth. I shook off those warm hands, so the man there will never smile gently at me again. I kind of understand what those things in his eyes that I didn't understand were, but I still don't get it.

I'm asleep. So tired, I wish I could forget everything, but in my dreams, I feel like I'm on a carousel, spinning endlessly, dizzy. I see my past self and my present self reflected rapidly, each face feigning strength, yet actually displaying feigned weakness. Isn't my choice of this path today also a form of escapism? I don't want to face the conflict between the two families, saying I disagree with them, but is it really just disagreement? Am I afraid of getting too involved and getting hurt? Or is there a reason I don't even understand? Lingdang said my hesitation and neutrality will hurt more people. I don't know if this will come true, but at least I've already hurt Daolian. It's irreversible. What happened is like a tangled mess of threads wrapped around me, and all I can do now is take a pair of scissors and cut all the threads, including happiness.

All my memories with Daolian will become the past starting tomorrow—expired, spoiled. I'm weak; I only want to protect myself. Perhaps happiness no longer exists on the road ahead.

Every minute feels like I'm sleeping, and every minute feels like I'm awake.

When I woke up on the second day, my ears were filled with tears.

Dao Lian finally saw me off, without any other Taoists following. He said this was the last time he would be so willful. The airport was rather deserted on a non-holiday day; this flight would mean never seeing each other again. On the way down the mountain, we were silent, unsure of what to say. Now, as the time of parting draws ever closer, I want to speak, but I truly don't know how.

"Passengers taking the 9:30 train to City A, please..." The mechanical announcement reminded me once again of the approaching moment of parting.

"I'm leaving!" A faint smile. I didn't know what else to do but smile. I couldn't say goodbye because there was no goodbye anymore.

“Zero…” Before I turned around, Dao Lian grabbed my hand. His heat burned my throat through my hand, making me speechless. I could only remain in this position, with my back to him.

"I hope you can persevere... I beg you not to oppose Taoism... If... if one day... you really do something to harm Taoism, and we meet again... no matter... no matter what now... I will have to kill you. So... I beg you... not to oppose Taoism..."

Tears welled up in his eyes, and his hand slowly loosened. Once it did, he could never hold it again.

“Zero…” Just before I was about to go in, he grabbed my hand again, “If I told you I liked you…would you stay and choose Taoism because I didn’t want to leave?”

I didn't look at him, I just pulled my hand back and rushed into the boarding gate without looking back.

Tears streamed down her face. Dao Lian, you must not like me. Because I didn't choose the Daoist path. I knew you would do this later.

The plane took off, the memories shattered, never to be pieced back together.

At the time, I thought my choice was safe and correct, but later I had to pay a heavy price for my naiveté. And the price I paid was to the point of numbness.

However, what D, the other Lotus, said ultimately came true; the three cursed people were bound together no matter what. If I had followed the path of fate, perhaps I wouldn't have hurt too many people. But I insisted on forging my own path, because fate had to reverse my derailed behavior, so it had to operate more violently. Therefore, it implicated even more people.

Later, when they met again, the entanglement had become a complete mess, and the threads of fate had been lost.

Human emotions may expire, but desires never do.

You can give up love, but you can't give up desire.

I've set off, so there's no turning back.

The harm will only continue.

The sixth chapter, fragments of memories, is complete.

Author: Xinxinjun Reply Date: 2005-01-02 01:19:00

[Zero - The Night Parade of One Hundred Demons, Part Seven: Vanity, Irreversible Moral Decline]

Vanity is a powerful aphrodisiac for women; I find myself only excited when I'm showing off.

The city is a forest of desires; I must be more dazzling than others, I must be the most dazzling.

I want to order a 15-yuan takeout meal from a five-star hotel, I want to save money for a month for a CHANEL sweater, I want to be like Lin Daiyu for DIOR... Because I am a woman, I enjoy vanity, and vanity is my happiness.

Women's territory is a dog-eat-dog world; Little Red Riding Hood A must be more alluring and delicious than Little Red Riding Hood B. Spending a few hours getting dressed is perfectly normal. And when it's not excessive, clothes and high heels can make me feel like an Impressionist Monet!

Don't tell me anyone is more beautiful than me, more dazzling than me, or more special than me, because I won't tolerate such a person's existence. If such a person exists, I can become a stepmother and do everything in my power to kill Snow White.

I must be the most, most, most eye-catching woman!

Out-of-season clothes, out-of-fashion bags... her vanity never expires!

I want to kill them! Those self-important women... those pretentious women! Why do they steal all the attention from others? All that stuff, all that stare, should have been mine! It should have all been mine alone!

I'm going to kill them! I'm willing to pay with my life! I'll make them regret it, I'll make them pay for laughing at me!

Kill! Kill! Kill!

The subway sped past, screams erupted, and a figure fell onto the tracks, followed by a scene of blood splattering everywhere. Bystanders could only vaguely make out that it was a woman, but her body was already a bloody mess.

I am dazzling! No one can be more dazzling than me!

Her vanity... won't disappear because of this...