Xiao Qiqi glanced at Dai Kunkun and smiled charmingly: "Haven't you loved me for four years? Aren't you just as timid as me, afraid to confess?"
Dai Kunkun choked on his cigarette, but dared not look Xiao Qiqi in the eye. "...What nonsense are you talking about?"
"Kunkun, why bother? You and I both know that sometimes love doesn't guarantee being together. Don't reopen my wounds, and I won't reopen yours. Isn't it better for us to just be good friends?"
"So you're going to live the rest of your life like this, filled with regret and pain?"
How do you know I'm regretful or in pain?
Dai Kunkun smiled faintly, and for a moment, a stunning beauty flashed across Xiao Qiqi's eyes like fireworks. "Qiqi, you know yourself that I have loved you for four years. I know you better than I know myself. I know what you think and do even better than you do."
Xiao Qiqi remained silent, gripping her wine glass tightly. She felt a tightness in her heart as the increasingly frequent nausea and vomiting surged up like a giant wave. She rushed out and squatted at the entrance of the small shop. The churning nausea made her vomit up all the food and wine she had just eaten, until there wasn't even a drop of water left in her stomach.
Dai Kunkun silently handed her a glass of water, his sparkling eyes lingering on Xiao Qiqi, "...Are you...?"
"No!" Xiao Qiqi stood up abruptly, but her vision blurred. Dai Kunkun grabbed her waist, and Xiao Qiqi's weak tears flowed uncontrollably. A silent sob escaped her lips, but it was a surging tide that quickly soaked Dai Kunkun's shoulder. "Kunkun, what should I do? What should I do? Xia Xuan doesn't love me anymore. He abandoned me. He's with Xu Chun. But I'm pregnant with his child. What should I do? What should I do!"
Dai Kunkun held the weak and helpless woman tightly, his heart clenching with sorrow. "Fool, fool Xiao Qiqi."
Xiao Qiqi cried herself to sleep and sat down next to Dai Kunkun on the bustling street. Dai Kunkun took a deep drag on his cigarette. "Qiqi, don't hesitate anymore, go find him. You love him, don't you?"
Xiao Qiqi turned her head to look at Dai Kunkun, whose sincere eyes were clouded with bloodshot veins. "Kunkun, thank you. I'll go find him and explain everything to him."
Dai Kunkun squeezed Xiao Qiqi's hand and said tenderly, "Qiqi, silly child." He then smoked again, "...Be careful in the future, and remember to take the medicine afterward, otherwise pregnancy is always a woman's suffering."
"I know." Xiao Qiqi smiled wryly. "I disliked the bitter taste of the medicine and thought I wouldn't be so lucky as to flush it down the toilet."
"Does he know?"
Xiao Qiqi shook her head, and seeing that Dai Kunkun was about to frown and scold her again, she quickly shook her arm, "Kunkun, I'm scared too, please don't scold me, okay?"
The next day, Dai Kunkun returned to her hometown to take the civil service exam. Her family came to pick up all her luggage and clothes, and she made up her mind not to return to school. She only had three days left before she could leave. Before leaving, Dai Kunkun gave Xiao Qiqi many instructions, and Xiao Qiqi happily promised to do so. Only then did Dai Kunkun leave with a heavy heart.
Dai Kunkun's departure left Xiao Qiqi without another pillar of support and someone to confide in. The heavy pressure kept her awake at night, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.
34. Dinner party
More than three weeks later, Xiao Qiqi dialed that number she knew by heart again. Her voice trembled violently. Xia Xuan's voice was still gentle, but the obvious distance made Xiao Qiqi almost hang up again. Finally, she said, "I want to see you. I'll wait for you at Zihu Lake, okay?"
After a moment of silence, he spoke, "Well, I'm very busy. I have to accompany Xu Chun to handle her study abroad matters this afternoon, so I can't go too far. How about I wait for you at the door?"
Xiao Qiqi's heart sank, and she bit her lip. Ten minutes later, Xia Xuan finally arrived, a crisp white shirt, impeccably tailored trousers, perfectly handsome features, and a captivating smile. Xia Xuan was always the most dazzling prince. Xiao Qiqi put her hands behind her back and looked down at her shoes.
"Is something the matter?" Xia Xuan's deep, gentle voice rang in Xiao Qiqi's ears, as if it had been millions of years.
"It's nothing...no, something's wrong." Xiao Qiqi looked up in a fluster, wiping the cold sweat from her forehead. Her body was always breaking out in cold sweats for no reason since she became pregnant. "Can we talk somewhere else?" Xiao Qiqi noticed the strange looks from the people passing by the school gate.
"Okay." Xia Xuan turned around and walked towards the woods next to her.
"Wait," Xiao Qiqi called out to Xia Xuan, "Can we not go there?"
Xia Xuan's gentle eyes flickered for a moment. "I don't have time, let's talk here."
Xiao Qiqi looked at the distant smile on his lips, followed awkwardly, but couldn't say a word.
"Speak," Xia Xuan said impatiently, leaning against the magnolia tree. She looked up at the pure white magnolia flower above her head. The white petals were clean and pristine, and the yellow stamens carried a faint fragrance. It was so serene and beautiful, yet so lonely.
Xiao Qiqi took a deep breath, recalling Dai Kunkun's encouraging phone calls several times a day. "I...I,I..." she still couldn't bring herself to say it. How would he react? Would he look at her with concern as before? Would he coldly throw money at her? Would he irresponsibly leave?
"What's wrong with you?" Xia Xuan frowned impatiently, begging her not to look at him with that weak and pale look anymore. If she kept looking at him like that, he would go crazy and really couldn't help but rush over and hug her.
"I'm fine." Xiao Qiqi looked at the anxiety and pain he couldn't hide in his eyes, and suddenly couldn't say anything. What was the point of saying it now? Could they still be happy together like before? Could they get past Xu Chun without any resentment? "I just wanted to congratulate you. I heard Xu Chun is going to study in the United States with you." Xiao Qiqi wiped the sweat from her forehead. "Goodbye."
Xia Xuan leaned against the magnolia tree, watching her stubbornly turn and leave, his fingers slowly digging into the trunk of the magnolia tree, unable to move for a long time.
Xiao Qiqi went to a hospital far away in the city. After listening to the female doctor's sarcastic remarks, she was prescribed a bunch of medicine, packed in a large bag, and walked back to campus. That night, squatting in the toilet, she repeatedly looked at the medicine, tears streaming down her face, before finally putting it back in her bag. The next day, the same thing happened. On the third day, finally, she hardened her heart and tore open all the packaging. Each tear felt like a rip into her heart, until finally she forgot even the pain.
It's the last day. Many people have already left school. Tomorrow, Huang Yu, Lin Wen, and even Xia Xuan and Xu Chun will leave. Xiao Qiqi has a ticket for the day after tomorrow; she's always the last one.
The final days are for dealing with the last troubles, which means a permanent separation and relinquishment.
A woman paced back and forth in her dormitory, repeatedly pressing her throbbing abdomen. Tears streamed silently down her face; a life that should never have been born was a mistake. Waves of excruciating pain sent Xiao Qiqi into the bathroom, suppressing groans and tears, until a pool of crimson blood dripped from her body—a small, mangled mass of flesh, so wretched and bloody, so tragic and heartbreaking. Xiao Qiqi stared at the blood, unable to turn on the tap, unwilling to let it plunge into that abyss. Her child, her and Xia Xuan's child, had been extinguished on this dreary afternoon. July 1st, a day of eternal sorrow, a day of crime, a day of repentance.
I climbed into bed, wrote this heavy entry into my darkest days, and then cried myself to sleep while hugging my big teddy bear.
Xiao Qiqi was woken up by Xu Chun. Everyone in the dormitory was there. Xu Chun said, "Tonight is our last dinner with our former joint dormitory 607. Qiqi, get up quickly."
Xiao Qiqi struggled to her feet and looked at Huang Yu and Lin Wen. Huang Yu sighed evasively, Lin Wen rolled her eyes disdainfully, only Xu Chun smiled sweetly. Xiao Qiqi remained expressionless, struggling to climb out of bed, her steps heavy, but she still forced herself to remain calm and not let anyone see anything.
Huang Yu frowned. "Qi Qi, why do you look so pale? Are you sick?"
Lin Wen looked at Xu Chun coldly, "If I were in a bad mood, what kind of bullshit dorm social gathering and meal is this? I think we should just go our separate ways and be done with it. What disgusting tricks are you playing!"
Xu Chun's expression darkened. "Lin Wen, we've already graduated, why are you still targeting me?"
Lin Wen raised an eyebrow. "Hey, I didn't say anything to you. Why are you so nervous? You're hiding something, aren't you?"
Xu Chun stood up abruptly, and Xiao Qiqi quickly stepped between the two of them, saying, "Stop arguing, let's just eat, is this really necessary!"
Seeing that Xiao Qiqi's face was really bad, Lin Wen slapped the novel in her hand and said, "Xiao Qiqi, you're just playing the good guy. One day someone will sell you out and you'll still be counting the money for them."
Xu Chun knew, of course, that Lin Wen was mocking her for having something on her mind, since Xiao Qiqi had always been good to her. She didn't say anything more, and only said to Xiao Qiqi, "Qiqi, if you're really not feeling well, don't go."
Xiao Qiqi looked at Lin Wen apologetically, then shook her head at Xu Chun, "I'm fine."
Huang Yu had become very quiet lately, and only then did she speak, "It's good that you're alright. We've been roommates for four years, so it's better to part ways happily."
The atmosphere in the private room on the second floor of the Satisfying Building, the place where 402 and 607 had their first gathering, was somewhat somber. The initial excitement and impulsiveness of those days were gone; four years had passed, and everyone had changed a lot. Xu Chun sat beside Xia Xuan, whispering softly; Li Yue stood by the window smoking; Dai Ke, still timid and cowardly, sat huddled in a corner; Huang Junsheng and Huang Yu continued their old family saga; Ma Li, Lin Wen's adopted older brother, exchanged addresses and contact information for their post-graduation plans; Lu Wencheng and Guo Fengming chatted intermittently; only Xiao Qiqi sat obediently, neither speaking nor moving.
No one knew what she was thinking; only she knew the agony she was enduring as she sat there. All her strength had been drained by the bloody mass of flesh that afternoon, and all her emotions were buried in the dark, smoky pipes of the toilet. She was like a porcelain doll devoid of life. She couldn't hear their voices, couldn't see Xia Xuan and Xu Chun's intimacy; she had no thoughts, no soul, only endless regret and loneliness.
"Let's have a drink." Finally, someone suggested. Xiao Qiqi suddenly looked up and met the smiling, dark eyes across from her. She lowered her head, picked up her glass, and downed it without hesitation.
Lin Wen frowned and pulled Xiao Qiqi, "Qiqi, don't drink it if you're not feeling well."
Xiao Qiqi shook her head, her voice low and hoarse, and said stubbornly, "I'm fine."
She clinked glasses again and again, never refusing a drink with anyone who asked. She couldn't care less about the future, couldn't care less about her health; only alcohol could numb her senses. Xu Chun smiled the sweetest and urged everyone to drink the most, raising her glass to Xiao Qiqi time and time again, then to everyone else, until finally she collapsed weakly into Xia Xuan's arms, panting, her beautiful face flushed. Her sweet, coquettish voice was impossible to ignore, "Xuan, on behalf of both of us, let's toast Qiqi!"
Xiao Qiqi stared straight at Xu Chun in Xia Xuan's arms, then at Xia Xuan. She forced herself to stand up despite the pain, grabbed the Erguotou (a type of Chinese liquor) from Li Yue, filled her glass, and forced a smile: "I toast you both, may you grow old together and have many children!" Ignoring the strange looks from others, she tilted her head back and poured the fiery liquor into her aching stomach. She put down the glass and smiled, "Xia Xuan, it's your turn."
Xia Xuan pushed Xu Chun away, stood up, her dark pupils unfathomable, reached for Erguotou (a type of Chinese liquor), filled her own glass, and drank it all down without saying a word.
Xiao Qiqi laughed triumphantly, almost falling off the table. Lin Wen steadied her, "Qiqi, why are your hands so hot?"
Xiao Qiqi pushed Lin Wen aside and sat down. "It's nothing, I'm just excited." Her bright eyes shone even brighter with alcohol, their transparent amber color obscuring her true color. She called out to the still dazed group, "Drink up, are you all crazy?"
Li Yue glanced at Xiao Qiqi, then at Xu Chun, snatched the bottle of liquor, and downed half of it. He then looked at Xiao Qiqi with a sidelong glance and said, "Xiao Qiqi, I'm stupid, but I didn't expect you to be even stupider than me." Xiao Qiqi threw her bowl at Li Yue with a thud, yelling, "Get lost! Don't talk nonsense!"
Li Yue's expression changed, and even Xu Chun, who had been slumped in Xia Xuan's arms due to the alcohol, sat up straight, her eyes flickering as she looked at Xiao Qiqi. Xiao Qiqi chuckled and took another swig of draft beer before shakily standing up, pointing at them, "You all better shut the hell up! I, Xiao Qiqi, have never regretted anything I've done in my life. Whoever regrets it, whoever calls me stupid or a bastard again, I'll never forgive them." After saying that, she shook off Lin Wen's hand, straightened her back, and walked out of the private room. However, she tripped on the low threshold at the door and almost fell. Xia Xuan, who was sitting by the door, was the first to rush over and hug her. Her burning body felt like fire scorching every nerve in Xia Xuan's body.
Xiao Qiqi turned around and smiled sweetly, prying his fingers apart one by one, pushing them away, pointing at Xia Xuan and then at Xu Chun, "Xia Xuan, listen to me, I don't owe you anything, you don't need to hate me. And you, Xu Chun, not only do I not owe you anything, you owe me a lot, so don't hate me anymore. In this life, we'll never meet again!"
After saying that, he didn't even glance at the crowd and walked straight downstairs.
Having said those words, Xiao Qiqi had exhausted all her sanity. With her last shred of dignity and reason, she supported her collapsing body, stumbling through the laughing crowd like a walking corpse, staggering step by step along the iron fence of the campus. Xia Xuan followed behind her, watching her walk straight ahead, neither daring to approach nor able to give up.
Chen Yuanxing and his classmates treated two pretty freshmen from University A to dinner. Sitting by the window, he spotted a familiar figure staggering past. Chen Yuanxing hesitated for a moment, then pulled out a chair. "Go outside for a bit."
"Hey, senior sister, what's wrong?" Chen Yuanxing caught up with Xiao Qiqi and ran to her side.
Xiao Qiqi stared blankly at the person in front of her, her last nerve finally snapping at the last straw, and she slumped softly into Chen Yuanxing's arms. "Please, take me back."
Chen Yuanxing spread his hands, frowning. "No way, Senior Sister, if I had known you were drunk, why would I have asked you to suffer like this?" He sighed, but still reached out and picked up the body that was slowly sliding towards the ground. "What bad luck, did I owe you something in my past life? Bad things always seem to happen to me."
His classmate chased after him, standing at the restaurant entrance and shouting, "Young Master, what are you doing? You ran off without even eating!"
Chen Yuanxing, holding the burning hot person in his arms, chuckled mischievously, thinking, "Why not take advantage of this?" He waved his hand, "Take your drunk wife home, you guys continue eating."
The classmate had originally asked Chen Yuanxing to accompany him, but he didn't expect that the two pretty girls would only have eyes for Chen Yuanxing, making him feel quite embarrassed. He was hoping that Chen Yuanxing would be sensible and leave first, so he hurriedly said, "Okay, okay, then you should hurry up and take your wife away."
Standing not far away, Xia Xuan's face darkened again as she watched Chen Yuanxing carry Xiao Qiqi away step by step, her nails digging into her palms once more.
Thirty-five, Parting
"Hey, senior sister, wake up!" Chen Yuanxing put Xiao Qiqi down at the dormitory door and slapped her face hard. "Why is she so hot? Did you drink too much?"
Xiao Qiqi felt completely dazed and confused, as if she had lost all sensation. The pain inside and out tormented her young heart. Helplessness, pain, regret and other emotions intertwined in her heart. Boundless darkness enveloped her heart and soul, making her unwilling to wake up and unwilling to face the situation.
Chen Yuanxing slapped Xiao Qiqi's face again. Having no other choice, he had to turn his back to her and shamelessly approach the building manager, saying, "Auntie...I..."
The aunt's insightful eyes fixed sharply on Chen Yuanxing's distinct features, then on Xiao Qiqi, and she said, "Register!"
"Huh?" Chen Yuanxing was speechless. He had never been to a girls' dormitory before and was startled by the aunt's decisive slap of the pen.
"Sigh, the world is going to the dogs. These days, girls are drunk all the time. Graduation is like a life-or-death separation. They drink every day, boys drink, girls drink, you drink, I drink. Every day, a bunch of guys are carrying their girlfriends home. I've seen it all. You young people, just go ahead and mess around while you're young." Chen Yuanxing filled out a form with one hand while holding Xiao Qiqi with the other, enduring the aunt's nagging in his ears, and couldn't help but groan inwardly, "My life is so miserable!"
He put down his pen and was just about to carry Xiao Qiqi on his back when the aunt tugged at his sleeve again, "Classmate, where's your contact information?"
"I have to fill this out too? I was only up there for a few minutes." Chen Yuanxing muttered, earning a glare in return. "Just fill it out when I tell you to. Why all the fuss?"
"I'll fill it out." Chen Yuanxing nodded quickly. It's the same everywhere in school; the building managers are all arrogant.
Chen Yuanxing carried Xiao Qiqi back to dormitory 402, fumbled for the key in her pocket, struggled to open the door, then casually tossed her onto a bed, panting with his hands on his hips. "Senior, you're incredibly lucky to have met me. I'm always your errand boy." He straightened up and couldn't help but look around the girls' dormitory he had been curious about for three years, shaking his head in disappointment. It was a mess everywhere—packages, books scattered haphazardly, even blankets thrown on the floor. "Sigh, it's graduation now, a little mess is understandable."
He nudged Xiao Qiqi, "Hey, senior sister, which bed are you sleeping in? You didn't sleep in the wrong one, and your roommate will throw you on the floor when they come back, right?" He meant it. Once, he got drunk and climbed into the wrong bed, and he was ruthlessly thrown on the floor to sleep all night.
Xiao Qiqi was completely asleep at this moment, so how could she hear his question? Chen Yuanxing got up helplessly, looked carefully, considered for a moment, grabbed the fluffy bear on the upper bunk, and nodded firmly, "Just by looking at you, you are arrogant on the outside but a little girl on the inside. This bed is definitely yours."
Chen Yuanxing picked up Xiao Qiqi and sighed, "Ugh, Senior Sister, why are you always going against me? Even when we're sleeping in the same bed, you have to sleep on the top bunk?" Unable to put her down while holding her, he hoisted her onto his shoulder and roughly shoved her onto the bed. He gasped for breath again, turned on the fan for a while, smoothed his wind-blown hair, exhaled, and turned to leave. Then, he thought for a moment, walked back to the bedside, and carefully examined Xiao Qiqi's flushed face, pinching it. "You're not bad-looking, so why are you always heartbroken?" He had initially wanted to pinch her while she was drunk to vent his anger, but looking at her delicate features and rosy skin, he softened. "Fine, I'll let you off this time. Next time you torment me, see how I get my revenge!"
Xiao Qiqi was completely unaware of Chen Yuanxing's actions; she was in a coma. The miscarriage and alcohol poisoning had caused a high fever that was already building up inside her, and she was letting her struggling life consume her youthful body.
Not long after Chen Yuanxing left 402, the others returned. Lin Wen and Huang Yu remained silent, but Xu Chun looked unwell. Xia Xuan went out with Xiao Qiqi and never came back; Xu Chun tried to call him, but his phone was switched off.
Xu Chun looked at Xiao Qiqi's sleeping face on the upper bunk, turned around and went downstairs. She sweetly called out to the auntie, then pretended to casually glance at the entry and exit register. She was very pleased to see the dormitory number 402 on the last line. Xu Chun smiled and went upstairs.
Huang Yu returned to the Northeast, while Lin Wen and Su Tong went to the South, all leaving early in the morning. Huang Yu and Lin Wen tacitly avoided waking Xiao Qiqi, but Xu Chun escorted them all the way to the station, crying and acting coquettishly. Huang Yu genuinely shed tears, while Lin Wen remained indifferent, only shaking hands with Xu Chun before talking to the other classmates who were seeing them off.
Xu Chun felt a little embarrassed, so Huang Yu took her hand and awkwardly explained, "Xiao Wenzi is just like a child, Xu Chun, please don't hold a grudge against her." Xu Chun smiled sweetly, "Huang Yu, even you bully me, do you think I'm the kind of person who would hold a grudge? Yesterday Qi Qi said that, and today you..." As she spoke, tears began to well up in her beautiful eyes. Huang Yu quickly wiped away her tears, "Don't cry, don't cry, if you cry, I'll cry too. Actually, Xu Chun, Qi Qi is right. We've been in the same dorm for four years, don't hold too many bad memories. After all, you're going to America with Xia Xuan, and you've finally fulfilled your four-year wish. It's only right that she vents a little, please don't take it to heart." After Xiao Qi Qi and Xia Xuan left last night, the dinner party could no longer continue. Everyone had their own thoughts, so they hastily paid the bill and left.
“Huang Yu…” Xu Chun stopped crying, her eyes flickering as she looked at Huang Yu. Huang Yu sighed, “Xu Chun, some things are common knowledge. Winning a man’s heart isn’t something that can be achieved through scheming and cleverness in a day or two. This is my last piece of advice to you, the last time I’ll help you in the past four years.” Huang Yu stopped Xu Chun’s attempts to explain with her eyes. “Go back and have a good talk with Qi Qi. They’ve lost their chance, so you don’t need to scheme against her anymore.”
"I didn't scheme..." Xu Chun argued again.
Huang Yu shook her head. "Xu Chun, I'm really disappointed in you. Even without any scheming or deception, we've all graduated and gone our separate ways. I can't control that anymore. So I don't want to say anything more, and I don't want to ruin our four-year relationship. I'll just leave you here. In the future... keep in touch." Huang Yu picked up her package and left, waving goodbye to Xu Chun with a smile, before disappearing into the crowd at the station.
Xu Chun stared blankly at her retreating figure, a bitter smile creeping onto her face. Had she really been wrong? No, it was Xiao Qiqi who had deceived her first, so why was she the one who ended up being pitied? Xu Chun looked up, her eyes now filled with coldness and hatred.
At the school gate, a black, extended luxury Mercedes-Benz stood there. Xu Chun stared at Xia Xuan, speechless. Xia Xuan, however, looked grim. She threw her luggage to the ground, waved again to the classmates seeing her off, and searched repeatedly, seemingly casually, but still couldn't find that familiar figure. The driver had already obediently placed the luggage and opened the car door. Xia Xuan looked around one more time, her smile no longer calm. Had they really missed each other like this?