Zhuang Su knew why she had survived, yet she felt as if fate was playing a cruel joke on her. Why, when she wanted to die, did she not?… Cang Gui San was an excessively potent poison, and by the time the poison in her body was neutralized, it had already ruined her voice. Zhuang Su didn't feel sorrow for a moment; instead, she felt a strange sense of relief that she was alright without her voice. Perhaps she had survived. But in a way, she was also “dead”…
Zhuang Su closed his eyes heavily.
So tired. Being Qingyuan's daughter is really exhausting...
She vaguely thought of Qingchen, her lips pursed slightly, a bitter smile playing on her lips. Without her, perhaps he could be better to himself. After all, everything Qingyuan had left in this world was truly gone, and he no longer needed to stubbornly cling to everything related to that woman. Including her.
Zhuang Su is dead. There will never be another woman named "Zhuang Su" in this world. Let everything related to this woman be buried in the Battle of Wolongpo. She will no longer be a reason for anyone to stir up trouble; she was simply herself, always just an ordinary woman…
From then on, she was just a mute at Snow Doctor Manor.
The breath that had flowed silently finally settled into a soft exhale. Zhuang Su closed her eyes tightly and drifted off to sleep. In her hazy state, she seemed to see Chen Jian, Liu Su, and their distraught appearance. She opened her mouth to call out, but suddenly remembered she could no longer speak. In her dazed state, her feet seemed to quicken, as if she wanted to catch up with them, but suddenly a figure in flowing white robes appeared before her. Her heart seemed to clench with pain when she saw his haggard appearance, and she hurriedly turned to run away, but he grabbed her. His grip was so heavy, so strong, that Zhuang Su frantically tried to struggle, but the more she struggled, the tighter his grip became…
"Ugh—ugh—!" Zhuang Su suddenly sat up, breathing heavily, only then realizing it was just a dream. She was drenched in sweat, and a chill seeped through the half-open blankets. Her breathing gradually calmed, but she still felt lingering fear.
"Is the young lady awake?" At this moment, the door was suddenly pushed open, and the person who came in saw Zhuang Su's appearance, put the basin of water he was carrying on the table, wrung out a towel, and then smiled and said, "The sect leader asked me to come and see, saying that if the young lady is awake, she might as well go to the back hall."
Zhuang Su reached out and took it, still feeling her heart pounding heavily in her chest. Hearing this, she looked up at her, puzzled.
Seeing Zhuang Su's expression, the young woman guessed what she was thinking and smiled, "It seems that the sect leader wants to take you into the sect. If you want to know more clearly, you'll have to go and see for yourself."
Zhuang Su gently wiped the sweat from her face and nodded. As she handed over the towel, she suddenly grabbed the girl's hand and, to her surprise, gently wrote two words in her palm with her finger. The girl recognized that she had written "thank you" and waved her hand, saying, "You're too kind, young lady. Please feel free to ask if you need anything. I'll take my leave now."
Zhuang Su watched her leave the house, her expression distant yet gradually calming. She noticed the clothes already prepared nearby, hesitated briefly, and then got up to change. These were clothes from Snow Doctor Manor; once she put them on, she knew that her former self truly no longer existed…
The wind was whistling, but the birdsong seemed to carry a deeper meaning.
Chapter Thirty-Two: Ashes of the Past (Part Two)
Under the introduction of Hua Tuo, Zhuang Su officially became a member of Xueyi Manor. She usually wore a mask covering her eyes, partly to prevent others from seeing her face, and partly because she was afraid of being recognized by those who had been to Wolongpo. Knowing she couldn't speak, everyone patiently let her write stroke by stroke on her palm. Because Zhuang Su inexplicably gave off a gentle feeling, everyone liked her.
Besides reading medical books, Zhuang Su would also do some cleaning in the courtyard. It was the season of falling leaves, and with each gust of wind, a few leaves would flutter down. Zhuang Su swept casually, and every time she swept one spot, new leaves would fall on the other side. However, she wasn't annoyed; she simply focused on cleaning quietly. Perhaps with a touch of reclusive detachment, Zhuang Su, though curious as to why a gang like Snow Doctor Manor was affiliated with the underworld, never bothered to inquire further. There were some things she had lost interest in; she simply wanted to live her ordinary life as she was now, without needing to concern herself with anything more.
Just then, there were footsteps outside the courtyard. Zhuang Su looked up and saw Lin Yu, one of the thirteenth generation disciples, walking in from outside, smiling at her from afar. Zhuang Su saw the scroll in his hand and vaguely guessed his purpose. A faint smile appeared on her lips, and her expression was gentle.
Lin Yu didn't stand on ceremony and got straight to the point as he approached: "Li Yin, I've heard that there are some folk remedies for 'deafness'. I seem to remember seeing a record of it in this book, but I can't find it now. Do you know where they are?"
Li Yin. That's her current name. She remained silent, thus distancing herself from the noisy worldly sounds.
Zhuang Su casually took the book he offered, flipped through it in her palm, and then handed it back. Lin Yu saw the formula she was looking for on the open page and couldn't help but beam with joy, exclaiming, "Li Yin, no wonder the sect leader values you so much! Is there any medical book in this world that you haven't read?"
Upon hearing this, Zhuang Su shook his head with a wry smile, took Lin Yu's hand, and slowly wrote on his outstretched palm: "Don't make fun of me anymore, or the sect leader will hear you."
Lin Yu, however, didn't seem to care. After making a mark on the page, she put the book away, glanced around mysteriously with a smile, and seeing that no one was around, lowered her voice and said with a grin, "Li Yin, I've thought about it. None of the current senior brothers and sisters are capable of shouldering this responsibility. Since the sect leader said that you've been studying medicine with him for many years, he's obviously already considering you his successor. Actually, I don't think anyone would object to you being the successor. After all, among these senior brothers and sisters, you have the best temper and are the most patient. What do you say..."
"You really want me to abdicate?"
A voice suddenly came from behind. Lin Yu felt her back stiffen and immediately turned around respectfully, saying, "Greetings, Sect Leader. Um... I have something to attend to, so I won't bother you any longer." When Lin Yu looked up, she saw that Zhuang Su's smile also contained a hint of suppressed amusement, but she had no time to feel annoyed and hurriedly darted out of the courtyard.
Seeing Lin Yu escape faster than a rabbit, Zhuang Su couldn't help but smile. However, not knowing the purpose of Hua Tuo's visit, he could only watch him quietly with a calm expression.
Sai Huatuo was not in a hurry. He watched Lin Yu until his figure completely disappeared from his sight before gently stroking his long, graying beard and saying, "Do you know why I'm here?"
Zhuang Su shook his head slightly.
Sai Huatuo gave her a meaningful look: "Didn't you tell me to find out where that person is?"
As soon as the words left her mouth, Zhuang Su's figure suddenly became somewhat forlorn, and something flickered slightly in her eyes, as if she wanted to say something. Hua Tuo noticed this expression, waved his hand, and exhaled deeply, "I received news from the Black Wind Stronghold headquarters today. That person's condition seems to have deteriorated since the Alliance Leader took him away. However, the Alliance Leader doesn't want him to die like this, so the person he just sent informed me to pack some things and go to the headquarters immediately. I'll be taking a few people with me to Black Wind Stronghold. You…" He paused slightly, a rare hint of worry appearing in his eyes: "You… want to come along, Li Yin?"
He finally uttered that name, so familiar to her now, yet so foreign to her past. Zhuang Su knew what Sai Huatuo was worried about, but those few words had felt like a thorn, deeply embedded in her heart. Regardless of whether her previous choice was true or wrong, at least that person hadn't died, right… As long as he wasn't dead, as long as the news the Grand Secretary brought back reached Shen Jian and Liu Su, as long as the court had enough time to mobilize its forces… everything could be salvaged.
What Sai Huatuo worried about was simply her persistence. Regardless of whether she had truly been resolute before, once she saw that person, perhaps everything would change. He didn't know it was her, and perhaps things could have been much calmer. However, when she appeared before him wearing a mask, she saw his face clearly and couldn't recognize him.
If one decides to acknowledge the relationship, everything from the past will be in vain. However, if one refuses to acknowledge the relationship, then everything is excessively cruel.
Zhuang Su bit her lip slightly, feeling Sai Huatuo's gaze lingering on her skin. Hesitation filled her mind, yet she subconsciously nodded deeply. Perhaps it was precisely because of this unconscious expression that she saw her own thoughts more clearly.
Saihua Tuo had anticipated her choice, but seeing it now, he couldn't help but sigh inwardly: "In that case, you should hurry back and pack your things, we're about to leave."
Zhuang Su nodded, placed the broom in her hand in the corner, and turned to walk towards the west wing. She hurried along, barely noticing the surrounding carved railings and eaves, only vaguely sensing a heartbeat carried on the wind. Zhuang Su was actually a little afraid to see Qing Chen's appearance. Since it had become so serious that someone had to be sent to Xueyi Manor to summon Sai Huatuo in person, the situation must be extremely dire. But she had to go; she wanted to see him, she wanted to confirm that he was still alive and well. Sending someone else—she couldn't trust them to do it.
Zhuang Su knew her medical skills were no match for Hua Tuo's, but when it came to that man, perhaps only she truly understood his eccentric temperament and inexplicable stubbornness. Yet, she also didn't understand him, because the man who had once been so ruthless and indifferent, the man who had once broken her heart, was now the one who, because of her "death," had momentarily lost his composure and fallen into the enemy's hands. It should be known that with Qing Chen's skills, it would have been impossible for him to escape alone.
Zhuang Su was in a daze. She hastily gathered some clothes and turned to walk to the door. A carriage had already been unloaded outside. Sai Huatuo took her bundle and then helped her into the carriage. After Zhuang Su got in, the driver cracked his whip, and the carriage began to rumble down the mountainside.
Sai Huatuo's gaze was casually falling on Zhuang Su, but Zhuang Su simply leaned against the carriage wall and drifted off to sleep. There was no need for her to be nervous. At this moment, she was just a small Li Yin, a mute girl whose appearance was "ugly" and unpresentable, an ordinary disciple of Xueyi Manor who was hard to please anyone.
Zhuang Su didn't speak to Sai Huatuo the whole way, and Sai Huatuo also remained silent. When they arrived at Black Wind Village, several people stopped the carriage. The sudden jolt jolted Zhuang Su awake, and she instinctively lifted the curtain. She saw a tall wooden building with eaves, and beyond that, a large group of people. Between the wooden door and the house, there was a vast, empty space, covered in yellow earth, somewhat desolate.
Sai Huatuo presented his visiting card, which the gatekeeper glanced at before hurriedly taking it inside to announce his arrival. A short while later, the man returned, jogging along, and after giving a few instructions to the others, the gate was slowly pushed open by eight men, each pushing one side.
The carriage wheels began to roll inwards. Zhuang Su subconsciously glanced back and saw the gate of the stockade slowly closing again. His first thought was that the guards here were no less formidable than those in the imperial palace.
Sai Huatuo and his entourage were arranged in the guest room, and Zhuang Su was also assigned her own room. After she arranged her things, since Sai Huatuo had been summoned for a talk and she was not familiar with the remaining fellow disciples who accompanied him, she didn't say much and sat alone in the room, gazing out the window in a daze.
This is where Qingchen is being held. She felt as if something was stuck in her heart, but upon closer examination, she couldn't quite put her finger on what was wrong.
Zhuang Su took a deep breath, and after what seemed like an eternity, she finally heard faint footsteps outside. Her heart skipped a beat, and she rushed to open the door, just in time to see Sai Huatuo entering the courtyard. She lifted her skirt and hurried over. As she drew closer, she noticed that Sai Huatuo was accompanied by several men, and looked at him questioningly.
Sai Huatuo's long beard trembled slightly as he said, "Li Yin, go prepare the medicine kit. We need to start working."
Zhuang Su felt those words weigh heavily on her heart. She nodded and turned to retrieve her medicine box. Sai Huatuo turned and left, and she hurriedly followed.
A man led the way, but the path remained winding and circuitous. Zhuang Su felt the chaotic, narrow trails before her eyes gradually blurring her vision, but she forced herself to memorize the trajectory of each path. Unfortunately, the layout was simply too complex, and Zhuang Su gradually felt her thoughts becoming muddled. Finally, they stopped in front of a courtyard. The man gestured at the gate, allowing the two of them to enter alone.
Zhuang Su followed Sai Huatuo inside and discovered that the place was also filled with guards. She vaguely knew that this was where Qingchen was being held, and her heart suddenly pounded, each beat exceptionally clear.
When the guards outside saw the two men arrive, they took out a key and unlocked the door.
Zhuang Su noticed that it was an exceptionally thick chain, even the key's shape was unusually intricate. The material didn't seem to be ordinary metal; it gleamed faintly with a cold light, and even a casual reflection of sunlight stung her eyes. When the key was inserted, the mottled rust produced a harsh, metallic scraping sound. Zhuang Su felt a sharp pain in her ears and frowned, only to see the chain suddenly dangle to the ground after the lock opened, striking the ground with a muffled groan.
"Go in." Sai Huatuo's voice was indifferent, revealing no trace of his past emotions. On the surface, it seemed like a sect leader giving an order to a junior disciple, but Zhuang Su knew the deeper meaning behind his words. He closed his eyes tightly and followed him, taking a heavy step inside.
Zhuang Su thought she had prepared for the worst, but when she looked at the scene, she suddenly felt her heart skip a beat, and then even her breathing became pale and weak. Zhuang Su's face turned pale for a moment, and this paleness was tinged with desolation by the surrounding smell of blood.
Qingchen's white robes were already worn and tattered. But he wore a thin white cloth draped over them, seemingly to conceal the unspeakable carnage beneath. Yet, blood still seeped through the cloth, giving the white garments a cruel, bloody aura. To the eye, one could vaguely see the gruesome, mangled flesh hidden beneath.
Zhuang Su already knew that the underworld hated Qing Chen, who was the head of the legitimate world, but he never expected that those people would be so cruel.
Qingchen's breathing was very weak at this moment, and Zhuang Su wondered if he had fallen asleep, but it lacked the peaceful and long breaths he usually had when he was asleep. She subconsciously wanted to go over to him, but suddenly her hand tightened. When she turned around, she saw Sai Huatuo's furrowed brows. He secretly shook his head at her, signaling her not to make any rash moves.
Zhuang Su felt several gazes on her back, seemingly casual yet clearly directed at her, causing a strange chill to run down her spine. However, she did not move forward any further, but instead played the role of an excellent medicine boy, standing quietly behind Sai Huatuo.
Zhuang Su appeared calm on the surface, but only she knew that her heart was bleeding.
In that instant, in that single glance at Qingchen's appearance, she began to doubt her own choice.
She had never seen Qingchen like this before, never. His appearance made her wonder if this person was truly Qingchen, or if it was just a cruel joke of fate, perhaps she was still dreaming, dreaming of him for the thousandth time, only this time the dream was too real, so real it terrified her…
Sai Huatuo walked to Qingchen's side. Although he had expected this outcome, his expression still turned grim when he saw the faint, dripping blood. He seemed to be talking to himself, yet it was clearly addressed to the person outside the door: "He's already like this, and you still want him to live? Do you really think I'm the King of Heaven, able to decide who lives and who dies at will? If you continue to torture him like this, even if I were the Buddha, I couldn't do anything. If you want me to save his life, you'd all have to obey my orders from now on!"
A steward who had been secretly observing the situation inside from outside the door rushed to Sai Huatuo's side upon hearing this, and said timidly, "The Alliance Leader's intention is not to let this person die, as it would be too easy for him to die like this. If Elder Sai thinks it is not advisable to do anything to him in the short term, we will certainly not do anything for the time being. As long as Elder Sai ensures that this person does not die, he can torture him however he wants in the future."
He spoke casually, his words dripping with flattery, and was feeling quite pleased with himself when he inadvertently noticed that the young apprentice beside him, though not looking at him, was clearly deathly pale, with a deep look in her eyes. He assumed she was simply frightened by the scene and didn't think much of it, simply smiling obsequiously as he said, "As for the medicinal herbs, just give Elder a word, and we'll arrange everything perfectly."
"Oh?" Sai Huatuo's lips curled slightly, a half-smile playing on his lips. "Then, from now on, Li Yin will be in charge of his meals. Without my permission, no one else is allowed to come in and touch him. I don't want anyone interfering during his treatment; I won't be responsible for anything that causes trouble." He pointed at Zhuang Su, and the steward couldn't help but scrutinize her. He knew that this way, any problems wouldn't fall on his shoulders but would be the scapegoat for Xueyi Manor, so naturally, he was happy to oblige and hurriedly replied, "That's easy."
"Then, Li Yin... you should first adjust his diet. In this state, he probably doesn't even know what food tastes like anymore. He has no strength, so I can't use any strong medicine, for fear of making things worse."
Zhuang Su snapped out of his daze upon hearing this and slowly nodded.
"Yes, Elder Sai, this man has barely touched a drop of water since he arrived here. The few times he's eaten, we had to pry his mouth open and force-feed him. And then he refuses to swallow. Do you think your little apprentice can handle him?" The steward, standing to the side, seemed somewhat worried. You see, Qingchen is an extremely important figure to Black Wind Stronghold. Since the leader has ordered that he not die, they would rather sacrifice their own lives than let him go to meet the King of Hell. However, the leader is simultaneously torturing him mercilessly, leaving them with no way to express their suffering.
“You can rest assured about that.” Sai Huatuo interrupted him, gestured for the steward to follow, turned and walked out of the room, and instructed, “Li Yin, before I come to prescribe the medicine, the preliminary procedures here will be handled by you.”
Zhuang Su heard the footsteps behind her fading into the distance. She was now alone in the room. Looking at the person before her, she finally felt a pang of pity and looked away. She bent down, opened the medicine box, and took out some wound medicine. The medicines inside were rather fragmented; because of her slightly agitated state, the bottles clinked together as she took them out, making a soft, clattering sound.
Zhuang Su felt as if a suffocating atmosphere had been constantly enveloping the room, making her feel as if her skin was being torn and bleeding faintly.
Because deep wounds are prone to infection, especially in a dusty torture chamber like this, the first step was naturally to treat the person's wounds.
Chapter 33 Where Did My Dreams Once Dwell (Part 1)
Qingchen's wounds appeared somewhat fragmented, scattered across her body like tiny, twisted insects. Rakshasa's methods towards her enemies were indeed exceptionally cruel. When Zhuang Su removed the white cloth, small bits of congealed blood clung to it, and she hesitated to tear it open forcefully, instead slowly lifting it little by little.
Qingchen frowned slightly, and in a daze, she raised her head a little.
His gaze fell on Zhuang Su, causing her to pause slowly. When she looked up, all she saw in his eyes was a piercing, dreamy look. Zhuang Su knew Qing Chen wouldn't recognize her, but she couldn't help feeling uneasy at that glance. That look only brushed against her briefly, then drifted away again, barely perceptible.
At first glance, Qingchen seemed to think that she was nothing more than a thing unrelated to him.
Zhuang Su carefully unbuttoned his clothes, turned to get the medicine, and was about to apply it when she heard the man beside her breathe softly, "No need to treat me." Zhuang Su paused, turned back, and glared at him reproachfully. Such an injury doesn't need treatment? Does he want to die?
Qingchen, however, seemed not to have noticed her words. She simply closed her eyes peacefully, as if she might faint at any moment.
Zhuang Su cursed the man under her breath for a long time, then gave a cold snort in her heart. Ignoring his true intentions, she continued applying the medicine. As the ointment was applied, a comfortable coolness seeped through her skin, making Qing Chen feel a sense of softness throughout her body. She frowned, her voice already somewhat low: "I told you, don't treat me, didn't you hear me?"
Zhuang Su noticed that he was looking at her, but she only glanced at him indifferently, as if she hadn't heard what he said.
"Can't you hear me? Are you mute or deaf?" Although she was very weak, Qingchen's voice was low and deep. The guards at the door felt a chill and secretly looked into the room. They saw that the young disciple of Xueyi Manor seemed completely unaware of what was happening.
Zhuang Su first applied medicine to some of his wounds, and upon hearing this, she slowly took a few steps back, quietly raising her eyes to look at him. Then, she took a wooden stick and slowly wrote on the ground, stroke by stroke: "I am mute."
Qingchen read the words clearly and fell silent.
Seeing that he was no longer responding, Zhuang Su patiently and carefully gave his wound a rough treatment, closed her medicine box, and went outside. As she reached the door, she smoothed out the sand outside and wrote some words. The gatekeeper, who was also somewhat literate, looked at her and pointed out the way, saying, "The kitchen? Just go straight this way."
Zhuang Su bowed slightly to express her gratitude, then followed the man's directions to the kitchen. The people inside seemed to have been arranged by Sai Huatuo, so when they saw her arrive and noticed her attire from Xueyi Manor, no one questioned her. Instead, they offered her some ingredients to choose from.
Zhuang Su selected a few ingredients, lit a fire, and carefully prepared several dishes before returning to the torture chamber. She noticed that the guards at the door had changed shifts, but no one stopped her. Zhuang Su gently picked up the soup and offered it to Qing Chen, scooping a spoonful and bringing it to her lips. However, Qing Chen glanced at her indifferently and said coldly, "I don't want it. Take it away."
Zhuang Su was somewhat annoyed by his attitude. She pursed her lips, remained silent, and frowned, insisting on feeding him. Qing Chen, however, dodged, turning his head away from her attempt to feed him, his indifferent expression revealing a constant hint of disdain. He had assumed this person would eventually lose patience like the others, but this mute girl was exceptionally stubborn, seemingly determined to die if he didn't eat. Qing Chen couldn't help but glance at her out of the corner of his eye, momentarily surprised that he didn't seem to ostracize her as much as he had with the others.
However, Zhuang Su was already completely speechless at this moment. After all, how could she say that Qing Chen's landing was entirely unrelated to her? She felt a little guilty and just wanted to get this person to eat something. However, she suddenly felt the bowl in her hand shake. Before she could hold it tightly, the bowl of soup spun a few times in the air and then fell to the ground with a "crack," instantly shattering into countless pieces that spread all around.
After the sound, the room fell silent.
Qingchen glanced away, not looking at her, but vaguely heard her rapid breathing. For some reason, she felt a pang of pity, but she had no mind to say anything more. A moment later, she heard footsteps gradually fading away, and the door creaked shut, slightly blocking out the light from outside.
Qingchen thought she was gone, and let out a soft breath, lowering his eyes. Only then did he realize how vulnerable he had become after leaving that woman. He didn't even want to leave Black Wind Stronghold, afraid that if he left, he would receive news of her death.
Even he felt that he no longer wanted to be the person he used to be...
The pain coursing through Qingchen's body gradually clouded his thoughts, leaving him only a slight, erratic breeze. He lost track of time, unsure how much time had passed. He vaguely felt himself about to faint again when he inexplicably heard the sound of a lock being opened outside the door. Through his hazy vision, another slender figure came into view. When he saw the food box in her hand, he finally realized she hadn't left, but had gone back to the kitchen to get something.
Qingchen found this person's stubbornness strange. She opened her mouth, but still refused, saying, "I don't want to eat."
Zhuang Su paused slightly as she took food from the food box, but then seemed not to hear her and ignored her completely. At this moment, the gatekeeper leaned against the wall and teased with a grin, "Young lady, since she has said she doesn't want to eat anymore, you don't need to force her."
Upon hearing this, Zhuang Su turned around and glanced at him, her expression somewhat indifferent. She only glanced at him once and then pretended not to hear him.