Mu Yuchengs Abkommen

Kapitel 20

Sima-gege always said that An Jin was the most perfect person in the world. An Jin was Sima-gege's most beloved younger brother in his life. My An Jin is unparalleled in the world...

And now, it's the same Sima brother who told me to get lost.

Seeing that I didn't react for a long time, the emperor narrowed his eyes dangerously. Li Jiuyi saw that the emperor was about to get angry, so he hurriedly came over, pulled me down, and we both knelt on the ground. He said urgently, "Your Majesty, please forgive us. This servant has only been in the palace for a short time and does not know the rules. Please forgive us." As he spoke, he didn't forget to tug hard at my sleeve.

My heart ached, but I forced myself to suppress the throbbing pain in my chest and bowed respectfully, saying, "Your Majesty, please forgive me. I have only been in the palace for a short time. It was the first time I had looked up at Your Majesty's face, and I was so overwhelmed with fear that I lost my manners and became possessed. Please forgive me, Your Majesty."

The emperor remained silent, but coldly said, "Get out."

I kowtowed, then suddenly said in a calm tone, "Yes, Your Majesty."

I took a deep breath, clenched my fists in despair, closed my eyes, and bit my lips until they turned white, eventually drawing blood that dripped onto the back of my hand. Almost at that moment, I made my decision: from now on, there would be no more An Jin in this world, only Xie Weiying, the abandoned concubine, the emperor's woman.

I will never tell him the truth. Xie Weiying is An Jin, and An Jin is Xie Weiying.

Volume 2, Chapter 35: Tears

The Emperor?! He's the Emperor?!

He is Emperor Yuan of Jin, Sima Rui!

Sima Langya. Sima Rui.

What has blinded my heart and my eyes—making me repeatedly run away from everything around me?

When Emperor Yuan of Jin, Sima Rui, entered the south of the Yangtze River and declared himself emperor, wasn't he enfeoffed as the "King of Langya"?

Sima Langya, isn't that Sima Rui?!

In the fourth year of Jianxing (221 AD), Liu Yao, a nobleman of the Xiongnu, sent troops to attack and besiege Chang'an. Chang'an's food supplies were cut off, and Emperor Min of the Western Jin Dynasty surrendered, only to be killed later. The Western Jin Dynasty thus came to an end.

In the first year of the Daxing era, when news of Emperor Min's murder reached Jiankang, Sima Rui, the Prince of Langya and a member of the imperial family, wore mourning clothes and held a ceremony to grieve. Three days later, Sima Rui ascended the throne, becoming emperor and establishing the Eastern Jin Dynasty.

Furthermore, historical records indicate that Sima Rui's succession to the throne from the Prince of Langya was inseparable from the support of the Wang family, which likely explains why Wang Dao became his close friend. The Wang family, as the foremost aristocratic clan, supported him from the time of the Prince of Langya until the present day, when he became Emperor Yuan of Jin, Sima Rui!

I'm afraid I'm the only one who doesn't know. Sister Danyi probably knew everything from the very first time. The reason she's kept it from me is likely Sima-gege's intention, or perhaps they made a pact after I was born, agreeing not to tell me anything. And Sima-gege probably knows Sister Danyi's identity too. Only I am like an innocent child, kept in the dark. Even if I hadn't found out today, would they have kept it from me forever?

No wonder the world-renowned Director Wang is his friend, and always so respectful in his presence. No wonder the restaurant owner gave them the private room without hesitation when they first met; it must have been reserved for him. No wonder Shen Jue was so angry with me! No wonder he's always been secretly protected by so many people! No wonder it was so difficult for me to shake off those who were following me on my way back! No wonder he was so unmoved by the luxurious decorations at Yichun Garden! Imagine someone who's seen the most luxurious and magnificent palaces in the world, and is its owner—would he even give a second glance to such childish things? From beginning to end, I was the one who was oblivious. Actually, I saw everything all along, but I just didn't want to delve into it.

I always thought that no matter what differences existed between us, no matter what kind of people Sister Danyi and Brother Sima were, it wouldn't have any impact on us. But today, I realize how foolish I was!

Heh. I chuckled coldly. Haha. How ridiculous, what does fate mean to me anyway? Now, should I force a bitter smile or burst into tears?

Staggering back, I was strangely calm, my mind completely unmoved. I stared blankly into the darkness, and at the distant, golden splendor of the palace at night. The lights were dim.

Why, amidst all this splendor and prosperity, do I see only desolation? What good is this golden age and grandeur if nowhere belongs to me? Everywhere will become history. For the first time, I felt helpless, not only because I couldn't control my fate or history, but also because everything before me seemed to be mocking me, mocking my naiveté, mocking my foolishness!

Is leaving the only option I should choose?

I clenched my fists, making a silent resolution: I must leave! Leave this place!

I do not want to be one of these many concubines. I do not want to be just one insignificant among thousands.

The previous nonchalance and indifference were based on the premise that the person was nobody. But that person is the Emperor, and now everyone in the harem is vying for his favor—Sima Gege! Everything is different now.

No matter how things turn out in the future, once I know the whole truth, I can never go back to a state of mind free of turmoil or carefree innocence...

Heh. It reminds me of that saying again: "Living a life of debauchery and decadence" was just a joke she played on me. Some things, the more you try to forget, the more firmly you remember them. When there are things you can't have, the only thing you can do is not forget them.

Living a life of debauchery and decadence is nothing more than a joke that fate is playing on me?

I took a deep breath in the cool night breeze and smiled faintly. Since fate has forced me to face this, then whatever awaits me ahead, I will move forward without hesitation. Not for anyone else, but for myself, for the self that lives in this era.

I always thought that after so much time, I had long since gotten used to everything here, used to women having no status, used to everything the women in the palace did. But now, I realize that after recognizing all the facts, it was all just a dream to me, a world I could never truly belong to.

My heart clenched, a sharp pain and a chill ran through me, making it difficult to stand upright. I didn't know if it was heartache or numbness—my chest was aching more and more, and I felt unwell.

Struggling, I reached Jiu Nian Xuan. As usual, I scaled the wall to get in, but just as I stepped onto the high wall, a sharp pain suddenly struck. I lost my balance, my strength vanished, and I plummeted straight down, crashing heavily to the ground. Ouch—

I groaned, trying to struggle to my feet, but my limbs grew weaker and weaker. It was so painful; my chest ached so badly I could hardly breathe, and my breathing became rapid. Another sharp pain shot through my chest, and suddenly everything went dark. My mind went blank, and I gradually lost consciousness—

I didn't even realize it while I was unconscious, but a tear slowly slid down from the corner of my tightly closed eye...

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" A delicate, slender finger gently stroked the fair and tender face of the sleeping girl, wiping away a tear with a pained expression, and murmured.

After a long while, he used the corner of his white shirt to wipe the blood from the corner of her mouth, bent down and picked up the woman who had fallen to the ground. He looked down at her elegant face with heartache, carefully tidying her disheveled long hair. Her lips were tightly pursed on her beautiful face. With a soft sigh, he carefully held the woman in his arms, then lightly carried the unconscious woman and disappeared into the dim darkness.

"Ugh...it hurts, water—I need water..." My head hurts, my chest hurts, my whole body aches. Who dared to ambush me while I was asleep?! (At this moment, the woman was completely unaware that she had fallen from the wall last night, which was why her whole body was sore. Plus, her old injuries flared up...well, it's a miracle she survived. She didn't even realize how serious she was; what's wrong with her...I feel ashamed*)

I struggled to sit up, rubbing my forehead, but my body went limp and I fell back onto the bed. Luckily, I always use velvet, which is soft and gentle, otherwise I would have suffered internal injuries from falling on it!

"Cloud Shadow—Water!" I cried out, my eyes tightly shut in pain.

Just as I was about to shout again, a pair of warm hands gently lifted my limp body, letting me lean against him. A bowl of water was promptly placed to my parched lips, and I eagerly drank it. The sound of water moving in my throat made the person next to me chuckle.

I snapped my eyes open, stopped drinking, and turned around despite the pain in my body to look at the stunningly handsome man gazing at me with a gentle smile in his eyes. I exclaimed, "Old man?!"

He was grinning happily when he suddenly felt the tug on his chest wound, causing him to gasp and frown as he bent down to wait for the pain to subside.

"Sigh... little girl," the man above sighed, "when will you be able to take good care of yourself and put your teacher at ease?" He gently patted my back to help me catch my breath.

I leaned against him and chuckled, "Old man, you're back." I snuggled against him as always, feeling so comfortable, I sighed contentedly. The scent was still the same fresh, clear, light chrysanthemum fragrance. So pleasant. It lifted my spirits.

"Was it you last time?" I asked casually, fiddling with the buttons on his collar. I knew he understood I was referring to the time I carried him back to his room while he was drunk. Thinking about it, I couldn't help but blush; I didn't know what shameful things I'd done while drunk. When I woke up the next day, seeing the brooms carelessly scattered on the ground, the messy garden, and Yunying's snickering, I knew I'd done a lot of "good deeds."

"What, you're blushing now?" Sang Qin couldn't help but smile as he thought of the girl who used to sing loudly while holding a broom.

What an extraordinary girl! From the first time he saw her quirky and clever demeanor at Xie Yushi's family banquet, he knew she was different from any other woman. Despite her cunning and shrewd expression, she was kind and gentle to those who were weak. That day, the banquet was bustling with people, all dressed elegantly and extravagantly, clinking glasses and laughing. Sang Qin had initially thought agreeing to attend Xie Yushi's banquet was utterly boring. But she, alone in a dark corner, ate with relish, seemingly indifferent, so relaxed and amusing that he couldn't tear his gaze away. Unexpectedly, he sat there attentively until she casually recited a poem that subtly mocked those boring people, and only after she left in disgust did he get up and follow her. Moreover, being a seasoned expert in disguise, he could easily see the makeup she had deliberately added to her lips and eyebrows to tone down her radiance. Furthermore, her face, so strikingly similar to Ranran's, was captivating. In fact, he had visited her a few years ago, but back then she was timid and dull, completely lacking the vivacity and sharpness of Ranran from years past, which naturally left him somewhat disappointed. But after only one visit, her return was like a complete transformation, dazzling and impossible to look away from.

What exactly changed her? Although it was strange, I chose to remain silent. As long as this brat was happy, what did it matter?

Come to think of it, I have never met such a special person before, let alone a woman.

Volume 2, Chapter 36: The Red Spider Lily

Time flies by, and who knows what will happen in the remaining time? It's all just a continuation of the nightmare, another extension and spread...

Who says there are no flowers on the other shore?

I've started to occasionally reminisce about my modern life. A graduate of a top university with a double degree in English and design—thankfully, I haven't come here entirely without talent. I've been independent since childhood, with clear goals and a stubborn, strong personality, a result of my upbringing in a martial arts family and my diligent practice. My parents' upbringing taught me a great deal; they respected me but never spoiled me. When I chose to attend design school, everyone else in my family was against it, even unable to understand. They tried to dissuade me repeatedly, and when that failed, they scolded me for being useless and disgracing a martial artist. My parents always faced it with a smile. They withstood all the pressure, creating a safe haven for me, allowing me the freedom and independence to pursue the life I dreamed of.

When I was young, I saw a red dress. At first glance, I fell in love with it as if under a spell. It was like a red spider lily, almost eerily beautiful and alluring. It was like a curse, planted in my soul, and I could never let it go. This nightmare has entangled me throughout my life, which is why I insisted on going to art school later on.

The Red Spider Lily, also known as the Manjusaka, is a legendary flower that guides souls, the only flower in the underworld. It is said to grow only in the Yellow Springs, the only scenery on the path to the underworld. The beauty of the Manjusaka is an ominous flower, associated with the supernatural, disaster, death, and separation. Yet, even knowing this, one still falls hopelessly in love with those eerie, intensely reddish-black flowers in dreams, a startling red, like fire, like raging flames, like blood, like poison…

Just like love.

"Miss, osmanthus green tea." Yunying carefully brought me a cup of hot tea as I lay listlessly on the bench. Ever since my old illness relapsed and I fainted for three days, they now follow me around anxiously even when I get out of bed, afraid that I might fall off the wall like last time and no one would know.

"If it weren't for—if it weren't for Master Sang being there that day, Miss, you, you would have— Waaah…" This is the usual routine that Yunying and Xiao Quanzi have been performing around me these past few days. Even Xiao Bai, who is usually obsessed with "women," snuggles in my arms every day, crying pitifully, and I can't get rid of her no matter what I do.

Actually, at that moment, my heart felt like it died... I don't know why I had such strange thoughts. I don't really like Brother Sima. Although I always joked about liking him, I never took it seriously. In my heart, I've always considered him an older brother... Why did I react so strongly when I heard he was the emperor? In fact, during the month I spent recuperating in bed, I kept thinking about this. In Yunying's eyes, I seemed a bit dull-witted. She even went to ask the old man if I'd become stupid after that fall. I admit I often spaced out, but it was silent contemplation, okay?

Could it be that I really like him, have fallen in love with him—this possibility is quite explosive, stirring up quite a few ripples in the lake of my heart. But I would rather it never have been.

Would I, An Jin, fall in love with an emperor? What a ridiculous joke!

Furthermore, how could an emperor who has three thousand beauties in his harem, and all the women in the world who are both talented and beautiful, possibly be interested in me? What's even stranger is that I've always dressed as a man, and we're brothers who play, drink, and visit brothels together!

How ridiculous! It's ridiculous of me to even think like that. This is nothing like An Jin, who possesses all the wealth in the world. This is nothing like An Jin, who doesn't care about anything. Therefore, I will nip any inappropriate thoughts that arise in the bud!

I thought of my first boyfriend; we met in college. At art school, I was always a loner. Although my fashion sense and design concepts were unconventional and daring in my studies, I was actually quite indifferent to dressing up in real life. I wore black and white clothes every day, all designer pieces, but they inevitably gave off a monotonous and bland feeling, which I didn't care about. But Zeng Cheng, that playboy who was always mingling with women, suddenly took a liking to me. He must have been used to gourmet food and suddenly found himself interested in simple fare. Zeng Cheng was a well-known figure at school, handsome with a charmingly wicked smile, and his wealthy background added to his aura. I, on the other hand, was the school's infamous "Black Widow," always with a gloomy face, not talkative, and only excelling academically. Compared to him, no one could imagine what else that playboy saw in me, An Jin. Not only did the people at school not understand, but even I didn't understand.

In my junior year of college, he declared on the school forum that he would win me over within a month, and he actually did. After a month of being rejected, a month of being mocked, and a month of silence, he won me over with unparalleled patience, extraordinary gentleness, and quiet care. Three months later, we appeared hand in hand on campus. Although we still didn't look very compatible, we were still quite a sight to behold.

When love was at its peak, I asked him why it was me. He always smiled gently, hugged me tightly, and whispered in my ear, "An Jin, you are special."

I gave him my first time. I would never refuse any request from the man I deeply loved, even though I was in so much pain afterward that I could barely get out of bed the next day. That night, he kept wanting me, and he, who never said "I love you," murmured in my ear: "An Jin, I love you, I love you."

Most girls can't forget the man they had their first sexual encounter with.

Just like now, I still can't forget him. What's more, back then, I was foolishly in love with him, completely devoted. So after coming here, when I met Huan Wen, who was similar to him, although I was momentarily moved, I still kept my distance and kept my distance.

Just as I can't forget that he was my first man, I can't forget his betrayal. Ironically, while he was holding me in bed and saying he loved me, he was also inevitably indulging in the pleasures of other women.

I hadn't paid any attention to his philandering with other women; I was simply a dutiful and virtuous girlfriend quietly reciprocating his feelings. Yet, he still found himself in his apartment with another woman… and I happened to be there to cook for him. Seeing the man and woman naked and entwined on the living room sofa, I was surprisingly calm. I silently closed the door for them, without crying or making a scene, and quietly carried the fresh vegetables I'd just bought from the market out of the apartment. Reaching the trash can at the intersection, I tossed the bag aside with a flourish, casually patted my slightly dirty hands, and just like that, the relationship ended without a ripple.

Although he waited outside my apartment for a long time, begging for my forgiveness, and even knelt down to plead, such a proud and spirited man kneeling before me begging for my forgiveness, it wasn't that I wasn't moved. But in an instant, all my feelings were sealed off by my hard armor.

I know my personality, like my black-and-white preferences, may seem mild and unassuming, but it's actually the coldest and most indifferent. Although I love him, I refuse to be hurt again and won't easily give my heart away. If I can't have the best, I'd rather not have it.

I think the same applies to Sima Rui.

However, it's a pity about the body I came to here. It's undeniably beautiful, almost stunning, yet it happened to have such an unambitious host like me. But, in retrospect, I really struck gold. Coming here, I not only became a beauty, but also a genuine virgin. The modern An Jin, while not ugly, could only be described as pretty. And at her age, if I hadn't come here, I'd probably be a mother by now.

Xie Weiying's lifestyle is the kind of person I aspire to be in the modern world. Clever and cunning, beautiful and captivating, filled with countless surprises, living her life as she pleases, in control of her own destiny. This is the life I've always wanted. Not relying on anyone's strength, not begging for anyone's warmth, not expecting anyone's affection… obtaining everything she desires through her own efforts—that's the true Anjin… Only after coming to this unfamiliar place did she have the courage to take a gamble and pursue everything wholeheartedly.

"Sister," a familiar, charming voice called out. From afar, I knew who it was. "Sister looks so relaxed." Sure enough, a beautiful woman in a gorgeous silk dress slowly walked towards me.

I took a sip of tea and said, "Ya Ya is here." I unconsciously stroked Xiao Bai's smooth fur with one hand.

She hadn't visited me at Jiu Nian Xuan for a long time because she was favored, but after hearing that I was ill, she started showing up at Jiu Nian Xuan from time to time. She became a regular visitor here, just like before.

Because I always claimed to be unwell, everyone in the palace soon learned that the beautiful Miss Xie was a sickly beauty, suffering from chronic illness. She was all looks and no substance.

Although I didn't have the opportunity to inquire about her life, I knew she was doing very well, and I was genuinely happy for her. However, after learning that Brother Sima was the emperor, I felt something was off.

Suddenly, I remembered that I had overheard those words behind the artificial hill that day, and I had been wanting to tell her about them ever since. I had also thought about reminding her not to be too ostentatious, but I knew that she was too engrossed in vanity and luxury to listen, and might even suspect that I was jealous of her favor. So I could only remind her again and again to be careful, especially not to offend Consort Wang.

She merely responded indifferently, her expression utterly dismissive. I knew that because of Consort Huan, the Emperor had shown her considerable favor these past few months. But no matter how much favor an emperor bestows, he wouldn't concern himself with the life or death of a concubine for a fleeting whim. Therefore, in the harem, so many women vanish like lost souls.

"Sister, how have you been?" I noticed her deliberately displayed agate bracelet, and the undisguised pride and smugness on her face. I knew that the Emperor's recent favor had made her a favorite in the harem, and those who used to look down on her and bully her were now vying to curry favor. She had suffered since childhood, and having finally reached this point, it was natural for her to be a little arrogant. I understood, but others might not.

I looked up and glanced at her with a gentle smile. "Still the same old thing. This body of mine makes even getting out of bed a nuisance for Yunying."

Yunying, who was standing to the side, glanced at me rudely and said coldly, "Speaking of which, Miss, you didn't cherish your body. You deserve it."

I chuckled wryly. This Yunying clearly didn't respect me, her master, at all. Yu Ya also covered her face coquettishly and giggled. Her expression was teasing.

I raised my hands in surrender and pleaded, "Yunying, please let me go. I am your master, after all. Don't embarrass me in front of Ya Ya."

"Then someone has to recognize their ugliness and correct it."

"I'll change it, I definitely will." While we were chatting and laughing, Xiao Quanzi had already poured me a cup of osmanthus green tea, just like mine. There were several tall osmanthus trees in the yard anyway. Why not use the materials we already had?

"Hehe." Yu Ya laughed with a thousand charms. "Sister is still in the same good mood as always." She took a sip of tea and continued, "This tea is really good."

"If you don't mind, I'll have Yun Yingna deliver some ready-made ones to your courtyard."

Ya Ya immediately jumped up to me with a beaming smile and said sweetly, "I knew my sister was the best to me."

Volume 2, Chapter 37: Nightfall

"Anyway, be careful. It's not safe to walk at night," I said casually.

Yu Ya's expression hardened, then she smiled and said, "Sister, don't worry. The Emperor is holding a lantern for me right now. Nothing will happen."

"Hmm." Since she already had her own plans, I didn't intend to say anything more. However, the emperor's protective umbrella wouldn't last forever for one woman. Besides, I now know that person is Brother Sima. Even with the stunningly beautiful Danyi Meiren standing before him every day, he remained completely unmoved; how much less would he be interested in these women—