It seemed that nothing should have ended, yet it still led to the abyss.
Su Jinning was too beautiful, and too cruel. Like a dream he had during an afternoon nap, she gave him a tenderness he had never experienced before. He fell too deeply in love, forgetting that dreams eventually end.
But he also wanted to blame Su Jinning. What could he blame her for? He blamed her for being cowardly and heartless.
Neither.
It's all that idiot's fault for kissing him too hard; his tears were so salty. Otherwise, he wouldn't have woken up.
He can sleep forever, until this separation ends.
His love affair when he was seventeen ended when he was eighteen. He thought that the relationship, which lasted less than a year, was finally over, but in the end, he was covered in blood and couldn't stop it.
——
When Zhou Xingqi hurried downstairs, Shen Moyu was staggering back, momentarily dazed. His brother was wearing a hospital gown, his pale face looking as if he had just recovered from a serious illness.
It was then that he realized he hadn't seen his brother smile in a long time.
"Let's go." Shen Moyu walked to his side, leaving behind two words indifferently, and then pressed the elevator button to go upstairs.
Zhou Xingqi glanced out the door subconsciously. A few snowflakes were falling from the dark sky, but the wind wasn't too cold.
If none of this had happened, his brother might still be living in that little house, chatting and laughing with Xia Wei.
In fact, he always understood that what Shen Moyu wanted was never great wealth and status, but simply for the person he loved to be by his side.
Shen Donghai, Gu Junxiao, Su Jinning—he tried his best to keep these people he cared about, but none of them stayed with him until the end.
As he walked back, before he even opened the door to the ward, he heard Shen Donghai yelling inside, "You fucking broke your arm and you still want to see him! Are you crazy?"
Shen Moyu sat quietly on the edge of the bed, staring unfocusedly out the window, as if everything at this moment had nothing to do with him.
Zhou Xingqi looked down and saw that the bowl of fish soup that Shen Donghai had just cooked when he got home had all spilled on the floor, and the whole house was filled with a faint, mellow aroma.
Shen Moyu remained silent, but Shen Donghai showed no sign of backing down: "Let me tell you, Shen Moyu, don't be stubborn and ask for trouble. I've already tolerated you enough!"
"Why?" Shen Moyu suddenly spoke, his gaze slowly shifting from blank to hateful. "Why should I accept it just because you deprived my lover of her freedom, but I can't even refuse a bowl of fish soup?"
Shen Donghai recalled how well-behaved his son was when he was a child, and it seemed impossible to connect him with the stubborn and cold Shen Moyu. He closed his eyes and thought for a long time before saying, "Son, you can hate me or scold me, but you must know that I did all this for your own good."
"But did you ask me if I wanted it? You think I'm making a profit by giving him up and going abroad with you to live a life of wealth and luxury, but I'm losing something I can never get back in my lifetime."
He is destined to be unhappy if he doesn't have someone he loves by his side.
In many people's eyes, Shen Moyu is very stubborn, so stubborn that no one can restrain him. It seems that as long as he shakes his head or gives a look, he can leave people speechless.
But now, for some reason, even getting angry feels so weak and powerless.
"Dad..." Shen Moyu's call made Shen Donghai freeze.
With tears in his eyes, Shen Moyu looked as dejected as a prisoner being tortured: "Dad... I have no strength left..."
He once loved someone with all his might, but in the end, all that was left was his own exhaustion and a blank future.
"Could you please give me a break... so I can catch my breath..."
Shen Donghai felt a little suffocated. He had been waiting for so long to say "Dad," but the word he uttered was still for Su Jinning.
But suddenly he couldn't get angry.
He watched his son cry his heart out, seemingly having lost all his strength as he leaned against the headboard.
For a moment, he was at a loss.
He began to doubt whether what he was doing was right or wrong, and wondered if what he was doing would truly make Shen Moyu happy.
“I know the future is important…” Shen Moyu suddenly choked up: “But I can’t bear to leave someone behind.”
The person who wove a whole summer for him during his youth.
——
After that day, Shen Moyu really stopped crying and making a fuss. He was as well-behaved as a rag doll. He would read the English books that Shen Donghai gave him, listen to his stories about the company, and even occasionally ask a couple of questions about school.
It seems like everything is ready to embrace the future.
Shen Donghai was gratified, but he couldn't help feeling sorry for him.
Shen Moyu recovered quite quickly and was discharged from the hospital soon after. It was still very cold at home, so he often wrapped himself in a blanket and rarely went out, staying in his room for the whole day.
So Zhou Xingqi would often bring him food, watch him finish it all, and always sit very close to him, as if he were monitoring a prisoner.
Shen Moyu knew they hadn't completely let go of their grudges. He was afraid he might do something foolish again.
But gradually they noticed that Shen Moyu would obediently finish the food that was brought to him, and then immediately curl up back up by the bay window. Even though the cold wind would seep in through the cracks in the window, he would still sit there without caring, as if it were a habit.
Shen Donghai said he was becoming more and more obedient and understood his heart as a father.
Shen Moyu didn't say anything, busy doing her homework and sleeping. In her spare time, she would sit on the bay window and look at it for half a day.
But sometimes silence isn't about letting go; it's about feeling utterly hopeless.
He would take out his phone to check when he was bored, but he felt it wouldn't kill much of his time.
He suddenly remembered the anime that Su Jinning used to love watching, and he became interested and searched for them.
It was indeed very interesting. He became engrossed in it after watching for a short time and finished watching the anime in one day.
At the very moment of the ending, he suddenly froze.
There was a sudden sense of alienation, as if I had been brought back to reality in an instant.
He gazed at the city as it drifted off to sleep, a cup of coffee in his hand. He took a small sip, and the bitter taste exploded on his taste buds, causing him to frown involuntarily.
In the distance, only a few streetlights and scattered neon lights kept shining, making the place where someone was faintly visible.
He had long forgiven his abrupt departure and was familiar with his true nature, like a child who loves to play hide-and-seek.
He pressed his hand against the cold glass, and a cool breeze squeezed in through the cracks in the window.
Much of the time seems unchanged, only the traces are buried by the white snow, as silent as ever, while the coffee slowly cools down.
From existence to non-existence, from searching for answers, time has left its mark on that not-so-novel memory.
But when I looked back, there was no trace of him.
It will be March in a week, and school will be starting soon. He suddenly felt a pang of sadness.
Every little thing I remember from my time at school flooded back into my mind.
He will be leaving in a month, moving away from Shanghai to a faraway overseas. He will no longer be a student at Zhengde No.1 Middle School, and there will be no place for him in Class A.
His signature on the wall of honor will be covered by newly crowned academic superstars. He will gradually fade from the lives of everyone who remembers him.
Will Jin Shuoshuo be very upset to learn that he has lost such a top student?
How would she question herself in a WeChat message?
How should he explain this to his friends? Should he just say that he dropped out of school? That doesn't seem very simplistic.