"You mean Han Shu?" Zhu Xiaobei understood quickly. "Don't let me see him now. If he shows up now, I'd love to slap that kid into outer space."
Ju Nian smiled, thought for a moment, and said, "Xiao Bei, that's him in another story, and it's all in the past. He's not a bad person, you..."
"Stop talking, I know what you mean. Before you told me, I always thought something must have happened between you and him in the past. He was the male lead in all your stories, and the funniest thing is, he probably thought so too. Damn! He was just a passerby. Right, Ju Nian, that's why you could forgive him so easily. Similarly, to Han Shu, I was just a passerby. We were just a makeshift relationship, so it ended. I'll find a good person to marry, haha, like buying a lottery ticket. If I win on my first try, I'll be cursed by heaven." She half-jokingly spread her palms out to Ju Nian, "Master Xie, please look at my palm lines and calculate my marriage fate. Will I really have to wait until I retire to have my first time at fifty-five?"
Ju Nian closed Zhu Xiaobei's hand. "The more you calculate your fate, the thinner it gets." She laughed and comforted her, "Xiaobei, you are definitely blessed. When you are really depressed, just think about people who are worse off than you, like me."
"I can't compare to you, really. If I were you, I don't know how many times I would have died." Zhu Xiaobei was telling the truth.
Ju Nian said, "Dying is neither easy nor difficult. If you can't die, then you can only come back to life."
If you can't die, then you can only come back to life.
During his years in prison, Ju Nian repeatedly said this to himself.
After leaving the beef noodle shop, Ju Nian and Zhu Xiaobei waved goodbye at a fork in the road not far away. Ju Nian watched Xiaobei's shadow, stretched even longer by the streetlights, and noticed a hint of melancholy in the usually carefree and straightforward woman. Ju Nian knew that perhaps Xiaobei's purpose in coming here was simply to find an ending, and that Xiaobei was ultimately a magnanimous person; she would eventually move on, all she needed was time.
Only time is invincible.
However, Ju Nian did not win time's forgiveness that year. It was all too sudden; her little monk was gone, leaving her with an emptiness of the world. Perhaps it was only a second; one moment he spoke in the softest voice, "You never said that," and the next he was engulfed by an endless sea of blood. She was caught off guard, as if she had stepped into thin air on a flat road, everything vanished without a trace, and she fell, fell… until she was lost forever. Nightmares followed one after another; she couldn't cry, she couldn't recover, because she hadn't had time to wake up. He was gone, leaving only her, and she went back too.
Ju Nian rarely spoke about the details of her years in prison, not even in the stories she told Zhu Xiaobei. She was unwilling to talk about many things because she didn't expect anyone to understand. It's like trying to make a healthy person experience the despair of being in a hospital bed; they say "health is really important," but they squander their health just as much and don't truly understand.
Even Jie Nian herself rarely reminisces about that period of time. She only knows one thing—there are only two things in the world that are irreversible: life and youth. Many things can be done again; leaves wither and then turn green again, and forgotten things can be remembered. But people don't come back to life after they die, and youth, once gone, will never return. Wu Yu can't come back to life, and Xie Jie Nian's youth died eleven years ago. She is now out of prison, living a simple life like an ordinary 29-year-old single woman. The upheavals of the past and the years behind bars don't seem to have left any obvious marks on her. But every morning when she wakes up and looks at her still smooth and firm skin in the mirror in the cool bathroom, those eyes tell her that she is no longer the girl she once was.
There's a saying: "When God closes a door, he opens a window." While in Changping Women's Prison, Ju Nian would smile every time she thought of this. The cell door was tightly shut, housing people like her who had been deprived of their freedom by justice, leaving only a tiny iron window. Didn't this perfectly illustrate God's sense of humor?
In prison, newly admitted prisoners are called "new inmates." These "new inmates" are the most helpless group in that closed-off world. Besides the initial training and "education" from veteran inmates, the hardest hurdle is overcoming their own limitations. No free person doesn't feel a profound despair upon entering prison; you are no longer a normal person, no longer a person with dignity, and you no longer even feel like a human being. Twelve people crammed into a small cell, an unbearable workload, a life rarely seeing the light of day, twisted cellmates, harsh guards… many "new inmates" weep upon arrival, and some even contemplate suicide.
Before meeting Zhu Xiaobei at the beef noodle shop, Pingfeng, who sat next to Ju Nian, was imprisoned in the same batch as her. Ju Nian was only a little over eighteen years old at the time, one of the youngest prisoners in the jail, while Pingfeng was a month younger than Ju Nian, as thin as a fifteen or sixteen-year-old child. At that time, they were kept under the same surveillance, and every night, Ju Nian could hear Pingfeng crying.
Ju Nian rarely suffered; she just couldn't sleep.
In the dead of night, the prison is deathly dark after the lights are turned off, without a single ray of light. Ju Nian slept in the bunk closest to the window, but couldn't see where the window was. She always sat, facing what was probably the window, listening to Ping Feng's sobs, quietly lost in thought. Sometimes a night passed quickly, sometimes very slowly; time seemed meaningless. Due to the series of procedures in the criminal proceedings, by the time the verdict was officially delivered, Ju Nian had already spent nearly three weeks in prison. She had over 1800 more nights like this to endure.
That night, Pingfeng cried herself to sleep, when Ju Nian suddenly heard a soft, rustling sound coming from the direction of the window. She knew it was the sound of insects flapping their wings. There were flies, mosquitoes, and fleas in the prison, but they were all small insects; the larger ones rarely took flight. The sound was fainter than that of dragonflies or beetles, yet stronger than small flying insects, hovering and struggling, unable to find a way out. Ju Nian couldn't see it. She thought it might be a butterfly. A butterfly that had painstakingly transformed from a caterpillar—why didn't it linger among the flowers, but instead returned to this corner where the sunlight couldn't reach?
Wu Yu, is that you?
Ju Nian silently prayed in her heart. "Is it because you finally emerged from your cocoon, couldn't bear to leave me, that you came back to see me one last time?"
She groped around, reaching out her hand in confusion, but it never stopped in her palm.
All night long, Ju Nian leaned against the iron bars of the four-poster bed, listening to the sound of wings, her heart filled with mixed emotions. She hoped it would stay, to stay with her a little longer, yet she also hoped it would fly away, to the place it longed for, and never return... And so, dawn gradually broke.
Prison rules dictate that in summer, the wake-up time is 5 a.m., while in winter it's 6 a.m. After waking, students must fold their blankets neatly, like in the military, and then sit orderly on the edge of their beds waiting for the guards to open the prison gate—a process they call "opening the gate." Next, each cell takes turns going out to wash up, use the toilet, and then return to their cell for breakfast. There are no toilets in any of the cells; the toilets are located at the end of each floor's corridor and are usually locked, only opening at designated times, twice a day, morning and evening. Breakfast is typically a steamed bun per person, collected by the cell leader and distributed to the others. As the first rays of morning light pierced Ju Nian's cell, the entire prison was already stirring with activity, but it wasn't their turn yet. Ju Nian eagerly used the dim light to search for the butterfly, and sure enough, she found it on the edge of the iron bars.
That wasn't a butterfly at all; it was just a gray moth.
It was ugly, with a dirty and mottled color, a bloated body, and most despairingly, it had a deformed wing. It had obviously just emerged from its pupa and somehow ended up here, destined never to fly.
Ju Nian remembered Wu Yu's story about caterpillars. Yes, he was right, every butterfly is transformed from a caterpillar, but he forgot that not every caterpillar can become a butterfly. Perhaps it dies in its cocoon and never sees the light of day again, or perhaps it struggles desperately before realizing that it is actually an ugly moth with incomplete wings.
Ju Nian sadly realized that she understood what Wu Yu wanted to tell her in this story. However, if he had known it would end like this, would he have been content to stay buried deep underground with another caterpillar, carefully sharing that pitiful bit of sunlight? Or was he destined to leave, and no matter how cruel the ending, it was his choice?
However, Wu Yu's story was unfinished. He didn't mention that if he couldn't become a butterfly, would the colorful butterfly waiting for him fly away? He couldn't fly wing to wing with her, and could never return to being a caterpillar, while the butterfly could come and go freely. He also didn't mention how the other caterpillar would spend its time alone in the darkness without him.
Ju Nian couldn't bear to watch the moth struggle in vain. She gently extended her finger, wanting to push it away, but it was no use. The moment her finger touched it, it fell from the windowsill to the floor. Before she could do anything else, a large foot wearing a shoe slammed down, crushing the moth flat. When the foot lifted, Ju Nian saw only a small puddle of nauseating sap and half a mangled wing. It had struggled so hard to live, yet died so easily, without even a chance to struggle before being killed by a gentle stomp. This was the tragedy of being born an insect.
Ju Nian felt a pang of unease and looked up at the person at her feet.
"What's wrong? Are you upset?" the man asked her.
Ju Nian lowered her head and slowly shook it. "No."
She couldn't fight him, nor did she want to. Without that kick, the moth would have died sooner or later anyway. It was a crippled monster. Yet the sunlight was already shining down on it. It had tried. Was it able to die without regrets?
The woman who stomped the moth to death was Qi Jianying, the most senior inmate in their cell. Qi Jianying was tall and stout; it was said she had been a slender and beautiful woman in her youth. Eight years ago, when she was still a helpless housewife, she learned of her businessman husband's infidelity. Grabbing a sharp fruit knife, she went to the adulterous couple's love nest, knocked on the door, and risked being beaten to death by her husband, who was many times stronger than her. She endured his punches and kicks, stabbing the two men she hated with each blow. After the couple fell, Qi Jianying, covered in wounds, sat in a pool of blood and called the police. It is said that when the police arrived, she was holding the knife, a relieved smile on her face.
Her husband's mistress died, but the man himself was miraculously saved in the hospital. Qi Jianying was arrested, and the court, considering the repeated brutal domestic violence her husband had inflicted on her before the incident, sentenced her to death with a two-year reprieve. After entering Changping Women's Prison, it wasn't until the third year that her death sentence was commuted to life imprisonment. Even if she manages to get another reduction in her sentence, a long prison term awaits her. She's already over forty; even if she's released in twenty years, she'll be a frail old woman, her life essentially ruined. Qi Jianying's personality changed drastically after entering prison; she became eccentric and irritable, and everyone feared her.
Even among prisoners, there are different ranks within the prison system, varying not only in terms of sentence length but also in the treatment they receive for different crimes. In women's prisons, the most feared are usually murderers, like Qi Jianying. She's ruthless and capable of anything, and with a long sentence, she fears no one. Others who suffer at her hands have no choice but to accept it silently. Next in line for murderers are those convicted of robbery, drug trafficking, and human trafficking, also mostly ruthless individuals. Economic criminals and thieves are next in line, and at the very bottom, those who are bullied and looked down upon are those convicted of prostitution. Pingfeng was arrested for prostitution and suffered more than anyone else. Although Ju Nian is also a "newcomer" and seems quiet, everyone knows she's a robber, so they're somewhat wary of her until they figure out her background, and the bullying isn't too excessive. In fact, her life is a bit better than Pingfeng's.
Like other veteran prisoners, it was perfectly normal for them to take advantage of others and leave the dirty and tiring work to the new inmates. But there was something even more sordid that many released prisoners found difficult to talk about—there were no men in the prison. Some said that even the mosquitoes flying by were male. The women in their prime, especially those with long sentences, had to endure unbearable physical and psychological loneliness. Some female prisoners formed fake couples, while others didn't want to. The weaker, newer inmates inevitably suffered bullying. On sleepless nights, with empty eyes in the darkness, Ju Nian sometimes heard Qi Jianying's panting amidst Ping Feng's cries, the sound of slaps, the rustling of flesh, and Ping Feng's suppressed sobs of shame and indignation afterward.
During that time, Pingfeng's face was often bruised and swollen, and she was forced to move to Qi Jianying's lower bunk—only newcomers and low-ranking prisoners slept in the lower bunks, because the cells were so narrow that there was only one aisle left. Eating, sleeping, and doing manual labor were often all done on the beds, leaving the lower bunks in a mess. Ju Nian knew that she wasn't the only one awake every night; most of her cellmates saw it, but they were all too afraid of being beaten to speak out, or simply watched the spectacle from the shadows. The prison guards were used to these things, and as long as they didn't cause any major trouble, they mostly turned a blind eye, especially to veteran prisoners like Qi Jianying, who were so ruthless that even the guards didn't want to mess with them.
Ju Nian sympathized with Ping Feng, but if she couldn't even save herself, who could she save? As her time in prison increased, many people saw through her "robbery" persona—she was a hopeless case, lacking any real skills—and began to trample her underfoot. She received more and more slaps; who would sympathize with her then? Women are different from men; few women are inherently cruel. Those in women's prisons, driven by love, money, or desperation, have mostly endured unimaginable suffering. Prison is a crucible forged from hardship; it erodes a person's kind nature, turning them numb and cold. If they can't be the predators, they'll only become someone else's meal. No wonder some say that prison is a place that turns good people bad and bad people even worse.
Ju Nian thought that one day she would become numb to all of this; five years was longer than a lifetime for an 18-year-old girl. However, two months into her imprisonment, one night she heard Qi Jianying secretly humiliating and beating Ping Feng again, this time more brutal than before. Perhaps Qi Jianying was tired of Ping Feng, or perhaps Ping Feng's "serving" displeased her; the dull thuds of fists hitting flesh were terrifying in the silence. Then, Ju Nian even heard Qi Jianying slamming Ping Feng's head against the wall. A prostitute beaten to death in prison wasn't a big deal; Ju Nian had heard of such things before. She knew she shouldn't interfere, but after closing her eyes and plugging her ears for a minute, she rushed to the window and shouted that her stomach hurt and she needed to go to the toilet, finally attracting the attention of the impatient prison guard on duty.
Pingfeng survived, leaving a dark red scar on her forehead. Ju Nian's actions violated prison regulations, disturbed the sleep of many inmates, and angered many, especially Qi Jianying. She rarely wanted to recall the bitterness that followed. She didn't know where her limits were; she only knew that when she closed her eyes, tomorrow would come, and she would still have to face that never-ending task. She was as young as Pingfeng, but more beautiful and cleaner, making her the object of many female inmates' lust. Her unusual silence kept them at a distance. Finally, Qi Jianying saw through her and realized that she was just someone who swallowed her anger. One night after a day's work, she climbed into Ju Nian's bed.
Ju Nian struggled beneath Qi Jianying's corpulent body, each movement earning her a beating. The others in the cell pretended to snore, and her resistance grew weaker and weaker, like a drowning woman's desperate struggle. From Lin Henggui to Han Shu, and now Qi Jianying, was this a nightmare she couldn't escape?
That night, all the guards and inmates in Changping Women's Prison heard the howl that echoed through the quiet night. When the on-duty guard rushed over amidst the sudden burst of lights, whistling wildly, and opened their cell door, he saw Qi Jianying, her face covered in blood, kicking and punching Ju Nian like a madwoman. Ju Nian was curled up tightly like a boiled shrimp, not uttering a sound, her mouth tightly gripping a bloody, mangled piece of flesh—Qi Jianying's entire left ear.
The prison guards carried the two men away separately, leaving two large pools of blood on the ground.
Ju Nian lay in her hospital bed for nearly three months. She herself didn't know it had been so long. During those days teetering between coma and lucidity, she vaguely knew that the prison had issued a critical condition notice to her family, but no one came to see her, and she didn't expect anyone to come. Perhaps this time, she would die. The last lonely caterpillar, she died, and in another world, she would meet the happy Wu Yu among the flowers.
But she didn't die. The poor medical conditions at the prison hospital actually saved her life. In the early morning, she was perfectly lucid and saw the sunlight shining on her pillow.
Wu Yu, you don't want to see me right now, do you?
If you can't die, then live well. She heard Wu Yu say this from the depths of her being.
Ju Nian once again convinced herself to make peace with fate. Perhaps her life was still long, and compared to this life, five years wouldn't be so hard to endure, or perhaps she could spend even less time in prison. The nurse who brought her medicine in the morning pushed open the door and saw Ju Nian weakly playing with the sunlight with her fingers. She even managed to force a smile on the hospital bed, "Nurse, your hair is very beautiful."
For some peculiar reason, the cause of Ju Nian's illness was only vaguely recorded in her file. After recovering and returning to prison, Qi Jianying, who was missing an ear, was transferred from their cell. Ju Nian was completely different from before her illness. Although she remained calm, others still remembered her biting Qi Jianying's ear, bloodied but unfazed, which left them somewhat shaken. However, she had become more friendly and open-minded. She had forgiven herself and treated everyone around her with kindness.
Most of the labor work at Changping Prison was hand sewing. The prison would bring in jobs from outside factories, which the inmates were responsible for completing – this was called "labor reform." The jobs included embroidery, beading, knitting, and more. Each inmate received a quota to complete in their cell. The inmates had no income; they could only earn "reform points" through labor. The daily quotas were always higher than the limit, and those who didn't meet their quotas weren't allowed to sleep. However, the prison also stipulated that no more work could be done at night. Therefore, to meet the quotas, mealtimes were minimized, and everyone was buried in their work, performing mechanical labor. New inmates were often punished for failing to meet their quotas. Ju Nian adapted to the environment quickly. At first, her hands were covered in needle marks from sewing buttons, but she eventually completed her quota and still had the energy to help others in her cell. Later, the prison improved its equipment by introducing sewing machines. She sewed very quickly, producing neat and beautiful work. She later realized that this was a skill the prison had taught her to earn a living.
Because Ju Nian had good interpersonal relationships, was somewhat educated, and learned things quickly, she was well-liked not only by her fellow inmates but also by the prison guards. She became a cell leader, a medical inmate, and a librarian. She enrolled in self-study courses and represented the prison in various knowledge competitions, winning awards in each one.
After Qi Jianying's ears and hands were injured, a routine check-up at the hospital unexpectedly revealed that she had cirrhosis. This news instantly overwhelmed her, and her health deteriorated rapidly. By the time Ju Nian had been in prison for a year and a half, Qi Jianying was bedridden. Ju Nian and Qi Jianying were practically sworn enemies because of their past. Now, Qi Jianying was sickly and no longer had the ability to act aggressively. As a medical inmate at the time, Ju Nian had a responsibility to care for other sick prisoners. The prison guards, considering their situation, deliberately considered separating them. However, Ju Nian said there was no need for that. She calmly cared for the increasingly emaciated Qi Jianying, even when Qi Jianying retaliated by biting a row of teeth marks on her palm, she didn't utter a sound. Finally, one day, she carefully cleaned Qi Jianying's body. The woman who had stabbed her husband and his mistress thirty-one times, the woman feared by everyone in the prison, cried like a child in front of Ju Nian.
"She used to love me so much. I went through the best times with him, stood by him through all the hardships of starting a business, and lent him all the money from my family. He succeeded, and then suddenly told me he didn't want me anymore... Waaah, he doesn't want me anymore... My son says I'm a poisonous snake."
This was the first time Ju Nian had heard that story from Qi Jianying. At that moment, Qi Jianying was nothing more than a pitiful woman.
With tears streaming down her face, Qi Jianying asked, "Why don't you hate me? Xie Junian, were you sent by God?"
Pingfeng also said something similar.
Ju Nian laughed, but she didn't answer. She wasn't an angel; there were many people she had hated, but in the end, she forgot them. Because hatred was futile, because life is made up of countless insignificant details, unpredictable and uncertain. She didn't know who caused some things, some endings—whether it was those she had hated, or herself. She couldn't understand, so she let herself go. Everything she did in prison wasn't out of a desire for moral superiority, nor for anyone's gratitude; she just wanted time to pass faster, much faster.
She wanted to leave. She didn't know how Wu Yu's affairs had been settled; no one had told her. In the years since, only one person had visited her once, but that person was completely unaware of what had happened. She longed for the day she would be free, so that even just one glance at the place where his bones lay buried would be enough.
Two years later, Ju Nian received a reduced sentence, and no one felt it was undeserved.
However, she still often had a dream: a dark, suffocating cell, the oppressive atmosphere, butterflies fluttering their wings on the iron bars she couldn't see, prison guards' shoes walking down the passageway, the first whistle of dawn, "Kaifeng!", and then she felt the morning light, and moths crushed in the light... She always woke up from this dream.
When she woke up, she found herself living quietly for eight years in a courtyard with a loquat tree, with a girl named Feiming.
Chapter Two: The Two Sides of a Mirror
Ju Nian opened her eyes beside her pillow. There were no moths, no butterflies, no piercing whistles, no crowded washing up, only the fresh scent of the courtyard unique to the morning, and the dappled shadows of leaves filtering through the window. She could almost feel the person she was waiting for, leisurely dozing under the tree, and perhaps in the next second, he would smile and push open the door.
She felt that nothing made her feel more peaceful and serene than this moment.
After a quick wash, Ju Niangzhao went to Uncle Cai's shop to pick up some milk. Uncle Cai's face lit up with a smile when he saw her.
"Hey Ju Nian, why hasn't the stock market guru been around for a while?" Uncle Cai asked tentatively, partly out of neighborhood gossip and partly out of anticipation for the stocks he held.
Ju Nian laughed and said, "How dare he keep coming here? If you've made a fortune in the stock market, how can you still have the mind to manage this small shop? Where can he find the best milk in the whole city when he comes all this way?"
Uncle Cai moved here from out of town three years ago. The small shop he took over has changed hands several times since its original owner. Lin Henggui had narrowly escaped Wu Yu's knife years ago, and those who "harmed him" all met with bad ends. He enjoyed a few years of relatively comfortable life because of this. However, although he had acquired Wu Yu's small courtyard house, he never actually lived there. Because of his near-death experience, Lin Henggui gradually became a believer in ghosts and spirits. He always felt that there were lingering vengeful spirits in that courtyard. Whenever he approached it at night, he seemed to see Wu Yu's blood-soaked face. Gradually, the ominous rumors about the small house, inhabited by two generations of murderers, somehow spread, making it extremely difficult for him to sell it.
Six months before Ju Nian's release from prison, Lin Henggui, whose body had recovered from serious injuries, could no longer withstand his daily drinking. He died suddenly in his small shop after a hangover. After a hasty burial, Ju Nian's aunt and uncle, as Lin Henggui's cousin and only known relatives, received the small shop and house he left behind. No one wanted the house, but as the most prosperous shop in the neighborhood, it changed hands quite easily. Thus, many years later, the small shop eventually came into the hands of Uncle Cai.
Uncle Cai was an outsider. Since he moved to this suburb, Ju Nian and Fei Ming had been living nearby. Many of the old neighbors had changed; the wealthy had moved to the city, and those less fortunate had left for various reasons. The area had gradually become a densely populated area of migrant workers, and few knew about Ju Nian and Fei Ming's past. Uncle Cai, well-informed in the small shop, only heard about it from a few old neighbors gossiping behind their backs. In the eyes of the honest and kind Uncle Cai, he couldn't connect Xie Ju Nian with a woman who had been imprisoned for robbery. He firmly believed in his lifelong judgment of character and refused to heed the neighborhood committee's warnings. He was wary of Ju Nian, but he didn't view her with prejudice. In recent years, he had become one of the people in the neighborhood who could talk to Ju Nian and her family most easily, exchanging pleasantries from time to time. As for others, Ju Nian was more or less aware of their concerns about her background. She didn't want to offend anyone, and for a long time, she had quietly come and gone with her child, even more inconspicuous than a shadow.
When Ju Nian returned home, Fei Ming was still asleep. Ju Nian placed the milk on her bedside table. As she turned around, she unexpectedly saw Fei Ming, still asleep, tightly clutching something in her arms. Ju Nian leaned closer to take a look and saw that it was the badminton racket Han Shu had given her. Afraid that the racket would hurt the child, she tried to pull it out and place it on Fei Ming's bedside table. She applied a little force, but the racket didn't budge in Fei Ming's arms. The child was holding it too tightly.
Fei Ming cherished this gift so much that it far exceeded the meaning of a racket itself. This was also why Ju Nian didn't force Fei Ming to return the valuable racket to Han Shu. Although she had her reasons, she didn't want those reasons to hurt the child. Fei Ming wasn't a healthy child; she was often frail and sickly. In her dreams, she habitually frowned, clung tightly to her blankets, and chewed her nails. Ju Nian tried many methods, but none could change this. However, now, seeing Fei Ming sleeping, her expression was relaxed, even happy, as if she were lost in a sweet dream. Ju Nian couldn't bear to wake her, but Fei Ming had to get up, or she would miss school.
Preparing for school was like a battle. Fei Ming first turned her small wardrobe upside down, squinting in front of the mirror for a long time before deciding what to wear that day. Then she refused to let Aunt Ju Nian braid her hair, because Ju Nian only knew how to tie the simplest ponytail. When Fei Ming finally appeared before Ju Nian wearing a pink dress with a dazzling bow tied at the end of countless braids, Ju Nian began to vaguely realize that this was probably an extraordinary morning, at least for Fei Ming.
As usual, every morning, if Ju Nian was on the early shift, she would leave with Fei Ming and accompany her to the bus stop before boarding the bus. In this respect, Ju Nian had to admit that Fei Ming learned to take care of herself earlier than other children her age. Because she was a single woman who also had to work to support her family, she was bound to be less than perfect in some ways. While other children were being led to school by their parents or driven there, Fei Ming had been taking the bus to school alone since first grade.
From the moment she stepped out of the courtyard, Fei Ming began to look around eagerly. She couldn't hide her excitement; her face was flushed with a smile, and her eyes shone like searchlights.
"Feiming, did you make plans to go to school with Li Te?" Ju Nian teased. Li Te was the most popular boy among the girls in Feiming's class. Although Feiming refused to admit it, Ju Nian sometimes saw her writing homework for Li Te at night, stroke by stroke, even more carefully than when she was tracing characters.
Fei Ming blushed, pouted, and said, "Auntie, your adult ideas are so vulgar."
Before Ju Nian could even reply, they heard two car horns. Looking in the direction of the sound, they saw that the car parked not far from Uncle Cai's shop was none other than Han Shu's Subaru. Han Shu saw them, smiled, poked his head out, and waved. Fei Ming, who had just been acting like a little adult and pretending to be calm, flew towards Han Shu like a cheerful magpie.
Ju Nian hesitated for a moment, then followed. When she reached the car, Fei Ming was already huddled next to Han Shu, chattering incessantly about "Uncle Han," his conspicuous bow swaying in the morning breeze. Han Shu seemed to be listening intently, but his eyes kept glancing in Ju Nian's direction.
"Auntie, Uncle Han said he's going to take me to school!" Fei Ming exclaimed, her voice filled with excitement and pride. Since starting elementary school, no one had ever taken her to school except when she was sick, let alone Uncle Han, who drove such a cool car.
“Um, I think… if you take her to school and then go back to work, you probably won’t make it in time,” Ju Nian said slowly, touching Fei Ming’s bow, which was bigger than his head. “Fei Ming, thank you, Uncle. But you can’t let Uncle be late.”
Fei Ming couldn't suppress the intense disappointment on his face, and Ju Nian looked away.
Han Shu hurriedly said, "Don't worry, I've already thought it through. I was out running errands this morning, so I'll drop Fei Ming off first and then go. It's on my way. By the way, the place I'm running errands for is very close to your workplace. Get in the car, I'll give you a ride."
Fei Ming had already eagerly gotten into the car, patting the seat next to him and saying repeatedly, "Auntie, get in the car, let's go together."
“Yes, we’ll be together.” Han Shu repeated Fei Ming’s words. The words “we” and “together” sounded like a family of three. The ambiguity behind these words made Han Shu feel strange and his heart flutter.
"No, I have to go out on errands this morning, and it's not on my way. Feiming, be good on the road." Ju Nian couldn't persuade Feiming otherwise, so she could only say to Han Shu, "Thank you for your trouble."
She didn't even look at Han Shu when she spoke. Han Shu was disappointed; the little girl in the carriage seemed to understand him perfectly.
"Auntie, come on up, come on up."
This child acted as if he were the owner of the car.
Ju Nian smiled and waved goodbye to Fei Ming.
"Auntie, Uncle Han can give you a ride when you need to run errands. Wouldn't it be better to take the bus?"
Ju Nian said, "Auntie is going on Shenzhou VI."
Han Shu's car drove Fei Ming away, leaving only the red ribbon in Fei Ming's hair fluttering in Ju Nian's eyes. She seemed to have just heard Han Shu, with great gentlemanly manners, praise Fei Ming's attire as quite "cool," a compliment that had delighted Fei Ming. Han Shu always knew how to make a girl's heart flutter at the right moment; perhaps this was especially true now that he had grown up and shed his youthful awkwardness. He was charming, eloquent, and possessed a captivating allure for women of all ages.
In prison, Ju Nian refused all gifts brought in by others, except for the photo of the four of them on the badminton court. That photo accompanied her through the darkest days and nights of those three years. On the back of the photo was Han Shu's handwriting—"Let me look at you, 1997." This was the deepest and most hopeless expression that boy could make.
Ju Nian asked herself if she had ever been moved by Han Shu's persistent advances, even if only a little.