"Mom, do you remember Xie Junian? She's Xie Maohua's eldest daughter. Her brother is Xie Wangnian, who drives for my dad now. They used to live downstairs from us a long time ago," Han Shu said hesitantly.
“Xie Junian? I have a vague impression of him, but I can’t quite remember him,” Sun Jinling said casually.
"How could that be? You used to be so obedient and sensible when you stepped over her in front of me."
That was a long time ago.
"It's the same now. She's the friend I was talking about, and she's also me..."
“I was wondering how Xie Maohua could so openly talk to your father about his son’s promotion yesterday,” Sun Jinling suddenly said to Han Shu, a hint of sarcasm in her eyes.
Han Shu was taken aback, then said, "That definitely has nothing to do with Ju Nian. Really, she's so different from her parents."
"Han Shu! No matter how different she is, and no matter how much I praised her before, it doesn't mean I agree with her now, much less that I will treat her child as our family!" Sun Jinling glanced at the living room and warned in a low voice.
"Really? But if she's willing, I'll marry her. If that day ever comes, will you even recognize me?" Han Shu tried to speak to his mother calmly, not wanting her to think he was just being stubborn.
"Don't make a foolish mistake again and ruin your future for her."
"You said you didn't care what kind of person I found, as long as I liked them."
“Your father and I have both said this before: we have no requirements for your future wife, our daughter-in-law. She doesn’t have a good family background, she doesn’t have to be pretty, she doesn’t have to work, she doesn’t have to be educated, she doesn’t have anything. But there is one thing: she cannot have been to prison, and she cannot have a child of unknown origin. Do you know what this means for a family like ours? This is the bottom line. You are now challenging the bottom line of your father and me!”
In Han Shu's heart, Sun Jinling had always been a doting mother who spoiled her child. She seemed to be able to tolerate everything about Han Shu. Han Shu had never seen his mother speak to him with such heartache and sternness. He looked puzzled, but this puzzlement was not because of a change in his mother's attitude, because he had expected it. He just suddenly felt that something seemed wrong.
My mother had said before that she didn't remember Xie Junian, the daughter of the old driver. Indeed, ever since Junian was sent to her aunt's house, Dean Han and Sun Jinling had never mentioned her again, not even after Han Shu's nightmare in their senior year of high school. It was as if they had naturally forgotten about this girl.
Han Shu had once been relieved, believing that his godmother, Cai Yilin, and he had kept the matter well-hidden. But now, he was suddenly less certain. Was it really true? Why, before he could even mention what happened to Ju Nian back then, did his mother, who had long "forgotten" Ju Nian, blurt out that Ju Nian had been in prison? Not only that, she also knew that Ju Nian's child's "origin was unknown," and when talking about Han Shu's "foolishness," she used the word "once again." Could it be… could it be that they weren't completely unaware of what happened back then, that everyone knew, and only he was hiding his transparent secret?
It must be said that this sudden realization shocked Han Shu to no end, and he was somewhat at a loss as he untied his slippery dishwashing gloves.
"Mom, you...you knew all along, didn't you..." Han Shu's voice trembled.
Sun Jinling gazed at her son with an indescribable expression, and finally sighed.
He was right; they had known all along. They knew he had secretly loved the driver's daughter, knew his imprisonment was connected to her, and even knew what he had done to Ju Nian. Yet, for so many years, facing him, facing their son who had committed such a grave mistake in his youth, they had managed to keep this secret, pretending nothing had happened, until Han Shu himself couldn't bear it any longer and exposed it. Han Shu shook his head violently. Was this the real world?
No one knows a son better than his mother. As if guessing Han Shu's question, Sun Jinling rubbed her forehead and slowly said, "Do you think you could hide Cai Yilin's going around asking for favors from your father? It was just a matter of time. By the time we realized what was happening, it would all be over, and everything would be set in stone. Your father and I thought about it for a long time then, and we couldn't sleep for many nights. You were so foolish, but what could we do? Bringing it up now wouldn't help. You still have a long way to go. Han Shu, you are still our son!"
"Yes, I am your son!" Han Shu covered his face with his hands, but the tears in his eyes were still real, gradually spreading to his fingertips. Of course he was their son, because he was so similar to his parents; their love was just as selfish. He didn't even dare to think about whether Ju Nian's prison life would have been different if he had been honest with his parents back then, if his parents had been willing to come forward. The answer terrified him.
"So, it wasn't a coincidence that Xie Wangnian was driving for Dad?"
"Isn't that a good thing? Han Shu, Mom didn't want to say this, thinking that you would become sensible and stop making mistakes as you grow up. Don't disappoint your father and me again and again!" Sun Jinling said earnestly.
“But since you know about the past, you clearly know that Ju Nian did nothing wrong.” Han Shuyou said in disbelief.
"Do I have to say it again? Even if I admit she's a good girl like you say, so what? What's done is done, and her past is a fait accompli. What is prison? It's a melting pot, where white turns black and black becomes even blacker. She can't be the same as before. Getting close to her will only bring you trouble. You can find all sorts of people you want, so why do you keep falling for her charms? I remember you're a perfectionist; there are many ways to make it up to her..."
"Then let's start by saving that child, Mom. I'm begging you, her child is my child!"
"Impossible, your child..."
"What?"
“It’s nothing.” Sun Jinling then said in an almost pleading tone, “Han Shu, wake up, especially now. Your father is already annoyed enough. Don’t push him to the brink at this critical moment. Do you think he has too long to live? You can tell me about these things, and I will try my best to arrange the child’s surgery, but don’t mention these things in front of your father!”
Han Shu nodded. "Okay, I won't mention it. But he'll find out sooner or later." He paused, then gave a muffled laugh. "You just said I'm a perfectionist, and I guess so. I learned that from my father. But you don't know how many times he's broken and repaired that enamel mug he's used since his wedding, yet he still loves it and refuses to replace it. Do you know why? Because every single scar on it was caused by his own hands. It's the same for Ju Nian. If she's not perfect, then every reason is related to me. Her imperfection is my imperfection."
Chapter Sixteen: How Can One Have a Home?
Ju Nian saw off the teachers and student representatives who came to visit Fei Ming at the hospital, feeling quite helpless. They came with good intentions, but they weren't even allowed into the ward. Ever since Fei Ming learned that her teachers and classmates were coming to see her, she had been crying incessantly, vehemently rejecting the visit. Ju Nian had no choice but to see them off with deep regret.
When the little boy named Li Te from the class left, he was reluctant to part. He even held Ju Nian's hand and asked, "Auntie, can I just look at Xie Feiming for a moment? I can look at her after she falls asleep." Ju Nian knew that Feiming had always longed for the attention of this smart and handsome boy. If Feiming saw herself as Snow White, then Li Te was undoubtedly her Prince Charming. However, Ju Nian also knew that at this moment, Li Te was precisely the person Feiming least wanted to see.
"Wouldn't it be nice if your teacher and classmates talked to you? Maybe Li Te could even give you some extra lessons," Ju Nian later said to Fei Ming.
Fei Ming leaned against the hospital bed and shook her head very slowly. In less than half a month since being admitted to the hospital, she had lost a lot of weight. Despite the hospital's best efforts to treat her, her headaches and spasms became more and more frequent, accompanied by vomiting and general fatigue and weakness. Her already small face had become shockingly thin, and on her pale face, only her large eyes stood out, and the youthful vitality in those eyes was slowly being worn away by the pain.
"Auntie, do you really believe I can go back to school?"
Fei Ming didn't show much expression when she said this. Perhaps only Ju Nian was sad. She tried so hard to hide it, just to make the child happy. However, Fei Ming's sensitivity and precociousness made this well-intentioned lie as easily broken as a tattered window paper in the wind. Even if she didn't fully know the cause of her illness, she definitely understood that being in the hospital was not just a small accident.
What's puzzling is that Fei Ming is extremely resistant to visits from her teachers and classmates, but she repeatedly mentions Xie Maohua and his wife, Xie Wangnian, who have only visited her once.
"My in-laws said they would come to see me again, and so did my brother-in-law. Why haven't they come yet? Will my mother-in-law bring me her homemade chicken soup again?"
Ju Nian didn't know how to answer. She could say that her "parents-in-law" and "uncle" were temporarily unavailable, but Fei Ming's days in the hospital were numbered, and how long could she keep up the lie? Yet, how could she tell Fei Ming that they couldn't help her uncle get a permanent position, so her parents-in-law would never come again? It seemed that any answer would only make Fei Ming more upset.
So, Ju Nian could only silently stew chicken soup for Fei Ming herself. She clearly remembered that her mother's cooking skills were not very good, but no matter how many methods or how much heat she used, Fei Ming always said that it tasted a bit bland. The child still missed her "mother-in-law's" chicken soup.
“You’ve barely met your parents-in-law. Do you think your teachers and classmates, whom you spend every day with, are less important than them?” Sometimes, when she had no other choice, Ju Nian would ask Fei Ming this question.
Fei Ming answered matter-of-factly, saying, "Auntie, how can they be the same? A teacher is a teacher, and a classmate is a classmate, but my parents-in-law and uncle are my family."
Is there a difference?
"Of course, friends, classmates, and teachers will leave, but family will not."
After hearing this, Ju Nian turned her face away and didn't dare to look at Fei Ming for a long time.
Because she knew all too well that no living person could be guaranteed not to leave.
But she couldn't tell Feiming any of this. Feiming was a different child; she craved love and a home so much, her longing for family and reunion bordering on obsession. How could she be blamed? Parents, relatives—these are things she was entitled to, and she had none of them. Don't we all frantically pursue what we've never had? Ju Nian even began to understand that perhaps what Feiming missed wasn't the taste of her grandmother's chicken soup, but the taste of home she imagined. Ju Nian was helpless. She had given Feiming everything she could, but she couldn't give her the taste Feiming craved, because she herself had experienced so little of it.
This sense of helplessness deepened as Fei Ming's condition worsened. Until one day, while Fei Ming was delirious with a persistent low-grade fever, she asked about her name. She said, "Auntie, does 'Fei Ming' mean that I am a child of unknown origin, unwanted by anyone? Is it because I am not good enough that my parents and in-laws don't want me?"
Ju Nian wiped Fei Ming's face with a damp towel, repeatedly saying, "How could this be? How could this be? As long as you are strong, they will definitely come."
Fei Ming said, “Before, every time I woke up and did eye exercises, I would think, ‘Will they appear in front of me this time when I open my eyes?’ But I’ve woken up so many times, done eye exercises so many times, and opened my eyes, but there was nothing there. I know they can’t come. Aunt, if I die, will the child without a home be alone in another world? I’m afraid of being alone.”
Even though Ju Nian had become indifferent to many things, tears still welled up in her eyes at this moment. But she couldn't cry in front of Fei Ming. After Fei Ming fell into a deep sleep, she fled the ward as if escaping, hiding alone at the end of the corridor, bending over and breathing heavily. It was just a home, such an insignificant request. So many people were eager to break free from the constraints of home, while some couldn't even get what they wanted. How could she give Fei Ming a home?
Han Shu seemed to have encountered a rather difficult case, and he had been working day and night these days. He would often visit Fei Ming before the hospital ward's nighttime curfew, sometimes even after Fei Ming had fallen asleep, and he would quietly stay with her for a while. Each time he left, he would leave a different little toy by Fei Ming's bedside.
Ju Nian was exhausted. Several times, she dozed off against the bedside table, not even realizing when Han Shu left. Only once did she feel Han Shu gently drape the blanket over her, and his hand, very lightly covering hers. Ju Nian held her breath, quietly waiting for him to leave. But for a long, long time, so long that she was almost drifting into another dream, his hand remained cautious, neither caressing nor grasping, not even daring to move, like a feather floating on her hand, only its warmth real. Until Ju Nian pretended to doze off and subtly shifted her body, silently withdrawing her hand, he remained silent for a while. Soon, the ward door creaked open and closed slightly, and the footsteps gradually faded away.
Tang Ye's office was quite close to the hospital, so it was easier for him to come. When he was there, Fei Ming would always blink, look at Uncle Tang, and then at her aunt. She looked like a shrewd old woman, as if she knew everything, but in fact she knew nothing.
Ju Nian had been thinking about repaying Tang Ye for the money he had advanced to the hospital. For Fei Ming's illness, she had already used money from Han Shu's bank account. Whether it was intentional or not, she and Han Shu had far too many entanglements. Between her and Han Shu, Han Shu and Wu Yu, Wu Yu and Fei Ming, who owed whom was impossible to calculate. It was already complicated enough; Tang Ye shouldn't get involved any more. Just then, Ping Feng repaid Ju Nian some money, and with some spare change she had, she planned to give it to Tang Ye when he came to the hospital. But Tang Ye didn't show up for those few days.
Beside Fei Ming's pillow was a copy of "The Sorrows of Young Werther," a gift from Tang Ye. Every time Tang Ye came over, he would read her a long passage. Fei Ming waited for the story to continue, so she asked, "Does Uncle Tang have to work overtime like Uncle Han? They're not colleagues, so why are they both so busy?"
On the winter solstice, Ju Nian received a call from Tang Ye. If the caller ID hadn't clearly displayed the other party's name, Ju Nian would have almost been unable to recognize that the hoarse voice belonged to Tang Ye.
Tang Ye only inquired about Fei Ming's well-being over the phone, exchanging a few brief words, pausing several times to cough. Ju Nian then remembered that his previous severe cold hadn't fully healed, the illness lingering and recurring, and this time it seemed to be getting worse. She thanked Tang Ye for his concern and couldn't help but ask, "Are you alright?"
Tang Ye said with a wry smile that it was nothing serious, but he blamed himself for not taking the cold seriously in its early stages. He didn't expect it to get so serious now that he couldn't go to work for two consecutive days and had been resting at home. However, his fever hadn't gone down.
Ju Nian was also helpless. She wanted to tell him to rest well, but before she could finish speaking, she heard a crisp sound on the other end of the phone. It turned out that Tang Ye had been putting medicine in his mouth while on the phone, and in his dizziness, he even broke his water glass.
Ju Nian immediately became worried and kept asking him if he had been cut by broken glass, but the other party quickly responded with a busy tone, and no one answered when she called back.
Over the years, Ju Nian hadn't made many friends. She believed in the principle that everyone should mind their own business, seek their own happiness, and then everyone would be at peace. But Tang Ye was a good person, one of the few people Ju Nian could feel at ease with. Moreover, he had always taken good care of her and Fei Ming. Now that he was in this state, Ju Nian felt it wouldn't be right to ignore him. It was just past two in the afternoon. Fei Ming was soundly asleep as usual, receiving an IV drip. Ju Nian asked the grandmother of the child in the next bed to look after Fei Ming for a while, and then hurriedly went to Tang Ye's place based on her memory.
The afternoon buses were heavily congested on the main roads, and it was an hour before Ju Nian arrived at Tang Ye's door. Fearing that Tang Ye was busy, she didn't dare to delay and immediately rang the doorbell.
Almost at the same time the bell rang, the door suddenly opened inward. Ju Nian hadn't expected it to happen so quickly, and didn't even have time to retract her hand. However, the young man standing behind the door was not Tang Ye. Ju Nian glanced at him quickly, feeling that he looked somewhat familiar, but couldn't remember where she had seen him before.
Thinking he was Tang Ye's friend, she felt relieved and smiled, intending to greet him so she could rush back to the hospital if he was alright. Unexpectedly, the man narrowed his eyes and scrutinized her for a long time, his expression gradually turning cold as he realized something. His gaze made Ju Nian feel uneasy, and before she could react, he casually pushed open the half-closed door, revealing Tang Ye leaning wearily against a single sofa.
"So that's how it is..." The man pushed up his tortoiseshell glasses, a strange smile playing on his lips. "Well, Tang Ye, well, you're really something..."
As the man's gestures and that familiar, indifferent gaze appeared, Ju Nian's memories gradually returned. She remembered that night when she first met Tang Ye, hadn't she also run into this man by chance? She still remembered their shadowy figures entangled and tearing at each other in the dark, a feeling that made her feel awkward, as if she had once again appeared at the wrong time, intruding on someone's most private privacy.
Upon hearing the commotion at the door, Tang Ye sat up from the sofa and saw Ju Nian standing timidly outside. A glimmer of light appeared in his eyes. He seemed not to have heard the man's words and stood up on his own, saying with a hint of surprise, "Ju Nian, what brings you here?"
"Uh... the call suddenly dropped. I was worried something might have happened to you, so I came to check on you. I'm glad you're alright. I'll be going now. You should get some rest..." Ju Nian said hurriedly before leaving this troublesome place.
"Wait." She hadn't expected Tang Ye to stand up and ask her to stay. After all, she knew about their past, and he was indeed very concerned about it, so his urgency at that moment puzzled her.
"Ju Nian, you don't need to rush off," Tang Ye said.
Ju Nian seemed to hear a cold laugh, and her scalp tingled. She really didn't want to get involved in other people's troubles, but things just didn't go as planned.
She didn't answer, and the three of them seemed to have reached a stalemate. However, even through her glasses, the anger, suspicion, and condescending aloofness in the man's eyes still made her extremely uncomfortable. She could even understand how he felt. She thought he would explode on the spot, but he just glanced back at Tang Ye and said calmly, "Why are you acting like this? I was planning to leave anyway."
This man actually had a handsome face and a very pleasant voice. Even when he was extremely angry, he still gave people an inexplicable sense of composure. He seemed to be a natural persuader, making him hard to resist. However, Tang Ye seemed to be an exception.
Tang Ye said, "Please leave me your house key before you leave."
In that moment of stillness, Ju Nian lowered her head, focusing on her inner thoughts. After a long while, she heard the crisp sound of a metal key falling onto the stone floor. The person brushed past her, and they never spoke again.
The man left, and Ju Nian hesitated before entering Tang Ye's residence. As she passed the key to the door, she bent down, picked it up, and placed it on Tang Ye's coffee table. The house was vastly different from when she last visited; its former tidiness and comfort had been replaced by a mess. Sure enough, near the sofa, there was a large patch of broken glass that no one had cleaned up.
"Thank you for coming to see me." Tang Ye tried to stand up to pour water for Ju Nian, but he swayed and was stopped by Ju Nian.
"Sit still and don't move. Have you seen a doctor?"
Tang Ye leaned back on the sofa and nodded. "I didn't expect a little cold to be so bad. It's alright, I'll be fine after lying down." He closed his eyes, and his slightly pale face made his features appear even more sparse.
“Even a minor cold can lead to pneumonia. Why can’t you take better care of yourselves?” Ju Nian said as she walked over to Tang Ye and reached out to check his temperature on his forehead. Fortunately, it wasn’t too hot.
Only when she touched Tang Ye's heart did Ju Nian realize the abruptness of her actions. She so habitually and skillfully complained about him, cared for him—this feeling was familiar yet distant, as if it had been repeated countless times in her memory. She was confused; perhaps just a second ago, she had completely forgotten who was standing before her.
She quickly withdrew her hand, and when Tang Ye opened his eyes and looked at her, she stammered, "Did the doctor prescribe your medicine? Have you had lunch yet?"
Tang Ye shook his head, "I don't have much of an appetite."
Ju Nian sighed, bent down to pick up the broken glass that could easily cause injury, and finally said, "Let me see what you have to eat."
She walked towards the kitchen, and Tang Ye, who was still drowsy, suddenly said, "I'm sorry."
Ju Nian looked back and said, "What nonsense are you talking about?"
Tang Ye forced a smile. "I mean, I'm really happy you came."
Ju Nian found a few eggs in Tang Ye's refrigerator, whisked them into an egg mixture, and steamed them. She also took out a small bowl of rice, just enough to make porridge. Tang Ye was curled up on the sofa, seemingly asleep.
The water had just boiled when the unfamiliar doorbell startled Ju Nian. She remembered her encounter with her aunt at Tang Ye's house last time, and suspected it was the same person who had just returned. She inwardly groaned. She clearly remembered Tang Ye mentioning that outsiders rarely visited his home, but based on her experience, that didn't seem to be the case.
The doorbell rang incessantly, and Ju Nian, not wanting to rush to open the door, stood at the kitchen door and gently called Tang Ye a few times. Tang Ye seemed to have not slept soundly for a long time, and in an uncomfortable position on the sofa, he was fast asleep.
Seeing that he didn't react, Ju Nian had no choice but to wipe the water on her apron, walk to the door, and stand on tiptoe to look out through the peephole.
Just that one glance was enough to make her gasp and involuntarily take two steps back. Although she knew that she could see the other person through the door, but the other person could not see her, she still felt a thin layer of cold sweat seeping out from her back.
Three people stood outside the door, all in uniforms. Ju Nian recognized the dark blue uniforms and the faintly visible badges on their chests; she had seen them more than once on Han Shu, who rushed straight to the hospital after get off work. But what was most terrifying was that the person standing at the front, ringing the doorbell with one hand and fiddling with the brim of his hat with the other—who else could it be but Han Shu?