Heart Dust - Chapter 24
"Students, the excitation or action potential conducted along a nerve fiber is called a nerve impulse... When the excitation of the presynaptic neuron reaches the nerve terminal, the presynaptic membrane depolarizes. When the depolarization reaches a certain level, the voltage-gated Ca2+ channels on the presynaptic membrane open, and extracellular Ca2+ enters the presynaptic terminal..."
Yan Hao stood in front of the mirror, lost in thought. Could it be that the flow of human consciousness could be simply broken down into these action potentials, the flow of neurotransmitters, and the opening and closing of pathways? What's the difference between this and a computer using 1s and 0s to convey information? Is the "self" we perceive simply a synthesis of these consciousnesses—like a conclusion reached by a computer program? Or is this "self" consciousness nonexistent, merely a result of our own consciousness's synthesis and processing? Like "I" being simply the sum of countless 1s, ultimately leading to the conclusion that "I" am "100"—when in fact there is no "100," only countless "1s." The conclusion of "100" is erroneous and nonexistent—though it could also be considered correct. Correct in calculation or logic—but not in fact?!
Yan Hao felt a chill run from his chest down to his back.
Both he and Zhou Yifeng deduced that the problem lay with their own consciousness, their "self." That "self" was no longer the same as before, and the root cause might be a problem with the countless "1s" that make up that "self" or that "100," and with the calculations themselves—their number had increased or decreased, or the calculations were no longer addition, but multiplication, division, and subtraction had been introduced. The resulting "self" was no longer "100," but perhaps a "99," "88"—a different "self"! If Teacher Xia were to explain it—it might be a problem with the opening and closing of channels and the types of neurotransmitters involved in the complex transmission of nerve impulses!
When Yan Hao was about to leave that day, he only asked Zhou Yifeng one question: "Who exactly changed all of this, who changed 'me'?"
Zhou Yifeng sighed and said, "Give me time, and I'll definitely figure it out. I think I need to talk to Teacher Xia first."
The snowflakes were still falling silently. Yan Hao washed his face and returned to the balcony. By this time, the conversation between Li Yuanbin and the other two had shifted from Teacher Xia to the Bundesliga.
Things happened almost one after another.
There were no classes on the morning of the snowy day—it was cold, and the dormitory had no heating—so the four of them simply curled up in their blankets and read their own books.
With only two weeks until the final exams, the atmosphere of impending battle is growing stronger on campus. Classrooms in the teaching buildings have been opened for all night long—everywhere are hard-working students who are terrified of having to repeat a grade and fiercely determined girls who are obsessed with scholarships!
Yan Hao was leaning against the headboard, almost dozing off while reading "Systemic Anatomy," when the 201 telephone hanging by the door rang shrilly.
Li Yuanbin jumped out of bed first, as if by reflex. Seventy percent of the calls to their 406 office came from Ren Xuefei.
"Haozi! It's for you!" Li Yuanbin handed the microphone to Yan Hao, his face full of dejection—he was standing on the ground in shorts, shivering from the cold. Shen Zihan and Liao Guangzhi burst into laughter.
"Oh, it's me... Okay!... I'll be right there!... Good!" After hanging up the receiver, Yan Hao grabbed his clothes and started putting them on.
"Is it the female mouse who wants to mate with you?" Shen Zihan asked with an ambiguous expression.
"Summer! Teacher Xia!" Yan Hao, not bothering to say another word, jumped out of bed and ran outside. He only heard Shen Zihan calling after him, "Grandma, close the door! I'm freezing!"
The snow outside was falling heavily. The roads were quite slippery—Yan Hao almost slipped and fell twice while jogging. Following the directions given by Teacher Xia on the phone, he took a taxi directly to the blood bank in the city center. At the entrance of the blood bank, Xia, wearing a light yellow down jacket, was anxiously stamping her feet and looking around.
"Yan Hao—hurry!" Xia Tian bent down and waved to him through the car window.
After the car came to a stop, she and Yan Hao rushed into the lobby of the blood bank's business building, one after the other.
"Yan Hao, I remember your blood type is O with Rh negative. Is that right?" Teacher Xia said as she hurried along.
"No... oh, it's... what you detected was!"
"It's too late, Yan Hao, I have no choice but to ask you for help!" Xia Tian stopped and turned around to grab Yan Hao's arm.
“Xia, Teacher Xia, please speak slowly.” Yan Hao helped Xia Tian sit down on a bench in the lobby. “A friend of mine was in a car accident just now—the snow was too heavy, and he was riding his bicycle when he was hit by a car! His blood type is O combined with Rh negative. But, but the blood bank only has 400 ml of this rare blood type in stock. The operating room just notified us that they need at least 800 ml of blood.” Xia Tian’s eyes were fixed on Yan Hao, and it was clear that she was extremely anxious!
"You need my blood?"
"You're the only one I could find! He's suffering from severe internal and external bleeding. He's being resuscitated! What do you think, Yan Hao?"
Yan Hao nodded without hesitation. "Okay!"
In the blood collection room, Yan Hao lay down on the hospital bed, his skin was disinfected, and then tape was used to expose the veins in his arm. The nurse's hands were very quick.
Less than forty minutes had passed between Yan Hao leaving his dormitory and the needle being inserted into his arm. Xia Tian, sitting next to Yan Hao, seemed somewhat calmer. No one spoke in the room; only the bright red blood in the blood bag slowly increased.
Yan Hao hadn't eaten breakfast, and after finishing the first 200cc, he felt nauseous and dizzy. The blood bag was quickly moved aside to prepare for the necessary biochemical tests and the addition of anticoagulants. Downstairs, the hospital ambulance was waiting.
The first blood bag was barely full when the second one was already being used.
"No, let's rest for a while!" Xia Tian stopped the nurse's hand.
"The patient is in danger. If we wait any longer, it will be too late," the young nurse, wearing a large mask, said in a muffled voice.
"Teacher Xia, it's alright, I'm perfectly healthy. Go ahead and smoke!"
Xia Tian hesitated, as if she wanted to say something but then stopped. She took out a handkerchief and wiped the cold sweat from Yan Hao's forehead.
The second 200cc blood bag began. The blood in the bag was gradually increasing, but Yan Hao's head was getting heavier and heavier. He started to feel a throbbing pain in his scalp.
"Hang in there, you must hang in there!" He clenched his fist tightly as the nurse instructed. His heart was gradually racing.
Xia Tian seemed to sense his discomfort. She asked anxiously, "Yan Hao, are you alright?" Yan Hao suddenly felt that the face looking down at him was so kind, so familiar. He slowly shook his head. "I'm fine, let's continue."
Xia Tian said, "If you're not feeling well, just say so." Yan Hao kept his eyes closed and didn't say a word. He felt his eyelids were too heavy!
Yan Hao turned his head, saw that the second bag was almost full, and said softly, "Draw a little more, so we can have some left over." Xia Tian stopped the nurse's hand. She said firmly, "No, he looks very weak. We have to stop." The nurse glanced at her, pulled out the needle, and put a bandage on the injection site.
"Thank you! Thank you so much, Yan Hao." Xia Tian bent down.
Yan Hao knew that donating so much blood wouldn't make him feel comfortable. His whole body felt limp like a marshmallow, and his eyelids felt like they were weighed down by dozens of pounds of stones. "It's okay, Teacher Xia, it'll be over in a bit," he said with difficulty.
In a daze, he saw Teacher Xia's face sometimes near and sometimes far from him. He saw her moving lips, her flowing black hair, and her slender eyebrows and eyes. But he couldn't hear what she was saying. He only felt a warmth, and he felt he should do this.
He also remembered what Teacher Xia had said: besides him, there was another person with Rh-negative blood. But that person was dead—could that person be the one in the photo?—he had a gut feeling that was—but now, thankfully, he was there; otherwise, Teacher Xia's friend would have died.
He suddenly felt a strange sense of relief. He had been unhappy all semester because of those strange things that tormented him—but now, even as he bled, he felt what happiness was. He realized that being able to help others was truly a joyful thing!
Then he heard Teacher Xia's voice. "Yan Hao, are you feeling better?"
Yan Hao turned his head slightly and forced a smile.
But the blood draw was only paused for ten minutes when the blood bank staff rushed into the blood collection room and whispered to Xia Tian, "Not enough! We need another 200cc."
Xia Tian glanced outside, then at Yan Hao, unsure what to do. She pursed her lips, twisting the handkerchief in her hand repeatedly.
"Go ahead and smoke... it's okay..." Yan Hao's voice was so low it was almost inaudible. His face and lips were pale.
The needle pierced his arm again.
Xia Tian covered her mouth with a handkerchief. She stared intently at Yan Hao lying on the bed. Her cheeks trembled slightly, and her eyes were filled with tears.
Blood was slowly seeping from Yan Hao's body. Just as the third 200cc vial was about to fill up, his breathing suddenly became rapid, and his chest heaved violently. Then his head lolled to the side, and he knew nothing more.
"Yan Hao—" Xia Tian cried out in alarm. "Doctor—Quick, doctor—"
Yan Hao didn't hear it. A moment later, he felt his body float up, and in the distance, there was endless light... He saw many people... Xia Tian, the person in the photo, Zhou Yifeng, Shen Zihan, they were waving to him...
When Yan Hao woke up, he was lying in another clean hospital room. Yan Hao slowly opened his eyes and saw Teacher Xia Tian. There were also Shen Zihan and the other two.
"How is he? Was he successfully rescued?" Yan Hao asked in a low voice.
"Haozi, your mother's awake! You're finally awake!" Shen Zihan was the first to excitedly rush to his side, her eyes glistening with tears.
"He's alright, Yan Hao. He was successfully rescued. Thanks to you." Teacher Xia's voice was choked with emotion.
"Go take care of him! My classmate is here. I'm fine. It's just that I didn't eat breakfast..." Yan Hao forced a smile, but he didn't even have the strength. His voice was barely audible.
"Don't say anything, just lie down. You need to rest well if you have hypoglycemic syncope—you're still on an IV drip!" She had never spoken to Yan Hao so kindly since he started dealing with Teacher Xia Tian.
Li Yuanbin stood beside him and gave him a thumbs up. Then the three of them unanimously asked Teacher Xia to go ahead and attend to her own business, saying they would take care of Yan Hao.
"Well then, I'll go check on you first! Yan Hao, the doctor said you should stay here for three days for observation. Get some rest, I'll come see you later..." Under Yan Hao's gaze, Teacher Xia Tian left the ward, turning back every few steps.
Yan Hao wanted to raise his hand to say goodbye, but felt as if his hand was being weighed down by a jack.
"Haozi, my goodness, you actually infused 600 milliliters! A normal person would be lucky to infuse 200 milliliters! You almost died trying to save her boyfriend's life!" Liao Guangzhi said with a mournful face, his thick lips trembling.
"No wonder Haozi said that the human body has twenty or thirty liters of blood when answering Teacher Xia's question last time. He was just showing off then." Shen Zihan started to act silly again.
A slight smile appeared on Yan Hao's lips. "It's only right..." He was so sleepy that he closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep again.
The sky outside the window darkened. Yan Hao had no idea that he had been unconscious for the entire afternoon.
Heart Dust, Part Seven
The snow stopped the next morning. The bright sun peeked out. When Teacher Xia came to Yan Hao's ward again, Liao Guangzhi was yawning alone at the foot of the bed.
"Hello, Teacher Xia!" Liao Guangzhi stood up unsteadily to greet her.
Are you alone here?
“Yes, we’ll take turns taking care of him!” Liao Guangzhi said wearily, rubbing his eyes.
"Go back and review your lessons. You have an exam coming up. I'll stay here this morning." Teacher Xia patted Liao Guangzhi on the shoulder. Her tone left no room for argument.
After seeing Liao Guangzhi off, Xia Tian sat down by the hospital bed. Yan Hao was still asleep, his face still pale. Xia Tian looked at him with some heartache—after all, he was an eighteen or nineteen-year-old boy, at the age when he was still growing! The food at school couldn't be good, and drawing so much blood at once was truly difficult for him!
Thinking of this, Xia Tian felt a pang of sadness. She took out the hot milk she had bought for Yan Hao, along with various breakfast items, and started peeling an apple.
Yan Hao was sleeping on his side facing inwards, but suddenly he turned over and lay on his back.
Summer put down the fruit knife, bent down and tucked the blanket around him.
Suddenly, Yan Hao reached out and grabbed her wrist.
"Ji Hong... Ji Hong..." Yan Hao uttered in a hoarse, dreamlike voice.
Summer's face turned pale instantly. Her heart began to race.
"What...what do you want, Yan Hao?" Her hand, which was being held by Yan Hao, froze.
"Ji Hong...don't leave me...don't leave me..." Yan Hao gripped her wrist even tighter.
It took Xia Tian a lot of effort to calm herself down. She was a medical student and not a timid person.
She gently patted Yan Hao's chest with her free hand, murmuring softly, "I won't leave... I won't leave... You... go to sleep..."
As she murmured, Yan Hao slowly loosened his grip on her wrist, though he still held on tightly.
At the hospital bedside, Xia Tian's mind was in turmoil.
For so many years, she hadn't heard that name again. Those words represented the past and bore witness to the wounds—which she had buried deep within herself—a part of her stubborn heart that she never wanted to touch again—a part too fragile and too tender—to be touched, and it would cause excruciating pain!
So she threw it away. Along with it, she also threw away her youth and endless sorrow!
Her name is now Summer—taking her mother's surname. This vibrant name is more sunny, energetic, and suits her personality better.
But now, this student, whom she didn't know very well, called her by that name! And only the last two characters of her name—back then, only close friends would call her that.
She was certain that what she heard wasn't Yan Hao's voice at all. It was "his" voice.
Has "he" returned? Or is it just her hallucination—she's been utterly exhausted these past two days!
She was utterly confused and deeply saddened. She tried to pry Yan Hao's hand off—a gesture that made her feel incredibly awkward—from being held by a male student.
But as she tried to do so, Yan Hao seemed to sense something and suddenly grabbed her outstretched hand with his other hand. Xia Tian's hands were tightly held by Yan Hao. He pulled Xia Tian forcefully into his arms, and Xia Tian, caught off guard, fell halfway down onto Yan Hao.
Summer cried out, "Ah!" The sound wasn't loud, but it was filled with panic.
Yan Hao's hands had already left her wrists, but he groped for her shoulders and began to sob softly.
"Ji Hong... Ji Hong... Are you alright... Are you okay..." Yan Hao's low, suppressed sobs echoed in the ward. His head rested on Xia Tian's shoulder. His body trembled violently. His face was covered in tears.
She didn't know what to do—facing this student who had once saved her lover. While patting his back to comfort him, she secretly tried to break free from this "embrace."