San San's mother laughed heartily, saying it was just a matter of adding a pair of chopsticks, a few more bites wouldn't make a difference, and that Chen Yunqi should never listen to Tang Yutao and should come more often in the future. San San understood the implication; Tang Yutao must have noticed the connection between him and Chen Yunqi. Feeling somewhat embarrassed, he turned and walked outside, saying he was going to check if the rooster in the yard had flown over the wall again to bully other people's hens.
Song Feifei sat on the straw mat, opened her backpack, and took out the gifts she had brought for Sheng Xiaoyan one by one. Just as she was about to unwrap them and show them to her, she looked up and saw the little girl sitting there with her head down and her face flushed. She immediately scolded her, "Why are you shy with me?"
The food was served, and everyone sat around the table warmly. Sheng Xiaoyan, seemingly oblivious to the empty seat next to Chen Yunqi, circled around and sat down next to Song Feifei. She glanced at Tang Yutao, who was chattering incessantly beside Song Feifei, thinking to herself, "That ugly man is so unrestrained! Making such jokes about her and Teacher Chen! What son-in-law? She's still young, she won't be able to get married for several more years!" She felt both ashamed and angry, and afraid of being discovered, she lowered her head and ate silently.
San San was the last to sit down at the table, naturally taking his seat next to Chen Yunqi. Sheng Xiaoyan glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, then at Chen Yunqi, silently comparing her brother to Teacher Chen in her mind. She felt that her brother's good looks were too feminine and delicate, lacking masculinity, unlike Teacher Chen, who was not only tall and handsome but also possessed a unique charm that she couldn't quite describe.
Even sitting down, her brother was half a head shorter than Teacher Chen. He would occasionally put food on Chen Yunqi's plate, and when Chen Yunqi spoke, he would turn his head to look at him attentively. In terms of presence, she felt that her brother was like a little lamb, while Chen Yunqi was like a big lion.
Sheng Xiaoyan couldn't help but let her mind wander. Sheng Lanlan from Group Two and Sheng Xiaohui from Group Five both got married at sixteen, and the men they married were nowhere near as good as one of Teacher Chen's. If it were Teacher Chen... it wouldn't matter whether she continued her studies or not, right? After all, Teacher Chen was educated; maybe he'd allow her to get married and study at the same time...
She was so distracted during the meal that she didn't hear a word anyone said.
San San's father wasn't home tonight; he went up the mountain to burn charcoal with Sheng Xueli.
Unauthorized charcoal burning easily causes forest fires, which is strictly prohibited by the state. Although Tianyun Village is remote and difficult to monitor, fire is a major hidden danger that cannot be ignored. The village chief's family, as an example, was the first to pay for charcoal. He spared no effort in promoting disaster prevention awareness, and everyone understood the principles, but the fact remained that they couldn't afford it. Charcoal burning persisted despite repeated bans, and he, being powerless, could only turn a blind eye.
Not daring to burn charcoal openly, they would close their doors and burn their own charcoal, or two families with close personal ties would go together to burn charcoal. Burning charcoal was a hard and dangerous job; one had to endure the bitter cold and also be wary of attacks from wild boars in the deep mountains.
There are many ways to make charcoal, but the most common method used by people in the mountains is the "kiln firing method." First, they find a barren spot on the mountaintop, cut down trees to expose an open space, dig a pit about five or six square meters deep to make a kiln, put the felled wood into the kiln and ignite it. After the wood has burned until it is red-hot and carbonized, they seal the kiln with sand to block the air and smother the fire. After cooling, what is dug out is charcoal.
Chen Yunqi felt that it sounded the same as when he was a child, roasting sweet potatoes in wood ash.
San San's father has been gone for a week, and by now the charcoal should be burned up. In a couple of days, San San and her mother will go up the mountain to carry the burned charcoal back. Upon hearing this, Chen Yunqi volunteered to help. Before San San could dissuade him, San San's mother said, "That's great! We were just worried about not having enough people. Otherwise, it would take several days to carry it all back."
So Chen Yunqi made an appointment with her to set off together to carry charcoal three days later.
He noticed that San San seemed hesitant to speak, and he wanted to ask her something, but San San's mother toasted him, so he had no choice but to drink the wine in his glass in one gulp.
After having a few drinks with them, San San's mother went to rest. Sheng Xiaoyan wanted to stay with them a little longer, but San San's mother told her that children shouldn't listen to adults. Before going to sleep, she reluctantly hugged Song Feifei, crying and laughing at the same time. Song Feifei kept assuring her that she would come back to see her whenever she had time, and that she would take her to Beijing after her high school entrance exam. Only then did she manage to calm the crying girl down and get her to sleep.
When Song Feifei drank, she completely abandoned any ladylike demeanor. It was rare for her to drink so freely, and she was also reunited with everyone after a long separation. Unfortunately, she couldn't hold her liquor and quickly became quite drunk. At her urging, Tang Yutao also drank quite a bit, hugging Li Hui and calling him "brother" affectionately.
Chen Yunqi had been very restrained with his drinking lately, and no matter whose house he went to, no matter how much they urged him to drink, he would try his best to refuse. But today was a special day. Not only did he have many insights, but the invisible barrier between him and San San seemed to have been broken down. He got a little carried away and drank several glasses with Song Feifei.
Song Feifei leaned on the table, propping her chin up with one hand, tilting her head to look at Chen Yunqi. Watching him readily down a glass of wine, she asked, "Teacher Chen, do you like it here?"
Without hesitation, Chen Yunqi replied, "Yes, I like it. I really want to stay."
Song Feifei smiled, poured him another full glass, and gently clinked her own glass against his. "I'm glad you like it. If you like it, don't miss out!"
Chen Yunqi's hand holding the cup froze in mid-air. He turned his head and frowned at Song Feifei, his mind blank, seemingly not understanding what she meant.
Song Feifei drank first as a sign of respect, and then said, "You know what I'm talking about, right?" She turned to look at the two older teenagers huddled together beside her, so drunk they couldn't even remember their own names, and then, no longer holding back, lowered her voice and said, "I heard everything from Tang Yutao, about you and San San." She raised an eyebrow, "San San is also a child with a hard life. If you like him, be brave. I know this road will definitely be full of difficulties, but as long as you love him enough, everything will be alright."
Chen Yunqi understood now. He put down his wine glass, lowered his eyes, and remained silent for a long time before finally saying with some distress, "I...I don't know..."
San San went to boil water. Song Feifei, having drunk some wine, became impatient. Seeing Chen Yunqi's clueless expression, she asked somewhat irritably, "What don't you know?"
"I don't know if I... am..."
"Don't you know if you're gay?" Song Feifei seemed unable to tolerate Chen Yunqi's hesitant, toothpaste-like stammering, and simply spoke bluntly, "No one is born knowing their sexual orientation! Everyone only finds out when they meet someone they like! What are you afraid of, a grown man like you!" She became more and more angry as she spoke, "What an idiot!"
The alcohol was taking effect, and Chen Yunqi got angry. He rubbed his face, trying to bring his numb nerves back to life, and said somewhat irritably, "What difference does it make whether I am or not? I don't know, and I can't say no. The people who raised me from childhood will not accept or allow me to be one!"
He rarely got angry, but when he did, he was quite intimidating. Song Feifei fell silent, glaring at him with a fierce expression, her eyes showing no fear. Chen Yunqi felt uneasy under her gaze, turning his head away and saying helplessly in a low voice, "If I were... what have I done all these years for Xiaosong..."
"What do you mean by 'tightening or loosening'? I don't understand," Song Feifei said, seeing that his previous momentum had completely vanished. "I can't stand men like you who are all sanctimonious and think you have principles and integrity, but you're just cowards!"
She slammed her wine glass down on the table, stood up, and left. As she brushed past San San, who had just returned to the room with a kettle, she gave him a meaningful look, tossed out a "He's not worth your affection!", and went straight to Sheng Xiaoyan's room without looking back.
San San stared blankly at her departing figure, then turned to look at the three people inside the room, who were drunk and staggering. Without thinking too much, she quickly opened the thermos and poured water for them to drink.
Chen Yunqi remained seated, his mind replaying Song Feifei's words, feeling a burning sensation in his chest with nowhere to escape. San San sat down beside him, gently pushing a glass of water towards him, tentatively asking, "Brother? Are you alright? Would you like some water?"
Chen Yunqi suddenly turned his head, his bloodshot eyes staring straight at him with a fierce look, as if he wanted to devour him whole. San San felt uneasy and sat motionless, waiting for Chen Yunqi to speak.
Chen Yunqi opened his mouth again and again, but before he could say anything, his phone on the table rang.
With the phone pointed directly at San San, he subconsciously looked down and clearly saw a text message notification on the screen from someone named "Xiao Song".
The message is very short, so short that there's no need to click to view the details.
Merry Christmas. I miss you.
A note from the author:
--- "The night is long and dreams are many, so you'd better not think of me." This is from the song "Don't Think of Me" (by Hebe Tien). The original line is "The night is long and dreams are many, so you'd better not think of me." "The Ocean of Grace (Even If I'm Still Weak)" by the Joshua Band is a very nice song; you can search for it and give it a listen. I have a cold and a headache...
Chapter Twenty-Four: Carrying Charcoal
A wave of nausea washed over Chen Yunqi, who suddenly stood up, staggered to the courtyard gate, grabbed a large tree, and began to vomit.
San San followed him out, supporting him with one hand and stroking his back with the other. He was still thinking about the text message on Chen Yunqi's phone, that ambiguous greeting—it didn't seem like something from an ordinary friend. His intuition told him that Xiao Song and Chen Yunqi likely had an unusually close relationship.
He felt a pang of sadness; he wanted to ask, but didn't know where to begin. Chen Yunqi was too drunk to ask these questions now.
But when is the right time? And why should he ask that?
Chen Yunqi still retained a sliver of consciousness. Not wanting San San to see him in such an embarrassed state, he hung his head, turned his back, and mumbled, "San San, you go back first... I'm fine..."
San San knew Chen Yunqi was concerned about his image, but she was also worried about leaving him alone, so she took a few steps back and stood watching him. In case Chen Yunqi lost his balance and fell, she could help him up in time.
Chen Yunqi vomited until he felt better, and the fever subsided. With San San's help, he walked weakly back into the house, sat on a straw mat, and slowly drank water.
The current situation left San San somewhat at a loss. All three of them were drunk, and he couldn't carry them back to school one by one. So he helped Tang Yutao and Li Hui into the house, and it took a lot of effort to get them to fall asleep. Then he helped Chen Yunqi onto his bed, brought him hot water to wash his hands and face.
A warm towel gently caressed his cheeks, making Chen Yunqi feel very comfortable. He opened his eyes and said to San San, "San San, I prepared a gift for you. It's still at school. I want to go get it for you."
San San sat on the edge of the bed, stunned by what he heard, clutching the towel and staring blankly at Chen Yunqi. Chen Yunqi casually flicked his nose with his index finger, then wearily rubbed his temples, opened his eyes again, and tried to put on a relaxed expression, saying, "I wanted to bring it to you, but there were too many people tonight, so I was too embarrassed."
He was feeling really dizzy and uncomfortable, so he said, "Wait for me to rest for a while, then we can go back and get it together, okay?"
San San pursed her lips, bent down to wet the towel, wrung it out, and then wiped behind his ears and neck. "It's alright, you can get it tomorrow. You should lie down and rest now."
Chen Yunqi closed his eyes and frowned. "That won't do. If we wait any longer, Christmas will be over."
Seeing his earnest expression, which resembled that of a child, San San didn't argue further. Instead, she raised a hand and gently patted his chest to help him catch his breath, saying, "Okay."
Chen Yunqi, like a drunken cat, was so comfortable being stroked by San San that he unconsciously drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up again, it was already the next morning.
Everyone stayed overnight at San San's house last night. Song Feifei and Sheng Xiaoyan hadn't gotten up yet. Tang Yutao, however, woke up and found Li Hui lying next to him, disheveled and reeking of alcohol. He jumped up and rushed out of the house, collapsing onto the straw mat with a splitting headache and groaning.
San San's mother cooked noodles for everyone to sober up. As Chen Yunqi ate, he kept stealing glances at San San, who was also eating noodles next to him. He desperately tried to recall how he had fallen asleep last night, whether he had slept with San San, why he hadn't noticed anyone beside him all night, and whether he had snored, ground his teeth, or talked in his sleep... If he had, had San San noticed? Would she start to dislike him from now on?
He vaguely remembered that he had promised to go back to school to get a gift for San San before going to sleep, but now he had completely missed the deadline, and he felt extremely frustrated.
After breakfast, he rushed back to class. Tang Yutao was going to escort Song Feifei down the mountain, and Li Hui wouldn't wake up until evening, so Chen Yunqi and Teacher Sheng would cover the morning classes.
Song Feifei went back to school to pack her things. Chen Yunqi stood at the classroom door watching her say a reluctant goodbye to the children, and he cried his eyes out.
Tang Yutao carried her bag, and she followed behind him, wiping away her tears. She turned back every three steps and waved every five steps until her petite figure gradually disappeared at the end of the path.
During his lunch break, Chen Yunqi returned to his room and found that Song Feifei had made the bed neatly. There was a piece of fruit candy on the desk, with a note underneath. He picked up the candy, unwrapped it, and put it in his mouth. He then sat down at the desk and silently read the few lines of elegant handwriting on the note.
"Teacher Chen, I'm so sorry about last night. I said something inappropriate after drinking. Please forgive me. On behalf of the children in the mountains, I would like to thank you for coming. I sincerely hope that you, a kind and brave person, will get what you want. Take care, and I hope we will meet again someday."
Chen Yunqi folded the note and slipped it into a book. The orange-flavored candy in his mouth was cloyingly sweet. Recalling his drunken argument with Song Feifei last night, he chuckled to himself, marveling at Song Feifei's insightful nature. Although it had only been two days since their first meeting, she could see right through him and expose him ruthlessly. In front of Song Feifei, he felt as if he had nowhere to hide.
He sighed. Song Feifei was right. He was really just a hypocritical coward.
He constantly avoids family ties, knows nothing about friendship, dares not face love, and has no enthusiasm for life. He can't understand what it is about him that makes San San love him or that makes Yu Xiaosong willing to give his all.
He did not reply to Yu Xiaosong's message.
He had drunk too much last night and hadn't noticed until he woke up this morning. He hadn't heard from Yu Xiaosong in a long time, and based on his understanding of Yu Xiaosong, he figured Yu Xiaosong had probably spent the night in a bar, karaoke, or nightclub, and had likely drunk quite a bit.
Every Christmas in the past, he had spent with Yu Xiaosong. Yu Xiaosong was a person full of enthusiasm for life, and he would always find new ways to have fun with Chen Yunqi, arranging all sorts of activities. Chen Yunqi preferred quiet, so he would book upscale and secluded restaurants; Chen Yunqi liked music, so he would buy VIP tickets to Christmas concerts in advance. Chen Yunqi had also given in to his persistent pleading and accompanied him to nightclubs, sitting in the corner of the sofa and partying with him until dawn; he had also helped him secretly leave small gifts and notes saying "Merry Christmas" on the doors of all the neighbors on his apartment floor.
Chen Yunqi suddenly felt that he had never despised himself more than he did now. He had once insisted that he was not gay, which deeply hurt Yu Xiaosong, but now he was not only unable to extricate himself from developing strange feelings for another gay friend, but he also did not have the courage to face these feelings. He even used his grandfather's disapproval of his homosexuality as an excuse to try to alleviate his guilt.
Everything was in chaos, a complete mess. For the first time in his life, Chen Yunqi felt like a total bastard, a worthless piece of trash!
He originally wanted to rediscover his life in the mountains, but unexpectedly found himself in another complicated predicament.
Three days later, the day to carry charcoal arrived, but Chen Yunqi caught a severe cold.
He was usually in good health and rarely had headaches or fevers. This time, he got sick after drinking that night, whether it was because he stayed up all night and his resistance was lowered or because he caught a cold in winter. He had to stay in bed for two days with a high fever before it subsided.
On the morning of the third day, he felt a little better, so he got up, dressed, and went to help carry charcoal. Tang Yutao tried to dissuade him, but he said he had already promised and couldn't go back on his word. He knew that carrying charcoal was hard and dangerous, so he insisted on going so that San San could make fewer trips.
Seeing that he couldn't dissuade him, Tang Yutao grumbled as he checked the battery level of Chen Yunqi's flashlight. Before leaving, he put his thick gloves on Chen Yunqi and told him to come back immediately if he couldn't manage, and not to be reckless, as the mountain roads were difficult and there were wild animals, it was no joke.
Chen Yunqi readily agreed and went out the door. When he arrived at San San's house, San San and her mother were already ready to leave. Chen Yunqi smiled and said, "Looks like you're not going to wait for me."
San San knew that Chen Yunqi was ill. When she saw him come, she was surprised and anxious and whispered, "Why aren't you resting? What are you doing here?"
Chen Yunqi's face was still a little pale. He smiled and said, "It's alright, I feel much better after taking the medicine." He frowned and pretended to be blaming San San, staring at her. "If I wasn't coming, I would have told you in advance. If I didn't tell you, I definitely would have come. You have to wait for me."
San San didn't quite grasp the somewhat ambiguous meaning of his words, and still asked with great concern, "Are you really okay?"
Chen Yunqi waved his hand, "It's alright, don't worry. Let's go."
San San had a good grasp of Chen Yunqi's temper, and seeing that he was determined, she didn't try to dissuade him anymore. She picked up her tools and led him up the mountain path.
Tianyun Village is already high in the mountain, but it takes another two hours to reach the summit. The summit is uninhabited and rarely visited, so there are no paths; only experienced guides lead the way. The route to the summit passes through a large forest, where tall, densely packed dead trees make it difficult to discern any trails. The slope is so steep that it's impossible to stand upright; even San San has to frequently grab onto tree trunks for support to move forward. He's also carrying a heavy backpack, and every few steps he has to look back at Chen Yunqi.
Chen Yunqi walked with great difficulty. His cold made him feel dizzy and lightheaded, as if he were walking on cotton. Being tall, he was also very clumsy climbing the slope. He had taken medicine that morning, and now he was sweating from walking. He felt weak all over, as if his nasal cavity was blocked with cement and was being poured into his forehead. His vision was also becoming somewhat blurry.
He stopped under a tree, sat down on the ground, panting heavily, rubbing his temples, and looking uncomfortable.
Seeing that Chen Yunqi looked terrible and seemed to be in pain, San San knew that given his personality, he would never easily show any discomfort unless he was in great pain. He quickly took two steps back, squatted down in front of Chen Yunqi, and asked him with concern how he was feeling.
Chen Yunqi frowned and pursed his lower lip. After a long while, he finally spoke, "San San, I'm sorry, I may not be able to leave."
San San's mother looked back down from a short distance ahead. She didn't dare to shout loudly for fear of attracting wild boars, so she asked in a low voice, "Teacher Chen, can't walk anymore?"
San San waved to her and said, "You go first. I'll take Teacher Chen home and then come after you."
Upon hearing this, San San's mother hurriedly continued upwards. Chen Yunqi panicked, grabbed San San's arm, and pushed him upwards, "Don't worry about me, you go quickly. Don't separate from your mother, it's too dangerous for you to be alone."
San San refused to leave, insisting on escorting Chen Yunqi first. Left with no other option, Chen Yunqi feigned anger, snapping at him, "If you don't leave, I'm really going to get angry! I'll never speak to you again!"
San San looked troubled. He really couldn't bear to leave Chen Yunqi alone here, but he also didn't want to upset him over this little thing, fearing that if Chen Yunqi kept his word, he might really ignore him in the future.
Seeing that he seemed to be softening, Chen Yunqi quickly pressed his advantage, his tone becoming much gentler, "Don't worry, I'll rest here for ten minutes and then slowly go down. We haven't walked far, and we won't get lost following the footprints we came from. There won't be any problem. You trust me, okay?"
The last sentence was a gamble on his trust in her, and sure enough, after hearing it, San San hesitated and said, "Well... okay then... please be very careful. If there's a cell phone signal, have Teacher Tang come to pick you up from the woods..."
Chen Yunqi patted San San on the shoulder and said, trying to sound cheerful, "I know, don't worry. Go after your aunt, and be careful."
He patted the dust off San San's knees and said with a smile, "I wanted to help you, but I ended up being a burden. I'm always so useless in front of you."