The mute man gestured to her a few more times, and she understood. Once inside, she told Chen Yunqi that the lamb probably belonged to the neighbor. She had only heard that morning that their ewe had given birth to a lamb, but the ewe had died shortly afterward.
Newborn lambs have little chance of survival without their mother's care and feeding. There's a saying in rural areas that if a lamb dies within seven days of birth, no grave can be erected for it, no meat can be eaten by the animals, and it must be thrown off a cliff. Seeing that the mother sheep was gone, the family knew the lamb wouldn't survive, so they simply abandoned it outside to fend for itself. Surprisingly, the lamb was incredibly resilient; despite the cold weather, it stubbornly held on and didn't die. Whenever it saw a passerby or animal, it would stagger after them. In the end, only Chen Yunqi stopped for it.
Chen Yunqi felt a pang of sadness upon hearing this. The white lamb, with its two soft, pink ears drooping, was curled up in his arms, looking no bigger than his palm. Because it had been thrown on the ground while still covered in its mother's bodily fluids after birth, and had not been licked by its mother, its soft white wool was now filthy, clumps curled up and covered in mud.
When they first found it, it was shivering from the cold. Chen Yunqi held it and sat by the fire to warm it up. Once the lamb warmed up, it closed its eyes comfortably, its belly rising and falling, and soon it fell asleep.
The mute woman's belly wasn't showing yet, and she was busy cooking under her mother-in-law's direction. The mute mother complained that she was too slow, and while smoking, she scolded her. The new bride looked aggrieved, and the mute man, seeing this, became unhappy and glared at his mother, making the old lady sigh repeatedly that he had forgotten his mother now that he had a wife.
The meal was ready, and Chen Yunqi brought the lamb to the table. He felt sorry for the little creature's tragic fate; it had lost its mother at birth but stubbornly wanted to live, so he took pity on it and decided to try and raise it. The mute mother remembered how he had hesitated to help slaughter a sheep last time, and seeing his distress, she put food in his bowl while advising, "Teacher Chen, this lamb won't live more than two days without its mother's milk! How are you going to raise it? You don't have any milk! Just throw it away so you don't have to watch it die and be heartbroken."
Chen Yunqi held chopsticks in one hand and gently stroked the lamb's head with the other, saying, "After all, it's a little life. It's trying so hard, so I'll give it a try."
Li Hui sneered, squeezing out a "wishful thinking" through gritted teeth. He put down his chopsticks, seemingly waiting for Chen Yunqi's rebuttal, but Chen Yunqi ignored him and turned to ask the mute woman, "Auntie, do you still have any nursing ewes at home?"
“Yes, there are, but these sheep are very strange. They won’t feed any that they didn’t give birth to themselves, and they can smell the smell.” Seeing that Chen Yunqi really wanted to raise them, the mute mother came up with a solution for him. “Why don’t you, Teacher Chen, look for any old baby bottles and get some human milk or formula to feed them?”
Chen Yunqi had never owned a pet before. After Yu Xiaosong moved in with him, he suggested that they get a dog together, but Chen Yunqi said he didn't like the smell of dogs or having something following him around all day. Yu Xiaosong had no choice but to give up in disappointment.
Actually, there's another reason why Chen Yunqi doesn't like pets.
When he was very young, his grandfather bought a carp from the market, intending to save it for his mother and uncle to eat when they came back the next day. The fish was put into Chen Yunqi's large bathtub, and Chen Yunqi moved a small stool to the edge of the tub and played with the fish all day. He observed how the fish swam in the water, watched its mouth open and close to blow bubbles, and felt its wet body slip through his hands. He even had his grandfather make a fishing rod out of sticks and cotton thread, hung his snacks on a hook made of bent wire, and tried to fish in the bathtub, looking quite the part.
Before going to bed, Chen Yunqi said goodnight to the fish and told it that he would come to play with it again in the morning. But the next morning, he rushed to the kitchen in the backyard without even washing his face or brushing his teeth. His grandmother had already gutted and scaled the big carp and was rinsing and cleaning its internal organs.
Little Chen Yunqi was heartbroken because he had lost his playmate. He stood by the pond watching his grandmother prepare the big carp, and cried loudly as he watched.
Grandma was both amused and exasperated, saying that there was nothing special about a carp. If he really liked fish, she could just ask his mother to buy him some pretty little goldfish to raise.
Chen Yunqi cried uncontrollably. He didn't want any other fish, only this big carp. In just one day, he had developed a bond with a single creature and made it his friend. His grandfather wiped away his tears while lamenting that the boy was so stubborn and sentimental, and would surely suffer a lot in the future.
As a child, he didn't understand his grandfather's words. After his grandfather passed away, he gradually learned to avoid unnecessary interactions with people and not to have too many fantasies or expectations about anything. He always told himself, "If I gain something, I am fortunate; if I lose something, it is my fate." He resolutely did not dwell on what he could not keep, and he would never give a second glance to what he could not obtain. He would not "do what he knew was impossible."
Chen Yunqi had always felt that his relationship with Yu Xiaosong was "impossible." But after meeting San San, he overturned his long-held principles. Between him and San San lay mountains of knives and seas of fire, dragon's dens and tiger's lairs; countless unknown situations and difficulties awaited them. He knew very well that his relationship with San San was even more "impossible," a relationship destined to end without fruition. Knowing they would inevitably be condemned and scorned by everyone, even ending up abandoned by all, they still recklessly walked towards each other.
He thought he must have fallen in love with San San, otherwise why would he act so recklessly and emotionally?
Chen Yunqi had drunk quite a bit of wedding wine, which he couldn't refuse, and he was feeling rather upset, so he decided to drown his sorrows in alcohol. Before leaving, he took out a thick red envelope and looked at the four characters "May you have a happy marriage for a hundred years" that he had written on it. Suddenly, he missed San San terribly and wanted to see him immediately, to feel his real presence, and to hear him say something as ethereal as "I will never leave you."
He was holding a sheep in his arms, staggering drunkenly. He accidentally slipped a red envelope into the mute man's hand and kept telling him to cherish the people in front of him, regardless of whether the man understood him or not. He kept saying things like "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may" and "I'd rather be a pair of lovebirds than an immortal."
Although the mute man was uneducated, he couldn't speak, so he just nodded with a simple smile to get by. His wife, however, wasn't mute and stood there blankly, unsure how to respond. Tang Yutao couldn't stand it anymore, so after offering his congratulations, he quickly dragged Chen Yunqi away, sheep and all.
As they approached the school, Chen Yunqi suddenly insisted on going to San San's house. Tang Yutao, seeing that it was getting late, advised him to go tomorrow, but Chen Yunqi, for some reason, insisted on going now. To avoid being discovered by San San's parents, Tang Yutao had no choice but to accompany him and cover for him.
"You son of a bitch, aren't you afraid of getting caught by their parents for having a secret rendezvous in the middle of the night? You'll ruin my reputation too." Tang Yutao complained irritably, shining a flashlight on his hand.
Chen Yunqi didn't even look at him, and said, "You're jealous."
"Damn it." Tang Yutao was speechless after being confronted with those three words. Upon reflection, he realized he might actually be a little jealous. He had been a dashing playboy for decades, yet he was still single, forced to watch others be inseparable, and not only that, but two men at that.
"I advise you to treat me better. I'm the matchmaker for you and San San," Tang Yutao said angrily.
When they reached the door, they realized that San San's family was still awake, with lights faintly on inside. Chen Yunqi took a deep breath to clear his head and knocked on the door with a serious expression.
A moment later, the back door creaked open, and San San, whom he had been longing for, appeared behind it.
San San looked like he had just washed his face; his cheeks were moist and clear, his eyes beneath long eyelashes seemed misty, and his rosy lips and beautifully shaped jawline were also damp. Water droplets still clung to the ends of his hair, strands of his bangs framing his forehead. He wore only a slightly oversized gray hoodie, the collar frayed from washing, revealing a sliver of his collarbone. Hearing the knock, he came out barefoot in white sneakers, his left trouser leg rolled up, a small section of his fair ankle gleaming like jade in the night.
Looking at his beloved, whose features were as beautiful as a painting, Chen Yunqi felt that the only way to describe his current feelings was "blinded by lust".
San San was also surprised by Chen Yunqi's late-night visit. Upon seeing him, her face lit up with joy, and she asked in surprise and delight, "Brother! What brings you here?"
Chen Yunqi swallowed back the wickedness rising in his heart, swallowed hard, put on a mysterious expression, and said nothing. He stepped forward, got close to San San, took one of his hands, and stuffed it into his arms.
San San looked at him with suspicion at first, then her eyes widened. She felt the furry thing between her fingers and in her palm, and for a moment she was afraid and wanted to pull her hand back, but Chen Yunqi held her wrist firmly. He asked softly, "What is it? A rabbit?"
Chen Yunqi grinned foolishly, lifted his coat, and revealed a small lamb.
The lamb, startled by the cold, bleated twice at San San, then buried its head behind Chen Yunqi's elbow. Chen Yunqi smiled at the astonished San San, wrapped the lamb back in his clothes, and said, "Isn't it cute? It's cold outside, don't let it get cold. Come inside and take a look."
San San smiled and said okay, her bright eyes curving into a pair of playful crescent moons.
Tang Yutao was freezing, his snot practically freezing into icicles, but the two of them seemed oblivious to him, preoccupied with exchanging glances. He felt worse off than a sheep; if there were a cliff nearby, he'd want to close his eyes and jump off to end it all.
Upon entering the house, Chen Yunqi discovered that San San's family had guests. He greeted them at the door and saw a hunched old man with a headscarf sitting by the fire pit, smoking and drinking with San San's parents, discussing something.
San San's parents didn't invite him in to sit down, and he knew it was inconvenient, so he just said that he had picked up a little lamb and didn't know how to feed it, and that he could just come and ask San San without disturbing him. Then he went to San San's room.
San San went outside and found an old cardboard box. He lined it with some dry grass and put the lamb inside. The three of them squatted on the ground, standing in a circle, each lost in thought as they looked at the little creature lying in the box. For a long time, no one said a word.
Tang Yutao originally agreed with the mute mother's suggestion. Since they couldn't raise him anyway, they might as well just throw him away. At worst, they could recite some sutras to help him pass on to the afterlife and be reborn as a human as soon as possible.
He could see Chen Yunqi's compassionate heart, and thought that if he really wanted to raise the child, it wasn't impossible. He would take some time in a couple of days to go down the mountain to buy some milk powder, preferably goat milk powder. There was definitely no such thing in town, and it was hard to say in the county. If all else failed, he would ask a friend in City C to buy some and send it over. If this unintentional act could save a life, it would be a good deed.
He then considered that keeping the lamb at the school wasn't suitable. With so many students around, it would be difficult to prevent them from getting handsy, and what if it got killed? Besides, the school didn't usually light fires, and the rooms were terribly cold. It would be better to keep it at San San's house. Not only could the lamb keep warm by the fire, but Chen Yunqi could also use this as an excuse to secretly meet with San San often—a win-win situation!
Tang Yutao's plan was well-thought-out, but if he had mind-reading abilities and discovered that while he was painstakingly making plans for Chen Yunqi, San San, and this little lamb, the two people beside him were thinking something else entirely, he would probably have gone berserk and drawn his sword on the spot...
Chen Yunqi was still drunk and squatted on the ground, glancing at Tang Yutao repeatedly, wondering why this guy was still standing there. He was eager to get closer to San San, as it would be inconvenient if it got any later.
After waiting for a long time without any response from Tang Yutao, he coughed twice and said to Tang Yutao, "Go back and get the thermos to fetch water."
Upon hearing this, Tang Yutai replied without hesitation, "Why are you fetching water? We already fetched some this afternoon, the tank is full, it won't cool down so quickly."
Just as Chen Yunqi was about to lose his temper, San San suddenly stammered, "Teacher Tang, aren't you...going back to pick up Teacher Li...he's probably drunk..."
Tang Yutao was furious. What's going on? I'm not Li Hui's father, so why does everyone assume that I have to pick him up every time he drinks?
He was about to retort when he suddenly noticed Chen Yunqi looking at him with a cold and meaningful expression. Then he saw San San's blushing face and suddenly realized that these two were not thinking about the sheep-raising strategy at all. They were just waiting for him to get lost so as not to delay their love night!
Tang Yutao was furious. He stood up and left, but turned back at the door and pointed at Chen Yunqi's nose, saying, "You just wait and see, you'll be punished by heaven for treating the God of Marriage like this!"
Chen Yunqi had a "whatever, just go" expression on his face, not wanting to see him for even a moment longer.
The door slammed shut, and Chen Yunqi immediately stood up and sat on the bed. He pulled San San over and made her sit on his lap, then embraced and kissed her. He held San San's slender waist with one hand and gently kneaded her cool, soft earlobe with the other. As the kiss became more passionate, the lustful desire from before, fueled by the alcohol, surged back into his heart, making him unbearably hot and restless. He only wanted to bask in the coolness of San San's body.
San San responded gently to his lips and tongue. Chen Yunqi's breath reeked of alcohol, but San San was not only not disgusted, she seemed to be conquered by the strong smell of alcohol mixed with hormones, and had no power to resist except to give and cater to him.
He kissed her until he was completely satisfied, and only when he heard the lamb thrashing around in the cardboard box did Chen Yunqi calm down and separate from the person in his arms. San San's hands were still on his shoulders, her big eyes looking at him with burning passion, and a captivating smile on her glistening lips.
The lamb, which hadn't had any milk since birth, woke up and cried out from hunger. It tumbled out of the cardboard box and shakily moved towards Chen Yunqi's feet. San San bent down and picked up the lamb, and Chen Yunqi, holding both the lamb and the mother, said, "This lamb is so pitiful. I'll try to see if I can raise it."
After thinking for a moment, San San said, "Okay, let's raise them together. We still have half a pack of soy milk at home, let's feed them a little first? Tomorrow we'll try to squeeze some goat milk."
Chen Yunqi nodded, and San San stroked the lamb and said, "What a good little lamb, let's give it a name."
Chen Yunqi couldn't help but chuckle as he reached out and pinched San San's chin, pretending to examine her closely, and said, "She's as well-behaved as you, soft and cuddly, so let's call her Little San San."
Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Fox
The gentle and cuddly San San cradled the lamb in her arms, resting her head on Chen Yunqi's shoulder. Chen Yunqi stroked her head lightly and, emboldened by the alcohol, said, "San San, I want to be with you."
San San raised her head slightly upon hearing this, unable to guess what Chen Yunqi was going to say, and looked at him in confusion, asking, "We're together right now."
Chen Yunqi grasped his hand, pondered for a moment, and then said, "I'm talking about the future, what's to come."
As soon as he finished speaking, San San's bright eyes instantly dimmed. He looked down at the lamb in his arms, and after a long while, he finally spoke, "I don't know what to do next..."
The warm atmosphere was gone, replaced by the sorrow and confusion that had always lingered in their hearts.
Chen Yunqi's heart sank. He had been holding back from explaining things to San San because he was afraid of seeing his expression at this moment.
San San's face was filled with disappointment and helplessness. Chen Yunqi's appearance had rekindled a glimmer of hope in his life, but their forbidden relationship had brought him a huge psychological burden. Falling in love with someone of the same sex was something he had never expected; this love was too heavy for him, so heavy that it overturned his self-perception.
He felt so insignificant, like a leaf in the mountains, a speck of dust. How could he dare to hope for the future? He dared not think about how shocked his parents would be if his affair with Chen Yunqi were exposed, what his mother and Xiaoyan would think of him. His father might fly into a rage and beat him severely, or even lay a hand on Chen Yunqi and drive him out of the village.
He wasn't afraid of being beaten or scolded, but he was afraid of Chen Yunqi getting hurt, afraid of the pain of losing Chen Yunqi right before his eyes. Just thinking about that feeling was heart-wrenching and unbearable.
Chen Yunqi knew what he was thinking; he himself was the same. He was also afraid—afraid that his indulgence in this relationship would lead to irreparable consequences, afraid that San San would be hurt. No matter what happened, he could simply walk away and never have anything to do with her again, but what about San San? Could he leave?
San San never asked Chen Yunqi about his plans, even after they became very close. She never asked him when he would leave. She was so sensible that it was heartbreaking.
Chen Yunqi knew his roots were here. Even if he were to leave and run away with him, his life would be filled with turmoil. He would lose his closest loved ones, lose things that Chen Yunqi could neither give nor replace, and live forever in self-blame and guilt without forgiveness. Could he still be happy? The answer might not be yes, but it was far too cruel to make San San make such a sacrifice for him.
He couldn't bring himself to irresponsibly tell San San, "Come with me, let's leave this place together." All words seemed pale and powerless; it was too difficult. Tang Yutao was right, it was too difficult. All he could do was hold San San tighter, even if they had to separate tomorrow, he wanted to hold her for one more day, one more minute, one more second.
He buried his face in San San's chest and murmured, "My dear San San, I really love you so much... I don't know what's wrong with me, it's like I'm bewitched. I don't even know if I'm still myself..."
San San remained silent for a while. After a long while, Chen Yunqi raised his head, his eyes a little red. He forced a smile and said, "Let's not talk about this anymore. Don't overthink it and get some rest. I have to go too. If we don't feed San San soon, it will starve to death."
San San came to her senses, took out the rest of the soy milk powder, and watched as Chen Yunqi picked up the little lamb along with the cardboard box. She put the soy milk powder into his coat pocket, carefully adjusted his collar, hesitated for a moment, and then tiptoed to give him a light kiss on the lips.
Chen Yunqi was holding a sheep and couldn't hug him with his hands free, so he leaned down and kissed him back, whispering, "I'm leaving."
As they stepped outside, they ran into San San's father, who had just seen off his guests and was carrying a porcelain jar into the main room. Chen Yunqi lent a hand to help carry the jar inside and asked San San's father curiously, "What is this? It's really heavy."
San San's father took out a cigarette and lit it for him and himself. Pointing to the jar, he said, "This is called 'Gan Gan Jiu' (杆杆酒). We're going to have a big celebration at home in a few days. Come and try it then."
Chen Yunqi found the word "beating the drum" somewhat familiar, and then remembered that it was the "ghost-beating" that Sheng Qinyu and Li Yan had told him about last time. He hadn't understood it clearly then, so he asked again, "What exactly is beating the drum?"
While smoking, San San's father explained to him that "beating the drum" was a ritual of the Yi people to "exorcise ghosts," an ancient form of incantation.
Ghost worship is a common religious phenomenon among the Yi people. When the Yi people encounter misfortune, poor harvest, illness, travel difficulties, disputes, or feuds, they believe it is due to divine intervention or the misfortune of ghosts. They then invite a "Suni" from the clan to their home to perform a ritual to exorcise the ghosts.
A while ago, San San was attacked by a wild boar in the mountains and almost fell off a cliff. San San's parents believed that this was an ominous sign that she was possessed by a ghost. The ghost they just sent away was "Suni," who had come to discuss the time for exorcism.
After finishing his explanation, San San's father asked about the lamb in Chen Yunqi's arms. San San explained the situation to him, and he shook his head repeatedly, indicating that the lamb couldn't possibly survive. Despite this, he still rummaged through drawers and found an old baby bottle that Sheng Xiaoyan had used when she was born, and gave it to Chen Yunqi so he could use it to feed the lamb.
Chen Yunqi returned to school, found two old towels, and stuffed them into a cardboard box to keep the lamb warm. Then he prepared a bottle of soy milk powder and squatted down beside the box to feed the lamb. The lamb first licked the dripping milk with its tongue, found the taste good, and quickly bit down on the nipple, sucking desperately as if it were starving. The nipple hole was too small, and the lamb couldn't drink fast enough. Chen Yunqi got up to find scissors to cut the nipple opening to make the flow faster. As soon as he removed the bottle, the lamb became impatient, grabbing the edge of the cardboard box with its two front hooves and bleating at him in dissatisfaction. Chen Yunqi had no choice but to cut the nipple while soothing it, saying, "Good little lamb, don't bleat, don't bleat, it'll be ready soon."
The hole got bigger, and the lamb ate and spilled food. After all that fuss, the lamb finally ate its fill and knelt down in the cardboard box to sleep. Chen Yunqi was worried it would get cold at night, so he covered it with a towel and then took apart a few hand warmers and stuck them around the inside of the box. After settling it in, he washed up and went to bed.
Chen Yunqi was a little tired, but he hadn't been asleep for long after turning off the lights when the lamb started bleating again. Startled, he turned on his flashlight and saw the lamb standing up in the cardboard box, its little head resting on the edge, looking at him with great interest. He thought to himself that it might be hungry again, so he got up and fed it some of the leftover soy milk. After eating its fill, the lamb fell asleep again.
Chen Yunqi thought he could finally get a good night's sleep, but little did he know that the lamb would wake up every two hours or so throughout the night, looking for milk. Chen Yunqi's sleep was intermittent, so he simply placed the cardboard box against the headboard and the milk bottle next to his pillow. Whenever he heard the lamb bleating, he didn't even need to turn on the light; he would just reach under the bed with the bottle, and the lamb would grope for it and start nursing.
The next day was a rare sunny day, with plenty of sunshine and clear skies. Chen Yunqi took his lamb to the playground to bask in the sun early in the morning. Tang Yutao opened the door and, seeing Chen Yunqi's bruised eyes, stared in disbelief for a long time before exclaiming in surprise, "What's wrong with you? You look like you've been drained of your yang energy by a vixen! What did you do with San San last night?!"
In just one day, the lamb was able to stand up, though it was still unsteady, falling to its knees after a few steps. Chen Yunqi, sitting on the stone steps watching the lamb's unsteady steps, glanced at Tang Yutao and frowned, saying, "Can you please stop having such filthy thoughts?"
Tang Yutao thought this meant he had admitted it, so he quickly sat down next to him and asked with an extremely lewd smile, "Tell me, little virgin, I've never heard of how two men do it... Hey, hey, I'm asking you, was it fun?"
As he spoke, he pressed his entire body against Chen Yunqi's. Chen Yunqi pushed him away with obvious disgust and said coldly, "Stop asking questions."
Tang Yutao scoffed and said with a sneer, "I was just worried you're a novice and wanted to give you some pointers. What if you hurt someone and they don't even realize it? It would ruin our relationship! You're really ungrateful!"
Chen Yunqi was somewhat amused and exasperated. He rubbed his temples wearily and said, "You've really gone to a lot of trouble." He pointed to the lamb on the ground and said, "Reporting to the section chief, I went back to school to sleep last night. I did nothing all night except nurse the lamb."
Tang Yutao was completely bewildered: "Section Chief? What the hell?"
Chen Yunqi deliberately teased him, and when he saw that he had taken the bait, he smiled and said, "You, the head of the Tianyun Village Affairs Section, is an official position I appointed for you."
Before Tang Yutao could react, Chen Yunqi stood up, patted his pants, and said, "My dear minister, please accept the decree and kneel to take your leave. This mythical beast that the Xiongnu presented as tribute is hungry. I'm taking it back for a meal."