After seeing Sasha off on her flight to Shanghai, Shi Lu rushed back, arriving after 7 PM. It wasn't dark yet; the earth, bathed in sunlight all day, radiated warmth. The lingering glow of the setting sun hung reluctantly on the horizon, turning the entire sky a fiery red, while the moon had already quietly risen, casting its cool light. Shi Lu suddenly remembered the moment Sasha left. He said he felt nothing, but when a girl he'd known for so many years departed, a bitter feeling welled up inside him. But he and Sasha were fundamentally different, like two planets that could never meet.
From afar, Shi Lu saw the slender figure sitting on the bench under the tree. The person sat quietly, hands behind his back, looking up at the fiery clouds in the sky. A gentle breeze blew, causing the branches above his head to sway softly, and the leaves rustled restlessly, as if comforting the lonely shadow under the tree.
"What are you doing?" Shi Lu walked over and stood behind him for a while, but Le Xi didn't seem to notice him. Shi Lu hesitated, wondering what he was doing standing there. Was he spying? It didn't seem like spying at all, being so blatant. Should he greet him? It seemed too strange to stand there for so long without saying hello. After thinking for a long time, as if he had mustered up a lot of courage, he asked him, "What are you doing?" But when he said those four simple words, he felt empty inside and a little flustered.
"Huh?" Le Xi looked up and saw Shi Lu's reflection above her. "What are you doing here?"
"Just got back from dropping someone off at the airport."
"oh."
"What are you looking at?" Shi Lu followed Le Xi's gaze to the sky, which was nothing but clouds. But it seemed like he had been looking at it for a long time.
“You can’t see these kinds of fiery clouds in my hometown,” Le Xi said with a smile. “Back home, it’s rainy at this time of year. And it’s a very fine drizzle. Occasionally it will clear up, but in the morning it’s always foggy. If you walk in the fog, even your eyelashes will be covered in water droplets.”
Lexi squinted, as if lost in thought. She remembered how, when it rained as a child, her mother would always put rain boots on her—the kind of brightly colored rubber boots—tuck her pants into the boot tops, and then let her splash around in the puddles. Because of the shadow left by her father, many children didn't want to be her friends. They would gather together and laugh, "Look, Yao Lexi is a child without a father. His father doesn't want him anymore. His father ran off with another woman..." Outnumbered and alone, she had once rushed over to fight them, but only received a terrified scolding from her mother. Her mother, with sad eyes, would tell her, "Lexi, don't fight them. You have to control your emotions, you know? You can't get sick, you can't get sick..." So, while those children played in the distance, she could only stand by the water's edge, looking at her reflection, then wistfully stepping into the water, the surface rippling with lonely "splash, splash, splash" sounds.
Later, with Qi Hui by my side, life seemed to turn colorful. When it rained, Qi Hui would come to my school and wait for me at the gate with an umbrella. In the sweltering summer heat, when the whole city felt like a sauna, he would buy me an ice pop and let me take the first bite. We were like children afraid of getting separated, holding hands tightly, refusing to let go. Even after he went to study in this city and then abroad, he would always remember to call me and come back every holiday. I thought I wouldn't be lonely. But why did loneliness still find me?
"Le Xi?" Shi Lu sat down next to Le Xi, looking at him with slight concern as he fell into deep thought. She felt that he was acting strangely today.
"Huh? What?" Le Xi turned around and gave Shi Lu a big smile, as if she had won a huge lottery prize.
"Are you...worried about something?" Shi Lu asked hesitantly.
"Things on your mind? Why do you say that?"
"Just asking..."
Lexi spread out her hands, gazing at the faint lines on her palms. The life line and love line were intertwined, a tangled mess. The doctor's words echoed in her ears: "Be a normal person."
She sighed softly, her gaze falling on the faint wound on her right wrist. That spot had bled so much before. She had cut herself with a razor blade after Aunt Lan and Grandma had both passed away. Qi Hui wasn't there then; he hadn't even glanced at her, he knew nothing, yet he was already gone. But now, that gruesome wound was just a faint mark. Lexi told herself in her heart, "Lele, Lele, you have to be strong. Everything will be alright. Everything will pass. Mom, Grandma, and Aunt Lan, don't they all want you to be happy and healthy?"
"Aru," Lexi called softly.
"What?"
"Remember that box you broke last time?"
"The White Rabbit one?"
"Yeah. That box. You probably don't know, but I really wanted to rush up and beat you up back then." Le Xi glanced at the children playing on the grass, laughing carefree and shouting, "Come on, watch this! The Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms will send you back to Hong Kong!" I couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"Heh." Shi Lu also laughed. At that moment, there was an indescribable emotion in Le Xi's eyes, which made his heart inexplicably uneasy.
“You know what? Those are my godmother’s belongings. She taught me to sew, just like my own mother,” Lexi said calmly.
"I'm sorry. I was so careless..."
“No, I don’t want you to say sorry!” Lexi paused. “Besides, saying sorry won’t help.”
"Uh, then, then I should..." Shi Lu was speechless for a moment, feeling inexplicably hot, so hot that he was covered in sweat and didn't know where to put his hands and feet.
"There's something I want to ask you," Lexi said thoughtfully, two little voices arguing in her mind. One said, "Lexi, you're such a bad person, taking advantage of others like this!" The other said, "Lexi, it's no big deal. He likes you, that's so obvious. It's only right that he do something for you."
Children who crave love
"I need to have surgery, can you come with me?"
When Lexi said that, Shi Lu agreed almost without thinking. Then, seeing Lexi smiling somewhat helplessly, sniffling, and her eyes seemingly a little red, he said, "You know, I don't have any family around me right now. I'll be scared of surgery." Then he shook his head, waved his hand, and said casually, "Actually, it's nothing. If you're busy, it's okay. It's not a major surgery, just an hour or two, it'll be over quickly, it won't take long."
“I said I would go.” Schru patted his shoulder, his voice so gentle it startled even himself. “You don’t need to be afraid.”
Darkness fell quickly, and soon a wind picked up. The weather in L City, like the bold and unrestrained nature of the Northwesterners, arrives fiercely and unexpectedly. The strong wind whipped up a cloud of dust, swirling with fallen leaves, gradually blinding everyone with its yellow sand. I used to think that the image of falling leaves in movies was an artistic exaggeration created by wind machines. But it was real. The group of laughing children, scolded by their parents, were reluctantly separated, and a sudden silence fell, creating an awkward atmosphere.
"Huahua! It's getting windy, hurry up and help your old lady bring in the bedsheets!" A slightly overweight figure called out from not far away.
"It's raining, hurry up and bring in the laundry!" Le Xi stood up with a grin and walked quickly towards Shi's mother, then spoke to her affectionately as she helped her gather the sheets. Shi Lu watched the two figures, one tall and one short, and shook his head with a wry smile. Why did he feel a sudden pang of heartache when he waved his hand to explain? Suddenly, he longed, so very much, to hold him tight, to tell him that he didn't want to see his sorrowful expression. He wanted to open his heart and see what was hidden inside.
Lexi ate dinner at Shilu's house. Shilu's mother made hand-pulled noodles with large chunks of chicken and vegetables, the colors vibrant and appealing. Before leaving, Shilu's mother asked Lexi if he wanted to take some home. Lexi shook his head repeatedly, saying the noodles wouldn't be good to eat the next day. Shilu's mother laughed at him, saying the noodles, once cooked and tossed with oil, would be perfectly fine overnight. She then packed the noodles and vegetables separately, grabbed a few pieces of fruit, put them in a plastic bag, and handed them to Lexi.
“Look at you southerners, you don’t know how to make noodles at all,” said Shi’s mother.
"Hmm, it really won't!" Lexi looked curiously at the shiny, golden noodles in the bag and laughed.
Does your mother never make noodles or other pasta dishes at home?
“…No, my mother has passed away,” Le Xi said softly with a smile. Mother Shi paused, gently patted Le Xi’s head, and said nothing more.
"Mom! Why are you acting like a nagging mother?!" Shi Lu glared at her mother. "I've taken Le Xi back. Go watch TV in your room by yourself!"
"You brat, how dare you talk to your mother like that!" Shi's mother kicked Shi Lu before he left the house.
"Lexi, my mom doesn't think before she speaks, please, please don't mind her," Shi Lu said hurriedly, following behind Lexi.
"It's nothing. My mother passed away a long time ago. Do I have to mind every time someone mentions her?" Le Xi said with a wry smile.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Schru shook his head. “I, I just…”
I just don't want to see you sad. But how should I tell you?
The moonlight shone quietly on the face of the person before him. A pointed chin, a mouth that always seemed to pout as if in a huff, long, beautiful almond-shaped eyes, and exquisitely shaped eyebrows—so, so beautiful. The moonlight enveloped him, and as the wind blew, the shadows of the trees behind him swayed back and forth, appearing to sprout wings in the moonlight. A beautiful yet sorrowful angel.
"Want to come upstairs and sit for a while?" Le Xi stood at the entrance of the building and looked back at Shi Lu, who was still lost in thought, and kindly suggested.
"Huh? Oh! Okay." Shi Lu nodded, not understanding that Le Xi meant to ask him to leave.
The house was small, but clean and tidy. A bed, a small table, a chair, and a small wardrobe were all the furniture in the house. A laptop sat on the bedside table, its light glowing faintly.
"Oh, I forgot to turn it off." Le Xi frowned, walked to the bedside, turned off the computer, and put it in her laptop bag. Looking back at Shi Lu, who was still standing in the doorway, she said, "Come in, there's only one chair. The house is small, so please make do!" As she spoke, she opened the door to the kitchen across the street, put down the noodles, and filled a kettle with water to boil.
Schlu looked around curiously. Everything was tidy and orderly, far better than his own room.
There were two picture frames on the table. Shi Lu looked at them. The first frame contained an old photograph of a woman holding a small baby, with a kind old lady standing behind her. The woman was very beautiful, but looked haggard, and her clothes were very simple. The baby she held had big, dark eyes staring at the camera, looking somewhat frightened and bewildered. The old lady behind her seemed unaware that a photograph was being taken, and continued to hold the baby's shoulder, looking at him with doting affection.
“Those are my mom and grandma,” Lexi said with a smile, leaning against the door.
Shi Lu looked up at him, then at the two women in the photo; their features did indeed resemble Le Xi's.
"And this one?" Shi Lu picked up the second photo frame. It depicted an elegantly dressed woman with two boys standing on either side of her. The younger boy had his arms around her neck affectionately, their faces pressed together.
“My godmother, and…” Lexi paused, “…my brother…”
Shi Lu noticed a slight difference in Le Xi's tone when she said "brother," so she studied the man in the photo with a scrutinizing gaze. Undeniably, the man in the photo was tall and handsome. Although he looked young, he possessed a very confident expression, a slight upturn of his lips, a hint of unruliness, and a touch of arrogance.
“That photo was taken after my brother received his university acceptance letter.” Le Xi took the photo frame from Shi Lu and put it back on the table, talking to herself as if lost in memories. “He went to this university to study economics.”
"So?" Schlu seemed to understand.
“That’s why I got into this university too. He’s my role model.” Lexi’s fingers gently traced the photo, outlining her brother’s features. “You can’t imagine how outstanding he is. A prestigious American university, two master’s degrees, head of a multinational corporation…”
“Indeed… very excellent…” Shi Lu felt a little jealous. What was he? A lowly teacher with no ambition, not even a homeroom teacher yet, just a homeroom teacher assistant.
“But…” Le Xi took a deep breath, suppressing the churning pain in her heart, “we won’t contact each other anymore.”
"No contact? Why?"
Why? Le Xi was stunned. Why? Because of her naiveté back then? Naiveté? Perhaps just loneliness? A child yearning for love. She always thought her brother would be by her side, that sunny person, her hope. She never considered what would happen if he left. So, from the moment he came here to study at university, she waited for his call every day, each day a agonizing 24 hours, waiting for him to talk about trivial things on the phone. She hoped to grow up quickly, hoped to become as excellent as him. But then? The daily phone calls became once a week. Then her brother said he was going to study abroad. How could she hold him back? So she endured, waiting. When she was sick, she wanted to whine to him, but what could her brother, so far away, do? Her brother always thought his illnesses weren't as terrible as he imagined, and it seemed to be true; the doctor said his heart beat slower than others. Yes, a slower heartbeat is normal; many athletes, even normal people, have slower heartbeats, don't they? But the brother didn't know that this rapid heartbeat was the culprit that took their mother's and grandmother's lives! Where was he when she was in despair? Where was he?! How could he blame himself for being with someone else? Yes, yes, he was with someone else, someone else's lover. Grandma fell ill, but there was no money for treatment. Aunt Lan was far away abroad attending a fashion week. He went to Uncle Qi; Uncle Qi was so rich, surely he could help him? But, but Uncle Qi… Uncle Qi treated him like that… Later, Aunt Lan found out. Aunt Lan kept hugging him and crying, saying she couldn't take it anymore, couldn't take it anymore. He dragged it out for over ten years, refusing to let her go, refusing to divorce her. Now he still wouldn't let her go, how could he do this? Then Aunt Lan killed her husband with her own hands.
So scared, this shouldn't be happening, it shouldn't be like this... So much blood, I can't take it, I can't take it... Aunt Lan, to save me, ignored her own wounds and performed first aid, but I couldn't breathe, I couldn't breathe... I thought I was dead, maybe dying like this would be better? At least I wouldn't have to face my brother's questioning. But when I woke up, everything had changed. Uncle Qi was dead, Aunt Lan was dead, but I was alive. Reporters everywhere, speculating, was there a third party involved? Everyone had their own version of events, such a successful businessman, his wife was having an affair with a boy who claimed to be his godson... How could I explain that? Those reporters had photos of me with other men, they said, "Look, this boy is so cheap, he's being kept. No wonder he's seducing even older women." No, no, no! Don't say that. Please, don't do this!!
Loneliness has some roots
Le Xi clutched his clothes tightly, a sudden, overwhelming pain washing over him. His heart pounded wildly, the pain spreading from his chest to his shoulders, then his arms, and gradually even his lips went numb. He slumped helplessly against the table, his head hitting the corner. The photo frame on the table wobbled and crashed to the floor with a "crack," shattering the glass and blurring Qi Hui's face.
"Le Xi!" He vaguely heard someone call his name. The voice seemed to break through the clouds and travel over mountains and rivers. Then he felt himself being lifted up by a pair of strong hands and leaned into a warm embrace.
"What's wrong?" Shi Lu anxiously hugged Le Xi, and was shocked to see him getting weaker and weaker.
"My heart...it hurts so much..." Lexi said, panting heavily.
Shi Lu took a breath, forcing himself to calm down. He tried to make his voice sound gentle and calm. Remembering the medicine Le Xi had put in his pocket when she had her last attack, he touched it and found it was still there. So he took it out, poured out a few pills, and handed them to her: "Here, Le Xi, put the pills in your mouth, don't rush. Take a deep breath." Le Xi felt much more at ease because of his voice. She held his hand tightly, put the pills in her mouth, pressed them under her tongue, and regulated her breathing.
"Don't worry, it'll be over soon," Shi Lu reassured him, calmly dialing 120 for emergency medical assistance and explaining the patient's condition and address. She then followed the doctor's instructions to comfort the patient.
"Don't rush, be good. Good, just like that, open your eyes, don't fall asleep." Shi Lu knelt behind him, hugged him, let his head rest on his shoulder, unbuttoned his shirt, and gently comforted him.
How are you feeling now?
"It... seems... not... jumping anymore..." Le Xi tried to force a smile, but found it incredibly difficult, even speaking and breathing were hard. Cold sweat poured down her face, blurring her vision. She felt like a dying fish, tossed ashore by the waves, abandoned and helpless, its mouth agape, its cheeks puffed out, yearning for oxygen, longing for help, but only struggling in its death throes. It felt as if a heavy iron hammer was relentlessly pounding into her heart, bang, bang, bang, each blow slowly shattering it.
“Come on, look at me. Don’t rush. Be good.” Shi Lu squeezed his hand, bringing him back to his senses, and straightened his head, which had tilted to one side, so that he could look at him. Le Xi stared intently at the concerned gaze of the person above him. That gaze was like life-saving oxygen, as if saying, “Don’t give up, I’m here.” He thought he no longer needed anyone, but the feeling of being cared for was still so warm.
"Come on, baby, you're great. Lexi, come here, listen to me, do as I say, cough hard, come on." Shi Lu squeezed his hand, transferring the warmth of his palm to that cold hand.
Lexi coughed forcefully as he instructed. Every time he coughed until he was exhausted, Shilu would say to him, "Baby, you're great! Keep going, baby." These words were like a spell, carrying strength and courage, making the originally exhausted Lexi cough forcefully.
Soon, the ambulance siren sounded downstairs. Le Xi felt the broad, sturdy shoulders behind him tremble slightly, his clenched hands damp with sweat. A glimmer of starlight flickered in those resolute eyes, and a cool tear dripped onto his face. He sighed inwardly, "Why are you so good to me? What good is there in someone as sinful as me?" He wearily closed his eyes, finally collapsing into Shi Lu's arms, falling into a coma.
Someone said to him, "I'll pay you 100,000 for a year. With that money, you can do many things you've always wanted to do but couldn't."
At that moment, Lexi was laughing. Ten thousand yuan—it would be a drop in the ocean in America. But that money could save her grandmother's life. After leaving Uncle Qi's place, Lexi went to a bar to drown her sorrows. She reeked of the murky smell of the old man with features similar to Qi Hui. He sat there, behind a huge, luxurious executive desk, scrutinizing her from head to toe, his imposing presence suffocating Lexi. Then he stood up; his height and figure were similar to Qi Hui's, causing Lexi to feel disoriented for a few seconds. Then he slowly walked over, sat down beside Lexi, took her hand, and leaned close to her ear. His murky breath made Lexi tremble uncontrollably. The old man said, "You begged me, but you showed no sincerity whatsoever." Lexi's hands were on her lap, clutching her pants tightly, telling herself, "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid. He's Qi Hui's father, Aunt Lan's husband. He's a good man, a good man." The next second, that kind man, that father and husband, licked Lexi's earlobe with his tongue. The warm breath on his neck felt like an icy abyss. One hand unzipped his pants, maliciously kneading them. The other hand ripped at his pitiful cotton T-shirt, tearing it out of shape, leaving it crumpled and draped pitifully over his body. Lexi screamed and jumped up, running away. Behind him, the aged voice roared: "Didn't you want money? Why are you running? Get back here! You can't escape!"
Lexi wandered aimlessly down the street. The streetlights shone brightly, like daytime. This young municipality was brimming with vitality, its nights bustling and noisy, its summers blazing with passion, yet there was no one to help him. People hurried past him, like ants waving their antennae, brushing against each other before parting ways. Lexi reached into his pocket; he had less than a hundred yuan left. The money Aunt Lan had given him before going to France had all been used for hospital treatment. Aunt Lan was probably on a plane to America, hoping to reunite with her son.
"Sorry, the number you dialed is currently unavailable." The voice on the other end of the line was cold and emotionless. Le Xi hung up and crouched in the phone booth, sobbing softly. Someone outside the booth watched him, whispering and avoiding him as if they'd seen a madman. Le Xi looked at his disheveled appearance; he'd even forgotten to zip up his pants before running out. He laughed and cried at the same time, then stood up and called Brother Qi Hui.
Beep, beep.
Please, I beg you, I beg you to answer the phone, brother, I'm begging you.
God, please give me hope. Don't take Grandma away from me. I have nothing left, absolutely nothing.
"Hello?" Qi Hui's sleepy voice came from the other end of the phone. Le Xi could no longer control herself and burst into tears, calling out over and over again, "Brother, brother, brother..."
"Baby? What's wrong?" There was a soft rustling sound on the other end of the phone, probably someone getting dressed. After Le Xi finished crying and gradually calmed down, Qi Hui slowly spoke, "Baby, what happened? Don't worry, tell me, I'll figure something out for you."
"Brother... I'm so scared, please don't abandon me..." Lexi choked back tears, the doctor's numb expression flashing before his eyes, the machine screaming its alarm, then a group of people surrounding his grandmother and pounding her chest as if trying to break her frail body. Someone pulled him away, saying, "Go pay the money quickly." Pay the money, the surgery, pay the money, money, money, money...
"Baby, calm down! What happened? Explain clearly, get to the point!" Qi Hui raised his voice and commanded in a deep voice.
"Whose call is that? So early in the morning, isn't that annoying? I was up so much last night, do you want me to die?" A man's sleepy, hoarse voice spoke a few words in English on the other end of the line. Le Xi was stunned. Having always been diligently studying English, hoping to one day go abroad to be with her brother, she realized what the man was talking about.
“You go to sleep, he’s my brother,” Qi Hui replied softly in English. Then he said into the phone, “Baby, tell me, what’s wrong? Who said they were going to abandon you? Don’t overthink it, okay?”