“Lian Haiping?” Yu Lele’s heart sank. What did it have to do with him?
Yang Luning changed into her pajamas, turned around and saw Yu Lele's blank expression, and casually said, "Yu Lele, you should just give in. Lian Haiping is quite devoted to you, and besides, with their family's financial situation, finding you a job is a piece of cake. You don't want such good resources? Are you really stupid or just pretending?"
Tie Xin laughed, "Playing hard to get, isn't it? That's enough. Look how much you've tormented Lian Haiping all these years, he's thinner than a yellow flower."
Yu Lele's face darkened: "What does my job search have to do with him? I'm nobody to him."
When Yang Luning saw that Yu Lele was angry, he wanted to ease the atmosphere, but he felt uneasy and uncomfortable. He could only think of an old saying, "He who has gained an advantage still complains." Thinking about the difficulties he had in finding a job and the cold shoulders and indifference he had to endure every now and then, he felt more and more awkward. He gritted his teeth and stubbornly remained silent.
Tie Xin was folding clothes with her back to everyone, oblivious to the strange expressions on the other people's faces. She continued working while saying, "Lele, such a big pie has fallen from the sky and hit you on the head, why are you pushing it away? This society is so materialistic. You don't even want such a good pie. Don't you see how many people are waiting to pick it up?"
"This society is so realistic"—this phrase, like a mournful death knell, echoed deep within Yu Lele's memory. Someone had once said this to her, and it was because of this phrase that she gave up her first love. Should she let this determine the path of her next relationship?
A wave of indescribable emotions surged through Yu Lele's heart: a little bit of hatred, a little bit of resentment.
"Does that in other people's eyes, even Hai Ping himself is less important than the added value he possesses?" Yu Lele sneered.
Xu Yin paused for a moment, then looked up at her.
Tie Xin also sensed something, turned around to look at Yu Lele, saw the cold smile on her face, and subconsciously stopped what she was doing.
Yang Luning glanced at the expressions on their faces, then sneered and continued, "Lele, nobody's a god. What's wrong with being realistic? Just ask yourself, if Lian Haiping were penniless and destitute, would you still be so close to him?"
Yu Lele was speechless. She had never thought about these questions before, and when they bombarded her one after another, she seemed to be at a loss for what to do.
Yang Luning has always been the type to speak her mind, unable to hold back, and doesn't care whether others will be upset: "If you don't like him, just tell him clearly and let him give up. What's with this ambiguity? Of course we know you're not the type to two-time, but isn't this obviously leaving yourself an escape route? I don't need to stand up for him, but isn't this kind of half-heartedness a form of taking advantage of someone else's feelings?"
Yu Lele's face instantly turned deathly pale. Xu Yin was startled and hurriedly called out to Yang Luning, "Alright, alright, what are you two arguing about so late at night?"
Tie Xin stood awkwardly to one side, looking at Yu Lele and then at Yang Luning, unsure of what to say.
Only Yang Luning snorted, picked up the washbasin, and went into the bathroom. The sound of running water filled the air, and Yu Lele's eyes gradually welled up with tears. She turned around and blankly opened her English vocabulary book, but the words seemed to leap and refuse to enter her brain.
All the sounds around her disappeared, and she didn't say another word until the lights were turned off. She just stared blankly at the vocabulary book in front of her, her mind a complete blank.
That night, Yu Lele suffered from insomnia again.
Whenever I close my eyes, I see Yang Luning's cold smile. Her words may not have been malicious, but each one was sharp as a sword, flashing silver as it flew towards me, each strike aimed straight for my vitals, enough to kill me.
Although she condemned her own selfishness, she knew all too well that she was greedily hoarding Lian Haiping's care and love, but she really didn't know whether she loved him or not.
If there is love, why is there no deep, unforgettable longing? If there is no love, why can't you leave or let go?
These questions plagued her, and even she herself couldn't find the answers.
In the pitch-black night, she finally couldn't help but sigh deeply.
15-2
Fortunately, the English CET-4 exam could distract Yu Lele.
She had completely lost confidence and hope in English. Subjunctive mood, adverbial clauses—those specific usages seemed impossible for her to remember. And to make matters worse, the CET-4 (College English Test Band 4) involved too many grammar questions; every option seemed reasonable, yet she just couldn't figure out which one to choose. She sat in the study room, practically biting her pen to pieces, still completely bewildered.
Gradually, I also felt despair.
However, the most despairing thing may not be that you can never get something, but that you know you can never get it, yet you still risk your life to fight, to grab, to overturn a myth that you yourself think can never be overturned. That kind of determination to grit your teeth and charge forward even knowing you will fail is more terrifying than despair.
This kind of resoluteness, to put it nicely, can be called selfless dedication, sacrificing oneself for righteousness, being awe-inspiring and courageous, and perishing together with others.
To put it bluntly, it's suicide.
Whenever Yu Lele's head is filled with English words and she starts to feel completely lost, she feels like she's really courting death.
As final exams approached, Yu Lele practically lived in the study room, diligently competing for seats with a group of people preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam. However, whenever she saw others carrying thick stacks of postgraduate exam study guides, and then looked at her own CET-4 practice questions, she felt ashamed, as if she were taking away their study space. At these moments, she would subconsciously hug her CET-4 study guide tighter and tighter, eventually covering it with a book cover—even if it was self-deception, it was better than the daily guilt and embarrassment.
Yu Lele had just looked up from her review exercises to take a break when her phone rang, only to realize she'd forgotten to put it on vibrate before entering the classroom. A little embarrassed, she glanced at the students around her, all engrossed in their studies, and quickly walked out of the study room, pressing the answer button as she spoke: "Hello."
"Lele, Yu Tian was hit by a car. We're at the hospital." Her mother's voice trembled as she spoke. For a moment, Yu Lele didn't even realize what was happening: Hit by a car? Yu Tian?
However, the next second, her face turned pale. She barely had time to go back to the classroom to pack her bag before turning and running out of the teaching building. When she reached the corridor entrance, she bumped into someone. Without even saying "sorry," she kept running.
The person who was hit and stumbled was furious, but froze the moment he looked up and saw her.
It is Lian Haiping.
He stared in astonishment at Yu Lele's running figure and her pale face, a wave of fear washing over him.
Without thinking twice, he turned and chased after them.
Under the winter sun, the two shadows running quickly were faint and indistinct, frozen into barely visible wisps by the cold air.
The road to the emergency room is so long.
Yu Lele ran without daring to stop for even a moment, just like she was running on the road to see her father for the last time that year.
She would always remember: that year, when she finally ran to the emergency room with her aunt, the door was wide open, and her father lay there silently, covered in blood. Several nurses were removing the oxygen cylinders, while her mother grabbed the white sheet to prevent them from covering her father's face.
The sunlight outside was blinding that day, but it made my father's face look deathly pale and lifeless.
That was the coldest, coldest sunlight she had ever seen in her life.
There was no heat whatsoever, only a profound despair, which rapidly swelled under the pale sunlight.
Lian Haiping followed closely behind her. Seeing her dazed expression as she ran, he couldn't help but call out, "Yu Lele, slow down, be careful..."
Before she could finish speaking, Yu Lele stumbled—someone had spilled water on the marble floor, and she was about to fall.
Lian Haiping quickly reached out and grabbed Yu Lele's arm, catching her just before she fell.
In that instant, Yu Lele suddenly had a strange feeling—it seemed that many years ago, there was also a person, and a hand like that, who reached out and supported her in the corridor filled with the smell of disinfectant.
However, when I subconsciously looked back, I saw a hint of nervousness in the tall boy's eyes.
It wasn't him.
Suddenly realizing what was happening, Yu Lele didn't even have time to say "thank you" before continuing to run towards the operating room. Lian Haiping was still following closely behind. Turning a corner, at the entrance of the operating room, Yu Lele suddenly stopped in her tracks.
Uncle Yu paced back and forth outside the operating room, while Mom sat on a bench, looking nervously at the opaque glass window of the operating room.
Yu Lele ran over quickly. Her mother heard footsteps, turned around, saw Yu Lele, and asked in a trembling voice, "You're here?"
Before Yu Lele could speak, she held her daughter's hand, her voice tinged with apology: "I didn't want to call you, but I thought I should tell you..."
Before he could finish speaking, Yu Lele interrupted him: "I should be here. Tiantian is my younger brother."
The voice wasn't loud, but Uncle Yu heard it. He turned around, his eyes filled with worry, gratitude, and relief—a complex mix of emotions.
Yu Lele sat down next to her mother: "What happened?"
The mother's tears finally fell: "It's all my fault. I took him downstairs to get some sun, and we chatted for a while with the neighbors on the third floor. I don't know how, but he just spun his wheelchair to the side of the road by himself. Someone was backing up and didn't see him, and he got hit..."
Yu Lele turned her head with a cold expression and saw a timid figure standing in the corner. The figure looked to be only eighteen or nineteen years old, with greasy clothes and eyes full of fear.
He trembled, his hands clenched tightly together, staring fixedly at Yu Lele, wanting to speak but unable to utter a word. Above him, the red light of the operating room shone glaringly.
But he's just a child.
The flames in Yu Lele's eyes gradually died down, as if all her strength had been drained away. All her anger seemed to have been extinguished the moment she saw the terrified and frightened child. Yes, the perpetrator was, in fact, just a child.
Car accident—for Yu Lele, this was a word she could never touch. Tragic car accidents happened every day in this city, and the television often featured gruesome reports. Whenever this happened, Yu Lele would immediately change the channel. She could never forget what a car accident had brought her; the excruciating pain was something she didn't have the courage to recall, nor the strength to endure it again. To her, all drivers who caused accidents were equally despicable, and every Santana sedan in this city deserved a flat tire!
But even a fool could see clearly: the child before him was about the same age as Yu Tian, with frostbite on his face and cracked lips revealing bright red blood. What could you say to someone like that, no matter how deep your hatred or how unhealable your wounds?
Yu Lele slumped into a chair, while Lian Haiping stood quietly to the side. He looked up at his anxious Uncle Yu, Lele's sobbing mother, and the dazed Yu Lele, and felt a little helpless.
Just then, the operating room lights went out, and the family quickly gathered around. Beside them, the boy who caused the accident suddenly trembled, stretched out one hand and gripped the armrest of the chair tightly, his eyes staring at the operating room door in fear. Yu Lele stood behind her mother, taking in all his expressions.
Finally, a doctor came out, took off his mask, and nodded to Uncle Yu: "It's alright, don't worry."
In an instant, Yu Lele saw the fear in the boy's eyes replaced by immense lingering fear. He seemed to have lost all strength to support himself, and slid down the seat to the floor as if he had survived a near-death experience.
Yu Lele felt as if many tiny insects were gnawing at her heart, dripping out conflicted and hesitant blood.
Yu Tian was finally wheeled out of the operating room. His uncle and mother quickly surrounded him, while the boy stood up, staring intently at Yu Tian's face. He noticed Yu Lele's gaze and looked over nervously, only to see a blank face.
"You can go now." Yu Lele said, only to realize that her voice was extremely hoarse.
The boy was stunned.
Uncle Yu and his mother exchanged glances, then looked at Yu Lele, but said nothing. They simply followed the nurse as she wheeled Yu Tian to the ward. Soon, only Yu Lele, Lian Haiping, and the boy trembling across from them remained in the corridor.
“I mean, you should leave,” Yu Lele repeated.
With a thud, the boy's knees buckled, and he knelt down directly in front of Yu Lele. Yu Lele finally showed an expression, a hint of surprise and a touch of sadness in her eyes.
"Big sister, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it. I just wanted to come out and earn tuition fees. I can't go to school anymore, but my younger brother needs to go to school. Big sister, please don't arrest me. If I go to jail, who will my grandma, my mom, and my brother rely on!"
His wailing echoed in the corridor, and Yu Lele froze completely.
She seemed to remember that many years ago, her mother had also cried like this, waiting outside the police station every day to seek justice for her father. Before that, she was not a woman who would cry loudly, but after her father's death, she repeatedly cried and petitioned. Her former temperament had long since vanished, but such sacrifices were so insignificant compared to the bitterness in her heart.
Yu Lele shook her head violently, trying to banish those past memories. Hesitantly, she finally bent down, reached out, and tugged at the boy's arm. It was only then that she realized how incredibly thin his clothes were; in such a cold winter, they probably wouldn't even keep out the slightest breeze.
“You must be careful in the future. There are many people and cars in the city, unlike in the countryside. If you hurt someone and they suffer, you will also be responsible.” Yu Lele’s voice was low, but the boy suddenly stopped crying the moment he heard it.
He looked up fearfully at Yu Lele's calm face and heard her say, "Let's go, it's alright now. Be careful next time."
He looked at Yu Lele in surprise, and after a while stammered, "Big sister, I'll send the money over in a few days. I don't have much money, but..."
“Never mind,” Yu Lele looked at him, a hint of sympathy and sadness in her eyes. She took out a 100-yuan bill from her pocket and stuffed it into the boy’s hand: “This is all I have right now. Take it back to your brother.”
The boy in front of her froze. After a while, he suddenly slammed his head hard against the floor, but Yu Lele stopped him: "Don't do that. I'm not much older than you. I can't take that."
She stood up and looked quietly at the boy: "I should be thanking you. I thought I was just feeling sorry for you, but now I realize that some family ties are undeniable."
She turned and walked towards the ward. Lian Haiping let out a long sigh of relief and followed. The boy was still kneeling there, staring blankly in the direction Yu Lele had walked away. He didn't understand what she meant, but he still couldn't hold back the tears welling up in his eyes.
Only after entering the elevator did Yu Lele reach out and grab Lian Haiping's arm, as if all her strength had vanished. Lian Haiping instinctively pulled Yu Lele into his arms, only to find her trembling slightly.
He sighed, tightened his arms, and said nothing.
The surroundings were so quiet. He looked down at her exhausted appearance, and a conflicting feeling welled up in his heart: on one hand, he hoped that such a thing would never happen again, but on the other hand, he wished that time could stand still, until the end of time.