"Ruolin, what's wrong?" Han Haoxuan got up and followed her out.
Ruolin vomited violently in the bathroom, almost to the point of tears.
After vomiting, she went to the sink, turned on the tap, scooped up a handful of water to rinse her mouth, and then washed her face.
She looked very haggard in the mirror. She hadn't been eating well lately, vomiting everything she ate. She was even starting to regret agreeing to come to the restaurant with Han Haoxuan.
"Ruolin, what's wrong? Are you really okay?" Han Haoxuan asked hurriedly as soon as he saw Ruolin come out of the bathroom.
Ruolin shook her head and replied, "It's nothing."
"Let me take you to the hospital to get checked out. What's wrong with you vomiting so much?" Han Haoxuan reached out to support Ruolin.
“I can walk by myself.” Ruolin glanced at his hand, and he moved it away.
"You're still the same as ever, always trying to be strong," Han Haoxuan said helplessly.
It wasn't until Han Haoxuan was about to pay the bill after the meal that Ruolin revealed her true purpose for meeting him: "Did you see a black-covered notebook when you visited me last time?"
"What notebook?" Han Haoxuan pretended to be confused.
"A notebook I keep in my drawer, a notebook where I keep my private diary."
"Oh, is that the notebook where you and Mu Jingyan recorded your deep affection?" Han Haoxuan had actually expected Ruolin to come to him because of the diary, but he didn't expect it to be so soon, nor did he expect that she would see him this time just for such a tattered notebook!
"So you've seen it? How can you just rummage through other people's things like that?" Ruolin asked, somewhat displeased.
"I had no interest in spying; I just happened to see it by chance."
"That notebook is missing. Did you hide it?"
"Do you think I would keep that notebook? You didn't come to see me just for that notebook, did you?" Han Haoxuan was genuinely saddened. Was his past relationship with Ruolin less precious than an old notebook?
"Yes. I came to you because of that notebook." Ruolin didn't intend to deny it.
"I accidentally spilled water on that notebook, and then I threw it away," Han Haoxuan said calmly, as if he were talking about something insignificant.
"Throw it away?" Ruolin stood up, staring at Han Haoxuan.
"Yes, I'll help you take care of the trash." Han Haoxuan knew that Ruolin was already angry, but he was still able to say these words calmly.
"Han Haoxuan, don't be so self-righteous. Maybe it's trash to you, but it's a treasure to me, a priceless treasure! Tell me, where did you throw it away? You have to help me find it!" Ruolin felt that it was a memory from her youth, and Han Haoxuan had no right to deal with it.
"It's been there for so long, there's no chance of finding it. Can't I just buy you a new one?"
"Don't make it sound so casual. That notebook can't be bought. Have you ever heard of buying memories with money? Don't think you can do whatever you want just because you have some money!" Ruolin's voice trembled, and her face flushed red with excitement. "Han Haoxuan, what were your intentions in throwing away my diary?"
"Then what are you up to by keeping that notebook until now? You're even dating me, and you still keep it, keeping it in such a close place. Have you ever considered how I feel?" Han Haoxuan retorted.
"Didn't you keep any items related to your ex-girlfriend? Those are memories of the past, memories that can't be erased."
“I didn’t keep anything. After the breakup, I didn’t keep anything of Anxi’s, including photos. But, Ruolin, I kept everything related to you. Do you know why?”
"..." Ruolin was stumped by the question.
"Because I care more about you! I still love you!" Han Haoxuan stood up as well. He walked to her side, pulled her into his arms, and held her tightly. "I was happy that you called me to ask me out this time. I don't want to argue with you. If you care about that notebook, I can only apologize. Because I impulsively threw it away, and I can never find it again. You said that memories can't be bought with money, and I agree. But can you include more of me and less of Mu Jingyan in your memories? Am I asking too much?"
"..." Ruolin didn't know how to answer. Suddenly remembering Han Haoxuan's words earlier about inviting her to his wedding, she glanced at Han Haoxuan's hand on her shoulder and said, "You're getting married, please have some self-respect."
Han Haoxuan snorted coldly, but did not let go: "You really believe the nonsense I just said! I won't accept a new relationship before I've sorted out my own thoughts. I'm not like some people who clearly like someone a lot, but refuse to admit it and end up suffocating themselves."
Ruolin could tell that Han Haoxuan was referring to her when he said "certain people." But what she didn't understand was who "others" meant when he said "likes others." Was he referring to himself or Mu Jingyan? She was confused.
"I have to go." Ruolin reached out and pushed Han Haoxuan's hand away. "Also, I don't want to have anything to do with you in the future."
"You're going to cut ties with me over a lousy notebook? Can't we still be friends after breaking up?" Han Haoxuan said rapidly, his breathing quickening and his chest heaving slightly with excitement.
"I'm sorry, I can't do it." Ruolin lowered her head, avoiding his expression. She was afraid she would soften her heart.
"You woman..." Han Haoxuan really didn't know what to say. How could she be so heartless? "I'm wondering if you ever loved me."
“We’ve already broken up, there’s no point in dwelling on whether we still love each other. Han Haoxuan, we’re both adults, we need to be responsible for our actions. You said you’d let me go, so you have to keep your word. There’s no need to keep dragging this out.” Ruolin said softly, then picked up her bag and prepared to leave.
"But I said I would let you go if I felt happy leaving you. Tell me, are you happy now?" Han Haoxuan grabbed Ruolin's arm quickly.
"Happiness." Ruolin blurted out almost without hesitation.
“Look at me and I want you to look at me and I want you to look at me. Eyes don’t lie.” Han Haoxuan pressed down on Ruolin’s shoulders and turned her to face him.
Ruolin still didn't dare to look up at him, and remained silent for a long time.
The air seemed to freeze.
Han Haoxuan reached out and lifted Ruolin's chin, only to find tears in her eyes!
"You cried?" Han Haoxuan's tone softened immediately.
"Don't force me to say things I don't want to say," Ruolin pleaded. Could she be happy? She loved him, was carrying his child, yet couldn't be with him. And in a few days, she and their child would disappear from this world forever; she had already made an appointment with the doctor… Thinking of all this, tears welled up in her eyes.
Han Haoxuan picked up a napkin from the table and wiped away Ruolin's tears: "I've never seen you cry before. Are you unhappy with him?"
"Han Haoxuan, you don't understand my heart at all!" Ruolin said, then stubbornly turned and ran out. She couldn't stay with him any longer; if she did, she was afraid she would lose control and burst into tears in his arms, and all her efforts would be in vain. She had finally escaped him, finally allowed Zhang Kuang's wounds to heal, and she didn't want any more trouble.
Han Haoxuan only hesitated for a moment before chasing after him, saying, "I'll take you home."
Ruolin hadn't gone far; she'd just reached the restaurant entrance. Han Haoxuan strode over and grabbed her hand: "What did you mean by what you just said? Could you explain it more clearly?"
"It's nothing." A night breeze swept over her, and Ruolin became much more awake.
"Then why are you crying?"
"I didn't cry, my eyes just hurt a little," Ruolin denied that she had just cried.
“Since you don’t want to say why, I won’t ask. But I hope you will always remember one thing: I want you to be happy more than anyone else,” Han Haoxuan said emotionally. In the night, he gazed intently at Ruolin, his obsidian-like eyes seeming to gleam with an unusual light.
At that moment, Ruolin felt her cheeks flush, and her heart softened instantly. She was still captivated by his sweet words. So much time had passed, how could she still feel attracted to him? She silently berated herself for being so weak.
Chapter Seventy-Seven
Report pornographic and reactionary information
Report score manipulation
On the way home, Han Haoxuan drove Ruolin back, and the two remained silent, each lost in their own thoughts.
Ruolin turned her gaze to the city outside the window, bathed in neon lights.
Tall buildings stand along the roadside, and many of their windows let in orange light, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere.
If there's a light always shining for her, always watching over her, why would she choose to refuse? But who will light the warmest light for her? Is it Mu Jingyan, or someone she hasn't met yet? She never considered that the person leaving a light on for her might be Han Haoxuan. Han Haoxuan had said he loved freedom; he was not only domineering, but he also liked to act on his whims. He usually did whatever he wanted without consulting her. Even if he left a light on for her, it wouldn't emit a warm glow, but rather a light too intense and too intense, a light she couldn't bear, and it would ignite her. How could such intense, domineering love suit her? Her ideal love wasn't dramatic, but rather calm and enduring, like a gentle stream. Such love was more likely to last.
Perhaps the atmosphere inside the car was too quiet, so Han Haoxuan turned on the radio, and some slightly melancholic music drifted out:
"Unfortunately, love isn't a fairy tale; you can't always rely on a prince. Even the deepest sorrow boils down to two words: how can I bear to make things difficult for you to explain? My happiest memory is being your angel; while the tears can still hide them, let's embrace one last time, like we did back then. My happiest memory is the gesture you always made when blowing out the candles for me. To reserve a place for the one I love most on the left side of my heart is the happiest thing..."
What a fitting song! Ruolin sighed inwardly.
As long as you've ever loved deeply, reserving a place for each other on the left side of your heart is the greatest happiness. Look how sentimental and hypocritical the lyrics are! They sing with such sorrow and poignancy, yet they deceive themselves by calling it "the greatest happiness."
Han Haoxuan probably felt that listening to such a sad song at the moment of parting was inappropriate, so he reached out and turned off the radio.
The atmosphere inside the car returned to silence.
"We're here, get out of the car." Han Haoxuan stopped the car.
He didn't get out of the car as usual, open the door for her, or wait for her to get out. He sat motionless in the car, his eyes fixed on the road ahead, completely absorbed, and didn't even look at Ruolin.
"Thank you for taking me home," Ruolin said as she got out of the car.
Han Haoxuan frowned, said nothing, but took out a cigarette and lit it.
The scarlet flames were very conspicuous in the night. The flames flickered between Han Haoxuan's fingers and lips, and Ruolin felt as if the flames were piercing her heart.
"Smoking is bad for your health." As if it were a habit, Ruolin blurted out.
"So you do care about my health? It seems you're not completely indifferent to me after all!" Han Haoxuan said, then stubbed out his cigarette.
"There's something I want to return to you," Ruolin said, taking off the watch from her wrist. It was the watch Han Haoxuan had given her on her birthday.
"I've thrown away the memories between you and Mu Jingyan, so are you going to throw away the memories between me and you too?" Han Haoxuan said coldly. He glanced at the watch but didn't take it. "I won't take back what I gave you. If you don't want it, you can just throw it away."
“Although we can’t be lovers now, I still want to thank you. Thank you for the sweet and happy times you gave me. Although I can’t cherish those times, I don’t want to lose them either. This watch is a testament to those times. I’m returning it to you in the hope that you will cherish it.” Ruolin handed the watch to Han Haoxuan.
"Don't you think you're being too selfish? I cherished this time, and you just gave it back to me so easily! What's the difference between what you did and throwing away our memories?" Han Haoxuan's tone changed.
"..." Ruolin was speechless. Was she being too selfish? She just wanted to return the things that were related to him to him.
Han Haoxuan didn't say anything more, and didn't even say goodbye to Ruolin. Instead, he turned the car around and drove away from Ruolin's sight.
It was as if a layer of mist had clouded Ruolin's eyes, and her vision gradually became blurred.
A cool liquid trickled down my cheek.
From then on, they really had no contact anymore, right?
Although she didn't record everything about her and Han Haoxuan in a diary, it was all deeply etched into her mind like film reels. In fact, in her memories, Han Haoxuan's name was even more profound than Mu Jingyan's.
The awkward moment when their lips accidentally touched during their first meeting; the heart-fluttering moment when he first held her hand; the night he took her to his "paradise on earth"; the birthday they spent together at the beach...
At this moment, memories of Han Haoxuan flooded her mind.
She still remembers the wish she made on her birthday—the wish was very simple, just to build a love fairytale with Han Haoxuan, "holding hands and growing old together".
Life is full of disappointments, and often the simplest wishes become the most difficult luxuries to fulfill.
The night breeze was cool, and Ruolin stood alone in the same spot for a very long time.
She didn't start walking back until her body was shivering from the cold.
Han Haoxuan gripped the steering wheel tightly and drove the car very fast.
The car overtook one car after another.
He was so angry today!
He never expected that Ruolin would come to him for a tattered diary, and he never expected that she would return the birthday gift he had given her!
Did she ever truly love him? Did she always place Mu Jingyan in the most important place in her heart, while Han Haoxuan never truly occupied her heart?
That must be the case, otherwise why hasn't she contacted him even once since the breakup? Why does she ignore him when he tries to reach out to her?
She said he couldn't give her a peaceful and happy life. She also said she was happier with Mu Jingyan than with him. What did she take him for from beginning to end? A passing traveler? A rest stop?
Han Haoxuan's face was gloomy, and his thick eyebrows were tightly furrowed.
Heartbreak is painful enough, but she insists on rubbing salt into his still-healing wound. Does that make her feel better? Is her heart even made of flesh and blood?
Han Haoxuan didn't go straight home; instead, he went to a bar for drinks. He called his buddy Qin Tianyi and arranged to go with him.