Chapter 6
"How did it feel to see you standing on the podium today?" Song Jianan lay on the bed, her hair still wet, holding a warm cup of ginger tea in her hands. She smiled secretly to herself, thinking, "Actually, I'm standing right next to you."
Su Li replied quickly, "It's just a normal feeling, nothing special, it's just that the spotlight is very hot."
She chuckled and replied sincerely, "Congratulations anyway. By the way, what songs have you been listening to lately?"
"You may not have heard of Chen Sheng's song, it's a very old one. You definitely know Rene Liu, Chen Sheng was her teacher. Go listen to that song, Meteor, that female voice is really amazing."
"OK, thanks."
The next day, Song Jianan went to class. Perhaps because she had been caught in the rain, she felt listless and spent the whole morning slumped over her desk. When get out of class ended, Zhang Jingkang nudged her and asked, "Where did you two go last night? How come you both caught a cold?"
She replied lazily, "Us? Who else? It rained heavily last night, and we got soaked when we went out."
"Duan Jiachen, it seems he's caught a cold too."
Song Jianan raised her eyes, but didn't see Duan Jiachen in the classroom. Just as she was about to get up to look for him, a girl who wasn't very familiar with her walked past their classroom window. When she saw Song Jianan, her eyes lit up immediately. "Song Jianan, lend me your Chinese class practice book quickly, our teacher is going to check it."
She was taken aback, then remembered that the girl was a junior high classmate from Class 8. They were only nodding acquaintances, and she cherished her books very much, rarely lending any books or materials to others. Just as she told the girl that she hadn't brought any and that she would borrow one for her later, the girl started urging again, "Ugh, our Chinese teacher is so weird. She knows we never do those kinds of assignments, yet she still does these surprise tests and even calls our class monitor to check. If we get caught, we're in big trouble."
The class monitor, the class monitor of Class 8, isn't that Su Li? The words of refusal slipped from his lips, and he immediately took out the clean exercise book from his schoolbag. The girl opened it and exclaimed, "Wow, you've done it all! Such beautiful handwriting! Thank you, Song Jianan. I'll return it to you after class. Thank you!" Then he took the book and left.
She smiled helplessly, while Zhang Jingkang looked on in surprise, "Oh, this is the first time I've seen you lend a book to someone you don't know well. By the way, they just heard in the office that we're going to start separating students into arts and sciences tracks. Have you decided what you want to study?"
Song Jianan shook her head. "No, what about you?"
“Of course it’s science. Humanities are definitely my weak point, although I’m not good at science either.” Zhang Jingkang thought for a moment. “Most of the students in the class study science, except for a few girls. But I think you would be very good at humanities.”
"Really? I'll have to think about it carefully."
Instead of going home for lunch to save time, she quickly ate her fast food in the cafeteria and then went to the library to study. Her bag contained her Chinese workbook. An hour earlier, this book had been lying on another table in another classroom. She wondered if Su Li's gaze had lingered on it for even a second longer, and whether he could remember the other person's handwriting.
How could she possibly know? Song Jianan chuckled self-deprecatingly. The afternoon sun shone brightly on her, warm but a little dazzling. When she looked up, she realized that the girl who usually sat opposite her reading a book every day was not there today.
She used to complain that she blocked the light, making her hands cold, but now that she's suddenly facing the sun, she's actually not used to it.
Suddenly, she thought of Su Li. If he were sitting across from her, and she left one day, would he remember her habit of using her right hand to brush away the strands of hair that blocked her view, with sunlight filtering through her hair and fingers and falling on his book?
Unable to concentrate on reading, she took out her diary and began writing. When talking to Su Li, she could be playful, sincere, cheeky, brave, and imaginative.
"Unrequited love in movies and novels is always dramatic, so it's subtle and full of twists and turns, which makes me linger over it. In those novels, unrequited love always has the most beautiful and unexpected ending. No matter how ordinary a girl is, she will win the love of a prince who is high and mighty. I've read so many of them, and every time I feel incredibly happy."
I would also secretly imagine our chance encounters at the crossroads, our bumping into each other in the school corridor, or maybe the next second, or someday, when he would stand in front of me and say, "Actually, I've been watching you for a long time."
I spend every day in my own fantasy, and I really have the urge to go up and confess my feelings. But I know I'm not good enough for him. He's so outstanding and so aloof, while I'm so insignificant. I can only keep my feelings to myself and never confess, because I'm afraid that if I express my perfect unrequited love, I'll be completely crushed by his rejection.
The feeling of unrequited love isn't one of great joy or sorrow, but rather a complex mix of melancholy and a sweet, solitary indulgence.
Perhaps it was the effect of the cold medicine she took in the morning, but she slumped over the table and drifted off to sleep. She didn't know when someone gently called her in her ear, "Song Jianan, you'll be late if you keep sleeping."
She was so startled she almost jumped up. After looking closely, she patted her chest, still shaken. "Duan Jiachen, you scared me to death! Is class about to start? Oh dear, I fell asleep." She quickly packed her bag and left the library.
"You got caught in the rain last night, didn't you? You looked so tired this morning." Duan Jiachen took a bottle of water out of his bag, and Song Jianan was startled again. "What is this? It's all black."
"The medicine? I was sneezing and tearing up this morning too. I drank it when I got home at noon and sweated it out and it was fine. It's a bit bitter, but I brought some candy with me. What kind of Swiss candy do you girls like?"
She took the bottle and smelled it. A pungent, bitter smell immediately hit her, making her wince. "I'm not drinking it. It must be terribly bitter. I'd rather catch a cold."
Duan Jiachen's expression was rather unpleasant, and his attitude was very firm. "Your mother asked me to bring this. How can I explain it to your mother if you don't drink it?"
"Oh, my mom asked you to bring this? Then why are you taking this medicine? Oh, don't glare at me, I'll drink it." He finished the bitter medicine in one gulp and quickly put a candy in his mouth.
"By the way, Song Jianan, what will you choose in your science or arts major?"
"I don't know. Anyway, I'm pretty even in both arts and sciences, except for math, which is my worst subject. I'll think about it some more. Anyway, there's nothing I particularly want to study or am particularly good at. But you, you'll definitely study science."
"Yes, I want to study civil engineering, so I'll definitely study science."
"Keep it up!"
Back home, she felt much better. While munching on an apple, she mumbled, "Mom, what medicine did Duan Jiachen bring today? It's quite effective, but it tastes awful."
Song's mother was washing dishes, and not quite understanding the sound of the running water, she asked curiously, "What's wrong with Duan Jiachen? I didn't see him. What happened?"
Song Jianan paused for a moment, then quickly changed the subject, "It's nothing. I meant that the medicine I took this morning had too many side effects. I almost fell asleep when I went to study at noon. Luckily, Duan Jiachen woke me up, otherwise I would definitely have been late."
"Oh," Song's mother replied casually. "I told you, you're such a worry. You ran home without an umbrella and deserved to catch a cold. After you finish eating, go back to your studies. Don't be arrogant after you won a scholarship."
"Sigh, I know." Song Jianan listlessly threw the apple core in her hand into the trash can with a "bang," then took out her phone and secretly sent a message to Duan Jiachen, "Thank you for the medicine."
She didn't pay much attention to the lack of replies for a long time. After finishing her homework, she was overcome with sleepiness and went to bed.
Sure enough, a week later, the whole school held a large-scale parent mobilization meeting to discuss the division of students into arts and science classes and the establishment of art classes, followed by separate meetings for each class.
When Song's father got home, he immediately asked Song Jianan, "Nannan, you can choose between humanities and science. Your teacher recommends that you study humanities. Although humanities are similar to science, you have a good foundation and are more competitive, so you will naturally find it easier to learn. Therefore, you should spend more time studying math."
Song's mother was even more decisive, "What the teacher said must be right. Nan Nan, what are you hesitating for? Just fill in the liberal arts class."
Song Jianan remained silent and sullen. She was upset because she had been called in for talks by her teacher these past few days. She didn't want to study humanities. Although humanities was indeed her strength, studying humanities meant leaving her current class and classmates. Moreover, humanities classes were all in the humanities building, which would mean she would have even less chance to see the people she looked forward to seeing every day.
"Let me think about it for a moment." She stood up and slowly walked back to her bedroom, picked up her phone and sent a message to Su Li: "I don't know which one to choose between arts and sciences, what should I do, I'm so worried."
After waiting for a while without a reply, Song Jianan lay on the bed listlessly, feeling a sudden emptiness in her heart. About half an hour later, Su Li replied, "First, choose what you like; second, choose what suits you; third, choose what you won't regret; fourth, choose what has the best future prospects, isn't that enough?"
The fearlessness he feigned in front of his parents and teachers, the lingering fear of the future he barely concealed, whether in silence or outbursts, was a tangled mess in his heart, but ultimately, his words brought him some peace.
Like the clouds parting to reveal the sun, the future suddenly seemed clear, and she silently felt reassured.
Author's Note: There should be another update tonight...
Crawling away... I've been very diligent lately.
Chapter 7
The autumn rain had been falling for several days, so Song Jianan had to take the bus to school. It seemed like everyone in the school had agreed to take the bus together, as the small bus was packed with high school students wearing the same school uniform.
People from the same school naturally start talking a lot. The two girls standing next to Song Jianan started chatting and ended up talking about school gossip. One of them said, "Did you know that Xiao Fan from Class 12 has found a girl from another school? They say that girl has some connections in society, and she's probably someone important."
"That kind of man is too much of a womanizer. By the way, did you know that Su Li from Class 8 seems to be dating Qin Yuanyuan? They're doing it openly, and the teachers don't care."
"Oh no, really? Su Li? Are you sure you're talking about that Su Li—"
"Nonsense, who else could it be? I heard the girls in their class are heartbroken. If they had been more proactive, they might have had a chance."
The bus pulled into the station, still some distance from the school. People on the street were hurrying along, carrying umbrellas, splashing water and mud under the wheels, making it hard to dodge. Everyone was moving along their own path, and no one noticed her disheveled state by the roadside.
Song Jianan blankly opened her umbrella and slowly walked towards the school. Suddenly, the raindrops fell heavily, and the wind picked up. In this chaotic world, she could still clearly hear the broken sobs in her heart.
Not far away, two figures walked towards the school gate from the opposite direction. Su Li was wearing a school uniform suit and holding an umbrella, with a faint smile between his eyebrows and eyes. The girl next to him was wearing a light purple cotton-padded jacket over her sportswear and was gesturing about something. The two walked together, deliberately keeping a distance.
Upon closer inspection, the girl was none other than Qin Yuanyuan from the awards ceremony that day. Su Liqing's clear and refined features, Qin Yuanyuan's radiant smile, and the misty rain abruptly cut off the bustling sounds of traffic in Song Jianan's mind. The distant view returned to a soft blur, and she suddenly couldn't think of anything.
It felt like being deceived; the sweetest candy had turned into a poison that made life worse than death. The comical clown struggled to perform on the brightly lit stage until tears streamed down his face, only to find that there wasn't a single audience member.
It's just that when one person's dreams and aspirations are shattered by reality, there's a sadness that leaves one unable to cry or laugh.
Song Jianan sat blankly in her seat, not hearing a word the teacher said. There were boys behind her reading martial arts novels, so she tapped on the table and said, "Let me borrow one."
The boy was quite surprised. After looking at it suspiciously for a while, he pulled out a book that had already been read to pieces. "Be careful, don't let the teacher see it."
In "The Raven's Lament," Xu Huiye, on his deathbed, tells the woman he has wronged his entire life, "Ah Xiu, I have wronged you so much in this life. Now I sincerely wish for an afterlife, to be your true husband and wife. You may not like to hear this, but this is truly what I think." Lian Xiuren replies, "I only wish that in all future lives, we will never meet again."
Suddenly, tears streamed down her face uncontrollably. Song Jianan frantically searched for tissues to wipe them away, pretending to have a cold. She tried to compose herself, but when she noticed that her Chinese teacher was engrossed in his monologue, she felt even more overwhelmed and wanted to cry.
There's nothing really wrong, but I just have so many emotions that I need to find a way to release.
After class, she was still engrossed in the book, reading it over and over again, unable to put it down. The class monitor came over and patted her on the shoulder, "Song Jianan, the homeroom teacher wants you to go to the office now."
She was startled and quickly stuffed the book into the table, saying, "Okay."
Going to the office inevitably involves passing through Class 8, which is usually Song Jianan's favorite route. But now she'd rather not go there. She tells herself not to look into the windows of Class 8, but reason can't control the glimpse in her peripheral vision. The last bit of luck in her heart betrays her reason—the girl is standing by Su Li's desk, smiling. Su Li has his back to her and can't see clearly, but he must be smiling too.
So dazzling, along with jealousy and the deep-seated inferiority complex, wove a tight net that bound her firmly. The last bit of love in her heart was like a candle flame flickering in a storm, which could be destroyed by a single drop of rain or a gust of wind, leaving only a wisp of smoke and ashes.
Song Jianan didn't hear a word her homeroom teacher said. All she knew was that the teacher was advising her to think things through and not to insist on studying science, otherwise she would suffer more losses than gains.
Song Jianan was somewhat dazed, her mind filled with images of Su Li and Qin Yuanyuan. After the homeroom teacher finished speaking for a while, she bit her lip, her voice clear and cold, but with absolute certainty, "Teacher, I choose humanities."
Yes, she chose liberal arts, moved to the liberal arts building, and would never have any contact with Su Li again, never have to see him smiling at another girl. Song Jianan laughed. Her one-sided crush had dragged Su Li into her world, but none of this had anything to do with Su Li, did it?
After school, she deliberately stayed late before leaving. On her way to the bus stop, Song Jianan held an umbrella. The yellowish streetlights illuminated the road, and the puddles on the ground reflected the sparkling light. She walked slowly, unconsciously taking out her phone. With some difficulty, she pressed the menu to compose a text message, bit her lip, hesitated for a moment, and then snapped the phone shut with a "snap," decisive and resolute.
She took a long breath, slung her bag over her shoulder, and slowly walked toward the bus stop, inwardly mocking herself: What else do I need to do?
Buses passed by one after another, splashing up raindrops. The headlights slanted through the raindrops, creating a hazy scene that made one want to reach out and catch a leaping sprite. Someone called her name from behind. She turned around and saw that it was Duan Jiachen.
Duan Jiachen stood next to her, his school uniform trousers were already mostly wet, and glistening water droplets dripped gently down his forehead. He didn't speak, just silently looked at the bus stop sign.
The atmosphere suddenly became awkward, and Song Jianan was not in the mood to speak. It wasn't until the bus slowly pulled into the station that Duan Jiachen asked softly, "I heard you chose the humanities class?"
Song Jianan mischievously lowered her head, then leaned out to check the car, frantically pulling out her monthly pass. "Well, the car's here, let's go."
A tidal wave of people squeezed onto the bus. She managed to stand still with great difficulty. Duan Jiachen squeezed next to her and said in a low but cold and harsh voice, "Why didn't you choose science? Why did you suddenly change your mind?"
She forced a smile, trying to figure out how to answer such a question. Song Jianan could only shake her head with a smile, "There's no reason why, I just think studying humanities should be pretty good."
Duan Jiachen didn't answer. He turned to look out the window. The streetlights were diffused in the thin mist and rain, looking unreal, just like Song Jianan's answers to him, which always seemed perfunctory.
A strong sense of loss gripped him tightly, not only because she was about to leave, but also because she never told him any of her decisions. The more he wanted to understand her, the less he could get close to her. She seemed to be a mystery forever, and the more he tried to guess, the less he could understand her.