Счастье совсем рядом, за следующим поворотом

Глава 40

Shen Qing chuckled, "Are you underestimating my medical skills? She only has this one superficial wound. There are only two reasons why she's in such a deep sleep: either the shock was too great and she's gone mad, or she doesn't want to wake up. In short, you've provoked her."

Yan Shu didn't speak. Suddenly, my forehead was gently covered by two hands, and no one spoke for a long time.

After a long, long wait, Shen Qing finally sighed and said, "I really don't understand you. If you like someone, why go to such lengths? You only feel satisfied when you're driven to the brink of destruction. Now look what's happened..."

"Get out," Yan Shu said, his voice slightly hoarse.

"Can't we even talk about it...?"

"Get out!" Yan Shu said sternly, and I heard the clatter of cups and bowls hitting the ground.

Shen Qing cursed under his breath, his footsteps fading into the distance. Hearing the other man's voice trail off, he called out, "Beast! You turn your back on me like that! You deserve to be disliked by everyone for the rest of your life!"

The room suddenly fell silent; it seemed to be raining.

All I could hear was the patter of rain outside the window and Yan Shu's soft breathing. His palms were sweaty and sticky, which made me very uncomfortable.

After a long silence, he loosened his grip and gently kissed each of my fingers, light and cool. I heard his hoarse voice ask, "Are you angry with me?"

“Su Xie…” He rubbed his cheek against the back of my hand like a child, and whispered softly, “I’m actually afraid you’ll wake up… I’m afraid you’ll leave me, afraid you’ll make me angry again like before. Why can’t you stay by my side obediently?”

I heard the raindrops pattering on the eaves, one after another.

His warm breath touched my palm, and he said wearily, “Now it’s all right. Ruan Bicheng is dead, and no one will fight me for you anymore. You can give up now, Su Xie. From now on, you are mine… mine.”

On a rainy night, my sweaty fingers froze inch by inch on his face and in his hands. I was terrified of him; every breath and every heartbeat filled me with dread.

I don't know how long he stayed by my side like that, until I heard a maid outside the door say respectfully, "Priest, the leader requests your presence."

He responded, gently placed my hand under the covers, lowered his head to kiss my forehead, and whispered, "I'll be right back."

The wind rustled, and the footsteps faded into the distance. He heard him say to the maid, "Tell Changhuan to come and take care of Su Xie. No one else is allowed to approach without my permission."

Author's Note: I had a headache and took a day off, please forgive me, thank you. I was stuck on the last chapter because Su Xie's emotions reached a peak, and I didn't know how to express it well, my writing skills weren't good enough... it was too ridiculous, plus I had a headache, so I took a nap and went hiking, and felt much better when I came back. I felt a little heartbroken while writing this chapter... I hesitated several times about whether to write it this way, but some emotions are more painful to suppress, so I just let them out! You have to believe me, this is a lighthearted story... (Don't hit me! Don't throw your fist on the table! And definitely don't flip the table and hit the author...) Do you want to guess if the main character is really dead? This is very important!

Forty-seven

The rain seemed to have gotten heavier. When the door was pushed open, I could hear the incessant sound of rain and the damp, cool wind that swept in.

"Miss." Chang Huan came to my bedside. There was the sound of water being poured. Chang Huan's voice was among the sounds. He said, "I'll wipe your face for you, so you'll feel more refreshed."

A warm handkerchief was used to wipe my forehead carefully. Changhuan then wrung out the handkerchief to wipe my hands. Amid the pattering rain, I could hear him speaking softly to me.

"What are you thinking about, young lady?" His voice was soft and gentle, like a handkerchief rubbed in the palm of your hand. "You've been sleeping for so long and don't want to wake up. Are you angry with the priest? Or... did you have an extremely long dream?"

Yes, it's incredibly long, a bottomless abyss...

“You seem to have changed a lot, girl… You used to hate the priest but never fear him. You were never afraid of anything or anyone… Sometimes I think you are very similar to the priest, extreme and arrogant, and will stop at nothing to achieve your goals.”

He told me in detail about Su Xie, the girl he hated so much, who would rather die than bend. I used to want to be like her when I was young, strong enough to be invincible, so that I would never be slapped or whipped again...

“But now you’ve become soft-hearted, timid… a little stupid, a little useless, but you’re always smiling, as if nothing is a big deal.” He chuckled very softly, “Silly, without any malice towards anyone. When the girl came to the prison to save me, I wondered what kind of monster lived in Su Xie’s body, giving her such a warm and clear heart.”

“I always wonder, how long can you stay here?” He sighed. “You’re so stupid… always getting hurt, yet you never change. Isn’t there even a little bit of unhappiness or dissatisfaction in your life? Haven’t you ever held a grudge against anyone?”

Yes, I think so...

I hate that Ruan Bicheng dismissed me completely with just a few words about the bigger picture and her own difficulties.

I hate Yan Shu's so-called "liking" for forcing me into a corner.

I hate that my father is biased.

I hate that my aunt always bullies my mother.

I hate that Lu Mingyu and Lu Mingxiu are smarter and prettier than me.

I hate the Gu siblings, and I hate Ruan Lianhua too...

I hate everyone who never treated me sincerely...

But I hate myself even more. I'm always so useless. If... if it were Su Xie, I would never have let myself end up like this. But I am Lu Ning, the utterly useless Lu Ning.

I thought that one day I would escape from here, that one day I would meet someone who truly cares for me. I don't need to be beautiful, intelligent, strong, or cunning. I don't need to use any tricks. He will treat me sincerely and openly.

"Girl, do you know? When you went to save the High Priest, I almost thought you'd lost your mind..." Chang Huan chuckled. "How could there be such a foolish girl, doing something so harmful and pointless? The young master told me that you have a clear distinction between black and white in your heart; black is black, and white is white. From beginning to end, you only do what you think is right, or what you want to do is white..."

He asked me softly, "Do you regret it, girl? The person you thought was worth saving has now destroyed the black and white in your heart with his own hands."

I suddenly found him incredibly annoying, constantly rambling on and on about so much nonsense...

He chuckled and took a handkerchief to wipe my face, saying, "Why are you crying, young lady? Are you in pain?"

On a rainy night, I felt inexplicably miserable and thought I was going to die. I lay on the tatami mat and cried uncontrollably, unable to utter a single word.

That feeling... is like being stuffed into an airtight jar and sinking to the bottom of the sea, with no light, no sound, unable to breathe, just feeling yourself sinking and sinking... You're getting further and further away from your world, all alone, your chest being slowly emptied out...

You feel like you're about to die.

Changhuan watched me cry quietly, reached out to wipe my tears, and gently asked, "Are you sad because Ruan Bicheng died? You... liked him so much?"

I didn't know how to tell Changhuan, so I just grabbed his sleeve, covered my eyes, and said over and over again, "I can't forget him, I'll never forget him in my whole life... He died by my hand, and I'll never forget him for the rest of my life..."

Changhuan patted my back very lightly and said gently and quietly, "Maybe... he's not dead?"

I was crying and couldn't understand the meaning of his words for a moment, so I stared at him blankly.

He hesitated for a moment before saying, "I mean maybe. I heard that after you fainted, the High Priest took you in his arms and handed Ruan Bicheng's body over to Ye Baizhi to clean up. He instructed her and the Gu siblings to throw it out to feed the snow eagles. I went to check before I came, but there was nothing there..."

He watched my fingers tighten little by little, and then added, "I was just saying that I didn't see Ruan Bicheng's body, so maybe she's not dead?"

"Miss?" Chang Huan looked at me in a daze and called out to me tentatively.

I stared at the carved floral and vine designs on the ceiling above the bed, and after a long while, I finally asked, "Where did Yan Shu go?"

Changhuan replied, "It seems the young master wants to see the high priest. He asked me to tell you this before he came. He told you to wait patiently."

wait?

I sat up, covered my eyes with a handkerchief, and whispered, "Could you please distract the maid at the door?"

"Miss, what do you want to say..." Changhuan looked at me, hesitating to speak, but in the end she just pressed the dagger in her sleeve into my palm and said calmly, "Miss, please be careful in everything." She stood up, bowed to me, and turned to leave.

"Changhuan," I called out to him, "Have I disappointed you?"

Chang Huan traced her fingers on the doorframe, then smiled and said, "I'm quite surprised that the monster living inside you is so powerful. She seems to never despair... As long as there's a glimmer of light, just a tiny bit is enough."

I watched him push open the door and leave. Then, a torrential downpour flooded the hall, almost drowning out his voice. I couldn't hear what he said to the maid. A moment later, he turned to the side of the door and called to me, "Miss."

I put on my shoes and ran over in a few steps. He handed me an umbrella and said with a furrowed brow, "Changhuan, wait for the young lady to return."

I looked at the umbrella, reached out and hugged him in the pouring rain, and smiled. "Actually, things aren't always as bad as you think, are they?"

He paused for a moment, then smiled wryly and said, "Perhaps..."

==============================================================

I went to find Ye Baizhi during a long, dark night.

She was still in the garden where we lived. She opened the door and wasn't surprised to see me. She just smiled at me with the flickering candlelight behind her and said, "Sister Su Xie, you look terrible. Why did you come all this way in the rain?"

I couldn't hear clearly through the sound of the rain, and I didn't want to get entangled with her. I just couldn't bring myself to ask the question that I had thought about a thousand times on the way.

Did Ruan Bicheng die?

I was actually a little afraid of her answer.

She waited patiently for me, and said with a gentle smile, "If you have nothing to say, please go back. I'm very tired."

I reached out to close the door, but I grabbed it and pressed it down. I was so hasty and flustered that the door slammed against the wall with a clatter. I stared at her and said, "I want to see Ruan Bicheng."

She looked me up and down with a smile from a few steps away, her eyes sparkling with a charming smile. "Sister, you're joking. Ruan Bicheng has already been executed by the High Priest. What do you want to see?"

"I want to see her alive or dead!" I interrupted her, repeating in a slightly louder voice, "I want to see Ruan Bicheng."

She stared at me for a long time, about to say something, but I cut her off abruptly: "I don't know what you're planning or what you're up to, but I must see Ruan Bicheng today. If you don't know, I'll go straight to Yan Shu, even if it means being ground to dust, I'll still see his bones."

I met her gaze, turned to leave, and she suddenly said, "Come with me."

She led me into the house, locked the door, took the candle from the lampstand, and led me to the bed. She pressed a hidden compartment with her finger, and I heard a rumbling sound. The bed panels opened automatically, revealing a dark, secret room underneath.

"He's here?"

He didn't answer me, but led the way down the stairs inside the bed, and finally said to me, "Come down."

I heard a man's voice ask in a very low voice, "Who did you bring?"

It was Gu Shaoting's voice. I climbed down the stairs and barely managed to stand firm when a cold sword was pressed against my neck. Gu Shaoting said coldly behind me, "Su Xie?"

"Get out of the way," I said without turning around.

He didn't sheathe his sword, but merely sneered, "You actually dare to come looking for me..."

With a flick of my finger, the dagger in my sleeve plunged backward, the blade grazing my cheek and leaving a tiny cut. Gu Shaoting let out a muffled groan. I abruptly turned around and plunged the dagger into his flesh, saying, "I said get out of the way."

With a twist of the dagger, he staggered in pain, and the sword in his hand clattered to the ground.

"Brother!" Gu Biyun rushed over.

I suddenly drew my dagger and slapped Gu Shaoting as he rushed towards Gu Biyun. By the flickering lamplight, I looked around the small secret room, my gaze landing on the bed at the far end, and went straight there.

"Stop!" Gu Biyun helped Gu Shaoting up and drew her sword, shouting, "You vixen who killed my cousin, how dare you show your face here!"

I turned around abruptly to look at him. Blood was seeping from the small cut on his cheek. I stared at him and said, "Come here if you don't want to die."

"Biyun, don't be impulsive!" Gu Shaoting pressed one hand against the wound on his abdomen and stopped her with the other.

I paid them no mind. Before I turned around and collapsed, I could vaguely see a person lying inside the gauze curtains, but I couldn't see clearly. My fingers stiffly fiddled with the curtains for a long time before I finally managed to lift them open.

Ruan Bicheng lay there, her face ashen.

My chest was pounding so hard it felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. I reached out to feel his heartbeat, my fingers trembling very, very slightly.

Through the blood-soaked gauze, I could feel the slow beating in his chest, thump, thump.

Her heart skipped a beat and landed stiffly. It took her a long time to recover before she heard her own hoarse voice trembling as she said, "Ruan Bicheng..."

"He won't wake up." Ye Baizhi laughed behind me. "No one but me can wake him up. Su Xie, shouldn't you thank me?"

Forty-eight

Ye Baizhi walked over with a smile, lifted the bed curtains, and her fair fingers gently brushed across Ruan Bicheng's brow and cheek. She laughed and said, "He is indeed a beauty, but I never knew that Sister Su Xie loved him so deeply... even at the cost of angering the High Priest. If I hadn't saved him, your beauty leader would have already been in the Snow Eagle's belly. Sister, you should thank me properly."

"How do you want me to thank you?" I asked her. "You think you've got it all planned out? Just give me what you want."

Ye Baizhi feigned surprise and laughed, "Does Sister love him that much? Would you do anything for him?"

I laughed too. "Ye Baizhi, didn't you already assume I would save him? I don't think you'd let me take him away so easily, would you? If you brought me here, you must be absolutely certain. Why beat around the bush?"