The rickety manual transmission van must be at least ten years old.
Zhou Qishen took off his trench coat, tossed it to the back seat, and skillfully got into the driver's seat. He started the car, clutched the clutch, and shifted gears with practiced ease. He said, "I joined the army at eighteen and drove military trucks for three months. I didn't need to take a test; I was issued a driver's license directly. Back then, I would drive for more than ten hours at a time, going up mountains and into the wilderness. That's how I got the skills."
Seeing his demeanor, Ruan Fei knew what was going on.
Zhou Qishen was probably a little cocky, and he was even turning the steering wheel with one hand. As a result, he released the clutch too quickly, and the car stalled.
Ruan Fei laughed, "It's okay, this car is just not very easy to drive."
Later, on the way back, Zhou Qishen asked, "How much do you earn a month driving a car?"
"More than three thousand, and around five thousand during the peak tourist season."
"Where is Xiao Bei's father?"
"He died of liver cancer ten years ago."
Zhou Qishen paused for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry."
Upon arrival, Ruan Fei got out of the car first, rummaged through the trunk and pulled out a black bag, handing it to Zhou Qishen. "This is Bixuecao that I got from a reliable person. You can't buy it outside. Take it back for Xixi. You can use it to make soup or porridge."
Zhou Qishen accepted it.
"Go back tomorrow, don't let the girl worry." A wind picked up, blowing in gusts, the chill of the northwest night still lingering. Just like Ruan Fei's attitude at this moment, Zhou Qishen already knew the answer.
He nodded, his expression no longer showing any other emotion. "Okay. Then please take care of yourself."
Just as he was about to turn around, Ruan Fei suddenly called out to him, "Xiao Shen."
Zhou Qishen shuddered, feeling a jolt of electricity.
“Some things, you came here with good intentions, and I understand your intentions,” she said.
Zhou Qishen also understood her feelings.
Life is like a journey, and I am but a traveler. At some turning point, she made her choice, and the scenery of that journey, good or bad, has been waved goodbye to. Time flies, a new life begins, and she doesn't want to look back.
The world is full of suffering; see through it, but don't speak of it.
Most of the time, inner desires and obsessions are nothing more than a tug-of-war within ourselves, a process of self-fulfillment.
At that moment, Zhou Qishen seemed to hear the sound of his heart making peace with his regrets. He turned around, his smile bright and open, like the bright moon, gentle breeze, and ladder to the clouds; his sorrows were gone, and his inner demons had been extinguished.
He sincerely said, "If Xiao Bei needs help when he takes the college entrance exam in the future, I can recommend a few professors for him."
Ruan Fei smiled, unable to hide her pride, "He also mentioned that he wanted to take the exam to go to Beijing."
Zhou Qishen nodded, "Then tell him to keep going, I'll be waiting for him in Beijing."
After saying that, Zhou Qishen bid farewell decisively without lingering and then drove away.
The taillights flashed, adding a touch of crimson to the monotonous night.
After driving for about ten meters, the Prado noticeably slowed down, and a few seconds later, it sped away again, kicking up dust.
Ruan Fei stood there, gazing in the direction Zhou Qishen had left, for a long, long time before finally heading home.
――
Thunderstorms and heavy rain continued in Xining for a day, causing flight delays. Zhou Qishen arrived in Beijing on Wednesday.
Teacher Zhao was worried about leaving her daughter alone, so Zhao Xiyin had been staying at her own home for the past few days. She only returned to her apartment in Fanyue today.
At three in the morning, Zhou Qishen returned home covered in dust.
He opened the door gently, leaving his luggage in the entryway. To avoid making any more noise, he went barefoot into the master bedroom. Knowing he was home, Zhao Xiyin hadn't closed the door tightly before going to bed, leaving it ajar, the warm yellow light from the nightlight just right.
She lay on her side on the edge of the bed, her face serene and peaceful, a tranquil expression on her face.
The moment Zhou Qishen saw her, all his fatigue vanished, and the remaining distracting thoughts in his mind crumbled instantly.
Home is where the heart finds peace.
He quietly walked over, knelt on one knee, and gently brushed away the stray hairs from Zhao Xiyin's face.
She woke up at the slightest touch.
Her eyes were still sleepy, but upon seeing him, they instantly became clear and bright. Her voice was slightly hoarse as she said, "Honey, you're back."
Zhou Qishen smiled and said, "Yes, I'm back."
Zhao Xiyin didn't ask about the cause or the consequences, nor did she put pressure on him. She simply reached out her hand naturally and said sweetly, "Brother Zhou, give me a hug."
Zhou Qishen took off his coat, lifted the blanket, and sat on the bed. He held Zhao Xiyin tightly in his arms.
Zhao Xiyin wanted to look up at him, but Zhou Qishen covered her face with his palm, "--Shh."
Zhao Xiyin fell completely silent, nestling obediently in the man's arms.
Zhou Qishen's voice grew hoarse as he said, "Xiao west, I will be a good father. I want him to grow up well and have a good childhood. I will take him to see the world and let him know that people are both great and insignificant. I will teach him to read and write, and teach him the principles of life, so that he has both the means to stand on his own two feet in the world and an unyielding childlike enthusiasm. I will be his pride, and at the same time, I want him to believe that one day, he will surpass me, and I will be proud of him too."
Zhou Qishen gripped Zhao Xiyin's hand tightly, his hand trembling slightly. Towards the end, he choked up. All those childhood losses, regrets about family, the pain of growing up, the hardships of life—all of these things seemed to melt away like wind and rain, soothing the hardened and resentful spirit that had been hidden deep within this man's heart for decades.
He was like a child struggling desperately in a lost world, stumbling and falling, suffering injuries and setbacks. But at this moment, he finally found a haven of gentle comfort. He kissed Zhao Xiyin's forehead, his hot lips pressed against the girl's delicate skin.
The moonlit night was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Later, Zhao Xiyin felt a warm, moist droplet falling onto her brow.