When Xia Mengmeng called to invite me to her company's client appreciation dinner, I readily agreed. Because I finally understood that death itself isn't scary; what's scary is the process of waiting to die. And with Xia Mengmeng there, I could at least have a couple of hours to temporarily forget about the time bomb in my bag.
"What did you say?" The cup in my hand almost flew out of my hand, because Xia Mengmeng told me that Cui Wuyue had died a year ago when she gave birth to her daughter. So this was what she had been holding back and wanted to tell me.
"I thought..."
"What do you think? You're always so self-righteous!" Xia Mengmeng interrupted me arrogantly. I wisely shut my mouth. When someone, especially a woman, vents all the pent-up frustration of almost half a month, anyone with a modicum of rationality shouldn't make any effort to reason with her.
"Where's the child?" I finally found a chance to ask after Xia Mengmeng had been talking non-stop for almost an hour and a half.
"The child is beautiful, frighteningly beautiful!" Xia Mengmeng's words, spoken under the dazzling midday sun, suddenly sent a chill down my spine. I wondered if it was because the close connection between a person's birth and death gave me a very eerie feeling.
"What?" Xia Mengmeng asked me, very perceptive.
“I think you’re like a witch,” I answered her honestly.
"Hmph, you'll soon find out the serious consequences of speaking ill of me to my face like that." Xia Mengmeng curled her lip slyly, then suddenly smiled brightly and called out charmingly to my back, "Hello, President Lin! Long time no see!"
I almost laughed myself to death. "If you really meet 'President Lin,' according to the seventh and third rules of Xia's flirting code, your cheesiness index is three points short of passing."
"She's been saving a lot of electricity since she got married." The voice that suddenly came from behind me made me think I was seeing a ghost—it was Willson's voice I hadn't heard in so long!
I felt my entire spine stiffen, and before I could think, I jumped up and tried to run. But someone grabbed me, and through the two layers of linen fabric, I immediately felt that familiar warmth. "I owe you an explanation," Willson's voice surged at me like an impenetrable tidal wave, suffocating me.
"I'm going to attend to some socializing over there. Excuse me, you guys chat first." Xia Mengmeng walked out with a smug and flirtatious sway of her hips. I squeezed my legs together to avoid accidentally kicking her, three words swirling in my mind—"troublemaker!"
Feeling a bit hot, I realized that Willson was still holding my left arm, so I naturally pulled my hand away. Willson was slightly taken aback, and so was I; for a moment, we both felt awkward.
Finally, I sat down again and noticed that my legs were shaking a little. This bad habit of my legs shaking when I'm nervous always betrays me at crucial moments.
"It's been over a year since we last met, and you've become even more beautiful." Willson's words almost made me die laughing. I sincerely hoped that these words would make the two big blisters on my lips burst out of embarrassment. "It's been over a year since we last met, and you've become good at sweet talk. I remember you never used to bother with flattery."
“I’m telling the truth, I’m not flattering you,” Willson said, looking me straight in the eye without any politeness.
"Your expression is too serious; I'll take it seriously." I smiled calmly, casually averting my eyes.
“I told you I wanted to have dinner with you. See? You can’t leave now.” Willson’s expression held a childlike smugness. I’ve always thought that a man, especially a handsome man, has a captivating charm when he acts childlike, so I easily forgave myself for my twelve-second lapse in concentration.
"You still eat with such complete immersion." Willson's nostalgic tone gave me the illusion of time flowing backward. But I know that time cannot be reversed, just as fallen leaves will not grow back on the tree, and the abalone I ate will not tempt my taste buds again.
"Do you know how long I've been looking for you?" Willson asked me, completely ignoring my discomfort.
“I’d rather not know.” I was a little angry. Some memories are like red wine, some like white vinegar, and the part about Willson was all like concentrated sulfuric acid.
“You’re finally angry,” Willson said with a sigh of relief. “You were so unfamiliar with that aloof and polite manner just now.”
I carefully examined the dishes on the table and decided to feed myself for half an hour and then escape quickly. This place was dangerous and not a place to stay for long. I once read that when a frog is illuminated by the bright light of a flashlight in the dark, it can only lie motionless on the ground, completely unable to resist. If I were that frog, there would be two such bright lights in my life, one is Willson, and the other is Yin Tianyu. However, one is in the past, and the other is about to be in the past, because when I thought of Yin Tianyu, my heart unexpectedly twitched with pain.
But Willson didn't seem to have any intention of letting me off the hook. "I told you, I owe you an explanation."
"Can I choose to be selectively deaf?" I smiled bitterly. "Your explanation is no longer important to me." My words were earnest yet heartbreaking.
"Why are you acting so strangely? If it's really not important, you can just treat it like a story. Why are you so afraid to hear it? Or do you still have expectations for my explanation? Having expectations makes you even more afraid of disappointment?" Willson leaned closer, staring intently into my eyes. I was so startled that I jerked back, just as a waiter carrying a tray walked by. My head hit the tray squarely, making a loud clatter. The waiter rushed over to apologize, and Willson grabbed me, asking if I was hurt. I lay on the floor, busy picking up the bowls and forks that had fallen to the floor... It was a complete mess.
"Hey Willson, is it trendy to fight with hotel staff these days? You want to make headlines like me?" someone said, trying to suppress a laugh from above. I froze on the ground, my butt sticking out. Even from billions of light-years away, I recognized Yin Tianyu's voice.
I have never hated anyone so much in my life. Even when Ren Xiaoqi almost slapped me across the face, I only felt sorry for her. But today I really hate Xia Mengmeng. She actually let me meet Yin Tianyu under such circumstances while I had two big blisters on my lips. Even if it was another "chance encounter", I could clearly smell the malicious conspiracy in the air.
Every time Yin Tian and I met, it seemed to be cursed by a terrible law: no matter how miserable I looked the last time we met, this time would definitely be even more disastrous.
But I couldn't just lie there on the ground forever, especially since Willson, who showed me no mercy, pulled me up and said, "Tianyu! I was just about to come find you later. But it seems Miss Li Hao is in trouble again. It's strange where I got the courage to ask her to be my assistant in the first place."
I caught a glimpse of a petite woman standing next to Yin Tianyu. She was fairly pretty, and I felt like I'd seen her somewhere before, but I couldn't quite place her. Seeing her gaze so intimately fixed on Yin Tianyu made my blood rush to my head. Yin Tianyu, probably unprepared to see me here, also paused for a moment, but quickly regained his composure—so quickly I thought I was seeing things. He even smiled slightly and nodded at me, "Then I won't bother you any longer. We'll talk later." With that, he took the woman's arm and walked away.
My eyes followed uncontrollably, capturing the scene of Yin Tian and the woman sitting together, chatting and laughing, each image burning like a tiny, painful bubble in my heart. But I couldn't help having some unrealistic fantasies. For a moment or two, I even had the illusion that his gaze pierced through the layers of elegant clothes and flowing hair, drifting this way. But when I focused my mind, I saw his eyes completely fixed on the woman's face and smile.
Part Two, Chapter Thirty-Two
I don't know when I started to become so selfish, because throughout the whole process I didn't think of A-Lian at all, forgot to feel sorry for my friend from a friend's perspective, and my heart was only filled with the heartache of my unrequited love.
I simply didn't have the wisdom or energy to stay any longer, so I pushed back my chair and said to Willson, "Sorry, I have something to do. Let's talk another time."
But Willson, as if afraid I would run away, reached over the table and grabbed me: "What are you doing? Where are you going? I finally found you."
"I want to go home."
“But I haven’t finished speaking.” Once Willson gets stubborn, nothing can change his mind.
"I don't have time to listen, and I don't want to listen, because I've changed my mind. I'm no longer the Li Hao I used to be. I'm a bad woman, a woman who steals other people's husbands, who steals her friends' partners, who's fickle and scheming. What's the point of explaining to a woman like me? Please, just let me go home, okay?" It seems I won't be able to say goodbye to Willson properly tonight.
"Why are you always like this? All you do when there's a problem is run away? Do you know that your running away a year ago not only killed our child but also deeply hurt me?!" Willson angrily pointed at me.
My vision is blurry. I know, I know perfectly well, that once you make a mistake, you'll be subjected to countless trials and tribulations throughout your life, with all sorts of people whipping your conscience into the sunlight. Willson has never been a considerate lover, especially towards those he considers "his own." His emotions are even more raw and unforgiving. So, normally, I could process these words with some effort and time. But at this moment, I forgot that my nerves were already fragile from the lottery ticket in my pocket that determined the fate of "Blooming." These accusations, however, became like the magical AK-47 that Iraqi farmers used to defeat the Americans—the "Apache"—suddenly shattering the last vestige of clarity in my mind. My nerves finally broke completely!
I don't remember the details very well anymore, only that the blood from my left wrist splattered out in a subtle arc, like a water hose had been poked. I don't know if it was something wrong with my mental state, but I didn't feel much pain or fear; I just felt a sense of relief.
The smell of blood brought me back to my senses. Looking at the stunned Willson, I tossed the shards of glass in my right hand, smiled, and said, "Is this enough to make up for it?"
After saying that, I turned and walked out. I swear, I've always cherished my life like I cherish money, and I never thought of giving myself away like this. So, as soon as I came to my senses, I walked out as fast as I could; I needed to go to the emergency room! After a few steps, I saw Xia Mengmeng walking towards me. I turned my head and quickly walked towards the elevator. I was angry about her little scheme, so I didn't want to apologize to her for staining the tablecloth.
I was almost at the door when I heard Willson calling my name and chasing after me. Not wanting to argue with him any longer, I saw the elevator doors closing and rushed in. The doors closed behind me. I pinched the vein in my left hand with my right hand, exhaled softly, and a faint scent of citrus and sage wafted into my nostrils. Looking up, I saw Yin Tianyu standing inside, holding a phone. I whirled around and heard him say into the phone, in his usual tone, "Okay, wait for me at Looby, I'll be right down." Then came the sound of him hanging up. Silence fell over the elevator.
I didn't believe Yin Tianyu wouldn't recognize me from behind, especially since it was just the two of us in that small space. Yet, behind me, there was only an unfathomable silence.