Hu Sanniang waved her hand and stood up, shouting, "Baozi is my sworn sister, Xiaoqiang. How are you going to marry her? Let me tell you, don't expect to get a few beat-up cars and bring her home."
I said, annoyed, "Then what do you think?"
"If you ask me, we'd have to be carried back in a sedan chair by eight men."
Upon hearing this, the crowd erupted in cheers. Most of those present were not from this era; while they might be used to the daily hustle and bustle of traffic, they preferred elaborate weddings with red decorations and tall horses.
After Hu Sanniang made this suggestion, even those who weren't customers joined in the fun. They usually only saw the elaborate procession on TV, so who wouldn't want to see it in person? — How wicked of them!
I asked with a smile, "Where did you get the sedan chair and the horses?"
Everyone laughed: "We have horses, but we'll buy sedan chairs on the spot."
I wiped my sweat: "Who's going to carry it?"
Everyone laughed: "You don't need to carry it."
I've figured it out now. No matter where these people come from, they're definitely going to mess with me this time. I've never thought there's any difference between being a groom on horseback and being paraded through the streets on horseback. Most people just watch it as a joke, and they don't care whether you end up on the execution ground or in the bridal chamber—I think it's pretty much the same.
I said with a pained expression, "It's not a short trip back and forth like this!"
Wu Sangui suddenly pulled a map from his pocket and placed it on the projector. This was his game tool with Hua Mulan, and it was covered in scribbles. Xiuxiu exclaimed, "Why is it all circles and crosses?"
People turned around, covering their mouths and grinning mischievously. Xiuxiu, bewildered, asked Huarong, "What are they laughing at?" Huarong was even more confused than her, pulling on Pang Wanchun beside her and asking, "Did Xiuxiu say something wrong?"
Wu Sangui coughed awkwardly twice and pointed to the map, saying, "Judging from the map, Yucai is very close to Baozi's house, so our large group can start from Yucai, grab Baozi, return to the new house, and then take a car to the restaurant."
Hua Mulan said, "You won't succeed so easily. I will build a defensive line in front of Baozi's house."
Wu Sangui pondered for a moment and said, "Hmm, then a battle will take place here." He then drew an X over Baozi's house...
After this meeting, although I had to ride a horse to marry Baozi, I managed to resolve many issues. From fruit and cigarettes to alcohol and various small odds and ends, everything was taken care of by designated people. Actually, thinking about it, it wasn't so bad, since I was the one riding a horse to pick her up; she only needed to sit in a sedan chair. If she had ridden a horse while I rode in a sedan chair, I might as well have died.
On the way back, I said to Li Shishi, "Cousin, I have another favor to ask of you. Your sister-in-law doesn't know about my purchase of the villa yet. After leaving their house, we still need to go back to the pawnshop first. I'll give her a surprise at the end, so you still need to make some arrangements there."
Li Shishi smiled and said, "I understand."
I then turned to Mulan and said, "Sister, you can go against the tide and help Baozi if you want, but you have to keep the sedan chair a secret for me."
Mulan: "...Okay."
"Then we've formed a pact of mutual defense!" I thought, stroking my chin. Actually, having Wu Sangui infiltrate Baozi's house would be a pretty good idea; he could even open the door for me in a pinch...
Chapter Thirty-Six: Wedding Photos
Marriage is something that most people who have been through it understand all too well. It's not just about finding a woman you like, getting a marriage certificate, and having a meal together. In reality, you have to go through a lot of unheard-of tedious things. As the saying goes, the two things that men find painful but actually pleasurable are pooping and sex, while the thing that seems joyful but is actually painful is getting married.
Luckily, my friend Xiaoqiang has many friends, and they helped with things like red ribbons, red paper, tea cakes, and more. However, there's one thing no one can help with: taking wedding photos. Many men reading this might chuckle knowingly; yes, taking wedding photos is definitely the beginning of a long nightmare.
Women are naturally drawn to photography; it's undeniable, especially when they're young. Go out and observe—you'll see men carrying cameras, but they're the ones taking pictures of women. Men love photographing landscapes, while women prefer to stand amidst them and let men take their pictures, thinking they're beautiful and can add color to the world. In reality, many stunning landscape photos become unappealing simply because of a woman grinning foolishly in the background.
Baozi is relatively restrained in this regard; when she goes out to play and take photos, it's mostly to replace carving "XX was here" on trees as a souvenir. But this doesn't stop her enthusiasm for taking wedding photos.
We chose a mid-range package, but even so, I still changed into over a dozen outfits. Aside from the main wedding dress, we had to take photos in various costumes: landlord and landlady attire, scholar and beauty attire, everyday clothes, and even make all sorts of funny faces. Sometimes I was a submissive girl being led by the ear by a steamed bun, sometimes a deeply affectionate gentleman proposing, and sometimes a radical youth from the May Fourth Movement wearing a scarf and tortoiseshell glasses. Finally, the photographer dragged us to various murals in different settings; we rolled around on the Hulunbuir Grassland, kissed in front of Niagara Falls, and even flew on the bow of the Titanic…
By the end of the shoot, I was so exhausted I collapsed into a chair. I really wanted the photographer to just take a picture like this, with Baozi lying on top of me, and call it the "Exhausted" picture, or even just the "Widow's Lament" picture.
If I were the photographer, I'd invent a way to have the bride pose with a mannequin, then Photoshop the groom's face onto it. It'd definitely be a hit with the men. I really envy my parents' generation. I've seen their wedding photos; they were young then, both so reserved, peeking their heads into the camera lens, serious and unsmiling. If you looked at it from one side, you wouldn't even recognize it as a couple's photo. Can today's young people do that? Even if you crop a couple's photo into a single shot, there's always half an ear and a mouth on their face.
After taking photos, Baozi and I strolled hand in hand down the street. I asked her, "Where would you like to go for your honeymoon after we get married?"
Baozi pouted and asked, "Do we still have any money?"
I also scoffed, "I have the money, but I'm afraid I won't have the time."
Baozi curled his lip again: "How shameless! He acts like he's some big shot."
I suddenly realized that I seem to have really become the kind of person who has no time once I have money. After closing the pawnshop, I will be facing all sorts of customers, and I really don't know what will happen once I leave. Otherwise, I would really like to take Baozi out for a stroll.
When I got home, Liu Bang and Fengfeng were there too, carrying several heavy boxes filled with suits. They were for my wedding day with Ersha.
Jing Ke had changed into a sharp suit, the label hanging loosely on the cuffs, and stood in front of the mirror, admiring himself. You know what, you wouldn't believe it until you see him; Er Sha's broad shoulders and slim waist looked incredibly dashing in a suit. I hadn't even realized that the idiot was a handsome guy.
As I tried on my outfit, I quietly asked Li Shishi, "Do you think it would be appropriate for me to wear this outfit and ride a horse to my wedding?"
Li Shishi chuckled softly: "I prepared it for you a long time ago."
I said, "What about your sister-in-law?"
Li Shishi rolled her eyes at me and said, "Stop worrying about things that aren't your business."
Hua Mulan smiled and said, "I brought Baozi for her when I went the day before, but it's a secret for now."
We looked at Baozi together, and seeing her looking completely clueless, we all shrugged and grinned mischievously.
Baozi asked, bewildered, "What are you doing? Did you eat something dirty?"
I pulled Qin Shi Huang aside and said, "Brother Ying, you still have to bring me something that day, especially for those guests from 'afar,' please take care of them for me."
I figured that the fat man, having been an emperor before, was also quite easygoing, so people would probably give him some face. Qin Shi Huang chuckled and said, "Is that alright?"
At this moment, Xiang Yu also returned, followed by a slender young woman named Zhang Bing.
This was the second time that Baozi, Li Shishi, and the others had met Zhang Bing since the last dinner party ended badly. Although Li Shishi already knew Zhang Bing's identity, the first meeting was quite awkward, and no one greeted each other first.
But the first person Zhang Bing saw was Liu Bang. We know that Yu Ji followed Xiang Yu through countless battles, so she was no stranger to Liu Bang, and Yu Ji's death was largely due to the Chu-Han Contention. Upon seeing him, Zhang Bing's face hardened with uncertainty, and he hesitated, stammering, "Liu...Liu..."