Ya Ping frowned angrily and said, "Look at you! I told you not to, not to, but you insisted! Now look what happened! If it falls, you'll be sorry!" Perhaps because it was the middle of the night, and he was already grumpy from getting out of bed, Ya Ping spoke without thinking. As soon as Li Juan jumped up, her voice rose: "I didn't do it on purpose. It wasn't like I wanted it to fall. We don't even know what will happen yet, and you're already getting angry. It's clear you don't treat me like a human being at all, and you're only thinking about your son. Don't you think about..."
If this falls, how much suffering would I endure? And you call yourself a husband! You're worse than an animal.
Yaping's voice rose even higher: "I don't think about you? I've told you so many times no, no, but you keep pestering me. You've always been willful and never considered anyone else, not even the child in your belly!"
"What are you yelling about! That thing is on your body. If you didn't want it, would I have raped you? If you really cared about the child, you would have chosen to sleep in separate beds on the very first day! Now that something has happened, you have no responsibility whatsoever and all you do is blame your wife. What good will it do to scold me now? If it's gone, it's gone. Instead of comforting me, you argue with me in the middle of the night. You have no humanity. I've finally seen your true colors, Yaping. You only see a person's true heart in times of trouble!"
Her mother-in-law was already banging loudly on the door: "Yaping! What are you doing making so much noise in the middle of the night? Do you think she's going to be angry? How can you be so inconsiderate! We can talk about it tomorrow, go to sleep!"
Yaping opened the door, shirtless, and shouted at his mother, "She's bleeding!"
The mother-in-law rushed into the bedroom in a panic, yanked back the covers, and tried to pull off Lijuan's underwear. Lijuan, startled, covered herself and cried out, "Oh!"
"What are you afraid of? Let me see how serious the situation is. I've been through this before, I know a thing or two!" Given the urgency of the situation, Lijuan had no choice but to let her mother-in-law take a look.
The mother-in-law said gravely, "Lie down quickly, don't get angry or anxious. I'll put a warm towel on your stomach to protect it. We'll call a car to the hospital first thing tomorrow morning." Then she turned to Yaping and asked, "What happened to her? Why did she suddenly become like this?"
Yaping said angrily, "Ask her yourself!"
Lijuan glared angrily at Yaping.
"Go sleep on the sofa, I'll stay with Lijuan tonight," Yaping's mother ordered.
The next morning, Yaping took Lijuan to the hospital. They queued up and registered.
Lijuan's sanitary napkin was already stained with a large red patch, just like during her period. Lijuan was in despair.
The doctor repeatedly scanned Lijuan's lower abdomen with an ultrasound, then said regretfully, "It's no use, the gestational sac has fallen out and can't be found. It can't be saved. You'll need a D&C! Go to the operating room and wait in line."
"How could this happen? Is it because we had sex the day before yesterday?"
"Not necessarily. The reasons are complex; it could be a problem with the embryo itself. It's hard to say. It's a good thing to miscarry! It's better than finding out there's a problem after it's fully developed. You're still young, don't worry."
"Then... then won't you become infertile later?"
"No. Just rest and keep clean. This is a big hospital." Lijuan was completely confused, not knowing which of the doctor's words were true and which were false. People's mouths are fickle; they can say whatever they want.
Lijuan and Yaping returned home with long faces. Yaping didn't say a word the whole way. Lijuan felt that Yaping was blaming her. Lijuan wanted to apologize, but she didn't want to say a single soft word. Lijuan was in pain, both physically and mentally. As she lay on the operating table, feeling the cold instruments churning inside her, her heart broke, and her mind became hazy. How she wished that when she walked out of the operating room, Yaping would give her a strong hug, making her feel that the world wasn't so bad. But when she stepped out the door, Yaping simply stood up from his chair, pulled her away, and didn't even ask, "Does it hurt?"
Yaping was heartbroken. He felt like a murderer, knowingly and deliberately killing his own child while in a conscious state. This self-reproach made him speechless. He didn't blame Lijuan, but he just didn't want to speak. While Lijuan suffered on the operating table, Yaping's pain was no less. Before the child was born, Yaping hadn't longed for it; after it came, he only felt a sense of novelty. He suddenly realized the child's existence and its inextricable connection to him that night, in the midst of the collision, in the wildness, a cold sweat broke out on his back. He had a bad feeling then, and when that premonition came true, he realized how much he had hoped the child could live. It's only when you lose something that you realize how precious and irreplaceable it was.
“The doctor said it could also be due to bad genes, which were naturally selected out,” Lijuan finally spoke.
Yaping remained silent. Lijuan's words did nothing to alleviate Yaping's guilt. He stubbornly believed that he was the one who had caused it all.
Back home, neither Lijuan nor Yaping could face the expectant gaze of Yaping's mother.
Seeing the grief-stricken faces of the two women, Yaping's mother knew all was lost. The whole family was shrouded in a silent, gloomy atmosphere. Yaping's mother patted Lijuan's shoulder and said, "It's a disaster, both natural and man-made. Try harder next time!"
Lijuan is extremely sensitive now; even a casual remark can make her think for a long time. "What are natural disasters and man-made calamities? Does this man-made calamity refer to me?"
That night, Yaping's father lay in bed and asked Yaping's mother, "Tell me, how did this child just disappear? Did Yaping misbehave and cause the miscarriage? The night before last, I really wanted to ask you to knock on his door; the noise was so loud."
“I knew I hadn’t misjudged Lijuan. She’s completely clueless. How could someone like you, who’s about to become a mother, cause so much trouble like Yaping? I just said one less thing, told them to sleep in separate rooms, and now look what’s happened. Sigh! They’re adults, and we old folks shouldn’t be meddling in everything. But how can we not? We can’t leave them alone for a single day. I’m practically watching over them, and this is how things go wrong. You tell me, is this something we old folks should be saying? These two kids are such a worry. They can’t do anything right, especially Lijuan, she can’t even take care of a baby. That night she started bleeding, and when I went to check, Yaping was furious and told me to ask Lijuan what happened. Now I even suspect she did it on purpose! Now the baby’s gone, and there’s nothing else we can do here, so let’s go back! The flowers and the cat in that other room need someone to look after them.”
Yaping's father said, "She just had a miscarriage, shouldn't we stay a few more days to take care of her?"
Yaping's mother said, "She has her own mother here, so it's alright. I'm leaving because I can't stay another day. The thought of losing my grandson makes me sad. If I put on a sour face, she'll resent me. You can't expect me to smile for her. I should leave as soon as possible!"
"OK."
The next day, Yaping's mother said goodbye to Lijuan, who was lying in bed.
“Juan! Your dad and I are free now, so we're thinking of going back as soon as possible. The other room is empty, the flowers are drying, and no one is feeding the cat. What do you think? If you feel you need us, we can stay and take care of you for a few days.”
Lijuan immediately replied, "No need, I'm fine now. Go back quickly! Don't let anything happen."
Lijuan only called her mother three days after her miscarriage, three days after her in-laws left. When Lijuan's mother rushed over, looking at the deserted house, tears welled in her eyes. "That old hag is heartless! Oh! My child is like this, and she just walks away. I told you before, she wasn't being kind to you; her kindness was only for the child in your belly. In this world, the only people who will truly care for you are your own parents. You can't even rely on your husband! And you pity her, saying you'll take care of her when you're old! Bullshit! Remember this: if she treats you like this today, and then she comes back, you drag her out and throw her into the Huangpu River! Bear children for her family?! No way! From now on, you'll have Yaping get a tubal ligation, it'll save you trouble!"
"I'm already like this, can't you at least pour me a glass of water? All you do is stand there and stir things up." Lijuan said, leaning to one side.
She hadn't seen Yaping smile for two days, and she hadn't been eating well either. She felt terrible. When her mother came, she didn't offer a single word of comfort; all she did was scold her.
"Oh! Oh! You lie down, I'll go get you a glass of milk." Lijuan's mother ran to the kitchen. "There's not even any milk at home! That vicious old hag!" Lijuan's mother started cursing again, and Lijuan had a terrible headache.
Lijuan's mother brought over a cup of brown sugar water and said, "Look at those two old bastards! They left without even leaving a bite to eat. Did they expect you to go out and buy something yourself? Yaping is even worse! You miscarried, and he didn't care at all! He still went to work. And, with such a big thing happening, why didn't Yaping call to tell me? I entrusted my daughter to him, and he reported it immediately when I was pregnant, but now that she's gone, he doesn't say a word? No way! I have to go find him and settle the score. I want to ask him what happened." Lijuan's mother couldn't wait to go find Yaping.
"Mom, it's not Yaping's problem. The doctor said it might be that the embryo was defective and was lost through natural selection."
"What do you mean? Is there something wrong with Yaping's sperm? I've never seen him exercise. He sits in front of the computer all day. How can a man like that have sperm that can swim? It must be something wrong with him!"
"Stop talking nonsense! Ugh! You're so annoying."
“Daughter, let me tell you, this family has a bad heart. Can’t you see it? Northerners are especially selfish. They treat women like possessions, they don’t know how to cherish them. Back then, with so many southerners and Shanghainese, why did you choose a northerner? How many families would be all smiles one day and then leave the next day after the child is gone?”
"They left because there was no one to look after the house, and the flowers and cat were dying."
"Nonsense! There were already people in the family when you were pregnant? Did the tabby cat survive? Did you die after your miscarriage? This only proves that in their eyes, their grandson is the most important, and you are completely dispensable. Whether it's you or another woman who becomes their daughter-in-law, it doesn't matter to them. You're just a tool for raising children. Your status in their family is even lower than that of a tabby cat!" Lijuan's mother confused the flower and the cat, simply referring to it as the tabby cat.
"These are things I shouldn't say as a mother, because if I do, you'll accuse me of sowing discord. But I'm afraid you won't open your eyes and see if I don't say them! Lijuan! You need to be more careful in the future. Keep a close eye on Yaping's money and save some money for yourself. What if they abandon you one day? You'll have nothing left. I regret it now. I should have put the house in your name only. Yaping's family didn't contribute any money. Why should they get half?"
"Mom! Can't you say something nice?!"
"What I'm saying may be harsh, but it's the truth! Don't be so naive, young lady. Don't let some outsider fool you. In the end, he'll occupy your house and kick you out, leaving you nowhere to go. You silly girl, don't be so careless!"
Lijuan seemed lost in thought.
Some of what Lijuan's mother said resonated with Lijuan herself. Firstly, she didn't care whether her mother-in-law stayed or left. Her mother-in-law's decision to stay was made unilaterally without her consent. Her mother-in-law had only informed her of her arrival. Lijuan felt she had no say in this family. She always felt like a guest while her mother-in-law was the true master. Her mother-in-law's departure might not have been a bad thing for Lijuan. Even if her mother-in-law had stayed, she might have always had a mournful face, constantly asking questions, and Lijuan would have felt uneasy because of her guilt. The moment her mother-in-law left, Lijuan felt a sense of relief, joy, and no regret.