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The next day, before ten o'clock, Hu Ni was notified by her department secretary to go to the boss's office. Hu Ni was a little uneasy, as it was extremely rare for employees at her level to need the boss's personal attention.
Hu Ni knocked on the closed door of the general manager's office.
"Come in!" The boss raised his shrewd face from behind his executive desk.
Hu Ni pushed open the door and went in. The boss smiled and got up from his executive chair, gesturing for Hu Ni to sit on the sofa. Hu Ni walked over and sat down. The boss smiled and walked over, sitting down next to Hu Ni. He was not young, but still quite tall and handsome.
"Ah Mei, the company has a few openings for residency permits right now. I've seen your work performance is quite good, so we're considering assigning one to you." The boss leaned forward, and Hu Ni caught a whiff of his unfamiliar breath. Hu Ni held her breath, smiled, and said, "Thank you, boss!"
"This is mainly because your work performance has always been very good."
Hu Ni smiled and said, "Of course."
"Are you free today? I'd like to invite you to dinner tonight?" The boss had a confident smile that suggested he controlled everything, and his gaze lingered brazenly on Hu Ni's face through his glasses. In his kingdom, he naturally had absolute power, he thought.
Hu Ni suddenly lost all patience, stood up, and said, "Boss, you should give the quota to someone else. I don't care about the household registration."
The boss said in a nonchalant tone, "Whatever."
Hu Ni walked out of the general manager's office, feeling extremely frustrated. She knew that she probably wouldn't be able to keep her job either.
Hu Ni guessed she might be fired, but she figured she'd just have to wait and see. After all, the company should at least give her a month's salary as compensation if they fired her. Thinking this, she couldn't concentrate on her work. Several days passed, but nothing happened. She decided to keep going; finding a suitable job wasn't easy.
A Past of Sudden Growth (Part 8)
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On a weekend evening in Shenzhen, a pretty woman walked gracefully forward. She wore a white polka-dot knee-length skirt, a white fitted T-shirt, and beige high-heeled sandals. The small white handbag she carried swayed nervously, and her long, flowing hair fluttered in the wind. She walked faster and faster, then began to run, running aimlessly.
Tired, he stopped leaning against a phone booth, bent over, panting heavily, his chest heaving as if he couldn't bear the weight of his body.
Qiu Ping, she realized how much she needed Qiu Ping at that moment. Trembling, she pulled her phone out of her bag and dialed that familiar number.
"Hu Ni?" Qiu Ping's voice was reservedly caring. He had a social engagement today, and the background noise on the phone was very empty, interspersed with the occasional "bang!" sound. He should be at the bowling alley.
"Qiuping, when will you finish over there?" Hu Ni asked, trying to keep her voice calm.
"I'm not sure, but it was around eleven o'clock, I think. What happened?"
"I'll be waiting for you at home!" I hung up the phone and let out a long sigh of relief. I looked around blankly, realizing I was quite close to the bookstore. I walked slowly, feeling utterly exhausted. Reaching the bus stop, I boarded a bus heading south, and slumped into my seat, feeling completely drained.
The room was quiet, without a sound. After showering, she curled up on the bed in a white, lace-trimmed nightgown, her gaze fixed on the white surface of the corner wall, her thoughts wandering. Past and present—she had made a decision: her fate would be decided tonight. Tonight's events had given her this resolve; let Qiu Ping decide her future. She held onto hope; she believed Qiu Ping was extraordinary. But what gave her the right to demand that Qiu Ping be extraordinary?
Her thoughts remained chaotic and disjointed. It seemed she really couldn't keep this job. Hu Ni thought about tonight's "socializing." Hu Ni rarely had socializing, and it was always with the sales manager. But tonight, the boss's secretary had informed Hu Ni that she was having dinner with a client. When she arrived at the hotel's private room with the boss, she found no one else there. The boss proposed to her with great poise, then rationally laid out his conditions, immediately declaring that he would never divorce his wife because he valued his family. The boss was a shrewd businessman; otherwise, he wouldn't have been so direct, like discussing a business deal or purchasing a product. Hu Ni said calmly that she was getting married, and her boyfriend definitely wouldn't allow her to act like this.
So the boss offered her a simple blessing, and the meal ended without much further conversation.
The green dot on her phone was still flashing, waiting. Footsteps echoed in the hallway, and with each sound, Hu Ni watched anxiously. Some footsteps passed but didn't stop, and her apprehension deepened with each receding sound, a sense of disappointment growing ever stronger. Other footsteps disappeared before reaching the door, and her heart, like a basket of fruit losing its support, plummeted to the ground with a sudden, powerful crash, without any rebound.
She was emotionally fragile, but she had to be strong. Today she would tell Qiuping everything, and the future would be up to him. If he left, she wouldn't blame him. If he stayed, she would do everything in her power to be good to him and cherish him.
Suddenly sitting up, Hu Ni realized this might be her last meeting with Qiu Ping, and she couldn't leave him with such a bland impression. She got up, meticulously applied makeup, and then pondered over her pile of clothes, unable to make up her mind. After changing several times, she finally decided against taking off the black halter-neck dress she had worn last. Examining herself in the mirror, confirming she looked beautiful, she put on black high-heeled sandals, picked up a black handbag, and went out.
In the coffee shop, on the second floor by the window, sat a beautiful woman dressed in black, her expression as melancholic as the dim, hazy lighting. A cup of coffee sat before her, already somewhat cold. A low, soothing melody played from the stereo, its tune sounding mournful to her. She asked the waiter for an ashtray, lit a cigarette, and the smoke drifted out, faint and tinged with sadness. Time passed very, very slowly; Hu Ni even suspected it had solidified. The cigarette between her fingers was mostly burned, the ash curled and threatening to fall at any moment. Hu Ni flicked the ash away, as if flicking away the ash of time itself. If only the past could be flicked away like cigarette ash, and then cease to exist.
The phone rang sharply, and I suddenly realized that even just waiting like this was a pleasant thing, at least there was hope.
On the phone, Qiu Ping told her that he had arrived in Nantou, and Hu Ni casually told him the meeting place.
"What? Want to sit outside for a while?" Qiu Ping asked, his voice cheerful and friendly, like a simple and pure man.
"I'll wait for you here." After hanging up the phone, I felt nervous. I took a deep breath; some things I had to face eventually.
A moment later, Qiu Ping strode in like a gust of wind. He hadn't changed out of his work clothes yet: dark gray, straight-legged trousers, a neatly pressed gray short-sleeved shirt, a gray, slightly reflective silk tie, clean leather shoes, and short, neatly trimmed hair. He was carrying a very stylish briefcase. He saw Hu Ni, smiled, and walked over, his smile radiating sunshine. Hu Ni's heart trembled; she was about to lose him.
"Such a good mood today?" Qiu Ping sat down opposite Hu Ni, looked at her intently, took her soft, white hand, brought it to his lips, kissed it gently, and then whispered, "I miss you every day."
She felt a shattering sound in her heart and felt a sharp pain. Hu Ni pulled her hand back, picked up her coffee cup, and took a big gulp.
"What? You smoke?" Qiu Ping noticed the cigarette butt in the ashtray.
The waiter stood to the side with the drinks menu, but Qiu Ping didn't even look at it before saying, "A coffee, please." What he wanted wasn't important right now; what mattered was who he was sitting with.
"Let's have a bottle of wine," Hu Ni said.
Qiu Ping looked at Hu Ni with some surprise and asked, "Great Wall dry red wine?" He was pleased that Hu Ni was in such a good mood today.
Hu Ni nodded.
Qiu Ping took Hu Ni's hand again; his warm palm had given her so much comfort and caresses. Hu Ni lingered on it, reluctant to let go.
"How have you been these past few days?" Qiu Ping asked.
Hu Ni nodded. "I plan to change jobs."
"Why? Have you found a good place to go?" Qiu Ping asked casually.
"Not yet, we're going to look for it again."
The waiter brought the drinks, pouring a shallow glass for each person, a breathtakingly vibrant red. Hu Ni ducked further into the darkness, concealing her unsightly, haggard appearance.
"Is this job boring now?" Qiu Ping asked casually. He didn't care what kind of work Hu Ni wanted or whether she wanted to change jobs. He had already planned their future. He was capable enough to provide them both with a comfortable life. Hu Ni's job was just something that made her feel more fulfilled. A monthly salary of two or three thousand yuan like Hu Ni's was barely enough to support herself in a place like Shenzhen. Starting a family and building a career was still a very real possibility. Besides, he didn't want Hu Ni to worry about making ends meet. Deep down, he was somewhat of a chauvinist.
Looking at Qiu Ping's relaxed expression, Hu Ni didn't want to say anything anymore. How wonderful it was to be like this.
"What's wrong?" Qiu Ping asked.
"...Qiuping, do you want to know what my life has been like since I left you?"
Qiu Ping paused for a moment, a hint of suppressed emotion appearing in his eyes: "How are you? Are your uncles treating you well?"
Hu Ni nodded and said, "What I want to talk about is my life after I got into university."
"Weren't you studying for your self-taught degree at Shenzhen University?"
Hu Ni shook her head and said, "I used to get into university, at a university in Chongqing."
Qiu Ping looked at her calmly.
Hu Ni took a sip of her drink; it tasted somewhat sour. She continued, recounting her poverty, how she survived on only three steamed buns a day, her life consumed by hunger, an overwhelming hunger. She also described the arduous experience of searching for work, clutching only two yuan earned from food coupons, boarding minibuses to the neighborhood, sitting like commodities under the dirty, dim lights, waiting to be chosen…
Qiu Ping stood up from his seat. Hu Ni, controlling her trembling, hid in a dark corner, staring at the wine glass in front of her, its vibrant red hue. Qiu Ping was leaving. She wouldn't blame him; she had never had the right to have him. Yet, she couldn't help but cry. Tears fell, shattering on her legs with a crisp sound. Tears, after all, have a life of their own.
Head bowed, he lacked the courage to watch Qiu Ping leave. The boy standing atop the mountain will forever remain a lonely figure in his memory.
But then warmth enveloped her; her trembling body was embraced, held by a very warm body. Suddenly, all her strength vanished. Nestled in that warm body, she let her tears find solace. But this refuge was only temporary. Hu Ni insisted on leaving, but Qiu Ping held her tightly, steadfastly preventing her struggles. He said, "Hu Ni, do you think I would leave because of this? You underestimate me... I can accept anything from you. Don't you understand? We can accept anything between us... What we want is a future..."
Hu Ni struggled fiercely, saying, "No, I can't give it to you! Your family won't agree either." Hu Ni stood up, grabbed her bag, and walked out.
The waiter watched in surprise as the woman in black quickly walked out, and the tall man placed a banknote on the table and followed her out. The waiter went over, took the banknote, and chased after the man, calling out, "Sir! Here's your change!"
The man walked away without looking back. The waiter smiled, pulled the door shut, and went back inside.
Hu Ni started running ahead, her head down, rushing along, feeling an endless pain that overwhelmed her. She wanted him, she wanted him so badly, she hoped he could accept her, but she found herself not allowing herself to finish what she had to say. If she was going to leave, she wanted to leave gracefully, after all, he was Qiu Ping.
She was pulled along and then embraced in a warm hug. The familiar scent and the comforting warmth made her want to stay there and stay there forever.
"Hu Ni, listen to me, I don't mind, really!" Qiu Ping said softly, in the tone and manner she liked.
Hu Ni remained silent, stubbornly persisting.
Hu Ni still wanted to turn back. She struggled, but Qiu Ping grabbed her hand. He was panting, staring intently at her. People on the street were watching them. Hu Ni was oblivious, lost in her own sorrow. He knew the passersby were watching them, but he didn't care. He only cared about her.
Hu Ni calmed down somewhat. He took her hand and walked towards her dormitory, glancing at her worriedly every now and then, just like when they were children. He would pick her up, hold her hand, and walk, constantly checking on her to see if she was still crying, if she was alright. Seeing her brought him a little more peace of mind. She was still rejecting him, but he wasn't worried about that. He would make her understand how precious and important she was to him, no matter what she had been through.
The two of them walked and stumbled along, stumbling upstairs, opening the door, and standing in Hu Ni's room. Hu Ni struggled, trying to break free of his hand, but he held on stubbornly.
"My hand hurts so much!"
He realized with a start that he had used too much force. Releasing her hand, he saw the dark red finger marks on her pale, slender wrist. His heart ached; he frowned, repeatedly asking if it hurt, holding her hand as if it were fragile tofu. Hu Ni shook her head and said, "You can go now."
Qiu Ping stood stubbornly in front of her and said, "I won't leave unless you stop mentioning those things."
Hu Ni turned away, not wanting him to see her tear-streaked face. She said, "I'm serious, we can't be together."
"I don't care about anything else, I just want your future. We can be like my parents, together for life, never abandoning each other no matter what happens. We can do it..."
Hu Ni turned her head with difficulty, pushed Qiu Ping away, looked at him steadily, and said, "Trust me, Qiu Ping, I can't!"
"Why?" Qiu Ping asked, puzzled.
Hu Ni fell silent, and slowly, she took off the shoulder straps of her sundress.
"Hu Ni! What are you doing!" Qiu Ping stopped her hand from sliding down, his eyes blazing with anger, but his feelings for her were pure.
Hu Ni said calmly, "I'll show you something." Her gaze was frank and indifferent. That painful early summer, that shattering early summer—heaven knows, she had buried herself in that early summer. She couldn't forget it, not because she still longed for him, but because she had suffered so much. That pain, she would never forget; she could feel it clearly at any time, a tearing pain. Slowly, she took off her skirt, revealing her smooth, shapely upper body before him—the body he had longed for so many times. He saw the worm-like scar lying across her flat, soft abdomen, so striking. He looked up at her face. Her face was as still as death. She murmured as if in a dream, "Because of an ectopic pregnancy, my fallopian tubes were removed. I will never be able to have children again." Two lines of tears flowed from her deep, pool-like eyes, hanging coldly on her cheeks, a helpless lament.
He was stunned.
What had she endured? Abortion, ectopic pregnancy, fallopian tube removal—what else had she gone through? She was clearly the woman he loved, from childhood to now, still as gentle and beautiful as ever, even the slight desolation in her eyes remained unchanged. But behind all this, what else had she been through? He realized he was jealous, jealous that other men had left permanent marks on her body.
Hu Ni was utterly disappointed. She knew this would be the outcome. She said, "You can go now. I want to rest."
"Hu Ni." Qiu Ping whispered with heartache, for he too was experiencing a devastating pain.
"Get out!" Hu Ni shoved him out like a madwoman, slammed the door shut, and heard a suppressed, tearing cry coming from her own body. It was quiet outside; he was gone.
In the silence after the world's destruction, a cockroach quickly crawled by. Hu Ni watched it crawl all the way to the bottom of the bookshelf.
She collapsed onto the bed, still feeling the warmth of his touch on her body and hands. Because of this, she loved herself even more. She looked at the fingerprints he had left on her wrist with great care, then pressed her face against them. Two glistening drops of water fell onto the fingerprints and slid down her wrist.
I kept crying. What else could I do but cry? A small bed bore the weight of my exhausted body. Whenever I felt vulnerable, I would think of my mother, the mother who smiled in the old sunlight more than twenty years ago. She existed in the small framed picture on the bedside table. She was my only support, my only comfort, but she was so ethereal that there was no trace of reality.
Slowly, the tears stopped, but I still couldn't fall asleep. I just lay there, not wanting to move at all. I could hear the buzzing of mosquitoes in my ears. Let them bite; I didn't want to turn on the mosquito killer.
"Ring—! Ring—!" The sound of a ringing phone must be just her imagination. Who would be thinking of you on a night like this? "Ring—! Ring—!" The voice was real; it was him! Hu Ni jumped out of bed, scattering a pile of crumpled tissues on the floor where she had wiped her tears and snot. Barefoot, she ran to the door, picked up her handbag that had fallen there, and realized with a pang of heartache that she still longed for him.
The phone displayed Xiaoyan's number, however.
She cried and said, "I want to get married! I want to get married! Anyone will do! Xiaoyan, you have to introduce me to someone, you must!"
"What's wrong?" Xiao Yan's voice was somewhat out of control, the alcohol having eroded her voice and willpower: "Do you want to come over now? Let's have some fun?"
"No, I want to get married! I really want to get married!"
"Fine, getting married is easy enough, isn't it? What, did you and Meng Qiuping have a falling out?"
"Xiaoyan, I'm really tired." Hu Ni suddenly realized that she rarely felt inferior when facing others. She didn't think about whether others would accept her; she only thought about whether she could accept others. Love or not determines whether it's tiring or easy. Facing Qiu Ping, she was tired. So, she should find someone who wouldn't make her feel guilty or tired.
After rambling incoherently for a long time and shedding many tears, Hu Ni gradually calmed down, and the night, filled with sound, became less lonely.
As dawn broke, I sat up in bed, feeling physically and mentally exhausted. The ashtray beside my bed was overflowing with cigarette butts, the ashes of last night's burning cigarettes. I forced myself to wash and change, and the reflection in the mirror was unbearable to look at. How fragile a twenty-eight-year-old woman could be! She looked rapidly aging, her eyes still red and swollen. I quickly tidied myself up and went out, thinking that I would have to resign today, and tomorrow or in a few days, I would go to the job market to look for work. Life is unassuming, but it must go on.
Stepping outside, the blinding sunlight was so intense it made it hard to open one's eyes. The sky was blue, and the world seemed so vibrant and colorful, but in her eyes, it was dark and boring.
She slowly walked down the stairs. Would he be waiting for her down there, just like before?