Hu Ni raised her tear-filled eyes and said, "I told you, I told your mother."
Qiu Ping didn't ask any more questions. He patted Hu Ni's head and said, "Go to sleep first. I'll talk to them tomorrow. Don't worry." Now that the matter was out in the open, Qiu Ping was indeed less worried. He believed his parents were fairly open-minded. He hoped so.
That night, Hu Ni had another dream. She dreamt she was walking on a towering wall that seemed to reach the clouds, the wind whistling around her. To avoid falling, she sat on the wall. The world was utterly desolate, terrifyingly empty. Inside, however, she was filled with anxiety. She wanted to find Qiu Ping; she couldn't find him. But on this high wall, where could she possibly look…?
The Lost Child (Part 12)
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At nine o'clock, Hu Ni went out to the supermarket to buy groceries. She didn't wait for Qiu Ping's parents today. In fact, Qiu Ping's mother still hadn't gotten up, which was very unusual. Qiu Ping's parents were both early risers; by nine o'clock, they had already returned from their morning exercise, eaten breakfast, and were already selecting fresh vegetables at the supermarket.
Qiu Ping's father was avoiding Hu Ni's gaze today, but Hu Ni didn't insist and went out on her own. Qiu Ping had already taken the day off; the whole family needed to have a talk.
Hu Ni strolled lazily along the path in the neighborhood. Yesterday's dream left her feeling listless today, and the outcome of their conversation also made her anxious.
"Hu Ni, why didn't your in-laws come for their morning exercise today?"
Hu Ni was awakened by a somewhat aged but absolutely powerful voice. She looked up and saw Uncle Lu from next door walking his beloved dog "Guai Guai" around.
"Good morning, Uncle Lu! They... went to bed late last night and got up today."
When Guai Guai saw Hu Ni, it rubbed against her legs frantically—a very energetic little dog.
“Sleeping in late won’t do. They’re not young anymore. They need to get up on time every day,” Uncle Lu said, pulling hard on his little dog.
"Okay!" Hu Ni patted the wagging tail of the little rascal and continued walking outside.
The supermarket is always crowded at this time of day. After resigning, Hu Ni realized that many people aren't even in the office during working hours. The women, young and old, walking back and forth between the vegetable and meat shelves, are there because their job is to buy groceries, cook, and take care of their families.
Among the bustling crowd, it's easy to spot women who have received higher education and even retain some of the competence and shrewdness they once possessed in the workplace. However, family has brought them back, allowing them to willingly remain at home, bidding farewell to the exciting world and dedicating themselves wholeheartedly to being wives and mothers, as if it were a destiny. Peaceful, but perhaps too mundane.
I bought some groceries without much thought and hurried back home. As a result, I was as nervous as if I were waiting for the results of the college entrance examination, but many times more nervous. This is the fate of my life.
The forced composure she had when she left home was completely gone. Hu Ni walked briskly along the street, the world receding into a secondary corner. The traffic and crowds were nothing more than swaying scenery, a silent landscape.
Panting, Hu Ni opened the door, her heart trembling, her hands trembling, her whole body trembling. Fine beads of sweat covered the tip of her nose.
I carefully walked in. There was no sound in the room, and no one was in the living room.
Qiu Ping's mother's sudden, somewhat out-of-control voice came from their bedroom, startling Hu Ni. Her voice was shrill and desperate: "No, absolutely not! Your father has no brothers or sisters, you're our only son!"
"...Mom, isn't there in vitro fertilization now...?"
"Shut up! How can a baby that didn't grow in its mother's womb be the same as a normal baby!"
"...Forget it, let them be. They've already done this much, you can't just let Hu Ni leave."
"But I just want to leave a drop of blood in this world. A family without children is not complete! I can treat Hu Ni as my own daughter, and we can make it up to her..."
"Mom! Please stop talking!... I won't leave Hu Ni."
"You! Qiuping! I'm doing this for your own good! In the end, a person's greatest happiness is their child, the drop of blood that flows in their veins in this world. How can you not understand that!"
"Mom, I won't let Hu Ni leave. I'm determined to marry her. Mom, please give me your approval!"
"Fine, let the children be."
"No... it's just not okay without children."
"Mom, can we not talk about this today? We can talk about it later."
"Later? After you get married? What's there to say then!"
"...Anyway, I only want Hu Ni for the rest of my life."
"Qiuping! How can you not understand! I'm doing this for your own good. When you're old and have no other thoughts, your children will be your greatest pride and hope..."
Hu Ni quietly left the room, gently closed the door, and carried a large bag of groceries down to a stone bench by the lawn. In this matter, she had no say whatsoever; she could only wait for a result, or perhaps the result was already in the table. She sighed deeply, and suddenly felt a sense of relief.
In the sky, geese flew in a V-formation, and this beautiful city exuded such warmth and tenderness.
The Lost Child (Thirteen)
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When they returned, they found Qiu Ping's mother angrily carrying her luggage, about to leave. Qiu Ping was on her left, and Qiu Ping's father was on her right. They were both trying to stop her, hoping for a more moderate solution. A perfect resolution was impossible, but a compromise was possible. But Qiu Ping's mother couldn't accept that. Qiu Ping was her only son, and so were Qiu Ping's father. She was right; even after they left this world, there would still be a drop of blood, a sliver of hope, remaining as their continuation.
Seeing Hu Ni, all three of them felt awkward and embarrassed. Qiu Ping's parents must have had a sleepless night yesterday, their eyes were bloodshot, and their faces were suddenly haggard from anxiety. This made Hu Ni feel guilty. The happiness she wanted was built on the suffering of others, an unblessed happiness.
Qiu Ping's mother spoke up, tossing her messy, gray hair, "Hu Ni, you're a good girl... I didn't mean to come after you at all... but I... just want a grandson." Her eyes reddened as she finished speaking.
"Mom! Don't go, stay with Qiuping a little longer." Hu Ni hadn't expected this outcome; it was even more intense than she had imagined. She stepped forward, grabbed Qiuping's mother's luggage, and said, "Please, stay a little longer."
"Sigh, you all have your own lives to live, and I can't control you. You'd better take care of yourselves."
"Mom, please, stay a few more days," Hu Ni said, grabbing Qiu Ping's mother's arm.
Hu Ni had to do everything in her power to keep Qiu Ping's mother with her; she needed to help Qiu Ping through this difficult period. Now, Hu Ni had no other choice. She couldn't bear to see Qiu Ping's mother's disappointment and force herself to marry Qiu Ping; she couldn't do that. Her only option was to leave.
"Mom!" Qiu Ping pleaded.
"Old woman, stay a little longer. Look at you, what's wrong with you..." Qiu Ping's father said helplessly.
"Mom, besides, we haven't booked the tickets yet. We need to book the tickets first before we can leave," Qiu Ping said.
Qiu Ping's mother put down her luggage and sighed heavily.
The Lost Child (14)
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In many ordinary days, Hu Ni longed for something to change things, but life always eroded her hopes with its mundane routine. Her fantasies shattered little by little, leaving her helplessly adrift, devoid of the courage or even the will to resist fate. Life became more real and mundane. But then Hu Ni met Qiu Ping. He became her excuse and reason for a peaceful, ordinary life, and with him, how could she possibly be ordinary? The miracle of life was about to vanish…
Leaving Qiuping was a last resort.
"Qiuping, hug me again," Hu Ni whispered to her lover, who was bathed in moonlight.
"Aren't you tired yet?"
"I'm not tired, I want more, I want more."
"You little glutton who can't get enough to eat!" Qiu Ping joked with a laugh.
Hu Ni chuckled softly, then tears suddenly streamed down her face. She quickly wiped them away. They embraced tightly, the cold, blue flames burning fiercely in the darkness—the last conscious moments of their lives. Remember them, remember them forever!
The climax lifted Hu Ni to a ethereal height, surrounded by emptiness, save for Qiu Ping, Qiu Ping's body, and the lingering affection conveyed by his form. Qiu Ping trembled as he released inside Hu Ni, his face contorted in pain, and Hu Ni felt a pang of inexplicable heartache. She gently stroked that face that had broken her heart; for the rest of her life, she would etch that face into her heart, forever, never willing to forget.
A Journey Without End (Part 1)
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Making breakfast for Qiu Ping and watching him leave, his cheerful demeanor swayed Hu Ni's resolve, but she had no other choice. The door closed softly; from that moment on, he was gone, like a movie that had ended, like fireworks suddenly extinguished in the sky—gone without a trace, leaving no time for sighs. Sadness churned uncontrollably. Hu Ni ran into her bedroom, packing her belongings. She needed to escape before Qiu Ping's parents returned from their morning exercise. Let all the pain and joy vanish; her life was destined for failure and loneliness. Perhaps this fate was decided from birth, powerless to resist, leaving only escape, a farewell to happiness, a farewell to her lover, an empty shell fleeing. This time, there would be no resolute young man standing atop the mountain; they would never again have that serendipitous encounter, they would never meet again…
The luggage was extremely simple; without Qiuping, what meaning would anything else have?
She left two pre-written letters behind, then rushed out the door in a panic, not forgetting to leave the key on the coffee table in the living room. Accompanying Hu Ni's frantic run were the screaming black birds circling in her mind, a heart-wrenching pain…
Qiu Ping was notified by her parents to return home. Everything before her eyes made it hard to believe that Hu Ni had left. She had only taken some clothes; in her haste, she hadn't had time to take all her belongings. But two letters confirmed that she was truly gone.
After reading the letter, Qiu Ping slumped onto the sofa. Her parents were also distraught, constantly blaming themselves. "How could she go out without taking anything? How can a young girl go out like this?"
Qiu Ping couldn't say anything. He could only think of the frail Hu Ni, Hu Ni who soared into the sky like a little bird, the Hu Ni he cherished. After a long while, he slowly said, "Mom, Hu Ni is a frail girl, she's so pitiful!" Before he finished speaking, tears fell down his face. He stood up, walked towards the door, and began his search.
Qiu Ping's mother clutched the letter in her hand, which asked them to spend more time with Qiu Ping and help him get out of this dark period...
Qiu Ping's mother shed cloudy tears.
A Journey Without End (Part Two)
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After countless days of searching, Hu Ni seemed to have vanished into thin air, leaving no trace. Qiu Ping, holding his bowl, ate a few mouthfuls of rice under his parents' anxious gaze. He was visibly haggard, but he still forced a smile in front of them. Putting down his bowl, his eyes were glued to the television, which was broadcasting missing person notices for Hu Ni. Several newspapers, including those Hu Ni usually read, also carried missing person ads. More than a month had passed without a single clue, but the word "give up" was absolutely out of the question. When a person's spirit is broken and their heart is hollowed out, what sustains them is their belief. He had to find Hu Ni. Two years ago, during typhoon season, they met on the overpass; they were destined never to be separated. He could definitely find her; he couldn't help but believe it.
At the end of the old street in Qingshuihe, permeated with the stench of garbage, stands a dilapidated two-story building. Downstairs, a couple from Sichuan run a small shop selling skewers and rice noodles in a room of about ten square meters. Going up the wooden floorboards next to it, there are three cramped rooms.
In one of the rented rooms, the room, without air conditioning, was stifling and sweltering. Hot air swirled slowly around her head and limbs. Hu Ni sat at the only table by the window, a cheap cigarette burning in her hand. Her fingers, holding the cigarette, were stained yellow. The excessive smoking made her want to vomit, and she had no appetite. Her hair and body reeked of sweat, but none of that mattered to Hu Ni. Life had returned to nothing but life itself, and a complete return, more absolute than ever before. Her only solace was a pen and a thick stack of papers before her. All desires were gone, dead, ashes, except for the desire to confide, as hot and unstoppable as the blood flowing through her veins. But this time, writing was absolutely not about finding a way out; it was simply about confiding, like confiding in Xiao Yan. The world was eerily quiet because there was no one to confide in.
Night fell, then dawn broke, and Hu Ni was still writing, afraid of any downtime. A terrible desire gnawed at her, and she struggled desperately. Her back ached terribly; just a little more, and those soaring words would finally be finished. She shifted her position and threw herself onto the bed, imagining Qiu Ping. Qiu Ping was also lying on the bed like this—his warm body, his familiar scent, his heartbreaking face. Her heart ached maddeningly. A woman driven mad in a dark forest lay quietly on the old bamboo mat, her dark eyes wide, her long eyelashes fluttering, staring at the rented ceiling. Even now, she was still homeless. In this world, no sky belonged to her, no roof to her, not even a inch of floor to her. After leaving Qiu Ping, she had nothing left, and she wanted nothing more. The past had firmly captured Hu Ni; the future had utterly abandoned her. She had fallen too hard to get back up. Hu Ni pressed the cigarette butt heavily against her wrist, where several scars had already begun to ooze pus. With a "sizzle," a wisp of smoke suddenly rose, carrying with it the smell of burning. A sharp, agonizing pain, a sense of relief and comfort, but still not enough.
Through the thin curtains, she could see how bright the sun was outside, like the faded sunlight in a dream. Hu Ni was once again drawn to a thought, like a lost child seeing a flickering light in the jungle, unable to resist wanting to move forward. Perhaps, she could escape this dark forest; perhaps, she could begin a new life, a beautiful journey. Aren't there reincarnations?
In the past, no matter what happened, Hu Ni always faced the sun like a sunflower, instinctively hoping to get better day by day. She used to look down on people who harmed themselves, but now she was addicted to it like an opium addict, pressing cigarette butts to her wrists, afraid she would cut her own pulse with a rusty utility knife in her drawer. Death, like a seductive witch, danced in Hu Ni's small room, floating in the air singing a haunting song. What reason could she have to stay? Hu Ni lit another cheap cigarette, trying to think of a reason to live, even just one. But there was none. She even doubted herself, wondering if blue fluid flowed in her veins, otherwise why was her body so cold, devoid of any hope of life?
What's the point of keeping someone who has no parents, no relatives, no friends, and has lost their lover? Someone with no future, no home, no passion, just an empty shell?
The aroma of food wafted up from downstairs from time to time. Two Sichuan children, not yet five years old, were playing and screaming, while their mother could be heard scolding them sternly from time to time. How fortunate it is to have family.
Hunger struck as always, but I had no appetite. I seemed to have no strength left, no strength to fight against yesterday, and no strength to strive for tomorrow.
Life is too bleak.
She got up, opened the drawer, and inside lay the red utility knife, the only vibrant red in the musty room. Hu Ni examined it closely, and also examined her own life. Suddenly, she longed for a sense of liberation, a release, utter liberation.
Hu Ni slowly picked up the utility knife, gently pushing the blade out. As she did so, the knife made a "crunching" sound, like the laughter of an ugly demon. Perhaps she could finally see her mother, and Xiao Yan and Lian Qing too. Death might just be a process, a prelude to a better beginning…
The knife sliced across her wrist, a strange pleasure washing over her, and Hu Ni let out a deep sigh of relief. Crimson blood spurted from the gash in her wrist, vivid and poignant, splattering onto the manuscript. It was all over. Pain, hope—Hu Ni's heart pounded with excitement, dancing the most frenzied dance of her life. Gradually, her hand went numb. Hu Ni lay quietly on the bed, awaiting that moment. Her head grew increasingly dizzy, her body floating lightly. Hu Ni had returned to the past. In truth, she had always lived in the past. How could someone living in the past possess a tomorrow?
Hu Ni saw her mother, a beautiful mother bathed in sunlight, surrounded by various beautiful flowers, butterflies fluttering in the air, stirring up golden halos. Her mother picked up Hu Ni, tiny Hu Ni, and Hu Ni laughed, a loud laugh, a happiness she had never felt before in her life…
A Journey Without End (Part 3)
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At Qiu Ping's house, Qiu Ping, having just finished dinner, sat in front of the television, a daily ritual he performed, hoping to glean some insights from it. His father had already gone home; school had started long ago. Qiu Ping's mother dared not leave him alone; she wanted to stay with her son, and of course, hoped that one day he would recover and begin a complete relationship again. A mother's selfishness is inevitable. Of course, she worried about Hu Ni, after all, she liked her.
The washing machine beeped; the blankets were washed. Qiu Ping's mother stood up, ready to finish the last of the day's chores.
"Do you need my help, Mom?"
"Okay, please help me." Qiu Ping's mother looked at her listless son with great concern and felt heartbroken.
Qiu Ping took the washed quilt out of the washing machine, and unconsciously thought of the scene with Hu Ni. They carried basins and hung the quilt on the large clothes rack. Hu Ni said that she wouldn't have to worry about drying the quilt anymore, since they had a tall clothes rack at home, and a strong one at that. Then she stood in the sunlight and smiled, her face spotless, clean and clear, like a woman made of crystal...
"Qiuping, what are you thinking about?" Qiuping's mother looked at her son, who was lost in thought, with concern.
"Oh, no." Qiu Ping put the quilt on the clothes hanger, and Qiu Ping's mother helped him.
On television, a news report stated that a woman was found unconscious in a rented room in Qingshuihe, having attempted suicide by cutting her wrists. She was unconscious due to excessive blood loss. A couple from Sichuan who rented the apartment below her called the police after seeing bloodstains dripping from the ceiling. Reporters at the scene speculated that unemployment might have been the cause of her suicide, as the downstairs residents reported that the woman rarely left the apartment since moving in…
Qiu Ping sat back down in front of the TV, where an advertisement was playing. A pretty girl was cutely pouting as she washed her face; it was an advertisement for facial cleanser.
He learned of Hu Ni's situation three days later, upon seeing the previous day's old newspaper. Unsure if it was indeed Hu Ni, Qiu Ping's heart pounded uncontrollably. He grabbed the newspaper, rushed out of the office, retrieved his car from the garage, and sped towards the hospital, hoping Hu Ni was safe and that he could make it in time. Qiu Ping, who always obeyed traffic laws, broke the rules on this stretch of road. He ran a red light and then a one-way street, followed by a police car with flashing red lights and sirens. He was desperate, his eyes bloodshot, rushing to the hospital.
In the hospital's surgical department, Qiu Ping confirmed that the woman was indeed Hu Ni, but she had already been discharged, and insisted on leaving. Qiu Ping slumped onto a chair in the corridor, unable to cry, feeling utterly weak, as if his body had been drained dry.
Then, they will be subject to severe penalties from the traffic police.
From that moment on, it was as if Hu Ni had truly vanished. This urban jungle of reinforced concrete had truly buried Hu Ni.