schlechte Samen

Kapitel 30

The call seemed to be from Zhou Yifeng's home. A middle-aged woman with a strong accent asked Yan Hao who he was looking for. After Yan Hao explained, she called out on the phone, "Old Zhou, it's you!"

Zhou Yifeng's familiar voice came from the other end of the phone. Zhou Yifeng explained that Yan Hao was about to go on vacation, but he still hoped to have one more treatment. Yan Hao, who was feeling very upset, said without thinking, "Professor Zhou, I really don't want to do it anymore. Let's just forget about it... or maybe I'll contact you again after the New Year!"

Zhou Yifeng remained silent for a long time on the other end of the phone, mumbling and stammering. Then he subtly emphasized that Teacher Xia Tian was involved in the treatment and told Yan Hao that his condition was definitely related to Xia Tian. Yan Hao was speechless; he couldn't understand how Teacher Xia Tian had gotten involved in the treatment.

Seeing that he was still hesitant, Zhou Yifeng said, "How about we go see Teacher Xia Tian tomorrow morning? What do you think? We can talk to her again. Aren't you curious about that photo? Why don't we ask her about it ourselves? Okay?"

Yan Hao then reluctantly agreed.

Around 10 a.m. the next day, Yan Hao arrived at the Physiology Department. As soon as he entered, he saw Zhou Yifeng and Xia Tian chatting. Xia Tian greeted Yan Hao warmly, making him feel flattered.

After sitting down, Yan Hao saw Zhou Yifeng looking at him encouragingly. So, he gritted his teeth and said, "Teacher Xia, I have a few questions I'd like to ask you today, is that alright?"

Xia Tian nodded and smiled, saying, "It's definitely not a physiological problem! But you can ask me anyway, as long as I know!"

Yan Hao said slowly, "Teacher Xia, I actually met you before you started teaching us! Later, I saw that photo again in your office." Yan Hao pointed to the glass on Xia Tian's desk; the photo was still pressed there, untouched. "I feel like the person in the photo looks familiar, even though I don't recognize him! Can I ask who he is? Is it Brother Lei Ming?"

Xia Tian's face was still a little pale, but she smiled faintly. "His name was Jiang Boyu. I mentioned him to Teacher Zhou. He was my classmate in university, a year below me. However, he's dead now!"

Yan Hao then asked, "Is the other Rh-negative blood type person you mentioned him?"

Xia Tian nodded. "Yes! It was when we were working together in the cafeteria that he mentioned casually that when he donated blood in his hometown in Hunan, the doctor told him that his blood type was Rh negative."

Yan Hao was stunned, and said as if to himself, "Then there must be one of his corpses in the dissection room downstairs, right?! There must be one..."

Light snow began to fall outside the window again. The wind slipped in through the window cracks, and the summer office felt like an icebox.

Zhou Yifeng interjected, "Yan Hao, haven't you always wanted to find out who you are? Let's continue the treatment together with Teacher Xia Tian, okay?"

Suddenly Yan Hao said, "Teacher Xia! I feel that he must love you very, very much. Right?"

Xia Tian smiled at Yan Hao, but there was a hint of sadness in that smile.

"Teacher Xia, he didn't actually leave, he's still here! His spirit and his subconscious are still here! Do you believe it?"

Summer didn't say anything this time.

"It all started when I touched that specimen, and then a series of strange things happened. I saw your face in the water, Professor Xia, and then during hypnosis, I saw the huge pool of corpses in the anatomy classroom... and the corridor. And, how did my blood type become the same as his!" Yan Hao recalled as he spoke, becoming more and more agitated. Towards the end, he simply stood up.

"Also, Teacher Xia, when I was hospitalized after donating blood—did I really hug you?" Yan Hao's face turned as red as a monkey's bottom, and he kept his head down at a ninety-degree angle.

Xia Tian gave a soft "Mmm". "Yes. You called me by my old name, a name I haven't used in a long time. I was surprised too. But I didn't think much of it."

"Did my girlfriend see all of this?" Yan Hao's face turned even redder.

"Your girlfriend?" Xia Tian was taken aback. "Oh, right... There was a knock at the door, and when I went out, she was gone... I think she was probably your girlfriend."

"Do you love him? I mean, the person in the photo?" Yan Hao asked softly. "Teacher Xia, please treat me as a friend today, okay? Don't blame me for asking too many questions," Yan Hao added.

Summer turned her head to look out the window; the snow had already piled up into a layer of white powder on the dry branches. Her voice was as slow and drawn-out as the falling snowflakes.

"Sometimes, love needs time. But he—didn't give me time. And I—didn't give myself a chance to make it work. Back then, I had my own standards, and those standards didn't align with his. Really… he was more like a younger brother, a cute and pitiful younger brother. I was willing to help him, to help him behind his back. I didn't want to give him any wrong… hints."

Yan Hao noticed something sparkling in Xia Tian's eyes, like the silent snowflakes outside. "But some things you only realize how precious are when you lose them, and they'll never come back. Never, never! That's love, isn't it... Sometimes people are always chasing after things that are further away, while ignoring what's right beside them. They always think happiness will only appear many years later, in a faraway place, yet they remain blind to the care and people around them. And so, they only miss out, miss out again and again..."

Xia Tian took out a handkerchief and wiped her eyes. She gave an embarrassed, hesitant smile. "I was such a silly girl back then. So naive. So self-righteous. So arrogant. I was like that to my parents too, let alone others. It took me a lot of experience to understand some things! Now, I've been hurt, I've felt the pain... so I changed my name to Xia Tian. I took my mother's surname. I want to forget some things from the past. I know it's hard to forget, but I have no other way..."

No one spoke in the room. Yan Hao's eyes were also red. He was thinking of the scene he and Xiao Hui'er had seen that day, when they saw Teacher Xia pacing under the window of the anatomy classroom. He thought how wonderful it would be if Xiao Hui'er could hear Teacher Xia's words right now.

"Teacher Xia, is there anything I can do to help you?" Yan Hao blurted out. He was truly moved.

"No, Yan Hao. I hope I can help you in some way. If everything that happened to you is related to him, I'm willing to cooperate with you."

At this moment, Zhou Yifeng revealed a satisfied and smug smile.

When Professor Xia arrived at the Department of Medical Psychology, Yan Hao was two minutes early. He noticed that Professor Xia was wearing a black wool suit, looking serious and solemn. She was also carrying a small black handbag.

Zhou Yifeng had already added an extra chair to the hypnotherapy room. The two chairs faced each other.

Yan Hao entered the treatment room first. Following the usual procedure, Zhou Yifeng began hypnotizing Yan Hao. Everything went smoothly; Yan Hao entered the hypnotic state exceptionally quickly this time. Before long, his eyelids drooped.

After a while, Zhou Yifeng opened the door and gestured for Teacher Xia Tian to come in.

“You can talk to him. Remember, when I say ‘he,’ I don’t mean Yan Hao, I mean that person. Just say what you want to say and ask what you want to ask.” Zhou Yifeng leaned down and whispered something to Xia Tian before standing beside her.

Xia Tian nodded, indicating that she understood. But it was clear that she was somewhat excited. She sat upright, quite stiffly and unnaturally.

After a long while, Xia Tian slowly asked, "Are you... alright?"

Yan Hao did not react.

Xia Tian glanced at Zhou Yifeng pleadingly. Zhou Yifeng nodded, signaling her to continue.

"Jiang, Jiang Boyu, are you alright? Are you there?" Xia Tian's voice trembled violently.

Yan Hao shifted slightly. Suddenly, he nodded.

"Are you really here? Can you speak?" Xia Tian's speech quickened. She leaned forward slightly.

"He Jihong, Jihong..." Yan Hao's voice was muffled. But Xia Tian could still make out what he was saying. And it wasn't Yan Hao's voice.

"Is it you? Is it really you?" Xia Tian's chest heaved violently. Her hands moved back and forth between the armrest and her lap. Her eyes were fixed on Yan Hao, a mixture of urgency, doubt, and fear in them. Seeing her almost stand up and rush towards him, Zhou Yifeng patted her shoulder, signaling her to calm down. "Why are you here, inside his body?" Xia Tian shook her head, her eyes filled with desolation and despair.

“I am here… I have always been here… My heart is here…” The voice sounded weary and worn.

"You mean your heart? Where is your heart?"

Yan Hao, who had been leaning back in his chair, sat bolt upright the moment Xia Tian finished asking her question. He clutched his shirt tightly with both hands. "Here, here, always here… I feel so awful…"

“You should have left, you know that, you should have left in peace. It’s been so many years, why are you still here…” Xia Tian’s voice trembled with a hint of tears.

“Go…go…I should go…” Yan Haofu leaned back in his chair. “You’re finally with him, I know.”

Suddenly, Yan Hao leaned forward abruptly and coughed up a mouthful of blood. It splattered all over the floor, leaving red spots on Xia Tian's hands and even landing on Zhou Yifeng's white coat.

The scene caught both Zhou Yifeng and Xia Tian off guard, with Xia Tian screaming first. But as Xia Tian suddenly stood up and tried to rush over, Zhou Yifeng stepped forward and desperately stopped her. "You can't touch him, you can't touch him. It's dangerous!" Zhou Yifeng's voice was anxious and tense.

At this moment, Yan Hao spoke, a trace of blood still lingering at the corner of his mouth. He spoke slowly, each word uttered with emphasis. "You can't see my heart, but this way—you'll know that my heart... my heart is still warm, my heart is still red. Even if the whole world doesn't know, I want you to know. Do you know? Will you still know? Do you even know?!" His voice grew more and more sorrowful, until finally it became a faint sob.

"You hate me, don't you? Boyu, you hate that I wasn't with you, don't you? You hate that I chose him, don't you?" Xia Tian also shed tears.

"Him? You...you mean Lei Ming?"

Xia Tian nodded. "I know you can't let go of this, Boyu." Xia Tian glanced at Yan Hao, hesitating to speak. After a moment of silence, she slowly continued, "Thank you for telling me back then, Boyu! In the end, he finally admitted his mistake. That Tian Qianqian was his ex-girlfriend..."

"He's talking nonsense!" Yan Hao's tone turned angry and impatient.

“Listen to me, Boyu. That girl insisted on staying with him while she was preparing for her postgraduate entrance exam, saying she'd only stay for three months. What you heard was just them joking. Later, he took me to see her... and they cleared things up face-to-face. He moved out too!”

"Really? Because you still love him? Right?" Yan Hao's voice was very clear this time, but it also revealed a deep despair.

"Don't ask that, okay... Boyu. That He Jihong is dead. I was the one who killed her. It's good that she's dead; consider it punishment... Boyu." Xia Tian suddenly covered her face and wept, her shoulders trembling violently. "You hate me... hate me, He Jihong who broke your heart... She couldn't win your heart, Boyu..."

“Yes…you are Xia Tian. You are not He Jihong from back then…not my senior sister from back then…but I am still Boyu from three years ago, still the same heart as three years ago.” Yan Hao’s lips trembled, and suddenly he became frantic, his head tilted back, his arms flailing wildly. “Who told me to truly die? Who told me to forget all of this? Who told me to never come back?” This heart-wrenching cry, mixed with Xia Tian’s sobs, brought tears to Zhou Yifeng’s eyes, who was standing to the side.

“Boyu… I can’t say thank you to you, because those two words are too light, too light. I didn’t know, three years have passed… you’re still waiting… how could you still be waiting… Boyu, forget it, really… forget it.” Xia Tian’s handkerchief was completely soaked with tears.

“I swore an oath before Buddha that if I were to die, I would leave my heart to the one I love most… I did it, Ji Hong. But, so that you can know, I can only cling to him… Only then can I see you, only then can I see the Ji Hong of the past, the senior sister of the past… The place I stayed in was so dark and so hopeless… But as long as I think of you, I can hold on… Because my heart is not dead. My lover is still in my heart, the Ji Hong I love.”

The words were spoken so long, so sorrowful, so desperate—Xia Tian rushed over without a care, knelt before Yan Hao, and tears streamed down her face like a burst dam, falling onto Yan Hao's body.

Yan Hao reached out his hand, and his hand clasped tightly with Xia Tian's. In their deep gaze, Xia Tian saw the Jiang Boyu of the past—him running on the rain-soaked playground in his soccer jersey, him chatting and laughing with her in the cafeteria, him holding his guitar and singing a song written only for her… Time flies, and three years have passed. Xia Tian's heart ached as if it were being torn apart.

How could she have imagined that Jiang Boyu, who loved so passionately in life, would love so tragically and desperately in death?

How could she have imagined that Jiang Boyu, burdened with countless responsibilities during his lifetime, would still be haunted by endless worries even after his death?

How could she have imagined that Jiang Boyu not only left her with memories, but also with a warm heart after his death?

The more she thought about it, the more heartbroken she became, tears streaming down her face—she didn't want to be the strong, proud, arrogant He Jihong anymore; she didn't want to be used to rationality, reserve, and rejection anymore. But she—also wanted to be the He Jihong of three years ago, the He Jihong in Jiang Boyu's eyes, the He Jihong as simple and poetic as a poem.

At this moment, a massive storm raged through Xia Tian's heart, a storm that destroyed her three years of efforts and struggles to forget. But she didn't regret it! Today, she shed all the tears she should have shed in the past three years. But she felt she should—they were for those who loved her… When Jiang Boyu left, she wasn't by his side; she didn't see him one last time… Deep down, she had never truly forgiven herself.

"Tell me, Jihong, do you love him? Will you be happy?" Jiang Boyu's voice was still the same as it was three years ago.

“We’re about to get engaged, what’s the point of talking about love? Boyu, I know… you saved him last time too. That was your blood. It’s your blood type.” Xia Tian’s tears slowly flowed down her cheeks.

"I will repay what I owe, Ji Hong."

"I know, you're the one who won't accept eight thousand yuan, right? That adds up to twelve thousand, doesn't it? Is that what you mean?" Xia Tian, who was crying, had already bitten her lower lip until it bled.

Yan Hao did not react.

"But, Boyu... you're a good person, you can't just stay here like this, it's not fair to Yan Hao. Do you understand?"

Yan Hao slowly nodded. "Yes, it's been three years, a full three years... It should end now. I'm in so much pain... so much pain!"

"Then go, Boyu, go in peace. We'll think of you..." Xia Tian raised her hand and wiped away Yan Hao's tears. "You can't do this, Boyu, do you understand?"

"When you say 'we'...does 'we' include her too?"

"Her? You mean Danyang? What else could she do? She didn't mean to hurt you. She loves you, Boyu. But she's afraid. She made a mistake by avoiding reality like that. Three years have passed, and it's tormented her enough. Now, she's still in a mental hospital."

"No! Don't speak up for her! She's deceived me time and time again! She gave false testimony, she feigned madness, her whole family conspired together, how could she love me? She only loves herself! No one is more selfish than her... Love? For her, love only means possession and the satisfaction of vanity!" Yan Hao suddenly became agitated and unusually agitated. His voice was filled with extremely suppressed anger.

"Has she really gone mad? Karma...it really is karma!"

“She’s gone mad! In the end, the mental pressure was too much for her. Maybe there was also the guilt in her conscience... She simply couldn’t keep up with her studies, and she was hospitalized six months after you left.”

When Zhou Yifeng, standing behind her, heard that Wang Danyang had truly gone mad, his face turned deathly pale. His hands trembled uncontrollably.

“Professor Zhou, it’s good that you understand. Good and evil will eventually be rewarded.” Yan Hao said slowly, but his eyes were not on Zhou Yifeng.

Zhou Yifeng had already backed up against the wall behind him. His legs were trembling like leaves.

“Promise me! Go, go in peace! Okay? Boyu. Pain always passes. Yan Hao can’t be like this… He’s the same age as you were back then… He still has to study, he still has to live. Go, Boyu.”

“How can I leave? I should go... This is not my home. I will repay this child in the future.” After saying this, Yan Hao sighed deeply.

"I'll help you, we'll help you, okay?"

Yan Hao remained unresponsive. One minute, two minutes, three minutes passed. Xia Tian waited, Zhou Yifeng waited.

Suddenly, Yan Hao raised one hand and pointed a finger out of the treatment room window. "Yungusi Temple, Huiming." Then the hand fell limply to its side.

Xia Tian and Zhou Yifeng looked at each other in bewilderment. "You mean going to Yungu Temple, Boyu?" Xia Tian asked in a trembling voice.

But Yan Hao did not react at all.

After waiting silently for ten minutes, Zhou Yifeng said, "Okay, maybe it's time to end this now, Teacher Xia."

Summer slowly retreated to the door, her face still wet with tears.

Under Zhou Yifeng's guidance, Yan Hao slowly opened his eyes again from the hypnotic state. He rubbed his eyes and asked, "You cried? Teacher Xia. How did it go? Did you see him?"

Summer pursed her lips and nodded silently.

Zhou Yifeng patted Yan Hao on the shoulder, sighed, and said, "You've been wronged, kid. You'll be alright soon."