Peach Blossoms

Chapter 39

"Hmm..." she responded softly, turning her head to look into his eyes. After hesitating for a long time, she asked softly, "Do you...love me?"

Upon hearing this, Qin Hao was momentarily stunned, then quickly laughed, raising his hand to stroke her temple: "Silly girl, if I didn't love you, how could I be with you, and how could we have a child?" It's because I love you that I've disregarded morality and made countless mistakes, reaching this point where there's no turning back…

"Then...do I love you?" Lin Suyang was very uneasy, as if she had done something wrong, and asked cautiously.

Qin Hao looked at her, his deep eyes filled with an endless silence and repression. Suddenly, he sat up and leaned in to kiss her eyes. Lin Suyang quickly closed her eyes, her long eyelashes trembling slightly as her eyes moved nervously, so she didn't see the panic and fear on Qin Hao's face.

"Of course...love me..." The words, as light as a feather, seemed as if they would be blown away by the wind, but they were still heard by her.

Lin Suyang had forgotten everything from her past life. However, she remembered her past life with unparalleled clarity. She knew her name had been Gu Xiaoan. She had lived for over twenty years in that bustling, chaotic world. For over twenty years, she had always been alone. Alone at work. Alone home. Alone sitting in front of the television, lost in thought. Alone. Weeping in the shadows of the moonlight. Her days were lonely and desolate. When she was sick, no one cared for her. When she was hurt, no one comforted her. Everything around her seemed irrelevant. She was like an isolated patient, standing in an empty, eerily white hospital room, watching the flowers outside the window wither.

So. Life ended. A whole bottle of sleeping pills. A clean, transparent longing. Floated up to the clouds. The further it went. The farther it went. And then. What happened? She couldn't remember. She didn't know why she was here. And why she was someone else's wife and pregnant with his child. Was it a case of being resurrected? If so, she clearly had no attachments. But why did those inexplicable words still appear in her mind? Why, when she heard them, did she always want to cry?

Lin Suyang pondered this question for many days, staying in her room. Unable to come up with a solution, she gave up. By this time, her belly was quite large, and she could often feel the lively movements of the little life inside. Her "husband" often liked to squat down and put his ear to her belly to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Then he would excitedly describe the sound to her. Whether the baby was happy, unhappy, or naughty, he would vividly recount it for a long time. He said with certainty that it was a son.

It doesn't matter if it's a son or a daughter. As long as it's hers to give birth to, they should all be precious. Lin Suyang gently stroked her round belly and strolled slowly in the small courtyard outside.

She didn't like being confined to such a small place. She wanted to go out. To see the sky, to breathe the air, or to see people. Maybe she could remember something. But every time she made this request, Qin Hao always found some excuse to keep her there. Finally, after being refused her last request to go out, Lin Suyang decided to sneak out. But as soon as she reached the courtyard gate, she found a row of sword-wielding guards standing outside.

Despite her pleas and the guards' respectful tone, they refused to let her out. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, she stormed back into the room, throwing everything out the door in a fit of rage, and even tore the official documents Qin Hao had left inside to shreds. The only thing she could think of was that she was being held captive.

The palace maids and eunuchs that Qin Hao sent to serve her were terrified by her behavior and quickly ran out of the courtyard to find their master when she wasn't paying attention.

At this moment, Qin Hao was handling official business in the Imperial Study, and was extremely busy when he heard a report from outside that the eunuch from Hanzhu Garden was requesting an audience. He was startled; could it be that Lin Suyang had something to say? So he quickly let him in. The little eunuch named Shunzi had worked under An Zhen before. He was quick and efficient, knew how to read people's expressions and act appropriately, and knew how to please his master. Therefore, he was highly regarded by An Zhen. This time, when selecting people to go to Hanzhu Garden, Qin Hao was extremely cautious and insisted that An Zhen make the selection personally.

As the chief eunuch most trusted by Emperor Hong, An Zhen dared not be negligent in the slightest. He carefully selected several trustworthy and obedient palace maids and eunuchs and sent them to Hanzhu Garden. Although he did not know who lived in the garden, judging from the degree of importance Emperor Hong attached to it, it must be extremely important. When he saw Shunzi rushing over, he did not ask any questions and immediately reported to Emperor Hong. Sure enough, Emperor Hong rushed to Hanzhu Garden in a short while.

An Zhen stood to the side with her head down, only raising her head to watch Emperor Hong's receding figure after he had passed by. Who could be the person who could make this usually composed monarch so nervous?

As soon as Qin Hao stepped into the courtyard, he saw the palace maids kneeling on the ground, with broken things scattered all over the place in front of them. He frowned, took a few steps into the room, and saw that the memorials he had painstakingly reviewed last night had been torn into pieces and scattered on the tables, chairs and stools. The person who was still angry was lying motionless on the bed.

Qin Hao hurriedly went over and patted her shoulder, asking anxiously, "Feng'er, what's wrong? Are you feeling unwell? Get up quickly and call the imperial physician to take a look." As he spoke, he put his arm around her waist, helped her straighten up, and nestled her in his arms.

Lin Suyang let him do as he pleased, without answering, and stared quietly at the bright yellow hem of the garment swaying in front of him.

Qin Hao looked down and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that she didn't seem uncomfortable. He tightened his grip on her arm and asked, "What's wrong? Why aren't you saying anything?"

Lin Suyang slowly raised her head, stared at him, and softly asked, "Who exactly are you?"

Qin Hao was taken aback, suddenly realizing he hadn't changed his clothes before coming over. Since she woke up, she had forgotten his identity as the emperor, and he hadn't told her. Although he occasionally dealt with memorials here, she never looked through his things. He had worried unnecessarily for a long time before, and when he saw that she didn't seem to care, he simply decided to keep it a secret. But today, his concern clouded his judgment, and when he heard her get angry, he panicked and rushed over without even changing his clothes.

After secretly regretting his actions, Qin Hao decided not to admit it, so he replied, "I am your husband, who else could I be?"

Lin Suyang stared at him for a long time before gently parting her lips to say, "You just mentioned the imperial physician."

Yes, who else but a high-ranking noble in the palace would so readily call for the imperial physician when they are sick?

"You are the emperor, aren't you?" Lin Suyang continued to ask. "Yes, you must be. All those people outside are wearing gold-embroidered vests. Yanzi said that's a symbol of the palace guards. Only you, the emperor, can command the palace guards. Am I right?" Shui Yingying's eyes were like the most dazzling pearls in the deep sea, cool and bright, calming Qin Hao's originally anxious heart.

After thinking for a moment, he smiled and nodded, saying, "Yes, I am the emperor, and you are my empress."

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Sorry for the lateness. I'll resume regular updates starting today. Thank you for your attention. Also, I'll be uploading a side story about Si Junxing tonight, so please take note if you're interested...

Volume 4, Palace Absolute, Chapter 94, Si Junxing (Extra Chapter 2)

The weather is gradually warming up, but there is still a bit of chill in the air on Guigan Mountain. Shen Xiao said that fine snowflakes are still falling outside, accumulating little by little among the flowers and trees. When the early spring sun shines down, the snowflakes quickly melt into crystal clear water, which slides down the branches and leaves and into the not-so-soft soil.

Dead wood leaves, rain, green furnace, long time

Red tears had not yet dried

Red tears had not yet dried

A slender person is not as beautiful as a lotus.

Has Xue Tao sent any of her letters yet?

The road is near, but the heart is far

The road is near, but the heart is far

Under the moon, I feel sorrow as I cross the old bridge.

I heard this poem by chance from Chen Xiao. I asked her why she liked such sorrowful poems, because they instinctively reminded her of someone far away. She said the poem was written by Sister Su Yan, Lin Su Yan, Lin Su Yang. Yes, she liked this kind of poem, this kind of sadness.

I don't know where her sadness comes from. Her usual indifference and aloofness always keep me in a state of endless worry. Even a turn of her head can make me feel the despair of the end of the world.

The day my eyes were to recover drew closer. But my fear deepened with each passing day. I was afraid that when I saw her face reflected in my eyes, she would greet me with distance and rejection. I was afraid she would tell me, "I can finally see again," and then, once again, etch her silhouette deeply into my heart.

The last night I removed the medicine cloth, I left a letter. Then I secretly went down the mountain. Doing so seemed like a huge betrayal of Gui Gan Zhenren, Chen Xiao, and Mu Qingdi's care. But I couldn't wait any longer. Not even one more night.

I traveled tirelessly, only to receive news that she had gone to the Northwest. At that moment, I felt a chill run through me. Shen Xiao had said she would write to tell her I was going to Yundu. What a coincidence. I arrived. She left.

I got completely drunk at the tavern. Before I was even fully sober, I frantically rode off in pursuit. I was unwilling to accept it. Unwilling to accept that her promises were merely comfort. Unwilling. She truly had no feelings for me. I wanted her to tell me herself. She didn't love me.

Sharp branches tore through my clothes and pierced my flesh. It hurt terribly, but it couldn't outweigh the deep-seated anxiety in my heart.

As I lay on the ground, listening quietly to the sound of their horses' hooves, my heart clenched with a heavy weight. It felt as if something was about to leap out, leaving my body exposed to the wind and rain in this desolate wasteland. Then I heard her voice. Long unheard, yet tinged with a faint, unfamiliar quality. Another pang of pain shot through my heart. Had she forgotten me?

I sighed, but still turned around to meet her dark eyes. I stared at her blankly, having long forgotten the anger at her turning her back on me; only a few words were firmly etched in my mind. I saw her, I saw her, I could finally see her. As if I could never get enough of looking at her, I stared at her motionlessly, her eyebrows, her eyes, her nose, and then her lips—each detail representing my ever-present longing.

She walked towards me, holding medicine in her hand. Then I heard her whisper in my ear, "Tell your accomplice to leave." Once again, I understood what happiness felt like. It turns out it's not just about acceptance, but also about not being forgotten.

Lin Ziyan is a very strange person to me. I know he's her younger brother, but the way he looks at her is definitely not the way a younger brother looks at his older sister. I have to believe that his feelings for her have long since crossed the line of morality.

"I really dislike you," he told me.

"Me too," I replied.

Turning my head, I saw her chatting happily with someone, and for some reason, I felt a sense of peace. It was as if the whole world was under my control, with warm sunshine everywhere, someone to love me, someone to care about me, and someone to fill my heart completely. In such moments, I felt truly happy.

"I'm taking her away." I turned around and said to Lin Ziyan.

"I won't allow it." He glanced coldly behind me and then said to me.

"Why? Just because you're her brother?" I asked him with a smile. Perhaps my smile was too dazzling, too arrogant. His face instantly turned pale. His thin lips trembled, unable to utter a single word.

I pulled my lips away. I said coldly, "You're her brother, and always will be. So your dream will never come true."

He clenched his fists, and I saw the veins on his hands writhing like thin, long worms, looking ferocious and painful.

Yes, I am her brother, and it can never be. He lowered his head, as if he had poison stuck in his stomach, and was in so much pain that he was drenched in cold sweat.

Whether you agree or not, I'm taking her away. I stopped looking at him and turned to leave.

...Remember, treat her well... His voice was slightly choked.

You don't need to remind me of these things. The harshness of reality often leaves people battered and bruised.

I tricked her into coming to Shicheng. There was no one else there but her and me. I originally planned to spend some free and carefree days with her, but unexpectedly, we ran into Uncle Lian, whom I hadn't seen for several years.

The next evening I received a message from Uncle Lian, and while she was fast asleep, I secretly ran away.

After several years apart, Uncle Lian seemed to have aged considerably, his temples now streaked with gray, yet his voice still carried a certain strength. When he learned that I had long since lost all my martial arts skills, his expression was one of utter astonishment. He asked me why, and I simply said it was because I had fallen in love with someone.

Then he fell into deep reminiscence, confusion, helplessness, and regret flashing across his slightly wrinkled face.

After a long while, he came to his senses and looked at me, saying, "You can't be without martial arts. Starting tonight, I will pass on all the knowledge I have learned in my life to you. What I teach you is not exactly the same as what you learned in the Demon School. You could say that each has its own merits. So you'd better forget those formulas and secret manuals. That way, you can achieve twice the result with half the effort."

So, every night after that, I would wait until Su Yang was sound asleep before coming out. Uncle Lian would always arrive early in the woods to wait for me. Upon meeting, he wouldn't say much before starting to teach and instruct me. Uncle Lian said I was born to learn martial arts; my body would naturally react to what I learned. Every move, every step, was seamless and flawless. Uncle Lian said these martial arts were all his own creations. Although they couldn't compare to the domineering and fierce power of the Demonic Cult's secret manuals, their resilience and agility, combining strength and softness, were unmatched by other martial arts.

As always, Uncle Lian was still just Uncle Lian in my eyes. No matter how many irreparable mistakes he made to my parents, he was still my Uncle Lian, the first family member who cared about and loved me. Every night after martial arts practice, he would transfer his inner energy to me. He said that without my inner strength, my martial arts would only be empty showy moves. He said he would pass on all his life's skills to me, and he did.

The last night I saw him, he told me he was leaving. I asked him why, and he replied that his journey wasn't over yet, and he wanted to continue. I had no reason to stop him; after all, I wasn't the only one in his life anymore.

Lately, I've noticed something's wrong with Su Yang. She's been vomiting frequently, and her face is very pale. I suggested taking her to see a doctor, but she absolutely refused. I'm sure she's hiding something from me, but I don't want to force her. I'll believe whatever she says as long as she's willing. I watched her grow weaker day by day, my heart filled with anxiety, yet I didn't know what to do. Then one day, she collapsed in my arms, and I realized something terrible had happened. I carried her and ran frantically, calling her name, kissing her face and forehead, but she kept her eyes closed, ignoring me. At that moment, my world seemed to collapse. My hands trembled uncontrollably as if they would slip and fall. I held her tightly as we ran through groves of trees, until I was almost exhausted and collapsed. Through my blurred vision, I saw a small courtyard ahead.

I rushed in, yelling, ignoring the terrified faces that met my eyes. I begged them to find a doctor for me. It was a middle-aged couple. Seeing me rush into their house carrying someone, their initial fear subsided. They led me inside, and the man hurriedly ran out, leaving the woman to help put Lin Suyang on the bed. She said she had already gone to fetch a doctor and told me not to worry. I thanked her and turned back to stare intently at the person on the bed.

Su Yang's lips also began to turn pale. I moved closer to her, and only relaxed when I was sure her breathing was still steady. I didn't know why she had fainted; I only knew that when she collapsed weakly into my arms, my body also felt cold. Uncle Lian said I was a calm person with extremely strong self-control, but when it came to her, all my calmness and self-control vanished. Uncle Lian said that this was what true love was, just like how I could abandon everything for her without hesitation back then; reason was discarded like worn-out shoes.

No one told me that loving someone means enduring pain; it's an equal exchange. Actually, from the beginning, I knew I was on this path, and I did so willingly and happily. So when the doctor told me she was pregnant, my heart wasn't filled with suspicion of betrayal, but rather with the urgent question of how she was doing and why she hadn't woken up.

The doctor said she was weak and had fainted from exhaustion, but would wake up soon. I stayed by her side, without sleep, food, or drink, waiting for her to wake up.

I finally waited until she opened her eyes, and I held her tightly, not wanting to let go. It seemed that if I let go, she would go far away again, just like before, and never come back.

She wanted to bathe alone in the room. Worried that she was still weak from just waking up, I sat on the stone steps in front of the door to wait for her. Suddenly, I heard a noise from inside. I quickly pushed open the door and saw her sitting on the floor, leaning against the wooden tub. I picked her up and, ignoring her protests, undressed her. My hands trembled slightly as I touched her cold skin. She blushed and lowered her head, refusing to look at me. I tested the water temperature before gently placing her in the tub. I said, "I'll be outside. Call me if you need anything." She nodded, still not daring to look up at me.

That night, I slept more soundly than ever before. Because I had figured out so many things—so many things: her feelings for me, our future together, the child I wasn't related to by blood… Everything I cared about, everything I wanted, was right beside me. I held her, burying my face in her hair, listening to her soft breathing. That was enough for me.

Volume Four, Palace's Absolute Chapter Ninety-Five: It's Like Longing (Part Two)

Qin Hao told Lin Suyang that he was the emperor of this country, and she was his empress. Because of her amnesia, he didn't want to cause her too much trouble, so he kept her hidden in this Cold Bamboo Garden. However, he promised that as long as she stopped being angry, he would let her wander around the palace.

With such a concession, Lin Suyang had no excuse to object. Looking at the mess on the floor, her face flushed slightly, and she lowered her head, nervously twisting her fingers. Seeing that she remained silent, Qin Hao assumed she was still angry and leaned down to stroke the hair behind her ear with his lips. "Still angry? Tell me, what do you want? I'll agree to anything, okay?"

"I..." Lin Suyang stammered, embarrassed to say that her anger earlier was merely due to a sudden feeling of irritability, and not just to blame Qin Hao for sending troops to protect her.

"...I'm sorry...I...I couldn't control myself just now..." Lin Suyang glanced at the pieces of paper on the ground that already had many footprints on them.

Qin Hao followed her gaze and understood. So that's what she was worried about. He smiled slightly and said, "It's okay, I'll have them pay again. You're pregnant now, it's normal for you to think too much and have fluctuating emotions."

"...Don't worry, maybe you're overthinking it. I've heard that many pregnant women experience this..." It seemed like someone had said this to her before. Lin Suyang stared blankly at the chaotic colors on the ground, a pang of pain rising in her heart. She could hear Qin Hao's low murmurs, but she couldn't make out what he was saying. Her vision was blurry, as if there was someone, someone very familiar, standing not far away waiting for her.

Lin Suyang stared blankly at the door, then stood up aimlessly and was about to walk outside when Qin Hao quickly grabbed her and asked, "Where are you going?"

Lin Suyang paused, came to her senses, looked at the bright sunshine outside the door, and then unconsciously replied, "I want to go outside."

"It's almost noon, and it's getting dark. Let's have lunch first and then go out later." Qin Hao stood up and pulled her back to his side. He then called out to the outside, "Someone, bring lunch."

Lunch was quite greasy, and Lin Suyang put down her chopsticks after a few difficult chews. Qin Hao looked at her and asked, "What's wrong? Not to your liking?"

Lin Suyang shook her head and said, "It's too greasy. I can't eat it."

Qin Hao glanced at the food on the table. It was a bit oily and sour. He rolled up his sleeves and personally ladled a bowl of chicken soup for Lin Suyang, placing it in front of her and saying, "Then have some soup. You're not alone now. The baby is still hungry. How can you manage without proper nutrition?" He then added a lot of deboned pomfret to her plate.

"Eat a little more. I'll go out for a walk with you later, is that alright?" Qin Hao coaxed her like a child, making her drink half a bowl of soup before he stopped.

After they finished eating and the palace servants cleared the table, Lin Suyang stared at Qin Hao. Qin Hao felt extremely uncomfortable under her intense gaze. He turned his head slightly and coughed a few times, saying, "It's still early. You've just eaten. Rest for a bit before you go." Seeing Lin Suyang's expression begin to show displeasure, he quickly said, "I promise I'll go with you. Be good. I'll wake you up after you've had a nap." Saying this, he took her hand and led her behind the screen to lie down on the bed.

Lin Suyang felt extremely awkward. Being treated like a child felt utterly foreign. Although she had lost her memory, she firmly believed she wasn't the clingy, delicate type. This only deepened her suspicions about Qin Hao. She lay silently on the bed, closing her eyes, her mind racing. No, no, this shouldn't be happening. But... what exactly is wrong...?

Qin Hao's large hand slowly slid down her beautiful contours, resting on her neck. Then he brushed aside the stray strands of hair that had fallen across her chest. His large hand moved downwards, resting on her stomach, gently stroking it. Qin Hao sighed, leaned down and kissed her lips, then stood up and walked to the window. He put his hands behind his back, looking at something, seemingly lost in thought.

Lin Suyang opened her eyes. She turned her head to look at his back. He was tall and strong. She could vaguely see how much power was hidden beneath that bright yellow dragon robe.

I wonder if he looks good in cyan clothes... Lin Suyang was suddenly startled by this thought. Why cyan instead of white or blue? It seems like there's someone who always likes to wear cyan clothes and hang around in front of him. Who is that person?

A small teahouse stood on the official road leading to Yundu. It was midday. The summer sun was always scorching, and the sweltering air steamed through the fields. Wild grasses and flowers drooped listlessly under the blazing sun, curling up weakly. Cicadas chirped incessantly from some tree. A half-plucked stray dog lay by the roadside, its tongue lolling out and eyes closed. Occasionally, it would open its eyes to glance at passersby, then roll over and continue its nap.

"Damn this weather, it's so hot I'm sweating buckets. Looks like it won't rain for the next few days." A farmer-looking man shouted gruffly to the tea stall owner who was busy working behind him. "Hey, Lao Jiang, bring me a pot of iced tea."

"Coming, coming." Old Jiang deftly filled a pot with cool tea from the bucket holding the well water and brought it to the table of the man in front of him. "I'm telling you, Mengzi, stop thinking about your crops all day long. You should at least find a wife soon. Your mother keeps nagging that she has no grandson to hold. Of the three unfilial acts, the greatest is to have no offspring. You're not getting any younger!"

The farmer who had spoken earlier picked up the large bowl of water that had been filled, gulped it down in a few mouthfuls, wiped his mouth with his dusty sleeve, and said nonchalantly, "Hey, do you think I didn't want to? My old mother has been nagging me until my ears are calloused. You know, even though that Grand Tutor of Yundu has been dead for so long, those young ladies are still crying their eyes out for him. Honestly, I think that guy surnamed Lin is just a sissy. What does it matter if he's pretty? He still got stabbed away with one stroke..." Before he could finish speaking, there was a loud clang, and a long sword was placed in front of him. The cold light reflected into his eyes, making his whole body tremble.