The Foolish Agent

Chapter 6

"You may rise, my dear minister! Tomorrow, hand over all your affairs to Vice Minister Zhang Mingjie. After that, you may leave the capital and return to your hometown."

"Your Majesty, I obey your decree and thank you for your kindness! I take my leave."

Xuanyuan Yunli watched expressionlessly as the trembling Lord Wu left the study. His face gradually darkened and became terrifying, his eyes filled with bloodthirsty murderous intent. The pen in his hand snapped in two with a "crack," and was then violently thrown away.

After waiting outside for a long time, Eunuch Fu saw that Lord Wu looked strange, his old face contorted with grief as if his mother had died, and he left in a daze. Even when Eunuch Fu greeted him, he didn't respond. Eunuch Fu knew then that the Emperor had dealt him a heavy blow.

Upon hearing Lord Wu's words about the imperial concubine selection and Consort Shui's upcoming nightly service in the emperor's bedchamber in the afternoon, I knew the emperor would be furious. Therefore, I didn't dare mention it to the emperor and immediately sought advice from Young Master Qingfeng. However, I didn't expect Lord Wu to be so impatient. He actually went to speak to the emperor himself before I did.

Eunuch Fu shook his head sympathetically at Lord Wu's retreating figure, then turned and stepped into the Imperial Study. Just as he landed, another flying object came hurtling towards him.

[Main Text: Chapter Nineteen: Interesting Stories from the Palace (Part One)]

Autumn deepened, a chilly wind whispered, and the grass and trees withered. This was the scene in the garden of the Eastern Palace. The late autumn sun had lost some of its scorching heat, gaining a gentler warmth. This soft sunlight added a touch of warmth to the garden, which was originally desolate and filled with endless melancholy.

In the afternoon, Leng Jie lay on the recliner Qing'er had prepared for her, enjoying the warm sunshine with her eyes closed. Qing'er had noticed that Leng Jie had been sleeping in her room during the day for the past few days, which worried her. She wondered if her mistress had become even more foolish, or if she had fallen ill again. So, she came up with this idea: to let her come out to the garden to sunbathe. However, this suited Leng Jie perfectly. She loved the sun, and besides, she had discovered that her body was severely calcium deficient.

"Something terrible has happened! Something terrible has happened!" Xiao Chunzi rushed into the East Palace from outside, shouting in a panic.

"What's wrong with you? Even if the sky falls down, you don't need to hold it up. What are you yelling about?" Qiu'er mocked as always with a sharp and venomous voice.

Xiao Chunzi seemed to have long been accustomed to Qiu'er's attitude, ignoring her deliberate sarcasm, and pressed her chest to calm her heavy breathing. At the same time, everyone in the East Palace instantly gathered around him, all staring intently at him, waiting for him to report earth-shattering news.

Although this scene had been playing out almost daily these past few days, Leng Jie still found their behavior quite endearing. They actually took it upon themselves to send someone out to each palace every day to gather information. More like gossip than information: today this palace maid married that eunuch, tomorrow which palace servant reached retirement age. However, this was the first time she'd witnessed such excitement. Therefore, Leng Jie also perked up her ears, eager to investigate.

"Tell me quickly! What did you hear? Why are you so scared?" Qiu'er urged.

"Your Majesty, Your Majesty visited the Imperial Concubine last night. This morning, an imperial decree was issued that the Imperial Concubine no longer needs to be confined to her quarters and will take over all affairs of the inner palace from the Empress."

"I knew that the Imperial Concubine would eventually gain the Emperor's favor. Sigh! I hope that Consort Shui, as gentle as water, will live up to her name. Then our lives in the Eastern Palace might be a little easier!" Qiu'er said weakly.

"But I also heard that Hua Gu's tongue, her tongue was cut off by the Imperial Concubine." Xiao Chunzi stammered and trembled as she finished speaking, then immediately covered her mouth with both hands.

After hearing this, the others were first stunned, their mouths agape, and then, like Xiaochunzi, they all covered their mouths tightly, as if they were the next to lose their tongues.

When Leng Jie heard Xiao Chunzi's words and saw their terrified expressions, and then recalled the amusing scene she had accidentally witnessed last night, she almost couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Last night, after Leng Jie had everyone in the Eastern Palace "retired," she took out the map she had found in the library the day before and the book she thought was a "martial arts manual," preparing to study it carefully. However, when she looked at the book closely, she discovered that the words and pictures were all symbols and images she couldn't understand. Although Leng Jie had never seen what a real martial arts manual looked like, based on her years of experience as a special agent decrypting documents, she was certain that the symbols and images in this book were the proprietary terminology of some organization—what modern people commonly call codes or ciphers.

Leng Jie felt that since the late emperor had placed the map and the book together, there was likely some connection between them. She decided to start her research from this angle, but the characters on the images in the book were too small; even after gathering all the palace lanterns together, she still couldn't see them clearly. Qing'er had glued them too tightly during the day, making a proper study of them unlikely. Leng Jie began to miss modern instruments, thinking that even a 40W fluorescent lamp would be enough, let alone an advanced X-ray machine or magnifying glass.

Leng Jie suddenly remembered the luminous pearl she had seen in the West Palace on her first night here, the pearl that had been on her mind all this time. Although she had looked down on those who used luminous pearls as light bulbs back then, now she felt that it was definitely the best way to make the most of them.

Therefore, Leng Jie decided to keep her promise to Ye Mingzhu and rescue him from the West Palace.

Leng Jie's current identity is that of a palace maid named Qiu'er. Qiu'er came from the West Palace, and the palace servants there should all recognize her, so she absolutely cannot enter through the main gate. However, looking at the smooth palace wall that was more than two meters high, Leng Jie once again felt disgusted by this ancient era without advanced equipment. When Leng Jie had almost circled the entire West Palace wall, she finally found a large tree very close to the wall at a corner in the backyard.

Leng Jie grinned, and like a nimble leopard, she swiftly climbed the tree, moving to the branch closest to the palace wall, preparing to jump down. Suddenly, two figures whizzed in from afar. Leng Jie was slightly startled, then saw the two figures, one fat and one thin, easily leap and gracefully land on the wall. Then, with a few light touches on the water, they entered Consort Shui's palace.

"Oh my god, is this the legendary light-footed skill?! So cool!" She only reacted after the two figures completely disappeared from Leng Jie's sight, and exclaimed softly.

However, Leng Jie seemed to have forgotten her predicament. Before her gasp had even faded, she had already fallen from the tree branch. Fortunately, she reacted quickly. In the instant she brushed past the palace wall, she hooked her foot on the edge of the wall, and with a swift mid-air flip, landed lightly on the top. Although she ultimately achieved her goal, the process had left Leng Jie drenched in a cold sweat.

Leng Jie, who had originally come only for the luminous pearl, was now more interested in the two men who had entered the West Palace. She quietly hid outside the Consort's window and peered inside from the same angle she had used to spy on them.

The pearl remains, the light still shines. It illuminates the expressions of everyone inside the room, making them clearly visible.

The most striking figure was the emperor, dressed in bright yellow, but his handsome face was expressionless, revealing no emotion whatsoever. His pair of sinister black eyes were fixed on the trembling black-clad man kneeling before him. Beside the man stood the eunuch Fu, resembling a Maitreya Buddha. Leng Jie immediately recognized the man on the ground and Eunuch Fu as the two figures who had entered through the window earlier.

On the mahogany bed, the alluring body of a beautiful woman, partially concealed by pink gauze curtains, appeared both suggestive and irresistibly seductive. Coupled with the woman's occasional soft moans and low gasps, the room was filled with an atmosphere of decadence. The experienced Leng Jie naturally understood why Shui Rong'er on the bed was making such sounds. However, the current situation surprised her, and she couldn't help but make the following guess in her mind:

What's going on here? Does the emperor enjoy having others watch him do his work? Or is he simply incompetent and wants someone to do his bidding? Or is he bisexual and enjoys these kinds of threesomes?

[Main Text: Chapter Twenty: Interesting Stories from the Palace (Part Two)]

Just as Leng Jie was lost in her own thoughts, the man in black finally snapped out of his shock and pleaded in a trembling voice:

"Your Majesty, please rescind your decree! I do have feelings for Rong'er, but that was all before she entered the palace. Besides, Rong'er has always only had Your Majesty in her heart, and only regards me as an elder brother."

"Hmph! Brother? So you're not planning to save her? I'm sure you've already figured it out without me saying it. She's been drugged with an aphrodisiac, and she did it herself, though she originally intended for me to drink it. If you agree to my conditions and get her pregnant, I guarantee that after it's done, you can take her and the child out of the palace and start a new life somewhere no one knows you." The emperor coaxed gently. "Otherwise, with just one order from me, you two adulterers will be confirmed immediately."

"Your Majesty, the innocent are innocent. The Shui family has shown me great kindness in raising me. I cannot comply!" The man in black suddenly raised his head and met the emperor's gaze with great courage. In Leng Jie's view, he must have been prepared to die. However, he couldn't possibly defeat the monstrous emperor like this, because he had already admitted to having feelings for the person in his bed. Sure enough, the emperor coldly said:

“Shui Feifan, no, I should call you Jiang Feifan. I didn’t realize you were just like your father, with such a fiery temper. Do you think your father Jiang Renzhiqing was incompetent? But what was the end result? Was he considered incompetent in the eyes of the world? Take a look at this document before you make a decision!” With that, he tossed something resembling a memorial in front of Leng Feifan.

Shui Feifan's face turned ashen when the emperor mentioned his father, his eyes filled with hatred. But after reading the memorial the emperor tossed to him, his face instantly paled, his eyes now showing not only hatred but also regret. A moment later, he gritted his teeth and asked:

"Could the Emperor possibly overturn my father's case and exonerate him?"

"It's not impossible to overturn your father's case, but you're aware of the current situation in the court. Although Prime Minister Leng has retired, his disciples have become estranged from me. Only the Shui family remains powerful. Think about it, how can I allow Shui Rong'er to become pregnant with the imperial child again at this time? I know you have feelings for Shui Rong'er, which is why I've asked you to do this."

“Feifan understands. From this moment on, Feifan’s worthless life is in the Emperor’s hands.”

"It's good that you understand. I'll leave things here to you. Eunuch Fu will be guarding the door the whole time. After you're done, leave the palace immediately via the same route. I'm leaving now." With that, the emperor turned and flew out of the window. Startled and completely unprepared, Leng Jie quickly clung to the wall below the windowsill, praying in her heart that the emperor wouldn't turn back.

Leng Jie dared not move. Only when she heard the sounds of putrid, mingling flesh coming from inside the room could she be sure the emperor was truly gone. Leng Jie got up, patted the stain on her clothes—in reality, there was no stain on the wall at all. She glanced at the luminous pearl in the room, and then at the two people engaged in their vigorous activity. Once again, she felt sympathy for women like Shui Rong'er in ancient times. At this moment, Leng Jie was extremely grateful that her deceased father, the emperor, hadn't demanded in his will that the foolish empress bear him a bunch of princes and grandsons.

"The Imperial Concubine has arrived!"

A sharp, piercing voice pulled Leng Jie back from her reverie. Looking up, she saw Shui Rong'er, dressed in a magnificent phoenix robe, surrounded by a group of eunuchs and maids, walking confidently and proudly towards Leng Jie as if she owned the whole world.

The palace maids of the Eastern Palace, already terrified by the incident involving the tongue and covering their mouths, had knelt haphazardly on the ground, completely disoriented, the moment they heard the announcement of "The Imperial Concubine has arrived," not daring to raise their heads. Qiu'er, being an elder in the palace and possessing the greatest courage and experience among them, was the only one who dared to look up at Shui Rong'er and kowtow in greeting:

"Welcome, Your Highness! Long live the Empress!"

"Tsk tsk, like master, like servant. Look at you all, are you all so stupid you can't even bow properly?" A maidservant beside Shui Rong'er pointed at Leng Jie's nose and mocked her, while kicking the palace servants kneeling in the wrong direction. Pulled back to their senses by the pain, the palace servants hurriedly turned around and kowtowed.

"Welcome, Your Highness! Long live the Empress!"

Shui Rong'er glanced at the panicked servants on the ground out of the corner of her eye, and said with an air of nobility and gentleness:

"Yes, get up, all of you!" Then, turning to Leng Jie, who was still sitting blankly in the recliner, staring straight at her, she gave her a disdainful smile and said arrogantly:

"Your Majesty, I've come to pay my respects and offer you tea." With that, she took a cup of "tea" from a eunuch and presented it to the foolish empress.

The simple-minded empress grinned at the imperial concubine, seemingly impatient, and snatched the teacup from her lips, about to bring it to her mouth. Just as the imperial concubine and her entourage were all beaming with joy, Qing'er, who had been trembling with fear, suddenly lunged forward, knocking over the teacup the empress was about to drink. Then, with her trembling, frail body, she tightly shielded the empress, her posture as fierce as a mother hen desperately protecting her chicks.

Qing'er's actions once again moved Leng Jie, and also shocked the others. After a while, those who had recovered from their shock, except for Leng Jie who was still grinning foolishly, all thought that Qing'er was doomed.

Even Hu Qingfeng, who had followed Shui Rong'er and her group and was hiding in a tree to watch the commotion, was shocked by the little girl's courage in protecting her master. However, like everyone else, Qingfeng also mourned for this loyal little girl in his heart.

"You audacious girl! How dare you deliberately spill the tea I served to Her Majesty the Empress! Guards, drag her away and beat her to death!" Consort Shui broke the silence first, roaring angrily.

Before the words were even finished, two imperial guards in full armor rushed out from the crowd. Just as their hands were about to grab Qing'er, a piercing scream suddenly interrupted their actions.

All eyes immediately focused on the source of the scream. The source of that chilling sound was none other than their noble and beautiful Imperial Concubine. The beauty's eyes were filled with terror, her face deathly pale, her back bent, her hands clutching her left breast, and her scream had turned into a wail. The maid who had kicked her earlier rushed forward to support her swaying body, asking urgently:

"Your Majesty, what's wrong?" Without waiting for an answer, she turned to the person behind her and instructed:

"Go and summon the imperial physician to the West Palace immediately. Go and inform the Empress Dowager and the Emperor. You all come and escort the Empress back to the West Palace."

The palace servants of the Eastern Palace stared blankly at the departing figures of the Imperial Concubine and her entourage, who came and went in a hurry, unable to recover for a long time.

Leng Jie glanced disdainfully at the departing crowd and sighed inwardly, "Alas, now I finally understand what 'a pitiful person must have something hateful about them' means! I hope you'll learn your lesson next time and not come to the Eastern Palace to cause trouble for me again, otherwise, it won't be as simple as just feeding your nipples a needle." After sighing, Leng Jie reverted to being the carefree, naive, and silly empress she always was.

It turned out that while Qing'er was holding Leng Jie in her arms, Leng Jie had taken a sewing needle from Qing'er's clothes. While everyone's attention was focused on Qing'er, Leng Jie seized the opportunity to throw the needle like a dart, striking Shui Rong'er's prominent left breast. This caused Shui Rong'er to scream.

Qingfeng, equally stunned by Shui Rong'er's inexplicable scream and expression, wanted to chase after her to the West Palace to see what was going on. He had never seen any illness that could cause such sudden, intense pain, and judging from her appearance, the area of pain seemed to be a sensitive spot. But just as he turned around, he caught a glimpse of shrewdness and ruthlessness flashing in the Foolish Queen's eyes. However, when he tried to look closer, the Foolish Queen's gaze returned to its dull, lifeless state.

Although it was only a fleeting glimmer, it immediately reminded him of the look in the eyes of 'Little Qingzi' who had asked him to make medicine. A satisfied smile naturally appeared on Qingfeng's lips as he thought to himself, "Haha, it's like finding a needle in a haystack! Little Qingzi, let's see where you run this time!"

[Main Text: Chapter Twenty-One: Extracting a Needle from a Stone]

The East Palace and West Palace are separated only by a garden, the most distinctive feature of which is a large forest of red maple trees. As the setting sun casts its rays, soft light filters through the fiery red maple leaves, creating dappled shadows and adding a rich, mysterious atmosphere to the late autumn twilight.

The Eastern Palace was silent.

The Western Palace, however, was already in chaos, with people wailing and screaming since the afternoon.

With a cry of "The Empress Dowager has arrived!", a middle-aged noblewoman with an anxious expression, supported by two palace maids, hurried into the West Palace. As she walked, she asked the imperial physician, who had rushed out to greet her, "..."

"What exactly happened to Consort Shui?"

"Your Majesty, I am incompetent. Based solely on pulse diagnosis, I truly cannot diagnose the Consort's ailment," an elderly imperial physician with white hair and a white beard replied truthfully, neither humble nor arrogant.

The Empress Dowager's expression changed drastically, and she was about to lash out when a piercing wail came from inside. Concerned for the suffering person, the Empress Dowager glared at the imperial physician and hurried towards the Consort's palace.

The Empress Dowager stepped into the palace and was immediately stunned by the scene before her. The once spacious and magnificent palace was now a chaotic mess, as if it had been ransacked. The remains of rare treasures were scattered everywhere; almost nothing that could be broken had survived. The meticulous Empress Dowager immediately turned to the kneeling palace servants and sternly demanded, "How have you served your mistress? Clean this up! If the Emperor sees this, none of you will see the sun rise tomorrow!" Before the Empress Dowager finished speaking, a disheveled figure with unkempt clothes and a shaggy face rushed out from behind a screen, lunging straight at the Empress Dowager. A palace maid beside the Empress Dowager reacted quickly, striking the figure with a palm strike, sending it crashing into a pillar and bouncing back.

"Ah! That's Consort Shui!" The palace servants of the West Palace, who were kneeling on the ground listening to the Empress Dowager's reprimand, reacted and cried out, but Shui Rong'er had already vomited blood and was unconscious.

Everyone was stunned by this sudden turn of events. The palace maid, realizing she had attacked the wrong person, rolled her eyes and collapsed. The Empress Dowager, her face deathly pale, rushed over and caught the contorted Shui Rong'er in her arms. She cried out urgently, "Rong'er, Rong'er, wake up! It's your aunt!" Seeing that the person in her arms did not respond, she turned to the white-bearded imperial physician and roared:

"What are you all standing there for? Hurry up and treat Consort Shui's injuries! If anything happens to Her Highness, I will punish you all."

The white-bearded imperial physician hurriedly stepped forward, took Shui Rong'er from the Empress Dowager's arms, laid her flat on the bed, and began to take her pulse. After a moment, the physician summoned a medicine attendant, took a pill from the medicine box hanging on his body, and fed it to Shui Rong'er. Only then did he say to the Empress Dowager:

"Your Majesty, there is no need to worry. Consort Shui fainted due to minor internal injuries and exhaustion. She will recover after taking my medicine and resting for a few days. However, I must examine her to determine the nature of her pain."

"Then hurry up and get her treated! Can't you see that Rong'er has been tortured beyond recognition?"

“However, Her Majesty’s ailment is in her private parts, and it is not proper for an old minister to treat her!” the white-bearded imperial physician replied, his face flushed.

The Empress Dowager glanced at Shui Rong'er, who was still unconscious but clutching her left chest with both hands, and then at the imperial physician. Finally, she closed her eyes, thought for a moment, and slowly said:

"You're right. We can't let you ruin the Imperial Concubine's reputation. So what do you suggest we do? Should we find a female doctor?"

"Your Majesty's pulse is normal. In my humble opinion, Your Majesty's pain is quite strange. If I'm not mistaken, Your Majesty may have been struck by a hidden weapon. I've heard of a hidden weapon in the martial arts world called 'Rain of Pear Blossom Needles.' It's as thin as a hair, yet incredibly powerful. It can often injure people without them even realizing it. I've heard that to remove this needle, you just need to use a magnet near the needle hole to draw it out." The old imperial physician explained to the Empress Dowager while taking Shui Rong'er's pulse.

"Are you saying that this isn't an illness, but rather that someone dared to harm the Imperial Concubine in the palace?" the Empress Dowager asked sternly.

"This is merely a guess based on the Consort's pain and pulse. I cannot investigate whether this is indeed the case. However, Your Majesty the Empress Dowager may have the female officials attending to her examine her carefully. If they find any needle marks, they can try using a suction stone."

"Since we could have tried it, why wait until now? Lian'er, come over here and examine your master!" The Empress Dowager shouted at Lian'er, who was still kneeling on the ground.

"Your Majesty, the imperial physician did tell Your Majesty to try using a magnet, and even gave Lian'er a magnet. But Your Majesty absolutely refuses to let Lian'er get close!" Lian'er said aggrievedly.

The Empress Dowager suddenly remembered that the Emperor had spent the night in the West Palace the previous night, and immediately understood. Turning around, she said:

"Oh? In that case, all of you may leave so that I may examine Rong'er's injuries myself."

"Yes, Your Majesty, I take my leave." The imperial physician and palace servants quickly left the palace.

The Empress Dowager forcefully pried open Shui Rong'er's hands, which were tightly covering her left breast, and undressed her. This time, despite being mentally prepared, the Empress Dowager was still stunned by the various large and small bruises on Shui Rong'er's body. Having been a widow for three years, the Empress Dowager, upon suddenly seeing the long-lost marks of love, couldn't help but feel a stirring of tenderness in her heart!

Suddenly snapping out of her daze, she couldn't help but feel her heart race, her face flushed, and her eyes darted towards the door. Only after confirming that no one had witnessed her arousal did she breathe a sigh of relief and pat her still-pounding heart. Composing herself, she continued undressing Shui Rong'er. However, once the clothes were removed, the impressive array of kiss marks and love stains on Shui Rong'er's body was revealed, and the Empress Dowager's heart once again began to pound uncontrollably.

The Empress Dowager blushed and parted her lips slightly, murmuring softly, "Li'er is just as mighty as his father, the Emperor! Rong'er is truly blessed!"

After a struggle with her conscience, the Empress Dowager finally overcame her inner demons and calmed down to search for the needle hole in Shui Rong'er's breasts. However, Shui Rong'er's breasts were covered with marks of alternating blue, red, and purple, making it impossible to see even a tiny needle hole. The Empress Dowager had no choice but to place a magnet on Shui Rong'er's high, firm left breast and slowly, inch by inch, move it, hoping to draw out the tiny needle inside.

As the magnet reached the summit, Shui Rong'er suddenly screamed and sat up. The Empress Dowager trembled in fright, and the magnet in her hand fell onto Shui Rong'er's lap, eliciting another round of screams from her.