The Foolish Agent

Key qualities of a modern intelligence agent:

First, strong observation skills.

Second, they have strong adaptability.

Third, it has strong concealment capabilities. Fourth, it has strong mobility.

Fifth, strong hands-on skills.

6. Strong social skills.

When the six essential qualities of modern secret agents are applied to ancient times, when there is no high-tech support and no sophisticated weapons as a backup.

When a brilliant modern female agent unexpectedly transmigrates into the body of a foolish ancient empress.

What kind of chemical reaction will occur?

Want to know how a modern female spy portrays the life of a foolish queen despised by everyone?

Want to see how the foolish queen toys with the aloof king, hailed as the chosen one of heaven and the incarnation of a true dragon?

Want to know how the foolish empress overturned the conspiracies and darkness of the harem?

Want to see how a foolish woman regains respect and affection?

Want to fantasize about how a silly empress will deal with a multitude of handsome men?

Want to hear how the foolish queen navigates the world of martial arts?

If you're interested, please open this article! This article will take you into a lighthearted and humorous space to learn about a fascinating other world.

Guo'er is really not good at writing synopses. This story belongs to the time-travel romance genre, and although it involves many conspiracies, darkness, power struggles, and conflicts, the humorous descriptions and lighthearted tone ensure that this is not a tragic story. Therefore, Guo'er would like to remind readers who enjoy tragic stories to proceed with caution!

[Main Text: Chapter 1, First Steps into Another World]

On the eighth day of the ninth month of the third year of the Jinghe Dynasty (1198), it is an auspicious day for marriage, weddings, attracting wealth, and offering sacrifices.

The Jinghe Imperial Palace, with its green bricks and blue tiles, carved beams and embroidered doors, and jade-paved floors, was filled with a joyous atmosphere. From the Empress Dowager down to the palace maids and eunuchs, everyone was beaming with smiles. This was because it was the auspicious day of the wedding of the thirteenth emperor of Jinghe, Xuanyuan Yunlu, and the Imperial Noble Consort Shui Rong'er.

In stark contrast, the desolate and bleak scene that enveloped the Empress's Eastern Palace was utterly out of place. All the palace maids had been withdrawn from the Consort's Western Palace, leaving only two eunuchs to guard the entrance to the Empress's chambers.

The person on the bed slowly opened their eyes, their sharp, eagle-like gaze quickly scanning their surroundings. Even Leng Jie, known for her calm and wisdom, was bewildered by the scene before her. A large mahogany bed carved with dragons and phoenixes, mahogany shelves filled with priceless antiques, paper-covered windows, a bronze mirror dressing table, antique-style clothing—everything exuded an antique charm. She couldn't help but wonder, "What's going on? I'm clearly dead! Is this heaven?" But the somber, cold air around her immediately dismissed this naive idea. Could this be the legendary hell? But the conditions are too good! It seems this is a place between heaven and hell—isn't that the human world? Am I not dead? But she clearly discovered her husband's betrayal while on a mission. Then, without warning, she was shot in the back. The heartache she felt then was still so vivid. Pressing her aching chest, Leng Jie cursed inwardly:

"Damn it, love really is a deadly poison! Take me, Leng Jie, known as the Chinese version of 007, Flying Eagle. Even the FBI couldn't touch me, yet I was utterly devastated and exhausted by love. And now, I've been killed by some nobody thug!" Just as Leng Jie was about to get up to check the situation, her feet barely touched the ground when a voice, neither male nor female, came from outside the door, sounding like the voice of a eunuch in an ancient imperial palace on TV.

What bad luck! It's just the two of us in this cold, gloomy East Palace. Do you think that stupid empress inside is completely dead yet?

They should be dead by now! The Emperor himself ordered the Imperial Household Department to bring the highest quality arsenic, enough for two people. It would be a miracle if they weren't dead!

As a special agent, Leng Jie quickly grasped the situation from the conversation between the two people outside the door. This was indeed the palace, and the foolish empress they spoke of was none other than herself, as she was the only one in the room. Although she couldn't understand how she had become the foolish empress, she knew clearly that the emperor had issued a death warrant for the empress. And what else could someone be but a ghost who hadn't died after drinking the equivalent of two doses? Leng Jie stood up, even more certain that this frail body wasn't hers. She walked to the bronze mirror, wanting to see what this ghost looked like. The blurry ghostly figure in the mirror startled her; its face was pale to the point of being bluish, and its lips were purple. A pair of large, bronze-bell-like eyes were bloodshot, the only red thing visible on this body. A cascade of black hair was the only thing Leng Jie was satisfied with. It wore a pure white silk undergarment with flowing sleeves. If only she could find a pair of red embroidered shoes, then this ghost would be perfect. Leng Jie thought to herself.

"Xiao Qingzi, go in and take a look. If he's really dead, we'll go to Xinhe Palace to witness the ceremony. Today is the Emperor's wedding day, there will definitely be many rewards. I heard that Consort Shui is as beautiful as a fairy. She's the Emperor's childhood sweetheart and the Empress Dowager's niece!"

"That's right, otherwise why would the Emperor not even spare this foolish Empress? Isn't it all to prevent the Imperial Concubine from being wronged? Think about it, if the Emperor's most beloved Imperial Concubine had to bow and greet a fool, not only would the Empress not be able to bear it, but even the Emperor would be reluctant to do so!"

Hmph! Men are all the same, from ancient times to the present, they're all the same, their common flaw is their love of novelty and their aversion to the old. The voices outside the door grew closer, Leng Jie scanned the bedroom, which was completely exposed to the outside world, once again, grabbed a gold hairpin from the dressing table, held it in her hand, and quickly leaped behind the door, the only blind spot in the room.

The door opened, and two people walked into the room, chatting as they went. Suddenly, their eyes widened, staring blankly at the empty bed. How could the person who should have been on the bed be gone? They clearly saw her drink the medicated wine and lie on the bed, and they had been guarding the door the whole time, never leaving it. How could she be gone? Unless, unless there was... A chill ran down their spines. Just then, they heard the door close behind them, followed by a deep, ghostly voice.

"Give me back my life? You're ruthless! You won't even spare a fool!"

The two men trembled with fear, their teeth grinding together, their legs buckling, and they knelt down uncontrollably, desperately kowtowing and begging for mercy:

"Your Majesty, spare us! Your Majesty, spare us! We were just following orders! It has nothing to do with us!"

"Hmph! Go back and tell the Emperor that he has no chance of taking my life. I am a phoenix spirit, even the King of Hell dares not claim my soul. No matter how much poison he uses, it will be useless. Even if he cuts off my head, I will still come back alive. However, if he harms me once, he will pay with the life of someone he cares about. If he doesn't believe me, let him try. Tonight at midnight, the King of Hell will take away the soul and spirit of his new concubine as punishment!"

Originally, she only intended to eliminate the two men as soon as they entered, but when Leng Jie noticed their fear upon seeing the empty bed, she immediately changed her strategy. Rather than eliminating them and then fleeing the emperor's pursuit, she decided to survive here as the foolish empress, figuring out the situation before making further plans. Ancient superstitions were a tool she could now utilize. As an excellent agent, a primary requirement was the ability to turn everything around her into a tool to her advantage. While they were kowtowing, she quickly lay back down on the bed, closed her eyes, and pretended to be dead.

The two eunuchs on the ground kept kowtowing and begging for mercy. Even as their heads bled, they dared not stop. Just as Leng Jie was almost asleep, they finally discovered the "corpse" on the bed. The two men shakily got up, pushing and shoving each other, neither daring to go forward to confirm whether the person on the bed was truly dead. Impatient, Leng Jie slowly opened her drowsy eyes. Looking at the two men with blood streaming down their faces, she grinned, revealing a classic, idiotic smile.

At this moment, the two eunuchs completely believed Leng Jie's lies, their legs went weak, and they knelt down again. They kowtowed and begged:

"Your Majesty, please spare us! We will go and report to the Emperor immediately. The Empress is still a phoenix in spirit, and no mortal can harm her in the slightest. We will certainly serve Your Majesty wholeheartedly from now on."

"Hungry!" To avoid giving herself away, Leng Jie only uttered a single syllable.

"We'll go prepare a special meal for Your Majesty right away. Please wait a moment, Your Majesty." The two eunuchs trembled as they withdrew.

Watching the fleeing figure, Leng Jie sneered: "Damn it, I never thought I, Leng Jie, had the potential to be a fortune teller! I wonder which dynasty this is? Which emperor? And how stupid was this body originally? But now that I, Leng Jie, have taken it over, nothing else matters. Emperor, concubine, tonight I'll play with you!"

[Main Text: Chapter Two, Assessing the Situation]

For Leng Jie, who received special forces training from a young age, seizing the initiative and taking the lead is always the truth. Now that she had already issued a challenge to the emperor, how could she let him down!

After the two eunuchs left, the agent's ability to control everything at any time kept Leng Jie, who was exhausted, constantly busy. She began to quickly analyze the current situation in her mind and tried to use her expertise in hypnosis to hypnotize herself. She hoped to obtain some useful information about this dynasty, this palace, and this body itself from the brain cells of this body.

But no matter how hard she tried, all she could see were people's ridicule, the abuse from palace maids, and the scorn of eunuchs. Even the scene of her drinking poison was vividly clear in her mind. Yet she couldn't find a single piece of useful information about the emperor, the palace, or anything else. After several similar experiments, she had to conclude that the soul that had previously inhabited this body was truly an idiot.

However, during self-hypnosis, she unexpectedly discovered that this body seemed to contain a powerful force, which was suppressing the toxins in her body, allowing her to breathe normally after entering it. However, she couldn't explain what kind of power this was, nor how to use it, let alone control it.

Unable to find clues within herself, she had no choice but to seek another path. Just then, she heard the footsteps of a young eunuch outside. Leng Jie's eyes lit up, and a faint smile appeared on her lips. But in an instant, she reverted to the expression of a fool.

The young eunuch quickly brought the food and respectfully placed it on the bedside table. Seeing that the idiot was still disheveled and speechless, his fear and anxiety subsided slightly. He comforted himself, thinking that the idiot must have been possessed by a ghost, which was why she was so terrifying. She was still an idiot, not to be feared. To test his guess, the young eunuch, as usual, deliberately poured the leftover cold tea from the table into the food. He stirred it with his chopsticks and said in a high-pitched voice:

"Please, Your Majesty, act with kindness."

Leng Jie took in all his expressions. Following his lead, she picked up her chopsticks.

The young eunuch stared intently at the empress's hand holding the chopsticks, trying to see if she would still eat whatever she was given, just like before. She would eat with relish even food diluted with water, or food mixed with dirt and sand.

The young eunuch's focus gave Leng Jie an even better opportunity. She rhythmically waved the chopsticks in front of him, and soon he entered a hypnotic state. Leng Jie gently guided him, saying:

"You are now speaking to the emperor, and the emperor is asking you your name?"

"Your Majesty, this humble servant is Xiao Qingzi."

"What did the emperor say to you? Did you remember it?" Leng Jie prompted.

"Your Majesty, please have this servant fetch double the dose of arsenic from Physician Hu and put it into Her Majesty's tea. And watch her drink it all."

"Hmm, you did very well. Where did Physician Hu give you the medicine?"

"Your Majesty, this servant personally went to the Imperial Hospital to get it from Physician Hu. I saw Physician Hu take it out of the black box in the Imperial Pharmacy with my own eyes, so it cannot be fake."

"Hmm, you did a good job. Now it's time for you to go to sleep. Take off your clothes and put them by the bed. Then climb into bed, cover yourself with the blanket, and go to sleep until you hear a high five."

"Yes, sir!" Xiao Qingzi replied woodenly, and then began to remove the eunuch's clothes from her body.

Makeup is practically an essential skill for modern spies. They can easily disguise themselves as various characters needed for their missions using the simplest materials at hand. Leng Jie is a master of this; otherwise, how could she freely infiltrate a foreign country's core base and obtain crucial intelligence?

Leng Jie quickly tousled Xiao Qingzi's hair and used the expired and spoiled cosmetics on the dressing table to create a "little devil makeup" look for him, just like the silly empress she had seen in the mirror. She then dressed him in empress's clothes and covered him with a silk quilt. Finally, after observing him from all angles to confirm that the person lying on the bed was indeed the silly empress, she confidently prepared for the next step. She put on the eunuch's clothes that Xiao Qingzi had taken off and used a fine peach wood comb to straighten her hair, which pleased her. Then, following Xiao Qingzi's hairstyle, she tied her hair up. Finally, she had to apply the spoiled cosmetics to her own face. She cursed the damned emperor in her heart, for not even giving the empress cosmetics. He forced her, Leng Jie, to ruin her face like this. However, after her professional tinkering, she discovered that the silly empress's face was truly malleable. Ugly enough, it could imitate Xi Shi; beautiful enough, comparable to Diao Chan; plain enough, just an ordinary passerby—it definitely had the potential to become a top-tier secret agent. It's even better than her original face, which was known as the Thousand-Faced Fox.

Having the acting skills of an Oscar-winning actress (or actor) is also an essential quality for an excellent secret agent.

Standing before the bronze mirror, Leng Jie slowly turned around. She was quite satisfied with her eunuch attire. Recalling Xiao Qingzi's gait and demeanor as she entered, she imitated her several times in front of the mirror, then imagined herself as a eunuch, a servant. After repeated self-hypnosis, she presented a humble, fawning expression to the mirror.

……