Astrology Hall with Flesh and Blood

Chapter 79

He hesitated for a long time before finally stammering out his answer:

“I am an only child… My parents and in-laws have all passed away long ago.”

"I didn't realize you were the only son in the entire region!" the fourth brother teased him from the side. "Aunties and other relatives, it doesn't matter who they are! Logically speaking, you rich folks should have relatives everywhere, right?"

Yang Jiehe wore a bitter expression and almost burst into tears.

"They... are useless! I never counted on them!"

"Why?" I pressed on.

He glanced at me uneasily, his eyes darting around like a rat in a bellows.

"I...no, they've already fallen out with me..." he stammered. "A whole family like that, and they just cut off all contact like that! I can't afford to lose face like that!"

Hmph, just as I thought, everyone's turned against me. "Then I'll go after your lovers!" I frowned. "A dozen or twenty mistresses, each contributing five or six hundred thousand, that should be about right!"

"But...but how could I possibly remember so many phone numbers!" Yang Jiehe squinted his dry eyes, trying to squeeze out a few anxious tears. "It's the middle of the night, and they won't let me rest! I'm just an old man, I can't compare to you young people with your strong bodies!"

He kept claiming he wasn't feeling well and needed to sleep first, saying he might "slowly" remember those women's phone numbers. Looking at his inexplicably smug smile, I wanted nothing more than to punch him flat, but after weighing the pros and cons, I barely managed to suppress my anger. The old man devoured all the late-night snacks Lao Si had bought, even though we—the two kidnappers—were drooling with envy. He ate without any restraint, showing absolutely no awareness of being a "hostage." This was a failure as a kidnapper—I deeply blamed myself for my incompetence. Under our fiery gazes, he contentedly wiped his greasy lips, his two cunning eyes darting towards us through narrow slits.

"By the way, comrades," a greasy smile spread across his thick face, as unnatural as an oil mask smeared on his skin, "if you have some free time, why don't you go and see how my wife is doing?"

I pricked up my ears.

"You two, go directly to my wife and talk to her face to face!" he said with a smile. "She won't be able to disbelieve you! Scare her a little more, and you'll get the ransom, right? You get the money, I'm free, isn't that a win-win situation?"

"If only it were that simple," I thought to myself with a sneer. The fourth brother, however, seemed convinced, secretly tugging at my sleeve with excitement. Putting everything else aside, Yang Jiehe seemed to possess an innate, convincing calmness; with just a few ordinary words, he could easily manipulate the flow of people's hearts. Needless to say, I had already suffered at his hands before.

So I pretended to be fooled by his clumsy trick and left the small house with Lao Si, leaving Yang Jiehe locked inside. I didn't rush to confront the hostage's family; as a kidnapper, the most important thing is to always remain hidden and never easily reveal your presence. Luckily, I was prepared and pulled out a kidnapping letter pieced together from newspaper clippings. These days, any kidnapper with a sound mind knows how to use this tactic.

Unfortunately, it's the middle of the night, and the Yang family's mansion is a renowned luxury residence, heavily guarded by high walls, an automatic alarm access control system, several security guards, and guard dogs. We're not thieves from martial arts novels; secretly sneaking into the mansion to drop the ransom note unnoticed is impossible. My plan is to sneak the note in before dawn, after the newsboy has put newspapers in the mailbox. I glanced at my watch; the pale blue fluorescent hands pointed to midnight. That means we'll have to wait outside for at least six or seven hours.

Just then, two bright lights pierced the darkness of the night sky. I quickly looked over and saw a Toyota Corolla appear in front of the Yang residence. My entire body tensed up instantly. The driver of the Corolla was a woman.

She was about to leave the Yang residence.

Short Story Collection: The Unluckiest Kidnapper in the History of an Absurd Country (Part 4)

As she raised her hand, several diamond rings on her finger shimmered with an alluring light, clearly priceless. Even from dozens of meters away, we were awestruck by the opulent atmosphere emanating from those jewels, speechless for a moment, our mouths dry. After a long while, the fourth brother timidly asked me, "Brother Mao, those... are they the real thing?"

I finally came to my senses. "Hurry up and follow!" I yelled at him to drive fast and keep a close eye on the woman in front. A woman coming out of the Yang family naturally wouldn't need to wear fake jewelry and flaunt it in public, especially since she was out at night and driving a Corolla worth 800,000 yuan—considering all of the above, if I'm not mistaken, she should be the mistress of the Yang residence.

That is, Yang Jiehe's wife.

My brow furrowed deeply. This strange woman, who abruptly hung up after receiving the kidnapper's call, and knowing her husband was missing, yet went out late at night—could it be…? The coronet expertly navigated through a dozen streets, stopping beside a secluded hotel on the outskirts of the city. I was quite familiar with this place. Although the shop was small and simple on the outside, the interior was a hidden gem—a place that catered to lovers, offering different levels of service depending on the amount paid, and attracting customers with the slogan "High security, never leaked." I had tried to peek inside, but the well-trained security guards spotted me and ruthlessly kicked me out—the guards' duty was to protect the privacy of those seeking secret trysts, making this an ideal location for clandestine meetings.

I caught a glimpse of the woman calmly getting out of the car, swaying her hips dramatically as she entered the hotel with a model-like gait. Although her face was obscured by large sunglasses and a hat, judging from her slender figure and light steps, she was no more than thirty-five years old. Immediately, Yang Jiehe's bloated, fat face flashed into my mind. If it weren't for money, there's no way such a beautiful and alluring wife would marry that old monster!

I'm certain that Yang Jiehe's wife went to see her lover. And there's something even more important.

That is, Yang Jiehe's death now would be exactly what she wanted.

Although it might be futile, we still followed our original plan and dropped the extortion letter into the Yang family's mailbox. When we returned to our hideout, it was still dark, and Yang Jiehe was already waiting for us with his eyes open. "I'm hungry... I didn't sleep well all night," he said to me with a tearful face.

Damn! You ate a whole bowl of beef balls and still dare to complain about being hungry! Poor us two kidnappers, we spent the whole night following women and lying in wait, running around like crazy, we're starving! "Buy some more breakfast and come back, we can eat and chat later!" I told the fourth brother.

"Egg pancake or crepe? I heard from my brother the other day that a soup dumpling shop just opened, and they say it tastes amazing. Do you want to try it, Brother Mao?" Lao Si asked.

Before I could reply, Yang Jiehe spoke up first, "A steamed bun shop?" He frowned disdainfully, "How can you talk about such common people's food? At least you should have some crab roe stuffed siu mai, fluffy char siu pastry, shredded bamboo shoots and pork intestines, seafood shrimp dumplings, steamed chicken feet with black bean sauce, and so on, right? Of course, it would be even better if you had shark fin dumplings, scallop dumplings, or other red-point dishes! But I suppose you don't know what red-point dishes are, do you?" (Note: In Guangzhou morning tea, dim sum is generally divided into small, medium, large, specialty, and super-special; there are also more detailed and high-end categories, such as red-point dishes.)

Poor fourth brother was dumbfounded. He probably couldn't understand why the pancakes and buns we eat every day could be transformed into so many different things by Yang Jiehe. "W-W-Would you like anything else?" In his excitement, he even forgot his identity as a kidnapper and addressed his hostage as "you."

“Let me think,” Yang Jiehe rolled his eyes and began to ponder seriously. “Since you’re so poor, I’d be embarrassed to ask for anything extra and make you spend too much. That’s settled!” He was about to wave his hand casually when he realized his hands were tied behind his back, preventing him from doing so. “One serving each of steamed shrimp rice noodle rolls, black pepper beef ribs, and Chaozhou steamed rice rolls. Oh, and don’t forget the smooth beef balls. What kind of beef balls did you buy last night? They were rock hard with no elasticity or chewiness at all; they’ve made my teeth hurt!”

The fourth brother carefully wrote down the menu items one by one, and finally, he didn't forget to add a helpful note:

Would you like anything else to drink?

They act like waiters catering to rich people! What scumbags! Yang Jiehe nodded sharply, "I almost forgot! Morning tea, morning tea, how can there be no tea! Tell me, what kind of tea do you have?"

This stumped the fourth brother. Aside from the free tea offered by small restaurants, this kid had probably never tasted truly good tea. "Pbably Biluochun or Longjing or something?" he stammered. "What do you think?"

Yang Jiehe frowned again, this time making no attempt to hide his disdain.

“Young man!” he said earnestly, “The so-called pre-rain Biluochun, aged Pu’er, freshly picked Longjing, and top-grade Dongding Oolong tea are just teas for ordinary people. For a successful person like me, only the Gold Medal Malu Maple is worthy of me. Even if I were to accommodate you and lower the standard a little, it should at least be Shoumei, Maojian, or Phoenix Dancong!”

This series of high-end tea lectures finally broke down Lao Si's psychological defenses. He just stood there blankly, his face pale, without moving. Yang Jiehe shouted, "Aren't you going yet? Are you going to make me wait until noon, turning morning tea into afternoon tea?" Only then did he take off running.

He hadn't run far when he strolled back and beckoned to me. "Brother Mao~" he called out in a drawn-out voice, looking distressed, "Could you lend me some money? I only have ten yuan."

I snorted unhappily, "Ten yuan isn't enough for breakfast for three people? Do you think I'm a pig?"

"No, Brother Mao!" The fourth brother's face turned red and white, and he stammered, "Didn't you hear it just now? Shrimp and some kind of horse, this little bit of money is obviously not enough to fill his teeth! He is the richest man, the richest man!" He emphasized the latter.

"So what?" I exhaled a puff of smoke from deep in my throat. "In the end, he's still our prisoner, isn't he? We give him whatever he has to eat, even if it's shit!" I said menacingly.

"Don't be like that, Brother Mao!" The fourth brother waved his hand. "Think about how we're about to get a hundred million yuan! Compared to that, this little tea money is nothing! Brother Mao, you've always had a long-term vision," he began to subtly interject, "this little thing wouldn't even register in your mind!"

That's true. As long as I can get the 100 million yuan smoothly, I can afford it, let alone Ma Liuqi. Even if he wants to drink gold, I can afford it! After Lao Si left, I went to Yang Jiehe again and started to plan how to get my 100 million yuan from his wife.

Short Story Collection: The Unluckiest Kidnapper in the History of an Absurd Country (Part 5)

"Are you hiding something from us?" I asked calmly. There was still a long time, ten minutes, before Lao Si returned with breakfast, enough for me to chat with Yang Jiehe at my leisure.

He blinked his small eyes, looking utterly bewildered.

"You said your wife is a widow who has been through thick and thin, and is old and faded, right?" I deliberately ignored his face to put invisible pressure on him. "But as far as we know, your wife..." I paused here intentionally, staring into his flickering eyes.

"She's not your first wife, is she?" I said.

A relaxed expression immediately appeared on his face. "Oh, so that's how it is!" He beamed. "That's right, my first wife died more than ten or twenty years ago. I've been busy with business and haven't had time to remarry. My current wife is my second..." He chuckled, "and we've been married for almost ten years!"

As expected, she was not the biological mother of Yang Jiehe's two children. Even if she married at twenty-five, she would be no more than thirty-five now, still in her prime, full of youthful charm and vitality. But judging from Yang Jiehe's tone, he seemed to have long since relegated her to the ranks of the elderly, banishing her to the cold palace of unloved women. For a middle-aged woman without children or a husband's affection, her position as the wife of a billionaire was already precarious. Under such circumstances, it was not surprising that she would have an affair, let alone take advantage of the situation and use kidnappers to kill her philandering husband.

If that's really the case, we definitely won't get the ransom!

What a terrible family situation! We were just unlucky enough to get entangled in this mess, and we can't break free no matter what. Now we can't get rid of the hostage, and we can't get the money! Sigh, I sighed inwardly. In those police dramas, all the kidnappers always outwitted and outmaneuvered the police, their battles of wits so thrilling. Why are they so despicable when it comes to us? "Your wife has a lover," I simply told him, "she'd love for you to die."

"That bitch!" Yang Jiehe cursed angrily, spitting all over my face. "I provide her with good food and clothes, but she uses my money to support gigolos. Tell me, am I wronged or not!"

I nodded perfunctorily, while he continued to curse:

"...You actually colluded with outsiders to try and kill me? Just wait until I'm free, and I'll find a way to deal with you! I'll skin you alive, pull out your tendons, eat your flesh, and gnaw on your bones, or I'm not a Yang!"

Staying any longer was pointless, so I went outside to smoke, trying to pull myself out of my chaotic thoughts and come up with a simple way to extort money. In the distance, I saw the fourth brother, carrying a large stack of white styrofoam lunchboxes in each hand; the aroma could be smelled from miles away.

"Freshly steamed shrimp rice noodle rolls, here they are!" The fourth brother excitedly drew out the last syllable, opening the lunchboxes one by one. "Brother Mao, this is a special treat for you, chicken feet! Come on, thanks to Rich Yang, let's have a taste!"

What filial piety? It was all paid for by myself! A little over a hundred yuan, and this is all the little odds and ends I bought? I was so angry I was grinding my teeth, when Yang Jiehe's eyes lit up:

"Hey, young man, you know how to shop!" He patted the fourth brother on the shoulder, and the silly boy shyly shrank his neck. "Mmm~ It smells so good, I'll try the food here!"

Without a word, he pounced on the lunchbox, picked up a shrimp dumpling with his mouth, slurped it up haphazardly, and swallowed it. "This taste..." Before he could finish speaking, his eyes rolled back, and he collapsed, foaming at the mouth.

"What...what's wrong?" The fourth brother panicked and quickly helped him up. Yang Jiehe couldn't speak, only stubbornly pointing with one finger at the steaming tea and snacks on the table, foaming at the mouth. The fourth brother, not understanding what was going on, also reached for a shrimp dumpling and put it in his mouth.

"Wait!" At this critical moment, I remained calm. "He's probably poisoned—make him vomit up what he just ate!"

The fourth brother helped Yang Jiehe to the toilet, then pushed a chopstick down his throat to force him to vomit. It was a last resort; as kidnappers, we couldn't just openly take our hostage to the doctor. This was the only option, a makeshift method. If fate wasn't on our side and he didn't make it, we could only mourn. Thankfully, luck was on our side. After much effort, Yang Jiehe barely survived. "The taste of the shrimp dumplings..." he glared, finally managing to finish his sentence, "It's so strange! I just ate them too fast; I swallowed them before I could even react!"

As expected, the tea and snacks were poisoned. I nodded. This wasn't ordinary food poisoning; the effects were so rapid that it could only be deliberate poisoning. The question is, who was it, and for what purpose?

"It's my wife! There's no doubt about it!" Yang Jiehe's face was contorted in agony as he screamed in a high-pitched, eunuch-like voice, "She wants to kill me with her own hands!"

But the person who went to buy tea and snacks was clearly the fourth brother, she couldn't possibly know him... Wait a minute!

Could it be that he was discovered while he was following her last night or this morning? Or perhaps it was during the extortion letter exchange?

Because of the call from the kidnappers, the quick-witted woman immediately guessed our identities. Not only that, she might even have been following us... I broke out in a cold sweat. She poisoned the tea and snacks Lao Si bought; she definitely didn't just want to kill Yang Jiehe!

She wanted to eliminate both me and Lao Si, the two kidnappers, too! That way, the police would only find the bodies of the kidnappers and the hostage lying dead together, and wouldn't suspect her, as the victim's family member! What a treacherous and vicious plan, what a treacherous and vicious woman!

This time, it wasn't just a battle between the kidnappers and the hostage's family; it was a fight the kidnappers had to put up for their own safety! If Yang Jiehe hadn't eaten the poisoned snack first and reacted quickly, Lao Si and I would both be dead, killed by this little wench! Even if Lao Si and I miraculously survived, if Yang Jiehe had died accidentally, that woman would definitely accuse us of murder and have us executed! No, we have to move quickly to avoid further trouble. If even the slightest accident happens to the hostage, Lao Si and I will become the perfect scapegoats!

...How come it seems like the positions have been reversed? As the kidnappers, we now have to rack our brains for the safety of our hostage, lest we be wrongfully imprisoned?

At that moment, Yang Jiehe made a suggestion that touched our hearts and will remain unforgettable for us.

Short Story Collection: The Unluckiest Kidnapper in the History of an Absurd Country (Part Six) - The End

"Kill my wife." Yang Jiehe's swollen lips were close to our ears, and he murmured like a demon.

"Kill?" The fourth brother was the first to react, managing to squeeze out a single word, "No..."

“We are not murderers! Murder is punishable by death!” he shouted.

Yang Jiehe chuckled knowingly, his wrinkles deepening into deep furrows. "Young man! What do you think you're doing right now? Charity? Don't make me laugh!"

The old man's oppressive aura almost crushed the fourth brother in an instant: "You kidnapped me. If the police catch you, do you think you can expect to go to court alive?"

With a cold smile playing on his lips, he said, "Before that, I will order the prison inmates to torture you to death!"

"Your only option now might be to kill me and pretend nothing happened. But..." He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, the meaning of which was self-evident.

We can't kill him! His wife might be watching from nearby; besides, killing him before getting a single penny would be too much of a loss!

“So, I sincerely offer you a win-win suggestion,” he said with a sigh of relief, his small eyes slyly fixed on my face, “I think you will be interested.”

“Actually, my wife and I have both bought several large life insurance policies; if we die in an accident or are murdered, the other party will receive double the insurance payout. My wife’s insurance payout, all in all, is around 80 million…” He tilted his head and thought for a long time, not calculating, but testing our patience, “It’s around 80 million.”

Upon hearing this astronomical figure, my fourth brother and I couldn't help but swallow hard. No wonder they are a wealthy family!

"You help me kill that slut, and I won't take a single penny of this 80 million. You can have it all, how about it?" he said with a smile, his eyes full of expectation.

"...Words are meaningless," I finally spoke after hesitating for a long time, "Why should we believe you?"

"Have you forgotten? I'm your hostage!" Yang Jiehe shrugged dramatically. "My life is in your hands, how could I possibly renege on my promise?"

I, on the other hand, smiled calmly and said, "I'm a cautious person."

So we made Yang Jiehe repeat what he had just said into the recording; we also made him sign several documents authorizing us to commit the murders, adding his signature and fingerprint. With the evidence almost ready, I personally took these crucial items out and hid them in some secluded places. "I've entrusted them to a trustworthy friend; if anything happens to us, he'll immediately notify the police," I told Yang Jiehe, to which he simply smiled and remained noncommittal.

"Well then, it's time for us to go, Fourth Brother!" Fourth Brother nodded silently, his face deathly pale. This kid's still a bit green, I thought to myself.

…The woman had more blood than I expected. It was her first time killing someone, after all; she actually screamed after I stabbed her, clutching my clothes tightly, her mouth opening and closing as if trying to say something. The fourth brother next to me panicked, repeatedly stabbing her throat and chest with the knife; the blood flowing out almost soaked her body into a reddish-brown color. “Eighty million,” I patted the fourth brother on the shoulder from behind; he was leaning against the wall, vomiting incessantly.

After finally cleaning the bloodstains off our bodies and hands, we dragged our exhausted bodies back. However, the scene before us shocked us. Yang Jiehe was greeting us with a beaming smile, and the same few lunchboxes full of breakfast were still on the table.

"Is it done?" he asked.

The fourth brother, leaning weakly on my shoulder, nodded. At that moment, the old man suddenly let out a cold chuckle.

"It feels good to see your first love again, doesn't it, Xiao Mao?"

I didn't look up, but the muscles under my eyes twitched a few times. Xiao Mao? Right, my surname isn't Mao, it's Mao, the "Mao" of impersonation. More than ten years ago, I was Yang Jiehe's subordinate, a rising star favored by all. Back then, I was full of vigor, not only successful in my career, but also had a beautiful and charming fiancée.

However, one day at our company party, when she was drunk and in high spirits, I found her being held in Yang Jiehe's arms. The old man even said to me with a lecherous look, "I really like your friend!"