Eyes Charming

Chapter 49

She was taken aback, immediately threw the incense aside, and solemnly knelt down, saying, "Your Majesty, please spare this humble woman and rescind your decree."

Xu was somewhat surprised: "I thought you would be very happy. I have made you a Consort Chen, second only to the Empress in status. Isn't this the honor you wanted? You have worked so hard to help Consort Zhu, wasn't it so that you could use her influence to gain the power you desire in the future?"

Wen'er looked up and said, "I do like the feeling of having power, but I want a husband who loves me wholeheartedly even more."

Xu laughed and asked, "Are you so insecure that you think you can never win my love?"

"Your Majesty may favor me, just as you favored Consort Zhu, but that is not the love I desire," Wen'er said. "Because that kind of favor is not true love. For a man like Your Majesty, the first time he loves someone else in his life, he only loves himself afterward. Whether you love the Empress or Consort Zhu, in the end, you still love Your Majesty yourself. If I were to enter the palace and compete with Your Majesty, I would undoubtedly lose, because Your Majesty can only lose to the person you truly love, and that person is clearly not me. So, please, Your Majesty, spare me. If there is an afterlife, I hope that Wen'er will be fortunate enough to meet Your Majesty again, and that we will be the first people each other has ever loved in our lives. Then, we can have a proper competition."

Xu looked at her for a long time, and finally asked, "Have you found the person who loves you wholeheartedly?"

Wen'er smiled and said, "Perhaps."

Xu nodded and said, "Alright, then I will let you go. Go home now."

Wen'er kowtowed again and replied crisply, "Thank you, Your Majesty."

Before she turned to leave, Xu called her back and said, "If I say that in my life I only loved someone else the first time, and then loved myself the whole time, then you loved yourself from the very beginning."

Wen'er smiled and asked in return, "Isn't that good? At least it can protect me."

Upon returning home, when questioned by her parents, Wen'er simply said, "The Emperor wanted to take me as a concubine, but I refused. I want to marry Cai Bian."

Note: The History of Song records: Emperor Zhezong Xianyuan Jidao Xiande Dinggong Qinwen Ruiwu Qisheng Zhaoxiao, whose personal name was Xu, was the sixth son of Emperor Shenzong. His mother was Empress Qinsheng, née Zhu. He was born in the palace on the seventh day of the twelfth month of the ninth year of Xining (1070), when a red light shone in the room.

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Peach Blossom

On the 29th day of the sixth month of the ninth year of the Xining era, Prince Qi, Zhao Hao, married Pang Di, the adopted daughter of Wang Anshi, the Chancellor, as his second wife.

Considering Wang Pang's feelings, Zhao Hao and Wang Anshi tacitly agreed to keep the celebrations low-key. Unlike other places, Wang Pang's residence was not decorated with lanterns and colorful streamers to create a festive atmosphere. Wang Anshi instructed his servants to keep the courtyard gates closed that day and not to let the musicians approach, so as not to cause his son any distress.

After Pang Di dressed in her wedding gown and made up, she went to the hall to bid farewell to her former parents-in-law and current adoptive parents, Wang Anshi and his wife. Under such circumstances, all three of them were filled with mixed feelings. They forced smiles and wished each other well, but when they spoke of the emotional parts, they all secretly wiped away their tears. The helplessness and sorrow in their words were far beyond what ordinary wedding tears could express.

Just as she was about to get into the sedan chair, Wen'er suddenly ran over and coldly called out, "Sister-in-law... Sister Di, my brother said he wants you to come over and say goodbye."

Pang Di nodded. Hearing the sudden change in how her aunt, whom she had always been close to, addressed, she couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness. Afraid that others would see the tears in her eyes, she lowered her head and walked towards Wang Pang's room with Green Sleeve.

The courtyard gate, which had been closed, was now open, and the window of Wang Pang's room was wide open. He sat by the window reading a book. The pale golden sunlight made his new clothes look even brighter and gave his pale skin a warm glow, making him seem less haggard.

As she approached, he looked up and smiled slightly, maintaining his usual relaxed demeanor and confident gaze.

Pang Di gazed at him silently, unsure how to say goodbye, her expression growing increasingly sorrowful.

"Di, what do you think of my new clothes?" he asked with a smile. "This kind of tailoring is unique in all of Bianjing. It was sewn by Xie Jinniang herself."

Pang Di forced a smile and said, "You always look good in whatever you wear."

He laughed even more brightly: "I love hearing that, but you never used to say it. I guess you're jealous of me?"

"Pah!" Pang Di spat at him subconsciously. Then, she realized that it had been many years since he had joked with her like this. Now, it was happening again when she was getting married. She couldn't help but sigh deeply. She looked at him again and asked, "You look very well today. Are you feeling much better?"

"Yes, I'm almost fully recovered," he replied, then feigned confusion and asked, "Why are you sighing now that I'm better? Do you think I should be on my deathbed? That's not so domineering, is it? It's not like I can't live without you."

"Don't talk nonsense! Don't keep talking about death and life!" In her haste, Pang Di naturally reached out to cover his mouth. He smiled and put his arm around her, but immediately realized that their status was no longer the same as before, so he quickly and subtly let go of her.

Pang Di knew why his attitude had changed so suddenly, and felt slightly embarrassed. After a long while, she spoke again, saying, "Pang, you must take good care of yourself from now on. When you're working and writing, remember to rest. Don't overwork yourself; it's bad for your health. Also, don't lose your temper often; it's bad for both your mind and body. Try to be more open-minded. What can't you just laugh off? I've already brewed several bottles of your favorite begonia syrup and given them to Xuanji. Just tell her to fetch it when you want some... Oh, and by the way, if she tries to persuade you to take your medicine, don't pour it out when she's not looking..."

As she spoke, tears began to fall. Wang Pang quickly supported her shoulders and comforted her, "Alright, alright, I'll remember everything. Please don't cry anymore, or you'll ruin your makeup and leave your face covered in bruises. Zhao Hao will definitely think I hit you again and come to my door with a big knife to fight me to the death..."

Pang Di chuckled softly at his teasing, but tears continued to fall. Wang Pang then took a plain handkerchief and gently wiped away her tears, his movements very tender, lest he ruin her makeup. After wiping them away, he carefully examined her and nodded in praise, "Your face is like a peach blossom, radiant and beautiful. Now you truly look like a bride."

Then he took a red silk box from the side and said to her, "This is a gift for you. You can open it with him tonight."

She nodded in agreement, and he handed the brocade box to Green Sleeves behind her. He then smiled and said, "Today is your joyous day. How should I bless you? Shall I sing you a wedding song?"

Without waiting for her reply, he began to softly sing: "The peach tree is young and tender, its blossoms are bright and beautiful. This maiden is going to her husband's home, may she bring harmony to her family. The peach tree is young and tender, its fruit is plentiful. This maiden is going to her husband's home, may she bring harmony to her household. The peach tree is young and tender, its leaves are lush and green. This maiden is going to her husband's home, may she bring harmony to her family..."

This poem, "Peach Blossom," from the "Zhou Nan" section of the Book of Songs, was written for a woman's wedding, wishing her a prosperous marriage and harmonious relationships with her husband's family. He sang it with a serene expression, even a faint smile, but he wasn't looking at her; his gaze drifted to the willow branches outside the window.

The clear, melodious song was like a knife to Pang Di's heart. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, she stood up straight, bowed solemnly to Wang Pang, and said with choked sobs, "Pang, I'm leaving."

He nodded and said softly, "Go ahead."

So she covered her tears, turned around and ran out the door. Green Sleeves also hurriedly bowed to Wang Pang and followed her mistress.

Wang Pang hurried to the door, watching her figure gradually disappear from his sight. A pang of pain shot through his heart, and a warm, slightly metallic liquid welled up in his chest, filling his mouth. He stubbornly kept his lips tightly closed, preventing the liquid from spilling out, and then slowly swallowed it down, wiping away the trace of liquid that had overflowed from the corner of his lips with his sleeve. At the same time, two warm drops of liquid fell from his eyes.

That was the last feeling he had before losing consciousness.

The wedding ceremony held in the palace was very grand, with the two empress dowagers, the emperor, and the empress all attending the ceremony at the Qiwang Palace.

Zhao Hao's decision to marry his remarried daughter did not encounter the fierce opposition he had anticipated. The first to express her agreement was Empress Dowager Cao, who recalled her own experience: before entering the palace, she had been married once, but to an unfortunate man—a dissolute playboy who loved drinking, gambling, and whoring. In a fit of anger, she ran back to her parents' home and refused to return. Coincidentally, Emperor Renzong was choosing an empress and, hearing of her beauty and talent, summoned her to the palace. Soon after, she was made empress. No one dared mention her previous unhappy marriage, but she herself naturally hadn't forgotten it. She had vaguely heard about Wang Pang's mistreatment of his wife, and now, seeing her grandson want to marry Pang Di, she couldn't help but recall her own past, feeling a sense of kinship with Pang Di. Moreover, she felt quite apologetic towards Hao for the trauma of his first marriage caused by arranging Wan Ji's marriage. Seeing that he had finally found someone he liked, she didn't object and was happy for it.

Empress Dowager Gao had some concerns, but seeing that the Empress Dowager also agreed, she nodded in agreement. Moreover, she had met Pang Di a few years ago and had hoped that Hao would marry her as a concubine.

Xu was deeply surprised upon hearing this. He never imagined that his younger brother, who had lived alone for many years, would fall in love with Wang Pang's wife, and, contrary to his usual behavior, insist on formally marrying her regardless of the consequences. Besides Wan Ji, there was another woman who could awaken the deep-seated passion within the usually quiet Hao. Xu was truly astonished, and at the same time, he felt a great weight lifted from his heart—the intense guilt he felt towards Hao because of Wan Ji, a guilt hidden beneath his fear and hostility. Now that his brother could love again, he felt somewhat better.

Newcomer

The ceremony was conducted according to the imperial ceremonial system: the wedding procession included a gilded and silver-decorated palanquin, one walking screen and one sitting screen, four square and round palm fans, ten flowering trees leading to the procession, ten colorful candle holders, and eight palace maids and boys with high-bun hairstyles and hairpins riding on either side of the palanquin. Prince Qi rode in an elephant-drawn carriage out of the palace gate to personally greet the bride. After being welcomed into the palace, the new queen paid homage to the emperor, empress, and the two empress dowagers, and received their congratulatory gifts. Following this were the usual wedding rituals for commoners and officials, such as the wedding ceremony, scattering of grains and beans, sitting in a position of wealth and honor, scattering of the bridal tent, the joining of hair buns, the drinking of the nuptial cup, and the bestowal of congratulations. All the wedding activities continued until late at night. After the guests, palace maids, and eunuchs offered their congratulations repeatedly, the newlyweds, remaining in the bedroom, gradually dispersed.

Hao walked to Pang Di's side and personally removed the heavy phoenix crown with beaded curtains from her face, asking her with concern, "Are you tired?"

Before she could speak, he saw the answer in her downcast, clear eyes: it was a weariness unrelated to physical sensations, or perhaps a wisp of melancholy.

She responded with a smile, but it seemed fragile and fleeting.

He sighed inwardly, but did not show the faint sense of disappointment in his heart. He gently took her hand, led her to the side, pointed to an ancient zither on the table, and said to her, "My grandmother heard that you also love playing the zither, so she gave you her treasured Jin Dynasty zither that she had kept for many years. Its sound is clear and moving, and it is no less than the previous zither... It is inferior to the previous zither." He paused when he thought of Wanji's zither and the incident of the broken zither.

Pang Di nodded, reached out and gently stroked the strings, producing a few syllables that were indeed clear and melodious. However, these few solitary cries, heard in the stillness of the night, inevitably carried a hint of melancholy.

Hao then pointed out the gifts from the Emperor, Empress, Empress Dowager Gao, and several close relatives and friends to her. However, he stopped when he saw a square brocade box placed to the side, unable to recall who had sent it.

“This is… a gift from him,” Pang Di told Hao. It was Green Sleeve who brought it in and placed it here.

Hao naturally understood who she was referring to, smiled slightly, and asked, "Do you know what he gave me?"

Pang Di shook his head, and Hao then opened the brocade box—the veiled hat and the jade flute she had lost in the third year of the Xining era.

For a moment, both were silent. Then, Hao slowly took out the flute, stroking it as he recalled his duet with Pang Di on the flute and zither, and his later argument with Wang Pang upstairs. After Wang Pang's outburst that day, Hao had hurriedly left under Wen'er's forceful dragging, leaving the flute with Wang Pang. He never expected that Hao would now formally present it to him as a gift, clearly representing his approval and sincere blessings for their marriage. Everyone said he was narrow-minded, but unexpectedly, he could be so magnanimous at this crucial moment.

Pang Di picked up the veiled hat, recalling the words she had spoken with Wang Pang that day about the predestined relationship of returning the jade intact to Zhao. Feeling endless sorrow, she saw Hao Chao looking at the hat and asked quietly, "Does Your Highness still remember this hat?"

Hao took it and examined it closely before recalling, "That year during the Qingming Festival, when Yuanze and I were traveling together, a gust of wind blew this hat to my side. At first, I only felt that a white object had swept over me, and without thinking, I reached out and grabbed it." He smiled sheepishly at this point and added, "I didn't know it was yours. I thought it was useless and was about to throw it away, but Yuanze said it was very exquisite, so he took it from me."

Pang Di smiled slightly and said, "Even if His Highness knew it belonged to me back then, he wouldn't have kept it. His Highness was preoccupied with the deceased princess and was indifferent to all other women, let alone this hat."

Hao said somewhat ashamedly, "Are you complaining that I'm not romantic? I've always been quite dull in these matters."

“Not at all, Your Highness’s enduring affection is a virtue,” Pang Di said softly, looking at him. “It is also one of the reasons why I admire Your Highness.”

"But why are you so unhappy?" Hao asked. "Is marrying me not what you wanted? I don't want you to have the slightest dissatisfaction or reluctance about this marriage. If you don't want it, it's not too late to regret it now."

Pang Di sighed, “I am willing. Pang and I have come to this point and must separate. Just as he told me, if we force ourselves to stay together, he will destroy himself in my heart before he can kill me. I don’t want him to ruin his image, I won’t allow him to die in my heart. If we separate now, we can still leave a last beautiful impression on each other’s memories. Otherwise, dragging it out will only make people sick, crazy, or even die, and our feelings will be worn away, incomplete, and vanish. I don’t want that to happen. Besides, I think my existence is actually a kind of pressure and a burden for him. If I leave, he will be much more relaxed.” She paused, then suddenly smiled and said, “He seemed much more relaxed when he said goodbye to me today, and he seemed much more energetic.”

"He has always loved you, hasn't he?" Hao asked, puzzled. "Then why would he torment you like this?"

Pang Di smiled sadly and did not answer.

You still love him deeply, don't you? Hao wanted to ask that, but in the end he kept quiet and only sadly brought the flute to his lips and played a solitary tune.

He played "Remembering the Flute on Phoenix Terrace" with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. She remembered that he had played the same tune on their wedding night with Wang Pang, and the scene was still vivid in her mind, as if it were yesterday... Pang Di suddenly realized that this was very unfair to Hao. She had already married him and was now his wife, yet she talked to him about her feelings for her ex-husband without considering his feelings, and even kept reminiscing about her past with her ex-husband. How could he bear it?

So he stopped him, saying, "I don't want to hear this piece. Let's play another one together." He then tuned the piano, sat down, and calmly began to play "Butterfly Loves Flowers."

Hao turned and gazed tenderly at her, then played the xiao (a type of vertical flute) to the tune of the melody, joining her in a duet. As she played, she would occasionally look up and meet his gaze, feeling a sense of peace and warmth in her heart.

When the music ended, Hao gently helped her up and embraced her tenderly.

Not all feelings have to be intense and passionate, she thought, nestled against his chest. The warmth Hao gave her was just right, enough to keep her warm for a lifetime.

Upon entering the bridal chamber, they were both reserved and uneasy. Each removed their outer garments and lay down quietly, motionless and afraid to utter a word. They both kept their eyes closed, maintaining an awkward silence. After a long while, Pang Di thought Hao must be asleep, so she opened her eyes to look at him, only to find him also looking at her. They both immediately closed their eyes as if suddenly burned, but then, realizing how ridiculous their actions were, they opened their eyes again, looked at each other, and couldn't help but laugh.

Then Hao reached out and took her hand, their fingers entwined for a long time before he leaned down and gave her the first kiss he had ever given her since they met.

He gently pecked at her lips, so tenderly it was almost a test, and he was ready to stop at any moment, afraid she might find it abrupt. Only when he felt no resistance did he begin to kiss her deeply.

But he stopped before he could unbutton her clothes, and just stared at her silently.

She understood that he was asking again: If you don't want to, it's not too late to regret it now.

She knew very well that this was almost a ritual, a ritual to sever her ties with Wang Pang, or rather, an emotional phoenix rebirth, just like how souls about to be reincarnated must first drink Meng Po soup.

Once this has happened, there's no going back.

But what can be done now? This was something she had already decided when she agreed to the marriage.

She closed her eyes.

He was gentle with her, yet he could still sense her instinctive resistance and a trembling that resembled fear. Finally, as he penetrated her, he clearly heard in her subsequent cry that her body was in pain, just as her heart was.

He was surprised and reached out to touch it, where he could clearly see red bloodstains on his fingers in the dim light.

After a moment of shock, he immediately understood the root of the tragedy between her and Wang Pang.

There was no surprise, only sorrow for them. Hao stopped all movement, momentarily at a loss.

Di began to sob, and gradually her crying grew more and more sorrowful.

How familiar this scene is, just like Wanji's wedding night many years ago.

Fortunately, he was no longer the naive young man he had been years ago. Without further hesitation, Hao pulled his current wife into his arms, holding her tightly as she wept bitterly in his embrace. He waited silently, occasionally kissing her forehead, waiting for her to calm down after she had cried all her tears.

She didn't stop crying until dawn. Looking up at Hao, who had embraced her all night, she said apologetically, "I'm sorry."

He smiled and said, "Why are you still being so polite? It's almost dawn, you must be very tired, why don't you get some more sleep?"

She nodded, and he pulled her into his arms and lay down. They remained silent, but no longer felt awkward. The two of them gently nestled together and gradually fell asleep.