Sigh, relationship problems are really annoying, and I still have to suffer in my little peace of mind.
Despite his best efforts to be as quiet as possible, he still disturbed the sleeping Kashuu Kiyomitsu. Just as Yamato no Kami Yasusada was about to lift the covers and lie down, he suddenly heard Kashuu Kiyomitsu's somewhat drowsy voice coming from the other end.
"Go take a shower, or you're not allowed up here."
"It's already three in the morning, can't you be a little more lenient?" Yamato no Kami Yasusada touched his nose and said, pretending to be aggrieved.
"If you don't wash, I'm going to sleep on the sofa!" Kashuu Kiyomitsu's voice suddenly rose several octaves, and he swayed a few times, seemingly about to get out of bed and walk into the living room.
"Okay, okay! I'm going to take a shower!" Yamato no Kami Yasusada immediately raised his hands in surrender, quickly pulled the person back into the blankets, and cowardly climbed off the bed and walked towards the bathroom.
Standing under the showerhead, letting the water wash over him, Yamato no Kami Yasusada closed his eyes, trying to recall what had happened these past few days. But in his mind, every day was still the same: bickering, going on missions, rolling around in bed when the mood struck, and watching old movies together when they were tired. He couldn't pinpoint anything wrong. But for some reason, Kashuu Kiyomitsu's attitude had changed recently. First, he'd inexplicably throw tantrums, and even Yamato no Kami Yasusada, with his good temper, had gotten really angry several times. And the other guy would just have that "you did something wrong and you're not going to get angry with me?" look of complete entitlement, which was utterly baffling. Then, their harmonious life was shattered. No more movies, no more rolling around in bed, no more cooking. He'd often leave early and come home late, or even go on business trips for days at a time, leaving Yamato no Kami Yasusada unable to find him for weeks. Or, even when they finally get home, they still have a deadpan expression. Yamato no Kami Yasusada patiently tries to communicate with them, but they refuse to cooperate, snorting coldly before running into their studio, slamming the door shut with a deafening roar.
Yamato no Kami Yasusada was met with a cold shoulder and could only silently take out his phone to ask his friends for help.
Imaizumi-senpai replied the fastest, saying he should seriously examine whether he had done anything wrong recently, with Iwatooshi-senpai echoing his sentiments. A little while later, Soza Samonji also replied, but this guy always had a resentful look on his face. This time, he was spouting conspiracy theories, suggesting Yamato-no-kami Yasusada should check if Kashuu Kiyomitsu was planning to cheat on him, adding a "very unhappy" emoji. Mikazuki Munechika-senpai was the most optimistic, saying it was just something that often happens between young couples, and that Yamato-no-kami Yasusada should just coax him for a few days and everything would be fine. The last to reply was Izumin-no-kami, who, presumably engrossed in a novel, shamelessly declared it a sign of the seven-year itch, citing a whole bunch of examples. But upon closer inspection, it was just another character from a novel. Yamato-no-kami Yasusada rolled his eyes and put his phone in his pocket.
He tried hard to recall what he had been doing recently, but apart from contact with his colleagues, his life consisted only of Kashuu Kiyomitsu. How could he have cheated? Although Kashuu Kiyomitsu was beautiful, he wasn't the type to be promiscuous, and his proud nature certainly wouldn't lead him to do something like cheating. It wasn't realistic to treat this as a trivial matter and easily appease him, since Kashuu Kiyomitsu was usually very considerate, and even when they argued, they would quickly make up. There had never been such an unreasonable situation before. After thinking it over, the only possibility left was what Izumi no Kami had said. Having been proven right twice in a row, Yamato no Kami Yasusada couldn't help but wonder if he should buy a few novels to study.
To figure out what exactly this "seven-year itch" was, Yamato no Kami Yasusada quickly dried himself off after showering, changed into his pajamas, lay down on the bed, and started browsing his phone. The online articles generally said that people in their seventh year of a relationship might feel bored and dull due to the monotony of love or married life, and would have to undergo a crisis. If they survived, the relationship could reach a new level; if they didn't, they might go their separate ways.
"It's that serious!" Yamato no Kami Yasusada panicked as soon as he saw the last few words. He quickly scrolled down to see what solutions netizens had suggested, but then Kashuu Kiyomitsu's annoyed voice came from behind him, "Weren't you sleepy? Go to sleep! What are you doing on your phone? The light is too bright." With that, he reached out from behind and forcefully turned off Yamato no Kami Yasusada's phone.
"..." Facing the black screen of his phone, Kashuu Kiyomitsu seemed quite satisfied. He turned over and continued sleeping, leaving only Yamato no Kami Yasusada with a twitching mouth.
"That's enough, I have to endure this to prevent this relationship from falling apart," Yamato no Kami Yasusada kept telling himself. "As for a solution, I'll think about it tomorrow morning. Getting some sleep is the most important thing." He then placed his phone on the bedside table, pulled the blanket tighter around himself, turned over, and closed his eyes with his back to Kashuu Kiyomitsu.
-TBC.
Chapter 3, Part 3
Kiyomitsu Kashuu was woken up by hunger.
Last night I chatted with Horikawa for a long time, but instead of relieving my frustration, I just got angrier and angrier. In the end, Horikawa kindly invited him to stay for dinner, but Kashuu Kiyomitsu was in no mood for that. He was so angry that he ate his fill, so he wrapped himself in a light jacket and stormed off. When I got home in the evening, Yamato no Kami Yasusada wasn't back again, as expected. Kashuu Kiyomitsu angrily went to the kitchen to cook some noodles, intending to eat them quickly, but after a couple of bites he found them tasteless, so he simply put down his chopsticks, rushed into the bathroom to take a shower, and went to bed.
At first, he wasn't sleepy at all, just feeling a bellyful of anger with no one to vent it on, his mind constantly cursing that guy who was probably out gallivanting somewhere. Later, as he cursed, he became drowsy, and in his half-awake state, he kept thinking about the days when they first moved in together. Although they always bickered, they were always clinging to each other, just like any young couple in the throes of new love. Several years have passed in the blink of an eye, and although it's still the same two people, they see each other less and less. Counting on his fingers, even the frequency of making love has decreased, and this month they haven't had any. Kashuu Kiyomitsu felt even more frustrated thinking about what had happened a few days ago. In the past, Kashuu Kiyomitsu would never have cared about such things. It was all that damned Yamato no Kami Yasusada's fault, making him become as sentimental as a little girl. After feeling wronged for a while, he finally felt sleepy, so he tilted his head, muttered "damn Yasusada," and slipped into sleep.
Because he hadn't eaten dinner, he developed a stomach ache early in the morning. Kashuu Kiyomitsu frowned and curled up like a shrimp, dreaming that he was still busy in the kitchen, just wanting to quickly cook a meal to ease the pain. But even though the eggs in his hand were fried to a golden brown, he kept smelling a burnt smell. His stomach pain was so bad that he groggily woke up and realized that the smell was coming from reality.
Why is that idiot in the kitchen again? Kashuu Kiyomitsu rolled his eyes and dawdled as he prepared to get out of bed.
As I got dressed, my mind became clearer, and I was able to hear more clearly the sounds coming from Yasusada Yasutomo in the kitchen.
"Hiss—it's hot, hot, hot! I refuse to believe I can't subdue this spatula today!"
A cacophony of pots and pans clattering together followed by Yamato no Kami Yasusada's exasperated voice. Without even looking, Kashuu Kiyomitsu could picture the guy gripping a spatula, looking as if facing a formidable enemy. Perhaps God saw how exceptional he was in other areas and thus closed the door to culinary arts for him.
With his eyelids drooping and the electric toothbrush moving in his mouth, Kashuu Kiyomitsu wondered if eating the breakfast made by Yamato no Kami Yasusada meant he could be sent straight to the hospital.
But then again, why would this guy make breakfast? Are all the food delivery services closed today? That's terrible news.
After washing up and applying various skincare products to his face, Kashuu Kiyomitsu reluctantly dragged himself towards the restaurant. Sure enough, as soon as he reached the entrance, a strong smell of burning filled the air, and wisps of black smoke hung in the air, making Kashuu Kiyomitsu's eyes twitch involuntarily.
Yamato no Kami Yasusada seemed to be all ready. He was still wearing a Winnie the Pooh apron, and his originally fair face was covered with some inexplicable black stains, making him look comical and funny.
But Kashuu Kiyomitsu couldn't laugh. Even if it hurt him to suppress it, he kept a straight face, silently pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, facing the culinary abomination on his plate. Well, it wasn't actually that bad; at least you could tell it was eggs and bacon. Compared to the previous stuff that was as black as a piece of charcoal, this was probably an improvement. Kashuu Kiyomitsu picked up his glass and took a sip of milk, his eyes involuntarily drifting towards Yamato no Kami Yasusada's apron.
"I can't take it anymore, this is so funny, is this guy mentally challenged?" Kashuu Kiyomitsu tried his best to maintain a cold demeanor, but inside he was laughing so hard he was rolling on the floor.
Yamato no Kami Yasusada, standing nearby, had no idea that this man was having such a complicated inner monologue. He hadn't yet recovered from his earlier struggle with the spatula; a fierce look still lingered between his brows. He stared at the breakfast on the plate for a while before calming down. The reason he was cooking in such a self-destructive way was because he'd seen a post that morning about how to maintain a relationship. The netizens were offering various tips, and Yamato no Kami Yasusada wanted to take the opportunity to learn a few tricks. The first piece of advice was to cook a good meal himself, believing that doing it personally would surely move his loved one.
But looking at him like this, it didn't seem like he was moved at all. Yamato no Kami Yasusada picked up his knife and fork to cut bacon, his eyes sneaking glances at Kashuu Kiyomitsu, who was cutting eggs with his head down. Looking at that person's still gloomy face, he didn't seem like the person described online who would be so excited that he would rush into his arms.
"Too much salt." Kashuu Kiyomitsu had no idea what tricks this guy was up to this time, and he was even spying on him like a thief, so he had no choice but to speak first. Seriously, that gaze was practically tangible, piercing right through him! He was incredibly stupid.
"I'll be more careful next time, I'll be more careful next time." Yamato no Kami Yasuji nodded vigorously.
"Is the takeout shop closed today?" Kashuu Kiyomitsu looked at him and his doubts grew even stronger, but then he remembered that he was still in a cold war with this person, so he could only ask this question out of the blue.
"Huh? No, do you want to order takeout?" Yamato no Kami Yasusada was taken aback by his question and scratched his cheek with his curled fingers.
It seems he must have done something wrong again. Kashuu Kiyomitsu recalled what others had told him before: if someone is friendly to you for no reason, it must be because they have done something to wrong you behind your back. Thinking this, and combining it with what happened some time ago, Kashuu Kiyomitsu couldn't help but glare at the still bewildered Yamato no Kami Yasusada, snorted coldly, finished his milk in one gulp, and prepared to get up and go back to his room.
"Hey! Where are you going?!" Yamato no Kami Yasusada shouted at Kashuu Kiyomitsu, looking at the half-eaten plate.
"Go back to sleep!"
"I was planning to take you shopping today, didn't you say you were out of nail polish last time?" Seeing that things were not going well, Yamato no Kami Yasusada quickly activated Plan Two, jumping up from his chair and stopping Kashuu Kiyomitsu in a few steps.
"Shopping?" Kashuu Kiyomitsu stopped and looked at him suspiciously, seemingly trying to find a flaw in the man's fawning expression. However, if he could see through it, he wouldn't be Yamato no Kami Yasusada. "Weren't you going to the studio to revise the film today?" Since he couldn't see anything, Kashuu Kiyomitsu simply gave up, crossed his arms, and decided to see what other tricks this man had up his sleeve.
"Hmm... my assistant will take care of it for me. My assistant is really capable, the one who answered the phone last time." Yamato no Kami Yasusada lied without batting an eye, heaven knows what was so capable about that idiot Izumin no Kami Kanesada.
Kashuu Kiyomitsu stared at him for a while, and just when Yamato no Kami Yasusada thought it was almost hopeless, the man raised an eyebrow, and his tense expression suddenly relaxed. "Indeed, I ran out of nail polish. Since you're free today, let's go together. I'll go back and change my clothes." Ignoring the look of relief on Yamato no Kami Yasusada's face behind him, Kashuu Kiyomitsu turned and walked inside, thinking to himself, "Let's see what other tricks you can pull."
Something was definitely off about Yamato no Kami Yasusada today, a conclusion Kashuu Kiyomitsu had reached once again since getting into the car. Normally, this whole trip would have been a constant bickering affair, with arguments about changing lanes lasting ages. It was so quiet now, with him even offering thoughtful questions about songs. The contrast was truly chilling. Kashuu Kiyomitsu began to seriously consider whether this was their last shopping trip together. Was Yamato no Kami Yasusada planning to be a good boyfriend for once before going to find his true love? The thought made Kashuu Kiyomitsu feel like he'd probably uncovered the guy's scheme, and he immediately glared at the man who was focused on driving with a murderous look.
As Yasusada Yamato no Kami was mentally planning his date, a chill suddenly ran down his spine. He checked the car's temperature; had he set the ignition too low? After confirming the temperature was correct, Yasusada relaxed and continued driving, mentally refining his plans. It seemed like ages since he and Kashuu Kiyomitsu had last gone shopping together. His work schedule was always unpredictable; it was common for him to be away from home for ten days or two weeks at a time. And Kashuu Kiyomitsu was also incredibly busy, reportedly frequently traveling deep into enemy territory to gather firsthand news. So, dates were often replaced by a quickie in bed. Fortunately, they were both adults, mature enough not to care too much about this kind of youthful romance; satisfying their physical needs wasn't a major psychological issue.
But now, Yamato no Kami Yasusada felt he should perhaps reflect on whether it was precisely because he lacked substantial romantic experience and jumped directly into the mundane routine of an old married couple that Kashuu Kiyomitsu was angry. Yamato no Kami Yasusada pondered the so-called theories of passion he read online. He himself felt nothing for them, but Kashuu Kiyomitsu was different; his love for nail polish alone set him apart from ordinary men. This time, Yamato no Kami Yasusada decided to make a good impression and let Kashuu Kiyomitsu experience the romance of love.
That's what he said, but how to do it was a complete mystery to him. After all, in the eyes of Yamato no Kami Yasusada, a man devoid of romance, candlelight dinners, intimate moments in the movie theater, and watching the sunrise hand in hand were all less meaningful than having sex in bed. But some people simply prefer that Platonic, romantic kind of romance, and in his opinion, Kashuu Kiyomitsu had the potential to be that kind of person. So Yamato no Kami Yasusada resolutely decided to go for the old routine today: shopping, a movie, and a candlelight dinner—a one-stop service.
However, ideals are often lofty, while reality is often as thin as dry twigs.
Just as Yamato no Kami Yasusada was standing idly outside the cosmetics store counting heads on the ground, he happened to hear someone calling his name. At first, he didn't hear clearly, since he was mostly recognized by the same people in his group. But as the voice grew closer, the tone became more and more familiar, like the one who talked about him every day. He looked up and, sure enough, it was Izumin no Kami Kanesada, waving his hands excitedly as if he were seeing a long-lost relative.
Yamato no Kami Yasusada straightened up instantly, and opened his mouth to tell Izumi no Kami to get out of the way, but before he could finish speaking, he heard the clattering sound of Kashuu Kiyomitsu's high heels behind him.
"I've bought everything, let's go... Huh? Is someone calling you?" Kashuu Kiyomitsu asked, carrying a delicate bag, somewhat puzzled.
"Really? No, you must have misheard me, hahaha." Yamato no Kami Yasusada scratched his head, grabbed Kashuu Kiyomitsu's hand, and started to leave.
"Hey, what are you doing!" Kashuu Kiyomitsu instantly jumped from the fact that someone was calling Yamato no Kami Yasusada to the issue of the two holding hands. It had been too long since they had been intimate, and the familiar touch immediately filled him with joy, with only a small amount of anger still stubbornly resisting.
But Kashuu Kiyomitsu quickly snapped out of his reverie, for the man named Yamato no Kami Yasusada was already standing before them. He was a man who would leave a lasting impression at first glance, not only because of his handsome face and long, lustrous black hair, but also because he was carrying a whole stack of the infamous Mary Sue romance novels. The shiny covers, combined with his dashing smile, were enough to instantly imprint Kashuu Kiyomitsu in his mind.
"Hey Yasusada, why are you ignoring me? It's book signing today, and I'm telling you, this book is really good. I've been queuing for ages... Hey, what's wrong with you? Is your eye twitching?" Izuminokami excitedly pulled out one of the books with an extremely unconventional cover, ready to launch into an hour-long tirade, only to see Yamato no Kami Yasusada raising his eyebrows as if his eye was twitching.
"..." Yamato no Kami Yasusada suddenly felt extremely defeated. Why couldn't this person, his partner of many years, understand his intentions? He must be a spy who had been hiding for a long time!
"You must be Ansei's assistant," Kashuu Kiyomitsu, who was standing to the side, suddenly spoke up, his tone gentle.
However, this terrified Yamato no Kami Yasusada, who was standing beside him. He had used his assistant as an excuse that morning, and now this man was in the mall. He could almost imagine Kashuu Kiyomitsu's inner turmoil, wondering why he had lied. "Izumin no Kami Kanesada, you spy!" Yamato no Kami Yasusada roared inwardly, but outwardly he maintained a calm facade, smiling as he introduced the bewildered Izumin no Kami to Kashuu Kiyomitsu with feigned enthusiasm.
Izuminokami naturally knew whose it was, and was about to speak when Yamatookami Yasusada suddenly stomped on his foot. Izuminokami glanced over, full of question marks, only to see Yamatookami Yasusada glaring at him with the look of someone staring at a dead man. Izuminokami shuddered in fright, and his years of tacit understanding kicked in. He quickly pieced together the whole story and prepared to cooperate with Yamatookami Yasusada in lying.
"Yasusada, didn't you say you were handing over all the work for today to your assistant?" Kashuu Kiyomitsu smiled like a spring breeze, but Yamato no Kami Yasusada felt a chill in his heart.
"He just likes to slack off, so he probably sneaked out again. But I caught him this time, so he'll definitely have to go back to work right away." Yamato no Kami Yasusada immediately glared at Izumi no Kami with a hint of disappointment. The man then pretended to be dejected after being caught, muttering a couple of sentences in a serious manner.
"Why don't you come back with him? With so many novels, he'll probably be able to slack off for a long time." Kashuu Kiyomitsu glanced at Yamato no Kami Yasusada with a half-smile and said very "considerately".
"I think..."
Before he could finish speaking, three ringtones rang simultaneously—one was a personal setting, and another was the default Apple ringtone, but that wasn't the point. The point was that all three of their phones rang at the same time.
Almost instinctively, they exchanged glances, then all three simultaneously turned and pulled out their phones. After quickly scanning the messages, they turned back around at the same time.
"Um, my newspaper office—"
Speaking of my studio—
"I need to get back to work right away—"
It was really awkward that they all spoke in unison.
Yamato no Kami Yasusada rubbed his nose and gestured for him to go first. Kashuu Kiyomitsu didn't stand on ceremony, explaining in a few words that he had urgent business at his newspaper and needed to rush back to revise his article. Yamato no Kami Yasusada thought to himself, "What a coincidence," and then explained that he had work at his studio that he absolutely had to do personally. As for Izumi no Kami, sorry, no one intended to ask him.
So the date ended abruptly, and everyone left in a hurry, each with their own doubts and various feelings.
"What happened just now? Couldn't you have stepped a little lighter next time?" As soon as they got out of the car, Izuminokami followed Yamatookami Yasusada with a stack of his precious books in his arms, talking as they walked. "And the fact that all three of our phones rang at the same time makes me wonder if your partner has some kind of special identity."
"Go ahead and make wild guesses. I know he might have some special identity." As soon as he said goodbye to Kashuu Kiyomitsu, Yamato no Kami Yasusada immediately dropped his perfect boyfriend act, rolled his eyes, and strode towards the elevator.
"Tsk tsk tsk, you actually doubt a novel enthusiast? My sixth sense is usually quite accurate." Izuminokami scoffed disdainfully.
Yamato no Kami Yasusada ignored him and reached out to press the floor button. Just as he was about to close the elevator door, he heard someone shouting his name and rushing towards him. Yamato no Kami Yasusada instinctively grabbed the elevator door frame and saw a bright orange figure burst in.
"Isn't this a mess? You've come to see your brother today?" Izumi no Kami greeted him happily upon recognizing him as an acquaintance.
Ran Toushirou's outfit today was exceptionally eye-catching, especially in this predominantly male group. It was quite rare to see someone dressed so charmingly and cutely. Although he was also a man, the people here had seen it all. They were happy to have something to look at and didn't care whether he was male or female.
"Although I miss Ichigo-nii, I'm not here to see him today," Ran Toushirou replied with a smile. He tossed his high ponytail, and paired with his cute women's clothing, his slender, fair legs alone were enough to make many men's noses bleed.
Of course, this obviously didn't include Yamato no Kami Yasusada. He raised an eyebrow, leaning lazily against the elevator wall, and said, "Here to see Urashima again, huh? I really feel sorry for him. I remember last time you teased me so much I was all red in the face, and now you're doing it again?"
"Hehe, you don't need to worry about such things, Yasusada-nii." Ran Toushirou made a face and acted cute when he saw his level, then waved and flew away happily like a lark. Yamato no Kami Yasusada was left behind, his skin crawling from Yasusada-nii's cry of "Yasusada-nii."
Once Ran Toushirou left, Izuminokami put away his smile and asked somewhat seriously, "By the way, why is this mission so urgent? The target seems quite troublesome."
Yamato no Kami Yasusada scratched his head, took out his phone, and glanced at the message again.
Meanwhile, Kashuu Kiyomitsu, sitting in front of Horikawa, was also looking at the messages on the computer screen with him.
The two of them sighed almost simultaneously, saying with a hint of melancholy:
"Protecting politicians is the most annoying thing."
“Targeting politicians is the most annoying thing.”
-TBC.
Chapter 4, Page 4
As noon approached, the sun overhead grew increasingly scorching, resembling a fireball, and a gust of wind would send waves of heat through the air.
Unable to bear it any longer, Ran Toushirou spotted a nearby ice cream shop and immediately dragged Yamato no Kami Yasusada inside. Wearing the latest trendy short skirt, he skipped and hopped to order. Although sunglasses obscured most of his face, they still drew admiring glances from those around him. In contrast, Yamato no Kami Yasusada looked much more listless. Because of his disguise, he had to continue wearing his baseball cap, only slightly raising the brim to let in some air when it became unbearably hot. His ponytail drooped limply behind his head, and several faint sweat stains were visible on the back of his shirt. Although he knew the mission came first, having to scout locations under the blazing sun was undeniably harsh treatment; anyone would have to complain about it.
Yamato no Kami Yasusada ordered a glass of lemonade, took a sip through the straw, and found a seat by the window. He looked relaxed and casual, but his eyes behind his sunglasses were fixed on the crowds coming and going outside.
"Wow, this parfait is so generous!" A moment later, Ran Toushirou came wobbling over, carrying a large cup. He looked at the mountain of ice cream with satisfaction, put his hands together and muttered, "Let's dig in!" before enthusiastically picking up a long-handled spoon and starting to eat.
"Eat less, or you'll get an upset stomach." Yamato no Kami Yasusada glanced at him, somewhat helplessly. "We still have several blocks to run."
"Don't worry, don't worry! You mustn't doubt Ran's stomach." Ran Toushirou said with a smile, scooping up a big spoonful and stuffing it into his mouth, his cheeks puffed out.
Yamato no Kami Yasusada rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone to look at the information sent by Izumi no Kami. It was a complete satellite map of the area, with several specific locations marked in red—the sniping spots he and Ran needed to scout out today. Scrolling down, there was a long list of political figures. After glancing at it casually, Yamato no Kami Yasusada impatiently scrolled to the bottom and saw his final target: a radical, fat man.
"It's so big, I feel like it'll be easy to hit," Ran Toushirou mumbled as he approached Yamato no Kami Yasusada, a spoon still in his mouth.