El cuento de la princesa Song en Heian-kyo

Capítulo 18

Yu Zhou plays the Magic Mirror

Yu Zhou concealed himself well. The Magic Mirror was the most comfortable place for him; he only needed to appear briefly when Princess Jianning asked.

Several beautiful women made their grand entrance. Yu Zhou almost collapsed from laughter. The fake breasts she chose were made of steamed buns. Quite realistic, however, whether it was because Jing Xieshang's buns were too big or because of his clothes, his chest kept sagging. It turned out that because Jing Xieshang was a wet nurse, Yu Zhou had deliberately stuffed four buns into his breasts to emphasize this feature. She then specifically told Jing Xieshang to be careful.

Wearing that outfit, Yelü Longxu didn't look ridiculous at all; instead, he appeared quite feminine. If he were a little heavier, he would definitely resemble Yang Guifei reincarnated. He was alluring and beautiful; the strapless bodice accentuated his fake breasts, and the bow at his waist made his waist appear incredibly slender. The red threads subtly revealed his long, delicate legs, creating an extremely seductive look. The bells on his ankles added to his allure. Now, Yelü Longxu looked more like a woman.

Suddenly, the word "Thai ladyboy" popped into Yu Zhou's mind. Yelü Longxu really deserved the title of ladyboy!

Ye Yan happily walked up to Yu Zhou and asked, "Does it look good?" Yu Zhou hesitated slightly before replying, "It looks good." Indeed, Mulan's simple attire accentuated Ye Yan's pure beauty. However, seeing the mounds on his chest, Yu Zhou couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed. Ye Yan happily lifted his chest slightly.

As for Du Shiniang, Shen Si's character, because she was born into a brothel, her clothes were rather revealing, and her legs were practically exposed. Fortunately, Yu Zhou wasn't a lecherous woman, otherwise all these handsome men would have been taken advantage of by her long ago.

The most ridiculous one was Yuan Yang. Although Yin Xin was a maid, she didn't need to pad her chest, but Yu Zhou, purely out of revenge, handed Yuan Yang a hot steamed bun.

However, the person everyone envied the most was Lei Li, who was playing himself. He was a dignified man, but he didn't seem too happy, smashing a teacup backstage to pieces. At this moment, everyone's gaze turned to Yu Zhou, who was still wearing black clothes, but now held a bronze mirror in his hand.

The music began to play; the melody of "The Butterfly Lovers" had been composed by Yu Zhou beforehand. It was melodious and lingering, like a lament, seemingly drawing the listener into a realm of sorrow. Those backstage were stunned by the piece. Finally, Hua Qianmo spoke up: "This piece..."

"This piece of music is called Liang Zhu, which is about Zhu Yingtai," Yu Zhou explained. Actually, Yu Zhou really wanted to change it to Luo Zhu.

"So poignant and tragic, a remarkable woman. Zhu Yingtai is indeed a remarkable woman," Feng Youhuang said, looking at Yu Zhou. They had initially thought Yu Zhou was mocking them. But upon hearing such music, they were filled with admiration, not disdain for the character. It was a profound emotional impact.

Yu Zhou smiled with satisfaction: "I can assure you all that I'm not making fun of you. The women you've portrayed are no less capable than the men. They are just as strong and capable as any man, they dare to love and hate, they are kind and pure. They are far superior to the mediocre people in the world. Women can be invincible." Yu Zhou never hesitated to speak. The others knew that Yu Zhou was teasing them, but after hearing these words, they felt more respect for the women they were portraying than disgust.

"Tch, but how do you explain Yang Guifei? You said in the notes that she was a femme fatale, not a heroine!" Yelü deliberately nitpicked.

"But can you say Yang Guifei was truly devoted? She gave up her life for Romeo. Doesn't that count as daring to love and hate?" Yu Zhou retorted. The curtain slowly rose.

Narrator: Longlongago,therewasaveryrichkingdom,thekingtherelookedveryhandsome,butthequeenisveryugly.

Snow White: Are you kidding me? Everyone speaks Chinese now. How outdated!

Narrator: Ah! I forgot. Let's start again.

Long, long ago, there was a very wealthy kingdom. The king was very handsome, but the queen was extremely ugly. Due to these extremes, they had a freak. This freak was incredibly beautiful when it snowed, but became horribly ugly on rainy or sunny days. Therefore, they named this freak "Snow White." Our story begins here.

Everyone was completely baffled. Wasn't this Romeo and Juliet? And who was Snow White? But then, something truly unexpected happened. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I've listed the actors' names from now on. Hehe, please don't throw things at me, everyone! I found this story online. I just wanted to make a joke about it. I can't update the second chapter today because my mom suddenly decided to go shopping, so… hehe, that's all for now~~. I'm leaving now. There will be more jokes tomorrow. Those with heart problems, please don't read this~~~ The Six Arts volume is probably the easiest one; the rest revolves around war and imperial power~~

[Performance (Part 2)]

Meng Tianfang walked onto the stage awkwardly in a white gauze dress. Her chest was the smallest among them, but the audience gasped. Why was there a woman? Weren't there only men in those two courtyards?

Snow White: Romeo, what brings you here again?

Romeo, legs crossed: "It's not Juliet yet, she's going through menopause. Seeing me playing with a butterfly, she said I'm still thinking about Yingtai."

Snow White sat down: Oh, where did your Lanlan go?

Romeo sighed again: Alas, he's become a general! I never expected that!

Then Yang Guifei made a stunning entrance, drawing stares from many male spectators at her thighs. She then leaned seductively into Romeo's arms. Romeo was suddenly startled: "You...you weren't dead?"

Yang Guifei stroked her black hair: You heartless bastard, you still have the mood to flirt with her even after I'm being hanged.

Yu Zhou was terrified backstage. He hadn't expected Yelü to be such a good actor, acting like a resentful woman in her boudoir.

Lei Li was speechless again, because he had never seen his master like this before. He was clearly frightened and couldn't speak for a long time. Finally, Yelü kicked him, and he came to his senses: "How have you been doing with Shi Niang lately?"

Yang Guifei lamented: Ever since Shi Niang sank that treasure chest, her life has been very miserable.

The curtains were drawn.

Du Shiniang, dressed in tattered clothes, walked unsteadily, calling out: "Who wants to buy radishes? Who wants to buy radishes?"

Shen Si's performance was incredibly moving; his sorrowful eyes and the pitiful sight of him covered in blood brought tears to the eyes of the audience. Yu Zhou thought he should be the Little Match Girl.

Princess Jianning appeared, dressed in a gold-trimmed cheongsam with lifelike peony embroidery on the silver fabric, her exquisite curves and half-exposed jade-like legs.

Princess Jianning: "Hey, who told you to sell radishes? Let me tell you, only I can sell radishes!" She slapped Shen Si hard across the face. Although it was for the sake of the plot, five red handprints were clearly visible. But Shen Si had to hold back: "Princess, Princess, I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I'll go back right away."

Princess Jianning: Oh, who did I think it was? It turns out to be the famous courtesan who angrily sank her treasure chest—Du Shiniang!

Du Shiniang covered her face: "I dare not accept such praise. I have long since reformed. Please forgive me, Your Highness."

Princess Jianning: Hmph, let me tell you, if you dare to come out and sell radishes again, I'll turn you into a radish and sell you!

The curtains were drawn again, and the scene shifted to Romeo and Yang Guifei.

Snow White: I never imagined that Shi Niang would fall into such a state of destitution.

Yang Guifei: Who was she selling radishes for? Someone she should know.

Romeo pondered: Alas, life is unpredictable. Since Yingtai turned into a butterfly, I have rarely gone out.

Snow White: That's true. Do you want to know how Zhu Yingtai is doing now? I recently learned that Princess Jianning bought a magic mirror from my stepmother. You can go ask her.

Yang Guifei: That's right. Otherwise, how about I go with you?

Romeo gave a wry smile: "Alright, it's good to ask about Lanlan's whereabouts too."

The curtains were drawn again.

Juliet, her eyebrows drawn and her cheeks smeared with rouge, looked like a living, breathing Sadako. She called out to her wet nurse, "Wet nurse, wet nurse..." Only after many attempts did Jing Xie Shang finally reply, "Oh."

Juliet raised her eyebrows: Nanny, don't you have anything to say?

This was definitely Hua Qianmo's improvisation; since Jing Xieshang wasn't speaking, she had no choice but to use this line.

The wet nurse said, "Miss, I heard the young master went to Princess Jianning's to inquire about Miss Hua and Zhu Hudie. Shall we go and see? If the young master is having an affair, even if you fake your death again, it won't help." This was supposed to be a very flattering and gossipy statement, but Jing Xieshang read it as if it were a menu, without even pausing to catch his breath. Hua Qianmo was stunned, unsure what to do next. Jing Xieshang's icy face darkened even more.