La tumba de Qin Shi Huang

Capítulo 19

My face flushed when I thought about how I got pregnant with his child. He grabbed my hand and kissed it. Although we were in the same room, our beds side by side, we didn't get many chances to talk. People came to see me day and night, my parents stayed by my side all day, and I was passed around for all sorts of tests, which exhausted me. Two days later, Wei Yiqing recovered, but he went off to treat other patients, and I couldn't even be intimate with him anymore.

In short, while I was in the hospital, I was treated like a monkey in a circus, stared at and scrutinized by everyone. I got angry and started demanding to be discharged. Of course, no one agreed. I said that every day the ward was bustling with people coming to see something unusual; how could I rest? Even newspapers, radio, and television reporters came, treating me like a news story. I didn't want to be the news; if this continued, I'd be on the cover of Reader's Digest and other similar magazines. I couldn't bear that embarrassment. Besides, shouldn't we protect the legitimate rights and interests of minors? If minors need protection, what about adults? Shouldn't we give them a quiet environment?

When it comes to reasoning, none of them can out-argue me. The hospital gave me a full check-up and said that my body was in good condition in all aspects, and even my heart was working very hard. Perhaps it felt that it had rested enough after these four months of rest, and it was cooperating well with my cumbersome body, beating well every moment.

Then, on July 14th, after four months in the hospital, I was discharged. My mom bought several beautiful maternity dresses for me to wear, as my old clothes no longer fit. My discharge was quite unusual; Wei Yiqing actually brought me a wheelchair. I glared at him like a thousand knives, but he remained unmoved. I had no choice but to sit down, saying, "I don't know this person. He's just a kind old lady who helped me cross the street." My parents pushed me around with smiles, as if I had just bravely fought off a thug and was now carrying flowers, deserving such treatment.

On July 14th, it was time to release river lanterns. I said, "Let's go to the riverbank to watch the lantern releases." After discussing it, they felt sorry for me, having been bedridden for four months with no entertainment, so they agreed to my request. After leaving the hospital, we didn't go straight home. Instead, we crossed several streets and arrived at a small park by the river. It was very lively there. The street dancers weren't dancing, and the ballroom dancers weren't dancing either. They were all releasing river lanterns. Many vendors were sitting on the stone benches in the park, selling river lanterns.

Kui Yiqing bought many river lanterns. My parents helped me walk to the riverbank. Kui Yiqing lit the lanterns with a lighter. I squatted down and put the lanterns into the river one by one, saying, "Those who are meant to come, come; those who are meant to go, go. Xiaoye is releasing river lanterns tonight. We are all good brothers." Kui Yiqing put a lantern down and said, "Soul, come back! Let Xiaoye's three souls and seven souls be complete, not one missing, all in her body."

I turned to him and smiled, saying, "Didn't you always say it was three souls and six spirits? Why did you change it?" He said, "I checked the book later, and you were right, it's three souls and seven spirits." I remembered the calligraphy I had written for him, so I asked him in a low voice, "They said the river lantern you released had those eight characters?" He said, "Of course, otherwise how would you know it was summoning your soul?" I said unhappily, "Don't talk nonsense, I'm alive and well, I'm not dead, where would a soul come from?" A hint of doubt flashed across his face, and he said, "Why do I feel like I've seen your soul before?" I said, "You're having a high fever and dreaming." I turned to my dad and said, "Dad, there's an idealist here, and he's showing some bad signs. Aren't you going to teach him a lesson?"

My dad said, "Your mom already taught me a lesson, saying that matter is indestructible, and what exists will always exist." I said, "Dad, you're afraid of your wife. Did she really educate you, someone who's received thirty years of materialistic education, just because she says matter is indestructible?" The three of them laughed. On July 14th, it's like Jiang Ziya is here; there are no taboos, you can say anything, as long as you don't offend your good brothers.

After releasing the river lanterns we bought, Mom helped me back into my wheelchair, and they pushed me along the banks of the Wuli River. The river was covered with lotus lanterns, like a silver river. The people releasing the lanterns showed no sadness, only festive joy. The river wasn't just filled with lotus lanterns; there were tulip lanterns, seashell lanterns, teacup and rice bowl lanterns, lotus leaf lanterns, willow leaf lanterns, book page lanterns, crab-shaped lanterns, frog-shaped lanterns, turtle-shaped lanterns—all kinds of lanterns were there, and the air was filled with the scent of candles. This Ghost Festival was just as joyous as the Lantern Festival. Yes, the Lantern Festival is for humans, while the Ghost Festival is for ghosts. Ghosts and humans aren't that different, except they lack breath. We light lanterns for fun, and they light lanterns for entertainment too.

I said, "Ah Yi, are you worried that with so many lights crowded together, I won't be able to see which one you put down, so you went to put it down so early?"

He said yes. I said, "If everyone thought like you, people would start releasing lanterns from the first day of the lunar new year. You see, your romantic act has become a legend, and people will be imitating you as soon as July arrives next year. The lantern sellers will make a fortune. I'll start stocking up on lanterns in June next year, just waiting to get rich."

My mom said to my dad, "This child has been seriously ill, but he still loves to tell jokes. His temper hasn't changed at all." Then they looked at each other and smiled, looking like they were old friends.

I said to Wei Yiqing, "Why don't you quit your job as a doctor and come with me to do some small business? In July, we'll sell lotus lanterns; in August, we'll sell rabbit figurines; in September, we'll sell wooden clogs and walking sticks; in October, we'll sell national flags; in November, there's not much to sell, so we'll take a month-long vacation; in December, we'll sell Christmas trees and snowflake stickers; in January, we'll sell lanterns; in February, we'll sell firecrackers. We'll sell something different every month, which is much more interesting than my dad's syringes and duct tape."

Wei Yiqing said, "Okay, we'll do as you say. We'll sell one thing a month, and there won't be any repeats for twelve months. We'll have something new every month." Then he said to his parents, "Dad, Mom, I've made up my mind. I'm going to quit my job and stay with Xiaoye until she gives birth to the baby."

Neither Mom nor Dad said anything. After a while, Dad said, "It's your decision." Mom said, "Originally, I thought it would be enough for Xiaoye to be with me, but since you've decided to do this, that's fine. You're a doctor, and I'll feel more at ease with you watching over her."

Wei Yiqing said, "Since none of you have any objections, I will resign tomorrow."

I quickly said, "Hey, you haven't even asked for my opinion yet. I don't agree. I was just joking with you. You're a doctor, you've studied hard for twenty years, and instead of contributing to the people, you're just staying home with me. What kind of person are you? Isn't that a waste of all the effort the country put into raising you? We've raised you to be so good, and the money spent could have been enough to mold you into a whole person, but you want to stay home and keep me company while I hatch eggs? Dad, aren't you going to stop him?"

But none of them listened to me. Even my dad said, "Your situation is more important right now. As for work, you can go back to work after you give birth. Anyway, hospitals everywhere are eager to hire doctors, so don't worry about not finding a job."

I bit my lip and didn't speak, and neither did they. Then Dad drove up in his car, and Wei Yiqing helped me into it. He folded up the wheelchair and put it in the back of the car. He and Mom squeezed into the back seat, one on each side next to me, as if afraid that I would sway and bump into the car or fly out of the car.

Back home, Auntie had already cooked red date and lotus seed soup for us, making the sweltering summer feel like a winter tonic. The four of us remained silent, only the clinking of spoons against bowls echoing as we finished the sweet soup. After putting down our bowls, Wei Yiqing said, "Xiao Ye, let's get married."

Summer rain, summer wind, summer sun

Finally, we've come to this point. Since I woke up, they've all acted as if nothing happened, as if my six-month pregnancy was perfectly normal. My parents' expressions haven't changed at all, and Wei Yiqing hasn't asked me what happened. Even the doctors and nurses at the hospital look at me like I'm a married woman, as if I've always been Wei Yiqing's wife, and this child is something I was meant to have. Their indifferent attitude has made me wonder if they secretly went through with the paperwork while I was in a coma for four months. I dare not ask, dare not say anything, so I've just played dumb and gotten by these past few days. Thankfully, I'm still me, not Wei Yiqing's wife.

I said, "I don't want to marry you. You have no money, no power, and you're not good-looking or talented. What would I get out of marrying you? Besides, you're so tall, I don't even reach your chin. We wouldn't look good in wedding photos. I don't want to marry you. Also, you still have a 30-year mortgage on your house. You're penniless. If I marry you, your debts will be my debts. Why should I, a perfectly clean person, create more debts for myself? If I can't pay them back, won't the bank be after me? You just said you were going to quit your job. How will you pay the mortgage? And that beat-up old car of yours, you don't even have money to feed it gas. What right do you have to talk about marriage?"

I rambled on and on, coming up with many reasons, each one seemingly reasonable, but all three of them looked at me as if I were talking nonsense, so I had no choice but to shut up. Finally, I said, "I don't know you. Who are you? You're just some Good Samaritan who helped an old lady cross the street. Are you from Northeast China? Are you here on a business trip? Which famous tourist attractions in this city have you visited? Do you need a receipt?"

Wei Yiqing didn't say anything, but looked both amused and annoyed. I stuck my tongue out at him, hugged my mother's waist, rested my head on her shoulder, and snuggled against her.

My mom patted me, frowned, and said, "This child, why is she acting so crazy? Ah Yi, don't pay attention to her nonsense, she's just joking. She always likes to interrupt. Don't take what she says to heart."

Kui Yiqing smiled and said, "I'm counting in my mind how many reasons she can come up with. She didn't perform well today, so she didn't come up with many. Maybe she just woke up and wasn't activated yet."

My dad said, "Xiaoye, don't be so frivolous. Marriage is a big deal. What do you think Ayi will think if you act like this?"

I said, puzzled, "What he thinks is none of our business. We don't even know him. Dad, I'm your biological daughter, okay? You should be asking me what I think. He's an outsider, sitting in our Xia family home, not only are we fed and clothed, but we also want to know what he's thinking? He's dreaming."

Dad roared, "Xiao Ye!" It was rare for Dad to get angry with me, and when he did, I immediately sat up straight, hands on my knees, eyes downcast, and bowed my head in apology. Seeing me like this, Dad softened his tone and said, "My dear daughter, stop making a scene. We're all exhausted. Only when you obediently marry A-Yi can your parents be at ease. The way you're acting... you're really reckless."

I whispered, "Dad, I'm sorry for making you worry. But how can I get married in this condition? Dad, please don't force me, I really don't want to get married."

My mother got anxious when she heard what I said, and said, "Your child is almost due, how can you not get married? Do you want to be an unwed mother? Other people become unwed mothers out of necessity, what reason do you have to be unwed? It was Yi who proposed marriage, and your parents agreed. What are you doing this for? If you don't want to get married, why did you have this child? You should get married for the sake of the child, otherwise how will you explain it to the child?"

I argued forcefully, saying, "I'm only against marrying him because of this child. Why did he have to choose such an unlucky surname? There are so many surnames in the world, and he didn't even pick one, but this one with 'ghost ears' (meaning something like 'ghost ears')? If I marry him, our perfectly good child will have to take this unfortunate surname, and I won't do that. If you're willing to let the child have the surname Xia, then there's no problem. The surname Xia is great! If it's a girl, we can name her Xia Yu (Summer Rain), Xia Feng (Summer Wind), and Xia Xuehua (Summer Snowflakes), meaning she gets whatever she wants, and wouldn't it be wonderful if snowflakes fell in the summer? A natural air conditioner! If it's a boy, we can name him Xia Yu (Summer Rain), Xia Feng (Summer Wind), and Xia Taiyang (Summer Sun), meaning big wind, big rain, and big sun. Ha, you're going to be in trouble!"

They looked at each other, finding the request absurd. Dad was exasperated and said, "I've never felt the need for a son to carry on my surname. Xiaoye, don't be so unreasonable. I'm old and don't understand your strange ideas."

Mom said, "If you don't like his surname, why do you always make jokes about it? You even wrote a calligraphy piece and hung it on his wall; we all saw it. Xiaoye, this is absolutely not a reason for you not to get married. Mom is old and can't take your rambling. I'm just asking you, do you have a child with him? If so, then you should get married."

When this personal matter came up, my face turned red. I muttered, "I just want a child, I don't want to get married. If I had known it would be like this, I wouldn't have gone to him. I can find a father for my child anywhere—at a hospital or on the street. If you can't find the father, how will you force me to get married?"

Dad slammed his hand on the coffee table in a fit of rage, making the bowls and spoons on it jump. I was so scared that I buried my head in Mom's arms and cried, "Dad, be gentle, Dad, I'm scared. Dad, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to marry him." Dad was panting heavily, looking at me like I was an enemy.

My mother has a good temper. Knowing I was talking nonsense, she held me gently, stroked me with boundless affection, and asked me with utmost care, "Why don't you get married? If you weren't going to get married, why did you do something like this? We stopped you from getting close to A-Yi before, not because we didn't like him, but because we were worried about your health and that you couldn't handle the burden. See, our worries were justified, weren't they? You secretly got pregnant, and after only two months, your heart couldn't take it anymore. You lay there for four months, not eating, drinking, or moving, making your father and mother think you were gone. For those four months, A-Yi stayed by your side every day. He was so good to you that I couldn't bear to watch. If he didn't really love you, those heartless people would have run away long ago. Why would they treat you like this?"

I looked up and smiled, saying, "Of course, how could someone I judged be bad? You all disliked him before, weren't you just making a mistake? Now you all say he's good, aren't you contradicting yourselves?"

Mom smacked me and said, "Don't talk nonsense again. When did we ever not like him? If we didn't like him, would we let him come to our house every day, eat and drink, and tell us what he's thinking? Are you complaining that your parents didn't let you get married sooner? Did you just say you wouldn't get married just to spite your parents?"

Dad shook his head and said, "This child's mind is so complicated, who can understand her? Alright, since that's the case, then she's willing?"

I said, "Who said I was willing? I just said that the person I liked was nice. I have a lot of good things to like, does that mean I have to marry them all? Has that stock gone up? Has that tortoise grown up? And how's the new album of that singer I like selling?"

Dad got angry again and said, "Xiaoye, stop rambling. Is it so fun to tease your father and mother? Are you going to get married or not?"

I stopped joking and said, "Dad, Mom, I'm not joking, I'm serious. I don't want to get married. He's a very good person and willing to marry me, but have you thought about what he'd gain from marrying me?"

Dad was confused by what I said and said, "What do you mean? Dad doesn't understand."

Mom said, "For our family's inheritance? Ah Yi isn't that kind of person."

I couldn't help but laugh and said, "Mom, you watch too many Hong Kong dramas. If I thought like that, wouldn't I be a petty person? Judging others by my own standards?" I turned to him and smiled, watching his face turn from ashen to pale, then blue to purple—it was quite amusing. He looked at me helplessly, as if to say: How did I end up with such a troublemaker like you?

Mom let out a wail, realizing she couldn't win against me, and had no choice but to admit defeat, asking, "Then what exactly are you doing this for?"

I pointed at Wei Yiqing, who had been silent all along, and said, "Look at him, what's wrong with him? He's knowledgeable, has good character, is talented, and good-looking. The love letters the nurses in the hospital write to him could be published as a complete collection of love letters. Why would he marry a sickly woman like me who's thin, short, ugly, and not pretty? He has a house, a car, a job, and a promising future. What kind of beautiful girlfriend wouldn't he want as a wife? Why me?"

My parents were baffled by my question and said, "A-Yi is a very good person, and we like him too, which is why we agreed to your marriage. Is it a problem that he's a good person?"

I sighed and said, "The problem is too big. I feel pressured being with him. To avoid overthinking after we get married and worrying that he'll have affairs, I try my best to avoid such things from happening. So I'm not going to marry him."

Mom and Dad were both amused and exasperated. Mom said, "Ayi isn't that kind of person. Don't overthink it. He might not say anything, but who knows what he's thinking?"

Wei Yiqing finally spoke, saying, "Xiao Ye, we all know you're good at making up stories, but you should also know that we won't believe any of them. So stop beating around the bush and get to the point. My brain isn't as sharp as yours, and I can't keep up with your train of thought. Just tell me, and I'll listen, just like before. Mom and Dad are listening too. Tell me your thoughts, and if they make sense, I won't force you."

I cried when I heard that, and said, "Mom, look at him, isn't he a good person? Isn't he adorable? He doesn't even get angry, how can I not love him? Mom, if I'm destined not to live past twenty-five, I want to love once before I die. I'm already twenty-two this year, if I don't hurry now, I won't have time. I've loved him since I was twelve, Mom, you know that, I've never hidden it from you. When I was sixteen, I told myself that I love him so much, I want him to love me too. I can't go with him to the places he likes to go, so I have to study hard to make myself humorous, lively, interesting, and fun, so that he won't be bored when he's with me. I listen to crosstalk and learn to tell jokes, so that he thinks I'm cute, so that he'll love me a little more every time he sees me, so that he won't care about my shortcomings. I work very hard to love him, I'm not depressed or afraid at all. When I was eighteen, I told myself that I want him to marry me. I want him to love only me, and I live happily every day."

Mom cried when she heard this, and Dad's eyes were a little wet. Only Wei Yiqing didn't cry. He just looked at me as if I were the most beautiful girl in the world. I looked at him and said, "I love him so much, and I want to be with him, but my heart is not cooperating. I've known since I was little that I won't live past twenty-five. How can I hurt him? If he falls in love with me and I die, he will definitely be very sad. How will he live alone after that?"

My mother hugged me and cried. I wiped her tears and said, "Mom, I won't marry him. If we get married and I die, he'll be a widower. Having an ex-wife will diminish his worth. When he tries to find another wife, she'll look down on him. Would you marry your daughter to a widower who has lost his wife and has a child?"

I said, "What does it matter if he's an ex-girlfriend? These days, who doesn't have ten or eight ex-girlfriends or boyfriends? Let him go and keep him as a clean and free man. You like him so much, why not let him be your son? You'll get a grown son for free, it's a great deal."

Ignoring my interruption, Dad asked me, "It's good that you're thinking of A-Yi, but have you considered that if A-Yi has a child with you but doesn't marry you, won't his reputation suffer?"

I chuckled, and Dad got carried away with my joke. He realized he'd let something slip, but couldn't laugh anymore. He just shook his head, took out a cigarette to smoke, but then put it down, remembering my health. I lit it for him, saying, "Dad, you smoke. It's alright. You can sit over there downwind." Dad sighed, got up, and went to the window to smoke.

Mom wiped away her tears and said, "You're such a thoughtful child, how can your heart stay healthy? Don't think so much, let your parents think it over for you. You like A-Yi and want to be with him, and although I said no, I didn't really stop you. Didn't we always let you two play together? You can do whatever you want, but you... can't you be more careful and not get pregnant? A-Yi, you, you, you really are something else, why didn't you take proper precautions? This could have been avoided."

Look how embarrassed Mom is, she can't even speak properly. Wei Yiqing could only say, "Mom, it was my fault."

"Tch, what does it have to do with him? I was the one who initiated it, okay?" I glanced at him with a hint of smugness. How could he possibly be a match for me? I patted the sofa next to me, gesturing for him to sit down. He obediently sat beside me, looking at me. I touched his hand and said, "I'm sorry for putting you in such a difficult position. Are you mad at me?"

He didn't speak, but simply held my hand, placed it on his lips, and said, "It's my pleasure."

Mom couldn't stand our mushy lovey-dovey talk and burst into tears again. I had no choice but to comfort her, saying, "Mom, don't cry. I'll give you a little Xia and a little Ye. When I'm gone, you'll have them to keep you company, and I'll be at peace." Mom was still confused from crying, and when she heard this, she paused, saying, "What do you mean?"

I said, "Mom, you and Dad could have had another child, but you didn't because you wanted to take care of me. While I'm here, I can still chat and laugh with you. But what will you two do when I'm gone?"

Mom kept crying, saying, "You're such a simple-minded, silly child. With you, why would we need any other children? You're so well-behaved, so obedient, and so close to your parents. We wouldn't trade you for a hundred children."

My eyes welled up with tears, but I still told them what I had to say. I whispered to my mother, "Mom, don't blame him. This has nothing to do with him. I was the one who went to him. I was afraid he wouldn't like it, so I put some sleeping pills in his coffee."

"Dating Extravaganza"

I spoke softly, but they all heard me. I meant for them to hear, but I was a little embarrassed. Sure enough, they were all shocked and their mouths dropped open. Wei Xiaozi's face turned pale, and he said, "Xiao Ye, stop talking, it's not like that."

I said, "That's exactly right. Otherwise, how could a gentleman like him allow such a thing to happen? Even if he had the intention, he would have thought it through carefully."

Wei Yiqing let go of my hand and said, "You're talking complete nonsense. Mom and Dad, don't listen to her. She's just making excuses. At first, she said I was a penniless pauper because I couldn't afford the mortgage, but then she said I had a house and a car and was a model citizen. She keeps saying the opposite of what she means, trying to trick us into agreeing. Don't fall for her tricks." She made me sound like a street vendor selling miracle cures.

My mom was so frightened she almost fainted. My dad burned his hand with his cigarette and threw it out the window, not even worried about hitting the flowers and plants below.

I hugged Mom, looked into her eyes, and said, "Mom, I love him very much, and I love you both very much. I wanted to stay with you until we're seventy or eighty, and then we could celebrate our birthdays together. You'd celebrate your 100th birthday, and I'd celebrate my 70th. By then, the three of us wouldn't look older than each other, and I'd take care of you. But it seems I can't do that, so I'll let my child take care of you. I wasn't careless when I was with him; I wanted a child. When I'm gone, I'll leave a child for him to take my place. This child is for you and Dad. Mom, let's go to the countryside, let's have the baby secretly, and raise it quietly, without him knowing." "He was born to you and Dad, he has nothing to do with you. The ultrasound showed it's a boy, right? Ayi said his heart is perfectly fine. Then he'll definitely be healthy, playing ball, swimming, running marathons, pestering you to take him to the amusement park, exhausting you until you're worn out, and you'll scold me for being such a heartless little Ye, throwing a troublemaker at you, trying to kill your mother with work? That way, you'll be too busy to sigh for the rest of your life, you'll have goals in life, you'll dress up beautifully, and people will say he's your son, you've gotten twenty years of free time. Isn't that great? Mom, you're not even fifty yet, you can totally be a mom again."

After Dad finished his cigarette, he came over to listen to me finish speaking, but he couldn't find anything to say.

Mom stood there for a long time, half-crying, half-laughing. She probably pictured a chubby, three-year-old boy in her mind, his round face clinging to her, wanting this and that, his soft arms wrapped around her neck like a koala, kissing her sweetly and saying, "Grandma, I love you." Before Mom even held this child, her heart had melted. Finally, a slight smile appeared on her face as she said, "The other children will make fun of him."

I made a fist with my right hand and slapped it into my left palm, saying, "When he's three, we'll take him to learn Taekwondo. Anyone who dares to laugh at us, we'll beat them to a pulp. We'll be the boss from kindergarten, gather a bunch of henchmen, and fight wherever we point. We'll become the tyrants of the south city. Dad's rich, so we'll raise a spoiled brat to get all the revenge I've suffered."

Dad looked at me and said, "Why does this child look like a robber or bandit?" He was so flustered by me that he rubbed his temples and said to Mom, "It's late today, let's go to sleep. Xiaoye just came back from the hospital, and Auntie prepared some herbal soup for her to bathe in and get rid of bad luck. Go get a set of my pajamas for Ayi, let him sleep here."

I was so shocked my jaw almost dropped. I said, "Dad, are you openly encouraging cohabitation before marriage? I never knew you were so progressive."

Dad snorted, said nothing, and went back to his room. Mom was overwhelmed with mixed feelings, looking at me with a mix of emotions, unable to speak. She sighed, went to the bedroom, took a set of Dad's new pajamas, handed them to Wei Yiqing, and said, "Xiao Ye, Mom will run you a bath."

That night, Wei Xiaozi openly stayed overnight in my room. I said, "Now you've really entered my home! You're both so intrusive! My parents wish we were reversed, and you were their son."

Kui hugged me, saying nothing, just kissing me. I was overwhelmed by his kisses and said, "I don't know what's so good about me right now that makes you so aroused? There were no aphrodisiacs in today's lotus seed soup." Kui ignored my rambling and asked in a low voice, "Secretly having a baby? Without letting me know? Hmm?"

I nodded, and although he couldn't see me, I said, "I really didn't want you to know. I originally planned to just tell my mom, and have her come with me to a beautiful place with clear waters and green mountains. We would stay there until the baby was born, and then leave the mountains when the child was a year and a half old. By then, who would know whose child it was?"

He laughed and said, "You've read too many martial arts novels, and you're always thinking about weird and strange things. Do you think Mom would agree to your nonsense? She'd still tie you up and drag you to the wedding hall, wouldn't she?"

I said smugly, "Didn't I make them lose their way today? I'll just use the tactic of stalling, delaying and stalling until it's over. They don't have my energy. If I were to engage in a debate with a group of scholars, even Zhuge Liang would have to admit defeat."

He said, "What if I tie you up and take you to the wedding hall?"

I said, "Really? Don't do anything rash! If you push me too far, I'll sneak away and you won't be able to find me."

He placed his palm on my chest, and I giggled, saying, "Doesn't it feel much better? It feels so good to touch myself." But he wasn't touching my fuller breasts; he was touching my heart. I stopped pretending to be relaxed, hugged him tightly, and my eyes welled up with tears.

He said, “Xiaoye, I love you, just like you’ve loved me since you were twelve. I’ve loved you for many years too. But I dare not say it. You’re too delicate; you’ll break if I touch you. You came to my house and drugged my cup. Do you think I didn’t know? You silly girl, thinking you’re so clever, thinking you’ve succeeded in your schemes. Do you know I’ve been watching your every move? I didn’t drink that coffee. Why would I need any aphrodisiac when I’m with you? You always say you’re not pretty, that you’re too thin, that you’re too small, but you don’t know you’re more beautiful than any flower. You touch me and I tremble for ages. You silly girl, aren’t you afraid I’ll hurt you if I lose my mind? Didn’t you notice how careful, slow, and gentle I was? Didn’t you notice I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to handle the orgasm, so I kept touching your heart?”

I cried and said, "Why do I have to be like this? If God gave me a good heart, I would make you love me so much that you can't bear to leave me, just as I can't bear to leave you. If you don't agree to marry me, I will tie you to the wedding altar."

He said, "Marry me. We love each other so much, and people who love each other must get married. I knew you would make excuses. If I wanted to marry you while you were unconscious, I would have done it already. But I want you to marry me while you are awake, just like I make love to you while I am awake. Stop trying to be clever; it won't work on me. You should think less about these nonsense things; it will put less strain on your heart."

I wiped my tears with his pajamas and said, "I'm tired, I don't have the strength to talk. Let's sleep. How wonderful, we can finally sleep together, together all night long. Just thinking about it makes me happy."

He hugged me and said, "Sleep now. From now on, we'll sleep together and eat together every day. We'll live one day as if it were three. I've already registered you for a heart transplant. If it really comes to that, and if a suitable donor is found, perhaps God will be on our side and give us a chance to live."

I mumbled sleepily, "That's a wicked thought, don't think like that." Just as I was about to fall asleep, he asked again, "Where did you get that medicine? What kind of medicine is it? From a pharmacy? Viagra? A hundred yuan a pill, you really spared no expense. It's a pity I poured it into the flowerpot, the flower didn't even grow any stronger, what a waste." I nestled my head into his neck and said, "A hundred yuan is nothing, I spent four hundred."

We never discussed this. For me, it was something I did secretly, so I was even more ashamed; as for him, I didn't know what he was thinking, and because it was something I did secretly, I didn't dare ask. Of course, I hoped he would think it was just a passionate impulse, not that I had used some underhanded tactics. It's quite shameless to talk about, so I just let it slide. But after that day, our relationship became much closer. When no one was around, we would caress and kiss, and we would have secret rendezvous in his room. I was smug and incredibly happy, and he seemed to treat me like a real girlfriend, spending as much time on my body as he did on my face. We were enjoying the intimate feeling of being deeply in love when I suddenly fell asleep and never woke up. Fate was playing a cruel trick on me; it just didn't want me to have a good time.

He kissed my forehead. "You bought four pills?" I mumbled, "Not one at a time. How could I go to a pharmacy? You're a doctor, and my dad owns a medical equipment company. It's all part of the same system as pharmacies. If someone saw me, I'd be mortified! I went to Fisherman's Wharf; they sell these there." He seemed startled and asked, "How did you know they sold these there?"

I said, "Didn't the police raid a drug den there once? Didn't they show it on the news? Places like that sell all sorts of drugs and medicines, ecstasy, ketamine, and methamphetamine. I bought some GHB for a 'date party,' the kind where nothing can be detected afterward, and it doesn't have any negative effects on the body. This kind of stuff is extremely dangerous; I wouldn't dare do anything reckless. I researched it for a long time before deciding to use this." I yawned, and he chuckled, asking, "Isn't that reckless? Where's the rest?" I said one last thing: "In my piggy bank." Then I fell asleep.

After a few peaceful days, my parents stopped pressuring me to get married. My boyfriend and I cautiously stole a kiss, and it felt wonderful, even better than before. Before, I always felt guilty, like I was letting my parents down, constantly worried and inexperienced. The excitement of the forbidden fruit outweighed the act itself. This time, however, we were on the right track. My confusion faded, my shame lessened, and our love was boundless; we indulged in unbridled joy. (Okay, I admit I borrowed a line from Jin Yong's novel, because I think it fits perfectly here.)

My heart didn't race; I looked radiant, my skin was flawless, and I even thought I looked prettier. Looking in the mirror, I said, "I need to get a haircut. This hair is a mess, all tied up with a rubber band, making me look like any other pregnant woman." Wei Yiqing said, "I'll take you." I said, "No, I'll go with Mom. She's been taking care of me these past few months and hasn't had time to dress up. The two of us women will be bored to death spending hours at the beauty salon." He said, "I'll take you there, then I need to go to the hospital to explain things. The director seems to want me to take unpaid leave; I'll come back and pick you up." I said that was fine. After the sun went down, I called Mom, and we got into his little car and went to our usual beauty salon. He dropped us off and left.

My mom and I sat down and let them scrunch and trim our hair. I coaxed my mom to get her hair permed, but I'd rather skip it myself—pregnant women shouldn't be exposed to chemicals. My mom sat there getting her hair curled, while I got my hair cut and went upstairs to get my eyebrows done. There, the beautician sweet-talked me into getting a Dead Sea mud face mask. Lying on that narrow bed, I chatted with the beautician, saying, "I'm usually pretty eloquent, but with you guys, I'm doomed. I think I could work here someday; two weeks of training and I'd be just as good as you."

The beautician laughed at my joke and said, "Miss Xia's mouth can talk the dead back to life, and she can coax the birds down from the trees. If Miss Xia comes, we'll all starve."