As she thought this, her heart grew heavier. Everything her father had achieved was built from scratch; success or failure, he could bear alone, only needing to answer to himself. But for her, the sense of gain and loss was much deeper, and the pressure greater. She carried her father's expectations and his hard work on her shoulders, and never before had she felt such a heavy burden as at this moment.
Her father was worried about her and wanted to decide her future partner, something she could somewhat understand and agree with now. However, she remained confused about her feelings—should she give up, or should she persist? But now it seemed all of that had to take a backseat. Compared to her father and Fuhua, her personal preferences and gains seemed less important.
Besides, some things are destined to be lost, never to be regained, and unlikely to be continued. Such an arrangement is not necessarily a bad thing.
As she was thinking, a beam of light shone on her. She quickly slammed on the brakes, and thanks to the Blue Wing's excellent performance, it came to a steady stop just two steps away from the oncoming car. Startled, she pushed open the car door and ran over, furious at the other driver's reckless behavior.
As she approached, she realized it was Yan Xunan's car. He was slumped over the steering wheel, one hand clutching his chest, seemingly in great pain.
Song Qing looked up and realized that they were not far from the Yan family's place. So he first drove Lan Yi to the side, locked it, then pushed Yan Xunan into the back seat and drove him home himself.
"Yan Xunan, besides drinking, is there anything else you can do to bother me?" She struggled to carry him, which was very difficult because she hadn't eaten. Thinking that he was unconscious, she scolded him in a low voice.
"If I have something on my mind and I'm unhappy, I won't talk to anyone. I'll just act cool and get drunk. I haven't changed over the years."
"I really shouldn't have bothered with you. Every time I try to persuade you to change, you do the same thing again."
She drove carefully, glancing back at him every now and then.
Yan Xunan seemed to be enjoying himself, a smile playing on his lips, his narrow eyes slightly open, gleaming.
Song Qing sighed resignedly.
"Qing'er, I haven't had a dream like this in years. In my half-asleep state, I heard your incessant nagging."
He sat up slightly, looking dazed, and spoke incoherently.
"For so many years, I've been drowning my sorrows in alcohol, hoping that you can still be by my side like before, so that you can talk to me more and keep talking."
Song Qing listened vaguely, feeling the memories of the past surge back like a tide, along with the swelling and pain in her throat, rushing straight to her head. Her nose suddenly tightened, and she quickly swallowed the dry, swollen feeling.
"It's always at this time, when I'm half asleep, that I can occasionally and clearly recall your appearance, your voice, and your scent. I'm so lucky to have this moment again today. Qing'er, if you don't come back soon, I'll forget you."
She felt that these unclear words, which made her mind unclear, were more effective than anything else.
"You're threatening me again," she said softly, her voice choked with emotion.
Yan Xunan chuckled softly and hoarsely, his face full of confidence and a smug, flattering expression.
"Yes, you know that, but you still have to clean up my messes every time."
"Yes, I was so stupid, so stupid." She murmured in her sleep, as if she were drunk.
Why didn't those youthful days vanish like smoke? Instead, they became increasingly heavy and clear in her life.
She no longer had the strength to turn the steering wheel. All the courage she had accumulated over the years seemed to have vanished in that moment, leaving her as fragile as a willow catkin in the wind. The cramped car was filled with the atmosphere of the past, growing stronger the longer she stayed, yet there was no outlet to dissipate it. Finally, she couldn't help but slump over the steering wheel, softly sobbing, trying to alleviate the emotions that had such a profound impact on her.
She was like a champion swimmer in the vast ocean, clearly poised to reach the finish line, but the ever-present fog obscured her direction. No matter how strong or skilled she was, her direction constantly wavered, rendering much of her effort futile. This couldn't continue. She needed to choose a direction, close her eyes, cover her ears, harden her resolve, and swim towards that destination.
"Xunan, wake up, let me help you inside." She opened the car door, and the night breeze helped her regain some clarity.
Yan Xunan pulled her into the car with his hand, and then hooked the door shut with his foot.
Song woke up and tried to struggle, but he held her tightly in his arms, his long arms and legs making her dizzy from the smell of alcohol on his body.
"Xunan, let go!" She couldn't break free from him, so she could only keep calling out, trying to wake him up.
But Yan Xunan, holding onto something he had cherished for so long, couldn't bear to let go. He cupped the back of her neck with one hand and pressed his lips to hers, his breath heavy with the scent of alcohol. Her stomach ached again; it couldn't tolerate any stimulation. The pain was so intense that she couldn't bite her lip, and his tongue deftly enveloped her, swallowing her moans.
The touch was like an electric current, instantly silencing her struggling body. Yan Xunan let out a soft laugh. Everything was just as it had been years ago, unchanged. His heart calmed down, and he deepened the kiss, touching every corner of her mouth.
In this space enveloped by darkness and the smell of alcohol, all reason was buried. She hated herself; disappointment and blame surged within her. As she met his kiss, she closed her eyes, letting cold tears flow, allowing him to hold her vulnerability and tenderness tightly in his arms. Oh, Father, please blame me; I wish I could kill myself too.
Ning'er! She suddenly remembered the purpose of her visit today. A bright red, flower-like pattern suddenly flashed in her mind, cruel, bloody, and extremely eerie. She immediately stiffened, her fists clenched tightly, as if a rusty knife was constantly sawing back and forth at her wrists.
Yan Xunan finally pulled away from the lingering kiss, feeling that if this continued, the person in his arms would suffocate to death.
He buried his face in her hair and remained motionless for a long time. Song Qing felt something cool and smooth run down her neck, which brought her back to her senses.
"Qing'er, you must remember, if one day we have to be enemies, you must remember that it was not my intention."
He took a deep breath and tightened his arms again, as if facing extreme fear. "Promise me, Qing'er, promise me," he kept saying.
Song Qing was held tightly in his arms like this, without moving, her face deathly pale.
"Xunan, let's go." She didn't understand what he meant, but she knew they couldn't stay like this any longer. She wouldn't give herself a second chance to indulge in such behavior.
※
"Aunt Yan, you're still the same, you haven't aged at all." After settling Yan Xunan in, Song Qing chatted with Xu Yayue in the living room.
Xu Yayue smiled broadly, holding Song Qing's hand tightly. This child sometimes evoked such pity; Xu Yayue touched her thin cheeks, still displaying a resolute expression. Her frail body was constantly shrouded in a thick layer of responsibility and pressure. Yet, she always smiled calmly. From a young age, she was quiet, never complained, and rarely cried. Her maturity sometimes made even adults feel ashamed of themselves.
"Qing'er, look how tired you are. You still have to worry about Xu Nan. I thought that after ten years, it would be his turn to help you. How can he still be like before, getting drunk and demanding to come to you, making you clean up his messes?"
Song Qing's eyes were a little moist. He squeezed her hand back, without a trace of complaint or impatience on his face.
"I just happened to be there."
Xu Yayue stroked her forehead and smiled with relief. How wonderful it would be if Xu Nan were with her. She always thought the two children were a perfect match, and Xu Nan only showed genuine joy when he was with her.
"Old Yan, are you done? What are you dawdling for?" she said, pulling Song Qing towards the restaurant. The boy's stomach had been rumbling for quite some time.
From the large kitchen came Yan Yaping's relaxed and amusing voice, "Alright, alright, here comes the girl, let's make the food look nice, okay?"
Song Qing and Xu Yayue exchanged a smile.
"Your uncle still remembers your favorite dish. He still makes it often after you left. Later, Xu Nan also thought it was good, and now it's often served as a late-night snack." Over the years, Xu Ya Yue and her husband have had some free time, so she enjoys cooking for herself and finds it quite fun.