Hearing her mother's tone, Manzhen seemed to pity her for her wandering and helpless state, wanting her to return to the Zhu family as a ready-made concubine. Manzhen's face flushed with anger. She said, "Mom, don't say these things to me. It makes me angry." Mrs. Gu wiped away her tears and said, "I'm only doing this for your own good—" Manzhen said, "For my own good? You've really ruined me. I don't know what my sister said to you back then. How could you let them lock me up at home for so long? They were so cruel! If I had taken her to the hospital earlier when she gave birth, she wouldn't have suffered so much, almost losing her life!" Mrs. Gu said, "I know you'll blame me. I only thought that because you're so impatient, with my old-fashioned mind, you had no choice but to marry Hongcai. It's rare that your sister is so magnanimous, even suggesting you get married formally. But honestly, you're still too stubborn. What will you do if you continue like this?" At this point, she began to sob. Manzhen didn't say anything at first, but then she said impatiently, "Mom, don't do this. What's the point of letting others see this?"
Mrs. Gu tried her best to stop her sobbing. She sat there wiping her eyes and blowing her nose with a handkerchief. After a while, she muttered to herself, "The child is so smart now. She can say everything. She's not shy around people and keeps calling me 'Grandma.' She was so thin when she was born, but now she's so fair and plump." Manzhen remained silent until she finally said, "Don't say anything more. Anyway, no matter what, I will never go to the Zhu family again."
The school bell rang, signaling it was time for dinner. Manzhen said, "Mom, you should go home. It's getting late." Mrs. Gu could only sigh and stand up, saying, "I think you should think about it some more. I'll come see you another day."
But she never came back after that visit, probably because Manzhen was too cold to her, which made her feel disheartened. She must have gone back to Suzhou. Manzhen also felt that she might have gone too far, but because of the Zhu family in the middle, she really couldn't associate with her mother, otherwise things would become even more complicated.
Quite some time passed. Winter break arrived, and everyone in the dormitory went home for the Chinese New Year, leaving Manzhen homeless. She was the only one living on the entire building. She moved to the best room, but it was incredibly desolate. During the holidays, there was no more desolate place in the school dormitory than this.
One afternoon, with nothing to do and feeling cold sitting, she crawled into bed for a nap. Summer naps are very comfortable and natural, but winter naps are a different story, leaving one drowsy and lethargic. The room was bathed in pale yellow sunlight, and an old clothesline hung outside the window. The wind blew the line high, its shadow shooting into the room as if a person's shadow were flickering. Suddenly, Manzhen awoke with a start.
She was still a little groggy after waking up. Suddenly, she heard the school maid shouting from downstairs, "Mr. Gu, someone from your family has come to see you." She thought her mother had come again, but then she heard a series of hurried footsteps outside, definitely more than one person. Manzhen wondered, "What are all these people doing here?" She composed herself, quickly put on her clothes, and got out of bed. The people had already come in. Abao and Zhang Ma were supporting Manlu, followed by a wet nurse carrying a child. Abao called out "Second Miss," and without saying anything else, he helped Manlu to the bed, piling the blankets together so she could lean against them. Manlu was so thin that she looked shrunken, but the layers of clothing made her appear even larger. She wore a camel hair coat and a wool scarf covering her head, which also covered her mouth. Only her eyes were half-open, her pale face was covered in sweat, and she was sitting there panting. Abao adjusted her hands and feet to make her more comfortable. Manlu whispered, "You all go to the car and wait for me. Leave the child here." Abao then picked up the child and put him on the bed, and then went downstairs with the nanny and the others.
The child was dressed in a brand-new maroon fleece sweater and pants, as if he had dressed up specially to show Manzhen. His face was powdered and adorned with two round red rouge dots. He crawled all over the bed, babbling incomprehensible words, pulling Manlu around and showing her this and that.
Manzhen stood by the window, arms crossed, looking at them. Manlu said, "Second sister, look how sick I am. It looks like I don't have more than a few months left." Manzhen couldn't help but snort and sneered, "Why do you keep cursing yourself?" Manlu paused before saying, "No wonder you don't believe me. But this time it's really true. My tuberculosis is incurable." She herself felt like the shepherd boy who kept crying, "Wolf! Wolf!" But when the wolf actually came, who would believe her?
The air in the room was icy cold; speaking felt like stepping barefoot into cold water. Yet she had to continue. Her voice trembled as she said, "You don't know, these past two years have been unbearable. Hongcai is always out there fooling around. If it weren't for this child, he would have abandoned me long ago. Think about it, after I die, who knows what kind of woman will have this child. So I beg you, please go back." Manzhen said, "You don't need to say any more of this nonsense." Manlu continued, "You might not believe me, but it's true: Hongcai admires you. He treats you differently from other women. If you manage him, you can definitely keep him in check." Manzhen angrily retorted, "Who is Zhu Hongcai to me? Why should I care about him?" Manlu said, "Then let's not talk about him. Just look at this pitiful child. How much he'll suffer if I die. It's your child who's being raised."
Manzhen paused for a moment, then said, "I'll find a way to get him out tomorrow." Manlu said, "How can that be? Hongcai wouldn't allow it! Even if you sue him, he'll go bankrupt fighting you in court. He finally has such a precious son, how could he let go?" Manzhen said, "I also think it's difficult." Manlu said, "Yes, otherwise I wouldn't have come to you. There's only one way, you can marry him after I die—" Manzhen said, "Don't say such things. I would rather die than marry Zhu Hongcai." Manlu struggled to pick up the child and brought him to Manzhen, sighing, "Isn't it all for him after all this? How can you be so heartless!"
Manzhen really didn't want to hold the child, because she didn't want to cry in front of Manlu. But Manlu just kept panting as she took the child. Before she could even reach out to take him, the child burst into tears, turning his head away and calling, "Mom! Mom!"
He hid in Manlu's arms. Of course, he only recognized Manlu as his mother, but Manzhen suddenly became unreasonable. She found the child's behavior very arousing.
Because of the child's deep attachment to her, Manlu was overcome with grief and choked out to Manzhen, "If I were to die now, there's nothing else I wouldn't be able to let go of, except for him. I really can't bear to leave him." Tears streamed down her face. Manzhen wasn't much better off. Seeing Manlu crying harder and harder, gasping for breath, Manzhen couldn't bear it any longer. She hardened her heart, frowned in annoyance, and said, "Look at you! Go back now!" She called Zhang Ma out and asked them to help Manlu downstairs. Manlu left, sobbing, with the wet nurse following behind, carrying the child.
Manzhen was alone in the room. She tidied the messy blankets on the bed, then sat down on the edge and stared blankly for a while. Just mentioning Hongcai filled her with rage; she felt not only hatred but also an instinctive loathing for him, which was why she had rejected her sister's request without thinking. Now, calming down and thinking it over carefully, she realized she had done the right thing. It wasn't that she didn't love her child; besides this child, she had no other family in the world. If she could take him out and raise him herself, even though an unmarried mother faced discrimination in society, she wasn't afraid of anything. She was willing to sacrifice anything for him, except marrying Hongcai.
She didn't plan to stay there any longer, fearing that Manlu would come and bother her again, or that Manlu would call her mother to come looking for her. She submitted her resignation to the school, but because she had already accepted a job offer for the next semester before the winter break, it took a lot of persuasion to finally resign. She found another job elsewhere as an accountant. She had studied accounting before.
After finding work, she also looked for a place to live, renting a room from a sub-landlord surnamed Guo. One day, after work, she returned home and walked to the back gate of Guo's house. Just then, a young woman emerged from inside. She had a round face, a yellowish-black complexion, and bright red rouge on her cheeks. Her hair was styled high on both sides, and she wore a white linen cheongsam with small red and yellow flowers. It was A Bao. —How did they find her here again? Manzhen was taken aback. A Bao seemed very surprised to see her as well, and exclaimed, "Oh, Second Miss!"
A man was following behind Abao. Manzhen recognized him as someone from the matchmaking shop. Then she remembered that one of the Guo family's old women had gone back to the countryside. A couple of days ago, they had hired a maid from the matchmaking shop to try out for work, but she probably wasn't suitable, so they found someone else.
It seemed that Abao had come to work at the Guo family's house, not to find Manzhen on orders. However, Manzhen still ignored her, because seeing her inevitably reminded her of when she was confined at the Zhu family's house, where Abao had been an accomplice. Of course, servants had no choice; they ate their food and had to follow their orders, so she couldn't entirely blame Abao. But regardless, Manzhen felt very unhappy seeing her. She only nodded slightly, her steps never faltering as she continued walking inside. Abao caught up and called out, "Second Miss probably doesn't know, but Eldest Miss is gone." This news wasn't exactly unexpected, but Manzhen was still surprised. "Oh? When did she go?" she asked. Abao replied, "Well, it was when I went to your school, less than half a month later." As she spoke, her eyes reddened, and two tears fell. She cried, and Manzhen just stared at her blankly, feeling an emptiness in her heart.
Abao carefully wiped her eyes with a handkerchief held between one finger, then said to the person at the matchmaking shop, "You should go back first. I still need to say a few words to my old boss." Manzhen, however, didn't want to talk to her anymore, so she said, "If you have something to do, you should go. Don't delay your business." Abao also felt that Manzhen was very cold towards her, thinking it must be because of the ring from before, so she said, "Second Miss, I know you must be angry that I didn't send you a letter back then, cough, you don't even know—do you know why they wouldn't let me into your room later?" Before she could finish speaking, Manzhen frowned and stopped her, saying, "Why talk about these things?" Abao looked at her face and fell silent, hugging her arms and stroking them. After a long while, she said, "I don't work for them anymore." I'm so angry! Second Miss, you don't know, ever since the eldest young lady died, Zhou Ma has been badmouthing me to the young master. That Zhou Ma is such a sycophant; she's only been here a few months, and she's already gotten rid of the wet nurse and put the young master under her care. In front of the young master, she pretends to treat the young master so well, but behind his back, she's like a stepmother.
I couldn't stand it anymore, so I left.
She suddenly became so righteous. Manzhen felt that what she said should be taken with a grain of salt, but it was probably true that she had been squeezed out of the Zhu family by the other servants. She was clearly very angry, as if she had a bellyful of things to say but nowhere to vent. Manzhen didn't invite her in, but she stood at the back door and began to talk incessantly. She continued: "The son-in-law has always been losing money in business, so his temper has gotten worse. The family fortune is almost gone. They sold the house on Hongqiao Road, and now they've moved to Da'an Lane. They say the eldest daughter has good luck for her husband, and it's true! As soon as the eldest daughter died, everything went wrong!"
He himself was filled with remorse. He'd been living a life of misfortune, listlessly lounging at home, having broken off all his relationships with other women. I often saw him weeping over a picture of a young lady.
At the mention of Hongcai, Manzhen showed impatience, as if she had been standing at the back door for too long. Abao, being sensible, didn't continue the conversation and instead asked, "Does the Second Miss live here now?" Manzhen only gave a vague reply before asking, "Did you come here to work?" Abao smiled and said, "Yes, but I see there are too many people here, and the wages aren't much, so I don't want to do it. I'll ask the Second Miss if any of your friends need help; just call me. I'm at the matchmaking shop across the street." Manzhen casually agreed.
A moment of silence followed. Manzhen longed for her to say more about the child, how tall he had grown, how mischievous he was—a child could generate many "anecdotes" and "tales," things the maids loved to talk about. Manzhen also wanted to know what accent he spoke with, whether he was still healthy, and whether he had a good temper. Abao wouldn't answer, and Manzhen didn't want to ask her either, feeling inexplicably ashamed to bring it up.
Abao smiled and said, "Then I'll be going, Second Miss." After she left, Manzhen went inside as well.
Abao said the Zhu family now lives in Da'an Lane, a place Manzhen often passes through. She takes the tram every day, and it's quite a distance from her house to the tram stop, with Da'an Lane being a necessary stop along the way. Now, whenever she gets there, she always crosses the street to the other side, worried that she might run into Hongcai. Although she's not afraid of his persistent pestering, she still finds him annoying.
That day, as she returned home from get off work, two elementary school students walked ahead of her. Lately, she had developed a habit of guessing the age of every child she saw, while simultaneously calculating her own child's age, wondering if that child was about the same height. These two children were, of course, much older than hers, around seven or eight years old, both wearing new blue cloth overcoats over their cotton robes, looking rather chubby. They walked side-by-side like soldiers on a drill, simultaneously raising their abacuses and rhythmically striking them, making the beads clatter loudly as a kind of military chant. Sometimes they would even carry the abacuses on their shoulders like guns.
Manzhen was behind them and occasionally overheard snippets of their conversation. Their talk was so unambitious. One child said, "Ma Zhenglin's father owns a bakery, so Ma Zhenglin gets to eat bread rolls every day." He sounded utterly envious.
They suddenly crossed the road and walked into Da'an Lane. Manzhen was startled. Although she knew these were not her children, and there were many children in this alley, she involuntarily followed them across the road and into the alley. Her steps were somewhat hesitant, so by the time she entered, the two children had already disappeared.
It was a chilly, gray afternoon in the second or third month of spring. Spring is often like this; before you can even smell the scent of spring, everything seems to emit a odor, and besides feeling chilly, you also feel itchy and slightly dirty. Although it wasn't raining, the alleyway floor was damp and sticky. Walking in, you see shikumen houses on both sides, and in the middle stands a stinky tofu stand. The person carrying it stands a little distance away, hands on hips, calling out in a drawn-out voice. A little girl bought a skewer of stinky tofu from the stand and started spreading chili sauce on it herself. She seemed to be Zhaodi, Hongcai's ex-wife's daughter. Manzhen didn't have time to look at her closely before her gaze was drawn to a boy beside her. A boy of about four or five years old, clearly Zhao Di's brother, was wearing the same purple floral cotton robes. Although it was already spring, they were still wearing old cotton shoes, but they were barefoot without socks. Their red ankles contrasted with the old black cotton shoes, giving them a strangely pitiful appearance. The boy had long hair that reached up to his eyebrows, and although his face was dirty, he seemed quite handsome.
In her panic, Manzhen didn't have time to examine her closely, but instead turned her gaze back to Zhaodi, trying to make sure she was indeed Zhaodi. Although she had only met her once, and several years ago, Manzhen remembered her very clearly. Normally, a child changes the fastest, but this sallow-faced, thin girl remained the same, and hadn't grown at all—well, she hadn't stopped growing, as evidenced by her overly short robe.
Zhao Di stood beside the tofu stall, scooping out chili sauce from a small earthenware jar and spreading it on the stinky tofu. Probably because the chili sauce was free, she smeared it on generously, like spreading jam on bread, turning the whole piece of tofu bright red.
www.xiAosH
Fourteen (2)
The man carrying the load glanced at her, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end, he didn't. Zhao Di bought three pieces in total, threaded them onto a straw, and ate them while holding them in her hand. Her younger brother wanted some too, so he stood on tiptoe, put his hands on her, tilted his head back, and took a bite. Manzhen thought to herself that this bite would surely bring tears to her eyes and burn her throat.
She couldn't help but feel a pang of worry for him, but to her surprise, he swallowed it without batting an eye. And after eating, he wanted more, still tiptoeing to bring his mouth closer. Zhao Di, in a show of affection, would take a bite herself, then let him take a bite. Manzhen looked at her child's silly expression and couldn't help but laugh, but as she laughed, tears welled up in her eyes.
She hurriedly turned away, went into the alley, and wiped her tears with the back of her hand as she walked. Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her. Turning around, she saw Zhao Di chasing after her, her cotton shoes, worn increasingly large, making a squelching sound as she stepped on the damp cement. Manzhen thought, "Oh no, she must know me. I thought she was too young then and had only seen me once, so she wouldn't remember me." Manzhen had no choice but to turn her head and pretend to look for a house number. As she walked, she glanced at Zhao Di out of the corner of her eye. Zhao Di had stopped at the door of a house. This family must have recently held a Buddhist ceremony; the yellow paper strips pasted on the door frame had just been torn in half, and now they were burning paper money in the courtyard, the flames roaring. Zhao Di watched them burn tinfoil while eating her stinky tofu, seemingly oblivious to Manzhen. Only then did Manzhen feel relieved and calmly walked back out.
The boy now had a maid with him. The maid was about forty years old, with a fleshy face and two small, tadpole-like black eyes. She was sitting on a long bench by the back door picking vegetables. Manzhen thought to herself that this must be the Zhou Ma that Abao had mentioned. Zhaodi saw her come out, so he ran into the alley and probably wanted to hide there to finish his dried tofu before coming back.
Manzhen walked slowly past them. The child saw her, and whether he liked her face or her clothes, he suddenly called out, "Auntie!"
Manzhen turned around and smiled at him, and he actually kept calling out "Auntie! Auntie!" in a row. The maid muttered, "You won't call her when I tell you to, but you keep calling her when I don't tell you to!"
Manzhen walked out of the alley and passed more than a dozen shops, her heart still pounding. Passing a shop window, she smiled at the reflection in its image.
She couldn't see anything about her that made a child instantly fond of her, calling out, "Auntie! Auntie!" She could hear the child's voice all the time. She tried to recall his appearance; the last time her sister brought him to see her, he couldn't walk yet, crawling all over the bed like a cute little animal, but now he was already a "person" with his own personality.
This time she was lucky; she saw him as soon as she walked in. She couldn't go there again. Seeing him again wouldn't do any good; it would only cause her more grief. As for her mother, she thought that now that her sister was dead, Hongcai might not have the spare money to support her mother, so Manzhen wired some money to her, but she didn't write her own address on it because she still didn't want her mother to come looking for her.
Summer arrived in the blink of an eye. Her mother had mentioned that her younger brother would graduate this summer and start earning money, but Manzhen felt it was impossible for him to support a family independently after starting work. So she sent them another sum of money. She had gradually given them all her savings from the past two years.
The weather was extremely hot and humid that day, and a sudden downpour began in the evening. The landlady's maid rushed to the balcony to salvage the clothes she had hung out to dry. Someone rang the doorbell downstairs, but no one answered after a while. Manzhen had no choice but to run downstairs. When she opened the door, she saw a young woman she didn't recognize. The woman smiled somewhat nervously at Manzhen and said, "I need to make a phone call. Is it convenient? I live in number nine, just across the street."
It was raining heavily outside, so Manzhen invited her in to wait, smiling, "I'll go call Mrs. Guo." After calling several times with no response, the maid came downstairs carrying a roll of clothes and said, "Madam isn't home." Manzhen turned on the light for her, and in the lamplight, she could see that the young woman, though wearing a cloak-like raincoat, was clearly pregnant. Her hair was straight, long and tucked behind her ears, making her look neither like a typical Shanghai woman nor possessing the air of a small-town woman. She had delicate features, a slightly flat oval face. She spent a considerable amount of time looking up the phone book, seemingly apologetic, occasionally looking up at Manzhen with a smile, and casually asking her surname, saying it was Zhang. She then asked Manzhen where she was from, and Manzhen said Anhui. The maid immediately noticed, smiling, "Miss Gu is from Anhui?"
"Where in Anhui?" Manzhen asked. "Lu'an," she replied. The young woman smiled. "Oh, I just came from Lu'an." Manzhen smiled. "Is Mrs. Zhang also from Lu'an? You don't have a Lu'an accent." The young woman said, "I'm from Shanghai, and I've always lived here. It's our Mr. Zhang; he's from Lu'an." Manzhen thought for a moment and then said, "Oh. There's a doctor named Zhang Mujin in Lu'an. I wonder if Mrs. Zhang knows him?" She smiled and said, "Mujin is him." Manzhen smiled. "That's such a coincidence! We're relatives." The young woman exclaimed, "That's such a coincidence! Mujin is here this time too. When will Miss Gu come to visit us? I'm staying at my mother's house now."