I went to Shuhui's house yesterday. I knew he wouldn't be home, but I wanted to see his parents because you've always lived with them, and I really hoped they would talk about you. Shuhui's mother told me a lot about you, things I didn't know. She said you used to be thinner than you are now, and she talked about some trivial things from your school days. Listening to her say these things, I felt really comforted because—I've been a little scared since you left, for no reason. Shijun! I want you to know that there is someone in this world who will always be waiting for you, no matter when, no matter where you are, you know there will always be such a person.
As Shijun read the last few lines, it was as if she were speaking directly to him. Across the vast expanse of time, he could still hear her voice. He wondered, "Is she still waiting for me there?"
He sat on the lid of the box, and as he turned slightly, he suddenly realized that one of his feet was completely numb. He had probably been sitting like that for a long time without even noticing. He stamped his foot, laboriously shifted his position, and picked up the letter again to read. There was another paragraph: "This was written last night. You'll surely laugh at me for writing so many unconscious things. Now I'm doing—" He abruptly stopped there, leaving half a blank page, without a signature or date.
He suddenly remembered that when he returned from Nanjing, he went to her office to find her, and she was writing a letter to him there, so he only wrote half of it and then stopped.
He remembered this incident very clearly. He suddenly felt as if many things from the past were still vivid in his mind, and he remembered everything that had happened between him and Manzhen since they met.
When did I first meet her? It's been eighteen years—no, not eighteen! —Seventeen
Cuizhi called out, "Shijun!" Shijun looked up and saw Cuizhi standing at the doorway, wearing a morning robe, staring at him with a surprised look. She said, "What are you doing here? Why aren't you asleep yet?" Shijun said, "I'm coming." He stood up, tucked the letter into his book, closed the book, and put it back where it was. Cuizhi said, "Do you know what time it is—it's almost two o'clock!" Cuizhi said, "Didn't we say we were going out with Shuhui all day tomorrow? I can't get up too late." Shijun remained silent. Cuizhi was already feeling a little guilty, wondering if he had noticed and thought she was being too enthusiastic about Shuhui, which was why his attitude was so strange today.
Back in the bedroom, she got into bed first, and Shijun followed suit, taking off his clothes and getting into bed as well, and then turned off the light.
Whenever he thought of Manzhen, he felt that he had never stopped missing her. Even when he thought he had forgotten her, she was still there, behind all his thoughts.
Hearing an extremely slow "drip-drop-drip-drop" in the darkness, Cuizhi asked, "Is it raining?" Shijun replied, "Why aren't you asleep yet? My stomach's a little upset; I wonder if it's from eating too many crabs. Did you eat any? The crabs from the Yuan family today didn't seem very fresh."
After a long while, the "drip-drop" sound continued, pausing for a while before falling again, seemingly with a certain interval, like the slow dripping of a water clock. Shijun suddenly said, "It's not raining. It must be that the tap wasn't turned off properly." Cuizhi said, "It's so annoying to hear!"
She remained silent for a while, then finally couldn't bear it any longer and said, "No—get up and turn it off tightly, okay?" Shijun didn't say anything, got out of bed, ran to the bathroom, turned on the light and inspected it, then said, "Where is the faucet not turned off tightly?"
"The clothes hanging out to dry are dripping wet!" He turned off the light and went back to the bedroom. Cuizhi heard him shuffling over and hurriedly called out, "Be careful, don't kick my slippers under the bed again!"
Not long after Shijun fell asleep, he got up again, putting on his clothes. Cuizhi asked, "Why are you up again?" Shijun replied, "My stomach hurts. I ate something bad." He got up several times in a row. At dawn, Cuizhi was awakened again by his groans. She panicked and said, "I'll ask Li Ma to make you a hot water bottle." She woke Li Ma up, and then she couldn't fall back asleep either.
That morning, she went downstairs for breakfast. Shuhui overheard her say that Shijun was sick, so she went upstairs to see him. Shijun told her he probably got sick from eating crabs. He added, "Manzhen called you last night." Shuhui asked, "Oh? What did she say?"
Shijun said, "She left a phone number and asked you to call her." Shuhui smiled and paced back and forth by his bedside, finally saying, "You haven't seen her all these years?" Shijun smiled and said, "No, I thought she had left Shanghai." Shuhui said, "It seems she's not married yet. I went to look for her the other day, but she wasn't home. The people she lives with all call her Miss Gu." Oh? He felt even more upset. Yesterday on the phone, he said he wanted to go see her with Shuhui, and at that time he thought they were both married. Now he knew she wasn't. Maybe she still felt the same way about him as before. As for him, he had been so agitated these past two days that he couldn't be sure what he might do. But what could possibly happen—he had a wife, children, and a sense of responsibility. So the result would still be—nothing would come of it. Since he knew this, why bother? Dragging her into family disputes now would only be more unfair to her. So it was better not to go see her.
www/xiaoshuotxt.co m
Eighteen Springs Seventeen
Seeing that he seemed somewhat moved by the mention of Manzhen, Shuhui changed the subject. Shuhui brought an engineering magazine upstairs from her study, tossed it up, and laughed, "I saw your magazine and found it quite interesting." Shijun chuckled, "Oh, you want to read this? I have quite a few more; they're all stored in the attic room." Engineering is constantly evolving and progressing; an engineering student who doesn't continuously study will fall behind, especially someone like him, who had given up halfway through his internship and had always regretted it. Shuhui laughed, "You're truly remarkable, still working so hard."
"Now is the time when China needs talent, you really should cheer up and do something good!" Shi Jun laughed and said, "Yes, I also feel that it's really not promising for me to work in a foreign firm like this! And there's really no future in it, I'm getting anxious about it. Even if you hadn't said anything, I would have asked you to keep an eye out for me and find me something to do." Shu Hui thought for a moment and said, "There are plenty of things to do, but you can leave Shanghai, right?" Shi Jun seemed very hesitant and said, "Even so, it's very difficult. And think about it, I hadn't even finished my internship at that time, so of course I couldn't be picky about the salary, and my family burden is so heavy—" Shu Hui laughed and said, "I don't agree with what you said, how many people are in your family? I'm also ashamed to say that our two young masters and misses are really too used to being pampered, and they simply can't handle a change of environment." He paused here and then said, "It's Cui Zhi, she used to be very comfortable at home, and the kind of life we are living now is already very unfair to her."
Of course, the crux of the problem lay with Cuizhi, and Shuhui understood this perfectly, so he nodded and said: I understand your concerns, but—
Shu Hui laughed, "Look, Cui Zhi's here!" He turned to Cui Zhi and smiled, "I was telling Shi Jun that he's making great progress. What do you think? Someone as ambitious as you should compete with him." Cui Zhi laughed, "Compete with him?" Shu Hui laughed, "You could join the Women's Federation. They have lots of meaningful work to do there, and you can even attend training sessions. Someone as smart as you will understand things quickly." Cui Zhi laughed, "You want me to join the Women's Federation? If I'm always running around there, who will take care of things at home? We'll need a housekeeper!" She went to Shi Jun's bedside and asked, "Are you feeling better now? Can you still go out?" Shu Hui said, "Let's not go out today. Let's rest at home." Shi Jun shook his head and said, "You haven't been to Shanghai in years. You should go out and see the world. I'm afraid I can't today. Let Cui Zhi go with you." Cuizhi then smiled happily at Shuhui and said, "I'll treat you to dinner, and then we'll go see a movie." Shuhui thought to himself, "That's good. I can talk to her more and give her some advice."
It was almost noon, and Cuizhi was busy changing her clothes when Shuhui went downstairs to wait for her. Cuizhi sat in front of the mirror combing her hair, while Shijun lay on the bed watching her. Her hair had changed countless times over the years, sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes curled inwards, sometimes outwards. Usually, she would sweep her hair back slickly and pile it into a high bun, which only accentuated her beautiful face. Shijun usually dreaded seeing her get ready before going out with her; it was so agonizing. Today, since he didn't have to accompany her, he had the leisure to observe everything with an appreciative eye. He thought to himself that Cuizhi really didn't look old, especially today; she seemed younger than ever. Even her eyes were particularly bright, and she seemed very excited, like a young girl going on a date. She was wearing a dark blue printed silk cheongsam with large green peonies on it. Shi Jun laughed, "When did you make this dress? I've never seen it before." "It's brand new." Shi Jun smiled, "You look beautiful today." Cui Zhi seemed very happy to hear this. At the same time, she felt a little guilty! Before leaving, she asked him, "Weren't you bored being home alone today?" Shi Jun said, "Maybe I'll feel better after a nap." Cui Zhi then said, "What would you like to eat? I'll ask them to prepare it for you."
She left. Soft sunlight streamed into the messy yet quiet room. It was Sunday, and the children were all home. Erbei was singing a liberation song downstairs. Shijun hadn't slept well all night. He drifted off to sleep, and when he woke up, the sun was already setting. He felt thirsty and called for Li Ma to pour him some tea. Dabei heard him wake up and came into the room asking for money to go to the movies. Erbei insisted on going too, but Dabei refused, saying she wanted to watch but was also scared, and that during the most exciting part, she'd want someone to take her to the toilet. Shijun pleaded with him, and he finally reluctantly agreed. Dabei was twelve years old today. He was usually very quiet at home and rarely smiled. Shijun thought, "What's going on in a person's mind at twelve?" Although he himself had gone through that period, as far as he could remember, he seemed quite sensible back then, bearing no resemblance whatsoever to this headstrong child before him.
The two children went to see a movie, and the house became even quieter. Suddenly, Li Ma announced that the eldest young mistress had arrived. Xiao Jian was now attending university in Shanghai, and the eldest young mistress, worried about him being alone here, had moved to Shanghai as well. However, because of her strained relationship with Cui Zhi, she rarely interacted with Shi Jun's family. Ever since Xiao Jian was bitten by a dog during his last visit, the eldest young mistress had been very angry and hadn't come over for a long time.
When Shijun heard that his sister-in-law had arrived, he, who had felt much better after a nap, sat up, dressed, and went downstairs to see her. He guessed that her purpose in coming was perhaps related to Xiaojian. Xiaojian, that boy, was said to be quite unambitious, his schoolwork a complete mess, and he spent all his time wandering around outside. Of course, this was also due to the eldest young mistress's excessive pampering, which had shaped his personality. Just recently, he had come to Shijun to borrow money, dressed like a delinquent. His mother probably didn't know about the loan, but perhaps she had found out now, and she might be here today to repay it. However, Shijun didn't guess correctly. The eldest young mistress had been treated to a meal at a restaurant that day and happened to run into Cuizhi—the dinner was in a room upstairs, while Cuizhi and Shuhui were in the train-shaped seating area downstairs. The eldest young mistress had walked past them and saw Cuizhi seemingly wiping away tears. The eldest daughter-in-law recognized Shuhui, but Shuhui didn't recognize her. Years had passed, and the eldest daughter-in-law now dressed like a completely different old woman. Shuhui didn't recognize her, and Cuizhi ignored her as well, her attention preoccupied with Shuhui. The eldest daughter-in-law didn't greet them and went upstairs to the banquet. When she came downstairs after the banquet, they were no longer there. Back home, the eldest daughter-in-law felt increasingly uneasy, so she went to Shijun's place that same day to investigate. She felt this matter was of great importance and couldn't be concealed simply because Cuizhi was her cousin. Therefore, she believed she was acting out of a sense of duty to uphold justice, not out of schadenfreude.
Upon seeing Shijun, she smiled and asked, "Where is Cuizhi?" Shijun smiled and replied, "She went out."
The eldest daughter-in-law laughed, "Why did I leave you home alone?" Shijun told her he wasn't feeling well, had diarrhea, so he hadn't gone out. They exchanged greetings and then talked about Xiaojian. Judging from her tone, Shijun seemed unaware of Xiaojian's dissolute behavior outside. He felt he should tell her, otherwise, he would also be in the wrong—how could he secretly lend money to Xiaojian, making it seem like he was encouraging him to squander it? But telling her this was difficult to phrase; if he said it wrongly, it would sound like he was demanding a debt from her.
Moreover, the eldest young mistress was always protective of her own, and Xiao Jian was always an outstanding young man in her eyes. If anyone wanted to say anything bad about him, she simply couldn't bring herself to say it. Seeing that Shi Jun hesitated several times and couldn't get to the bottom of things, the eldest young mistress became more and more convinced that he had some unspeakable pain. She was from Cui Zhi's family, and he must be going to list her faults in front of them. The eldest mistress said, "Is there something you want to say? Please tell me, it's alright." Shijun smiled and said, "No, it's nothing—" Before he could finish, the eldest mistress interrupted, "Is it because of Cuizhi? Cuizhi is really bad, she doesn't care about your feelings at all, eating out with a man, shedding tears—otherwise I wouldn't have said anything, Cuizhi's behavior was really inappropriate. It's fine if I see it, but what if others see it?" Shijun was momentarily confused, and after a while, he said, "You mean today? She went out with Shuhui today." The eldest mistress said calmly, "Yes, I know her. Didn't she often come to Nanjing and stay at our house? He doesn't recognize me." Shijun said, "Yes, he just arrived in Shanghai. We had planned to go out together, but I suddenly fell ill, so Cuizhi had to go with him." The eldest mistress said: Going out is fine, but shedding tears in front of others, what kind of act is that? You must have seen wrong, sister-in-law, nothing like that happened. Shuhui is my best friend. Although Cuizhi can be a bit stubborn at times,—such a thing won't happen!
He chuckled as he said this. The young mistress replied, "That's perfect! As long as you believe her!"
Seeing that she seemed quite indignant, Shijun, who had originally intended to tell her about Xiaojian's misbehavior outside, decided against it—she had just spoken ill of Cuizhi, and his subsequent criticism of Xiaojian would be seen as a form of retaliation, only fueling her anger. So he dropped the subject and tried to find other topics to chat with her about. However, the young mistress remained furious and left after only a short while. After she left, Shijun sighed, thinking that someone like her, who seemed to thrive on chaos, was psychologically unstable. She was a victim of the old social norms, a young widow, and quite pitiful indeed.
Da Bei and Er Bei came back from the movie and started clamoring for dinner. Shi Jun thought Cui Zhi and Shu Hui would be back soon, so he said they could eat together. They waited and waited, until the two children started complaining. Shi Jun told them to eat first, and he continued to wait, feeling that Shu Hui's visit was unfortunate; he had a social engagement yesterday and was sick today, so they hadn't had a chance to talk. He waited there, unaware that Shu Hui and Cui Zhi had already eaten dinner outside. Cui Zhi had insisted on dragging him along; she had a persistent, melancholic air about her that day, making Shu Hui very uneasy. So after dinner, he insisted on going home to check on things and didn't come back with her. He felt that he shouldn't stay at Shi Jun's place anymore, and that they shouldn't be too close.
That evening, Cuizhi returned home alone. Shijun asked, "Where's Shuhui?" Cuizhi replied, "He went home. He said he had made arrangements with his grandmother." Shijun was very disappointed. Cuizhi heard that he had been waiting for them and hadn't eaten dinner yet. He hadn't eaten much all day, and now that he was better, he felt very hungry. Cuizhi felt very sorry for him and quickly told the servants to serve him dinner. After he had eaten, she advised him, "You should go lie down." Shijun said, "I'm better now. I can go out as usual tomorrow." Cuizhi said, "Then you should get up early tomorrow and get more rest." Shijun said, "I've slept all day. Lying down all the time is making me feel restless." But she still urged him to go upstairs and lie down. She made him a cup of tea and personally brought it upstairs. She was especially considerate, because he said he felt restless, so she brought him a book from the attic room to read.
She entered the room with a cup of tea and tossed the book onto his bed. A letter tucked inside fluttered to the floor. Shijun saw it immediately and quickly slipped on his slippers to pick it up, but Cuizhi turned and bent down to pick it up for him. She held it in her hand, glancing at it casually. Shijun said, "Give it to me—there's nothing to see." He reached out to snatch it. But Cuizhi wouldn't let go. She held the letter, her face gradually showing surprise. She laughed, "Oh! It's a love letter! What's this? Who wrote it to you?" Cuizhi read it aloud, word by word: "Shijun, it's night now, everyone in the house is asleep, it's very quiet, only the chirping of the crickets my brother and his family bought can be heard. The weather has gotten cold these past few days. You left in such a hurry this time, you probably didn't bring your winter clothes, right? I think you're always careless about these things, and you wouldn't even think to put on more clothes when it's cold." "I don't know why, but I think about these things all day long—" She chuckled as she read this. Then, in a high-pitched, dramatic voice, she continued, "It's so annoying—whatever I see, or whatever someone says, completely unrelated, my mind immediately races and I think of you." She then smiled at Shijun: "Oh my, I didn't know you had such a talent for captivating people!"
As she spoke, she continued reading: "Yesterday I went to Shuhui's house. I knew Shuhui wouldn't be home, but I wanted to see his parents because you've always lived with them, and I really hoped they would talk about you." She read this and said, "Oh," then turned to Shijun and said, "I know, it's your female colleague, the one who came to Nanjing wearing that tattered sheepskin coat." She then adopted a theatrical tone.
She recited in a sweet, coquettish voice, "Shijun! I want you to know that there is someone in this world who will always be waiting for you, no matter when or where you are. You know there will always be such a person. —Oh dear, is she still there waiting for you?"
Shijun couldn't hold back any longer. He reached out to snatch the letter from her, gruffly saying, "Give it to me!" She cried out, "Ouch!" and pulled her hand back, her face flushed with anger, saying, "Fine, take it! Who wants to read this mushy letter!"
As he spoke, he puffed out his chest and walked out.
Shijun grabbed the crumpled letter, crumpled it even tighter, and stuffed it into his pocket. He was still trembling with anger. He'd never lost his temper with Cuizhi in all these years of marriage; this was the first time. He'd almost hit her just now.
He dressed and came downstairs. Cuizhi was sitting on the sofa downstairs, weaving a leather bag with large white beads. When she saw him walking out, she said casually, "Oh, you're going out at this hour? Where are you going?" But Shijun walked out without saying a word.
Stepping out the door, the street in front was dark and gloomy. After crossing two roads, the streetlights and neon signs gradually came into focus. Shijun went into a pharmacy to make a phone call. He didn't know Manzhen's address, only a phone number. A man answered, and upon hearing that he was looking for Miss Gu, he said, "Wait a moment." He waited for a very long time. Shijun guessed that Manzhen must not have a phone at home and was using the neighbor's. The place was noisy, perhaps another shop. He also heard a child crying. He suddenly thought of his own two children, and the reckless determination he had just felt began to waver again. And… half a lifetime had already passed.
I could hear car horns on the other end of the phone, and two faint, distant "pop" sounds that sounded almost dreamlike.
He regretted making the call. He wanted to hang up, but suddenly a woman's voice came through the other end. She said, "Hey, they've gone to call them, wait a minute!" He tried to tell them not to—but it was too late. He quietly hung up. He could only let Manzhen make a wasted trip.
He came out of the pharmacy and walked down the street. Perhaps because he'd been lying in bed all day, he felt a little weak and tired after walking so much, but he didn't want to go home right away. He shouldn't have let Manzhen make that wasted trip; now he'd make it up to her.
Just now, when he came out, Li Ma, the old woman in the house, happened to be mixing dog food at the foot of the stairs. She saw him coming down wearing a hat, as if he was going out. She found it strange, since he had been sick all day and was only just feeling better. Why would he go out so late? Then she heard Cuizhi talking to him, but he ignored her, which was something that had never happened before. Li Ma had a feeling that it must be because of what the eldest young mistress had said earlier that day—Li Ma had heard everything. Although Li Ma was a bit old and frail, her eavesdropping skills were second to none. The eldest young mistress said that the young mistress was close to Mr. Xu. Although the young master didn't believe it and even defended the young mistress, perhaps he was just trying to save face. So, after the guests left and the young mistress returned, he would find another excuse to sulk with her. Such things did happen. Li Ma couldn't help but ask Cuizhi for her opinion. Cuizhi knew nothing except that the eldest young mistress had come earlier that day. Li Ma then told her the whole conversation between the eldest young mistress and Shijun.
When Shijun returned, Cuizhi was already in bed, sitting on the bed weaving a beaded handbag. Her expression was cold and wary. He really wanted to have an open and honest talk with her, to try and eliminate the barrier between them.
The book she had just tossed on the bed was still there. He picked it up casually, put it on the table, and said slowly, "Don't let your mind wander here."
There was no third party involved between us. And it all happened so many years ago.” Cuizhi immediately asked hostilely, “What did you say? What third party? What do you mean?” Shijun was silent for a moment before saying, “I meant that letter.” Cuizhi glanced at him and smiled, “Oh, that letter! I’d completely forgotten about it.”
Judging from her tone, she seemed to think he was incredibly boring, still treating a love letter from one or two decades ago as something extraordinary, constantly bringing it up. Seeing her expression, Shijun didn't want to continue the conversation and simply said, "That's great then."