He took a shower and then sat on the balcony. A few stars shone faintly in the dark sky. As the night deepened, the voices in the alley next door gradually quieted down, but then he heard someone yawn loudly, a yawn that was drawn out very long. It was someone who was extremely sleepy while enjoying the cool air, but still reluctant to go to sleep.
In the alley, a group of people were softly singing a song. Four or five people were singing together, men and women. They were probably practicing there, preparing to sing it when they went on a trip.
Because it was late at night and they didn't want to wake others, they sang in hushed tones. They kept getting a line wrong, so they sang it over and over again, sometimes twenty times. Shijun listened, his teeth itching with frustration. They started singing again from the beginning, and when they got to that line, they still thought it was wrong, so they sang it over and over again, seemingly tireless and oblivious to boredom. Shijun suddenly felt deeply moved, a pang of sadness, and a profound sense of shame. At that moment, he made a resolution to intensify his studies and, no matter what, to thoroughly understand the concept. The union in their bank wasn't very proactive, and there were no training classes, so he had to rely on his own reading. He had read quite a few books recently. However, he always felt that if he couldn't bridge the gap between theory and practice, everything would be in vain. But in his current family circumstances, it seemed impossible to make any improvements. According to Cuizhi, they had already exhausted all avenues of frugality; she always compared everything to Pingni and Yuan's family. He was gradually realizing that a gradual approach wouldn't be enough to change their lifestyle. ...Unless he simply leaves home and goes to work in another city, to toughen himself up first. -- It would be better for him to be separated from Cuizhi for a while.
Ever since that night he made that decision, he became even more eager to find work. One day, he suddenly saw an advertisement in the newspaper that the government was recruiting various talents to serve in Northeast China. He felt this was a very good opportunity, so why not give it a try? If he didn't pass, he wouldn't dwell on it; if he did pass, he would tell Cuizhi. Of course, she wouldn't want to go to such a far place. He could find a way to raise some money for her and their two children as a settling-in allowance. The amount wouldn't be too large, and it would be impossible for Cuizhi to maintain their current standard of living, but there was nothing he could do about it. Anyway, he wasn't neglecting their lives, so he had a clear conscience.
He had many things on his mind and wanted to discuss them with Shu Hui. Since that day, Shu Hui hadn't come to visit for quite some time. Shi Jun assumed he was enjoying family time at home and didn't bother him. Every week or two, he would call him and invite him to dinner. That afternoon, however, Shi Jun thought that inviting Shu Hui over in front of Cui Zhi would be inconvenient. He decided it would be better to go to Shu Hui's place earlier, either to invite him out or to talk to him longer at his home before returning together. With this in mind, Shi Jun left without telling Cui Zhi where he was going.
He arrived at Shuhui's place and went up to the third floor, but it was completely silent, as if no one was home. Shijun was a regular there. He looked into the doorway and saw Mrs. Xu half-asleep on the bed, fanning herself with a palm leaf fan, half-rubbing it against her body and half-spreading it on the mat. The fan scraped against the rough straw mat, making a hissing sound. Shijun took a step back and knocked on the door. Mrs. Xu asked, "Who is it?" and sat up. Shi Jun walked in with a smile and said, "Auntie, you woke me up." Mrs. Xu smiled and said, "I was already awake. I can only sleep for a short while during my nap; sleeping too long gives me a headache." Shi Jun smiled and asked, "Is Shu Hui home?" Mrs. Xu said, "Shu Hui went out." Shi Jun sat down and smiled and asked, "Auntie, do you know if he came to our house?" Mrs. Xu said, "He didn't say anything." Shi Jun said, "I invited him to our place for dinner. I came here for no other reason than to see him early. Would you like to come over for a casual meal with us, Auntie?" Mrs. Xu smiled and said, "I'm not going today. To be honest, it's hot, and I'm really afraid to go out." Shi Jun then asked, "Did Uncle go out too?" "My son is busy writing slogans." Shi Jun smiled and asked, "Is Uncle going to the parade tomorrow?" Mrs. Xu smiled and said, "Yes, he's so old. If he went to mingle with all those young people, I would ask him if he could even walk. He said he had to carry a big flag!" "As Shijun listened, he remembered what Shuhui had said last time, that he found his father to be very positive now that he had come back. He used to be a famous scholar and an optimist, which was originally driven by passion, because there were many things in society that he could not stand. Now that the country has been liberated, everything is different, so his attitude towards life is different from before."
Mrs. Xu went to pour tea for Shijun, chatting with him as she did so, asking how old his two children were and whether they were in school. She poured a cup of tea and placed it on the table. Under the glass on the table was a photograph. Mrs. Xu smiled at Shijun and said, "Have you seen this before? This is Shuhui's wife." Shijun turned to look at the photograph, and Mrs. Xu happily leaned over the table to look at it as well. Suddenly, they heard someone call out, "Auntie!" Mrs. Xu and Shijun turned around at the same time and saw Manzhen. Manzhen stood in the doorway, stunned. She probably hadn't expected to run into Shijun here either. The setting sun cast long shadows, filtering through the bamboo blinds. The wind blew the blinds, and golden tiger-stripe shadows swayed and danced on the floor, dazzling the eyes.
Shijun mechanically stood up, nodded, and smiled at her. She smiled and nodded back. He heard Mrs. Xu's voice talking, a buzzing sound that rose and fell, making it impossible to understand what she was saying. But later, relying on auditory memory and a guess, he figured she was probably telling Manzhen that Shuhui had waited a long time and, thinking she wasn't coming, had gone out. She must have made an appointment with Shuhui. Manzhen smiled and said, "I'm late. Our company was busy preparing for tomorrow's parade; I didn't expect it to get this late." Mrs. Xu smiled and said, "You must be tired. Please sit down for a while."
Manzhen sat down, and Mrs. Xu sat down next to Shijun. Mrs. Xu was still a little embarrassed, because she imagined how awkward it would be for them to meet. There was a very quiet moment in the room. Mrs. Xu picked up a banana leaf fan and started to fan herself, but the fan was a bit faulty; the handle was almost broken, and it made a "squeak" sound with every wave of her hand. Even the slightest sound could be heard very clearly.
Mrs. Xu seemed unable to think of anything to say for a moment, but Shih-Chun and Man-Zhen tried their best to find something to say to her, hoping to reassure her. Man-Zhen first greeted Yu-Fang, and Shih-Chun then brought up Yu-Fang's participation in the parade the next day. After chatting for a while, Mrs. Xu got up to pour tea for Man-Zhen, but Man-Zhen stood up and said with a smile, "Auntie, please don't pour tea. I'm going back now. Let's make an appointment with Uncle Hui again in a day." Shih-Chun said, "I'm leaving too."
The two walked out together. Once outside, they immediately fell silent. They walked side by side in silence for a while, and finally Shijun smiled and said, "What do you need Shuhui for?" Manzhen said, "I saw in the newspaper that there are various job openings for people to work in the Northeast. I want to take the accounting exam, but I don't know if it's possible. I wanted to ask Shuhui if he knows anything about the situation there."
Shi Jun paused for a moment, then smiled and said, "Are you planning to go to the Northeast?" Man Zhen smiled and replied, "I don't know if I'll be able to go!" Because she needed to take the tram, she walked towards the street, which became increasingly crowded. The sidewalks were bustling with people, sweating profusely, some even sucking on popsicles as they walked, the sap splashing onto others' arms, feeling cool like a few drops of cold rain. In such a crowded environment, conversation was impossible. Suddenly, Shi Jun said, "Do you have something to do? How about we go eat together? Let's just find a place to sit here and talk." Man Zhen hesitated slightly before saying "Okay," her voice very soft.
There happened to be a Cantonese snack shop right in front of them, and Shijun went in without much thought. It was already dark, but still early for dinner, and the place was practically empty. They sat down at a table towards the back and ordered two bottles of soda. The furnishings were simple; they sat in wicker chairs, but the place was cool. Their table was near the back window, which led to a small, dark courtyard. A strong draft blew through, making the pale green curtains flutter. Shijun sat under the dim light, looking at Manzhen, but he never really looked at her properly. She was wearing a blue and white checkered dress, her hair neatly combed but still a little frizzy; because of the heat, it was loosely tied back with a ribbon. Shijun smiled and said, "You're still the same, haven't changed at all." Manzhen smiled and said, "I don't think so."
Perhaps she looked much more haggard, but to him, she only appeared a little tired. Shijun was quite pleased, for she was still exactly the same as before, because if her clothes and appearance were exactly the same as he remembered, it must be a dream, not reality.
Manzhen picked up a menu and used it as a fan. Shijun suddenly noticed a deep scar on her hand, which she hadn't had before. He asked with a smile, "Hey, what happened to you?" He didn't understand why a shadow had suddenly fallen over her face.
She looked down at her hand. It was cut by glass. That night, at the Zhu family's house, she shouted loudly but no one answered. In her desperation, she smashed the window and cut her hand.
Back then, she always thought that one day she would meet Shijun and tell him all these things. She had even told him in her dreams many times, and every time she had such dreams, she would wake up crying, still sobbing. Now she was actually telling him here, but in the most calm tone, because it had happened so many years ago. As she recounted it to him, she also wondered if his life had always been very peaceful. Could he sense the reality of such grim and bizarre events?
Shijun initially seemed surprised, but later his face remained expressionless, only pale. He listened silently, then suddenly reached out and tightly grasped her scarred hand. Manzhen kept her face slightly turned away, avoiding his gaze, as if looking at him would rob her of the courage to continue. She spoke of escaping from the Zhu family, but ultimately marrying Hongcai. She spoke faster and faster, unwilling to linger on these matters. Then she recounted her divorce, how after countless difficulties she finally gained custody of the child. She had borrowed heavily to fight the lawsuit, leaving her in dire straits for years.
Shi Jun then asked, "How are you now? Do you have enough money?" Manzhen replied, "I'm fine now, and I've paid off all my debts." Shi Jun asked, "Where is your child studying now?" Manzhen replied, "He recently joined the performing arts troupe." Shi Jun smiled and said, "Oh? — He's really promising!" Manzhen also smiled and said, "I've been influenced by him. I think that in this day and age, we really need to pull ourselves together and be good people."
Shijun still couldn't get over Zhu Hongcai and wanted to ask her if she knew how he was doing now, whether he was still in Shanghai. But he thought she probably wouldn't want to talk about him again, so he didn't ask. She brought it up herself, saying, "I heard that Zhu Hongcai also died. When liberation was approaching, he followed those rich people and fled to Hong Kong. I guess there was no business to do there, so he came back to Shanghai. After liberation, those who speculated and hoarded things naturally couldn't make a living, so he thought of going to Taiwan. He took a sailboat, and I heard that there were dozens of people on board. The boat capsized and everyone drowned."
She paused, then continued, "Logically, I should feel relieved, but thinking about it later, I don't really hate him; I hate myself more. Because that's just the kind of person he is; thinking about it, I thought I was so clear-headed, how could I have been completely ruled by my emotions at that time? Like how I sacrificed myself for the child, but that kind of sacrifice didn't benefit anyone. — Just thinking about those times makes me hate myself! I really regret it!" It seemed that what she regretted most was that she had willingly married Hongcai. Shijun then said: I understand you quite well. It was because she heard that he had married someone else that she had developed feelings of self-abandonment.
He was silent for a moment, then continued, "At the same time, I think you were also—also because I made you very discouraged." Manzhen suddenly turned her head away. She must have shed tears. Shijun looked at her, speechless for a moment.
He stroked the rattan chair. There was a fuzzy spot on the chair, so he casually tore off the rattan, strip by strip, and said in a low voice, "I went to see your sister back then. She returned your ring to me and told me that you married Mu Jin." Manzhen was surprised and said, "Oh, she said that?" Shijun then told her about his situation from the beginning. At first, her mother said that she was recuperating at the Zhu family's house. When he went to see her, they said that she was not there. He thought that she was deliberately avoiding him.
After returning to Nanjing, he wrote to her but received no reply. Later, he went to find her, only to discover that her entire family had left Shanghai. He then went to her sister's place and learned of her marriage. He shouldn't have believed it, but at the time, he truly couldn't believe that her own sister would resort to such a vicious scheme to harm her. Manzhen cried, "Now, because so much time has passed, my view of my sister is more objective. Fortunately—the society that created her has collapsed, so let's—forget about her."
They remained silent for a long, long time. The things that had perplexed and tormented them for so many years were now finally revealed to them in truth, but at this point, knowing or not knowing made little difference. —However—for them, there was still a significant difference; at least she now knew that he had loved her wholeheartedly back then, and he knew that she had loved him wholeheartedly, and she felt a poignant satisfaction.
The shop gradually became lively, with two or three groups of people coming in to eat.
Shijun glanced at the wall clock. He still hadn't told Manzhen about his dinner invitation to Shuhui. He stood up and said with a smile, "Sit down for a bit, I'll make a call and be right there."
He went upstairs to make a phone call, calling his own home. It was Cuizhi who answered. Hearing Cuizhi's voice, he felt a strange unease; she seemed so distant, almost a complete stranger. He asked, "Is Shuhui here?" Cuizhi replied, "Yes, he's here." He had never done anything so absurd before—inviting someone over for dinner and then not coming back at the last minute. He could explain to Shuhui later, but he anticipated Cuizhi would be furious. She didn't say anything, nor did she ask where he was or what he was doing.
Cuizhi hung up the phone and said to the maid, "No need to wait, dinner will be served soon." Shuhui heard this in the living room and came in. He laughed and said, "Shijun isn't coming back for dinner? Where did he go?" She said, "Who knows him! It's outrageous! You rarely come here!" Shuhui laughed and said, "It's alright, I'm not an outsider." Cuizhi didn't speak, but just kept her head down and continued knitting. After a long pause, she suddenly raised her head, smiled faintly at him, and said, "You haven't come these past few days, probably because you're afraid to come, afraid I'll say those things to you again." Shu Hui smiled and said, "Where?" Cui Zhi said, "I've been holding this in for so many years, and today I must make it clear to you—" Before she could finish, Shu Hui said earnestly, "Cui Zhi, I know you've always been very good to me, but I'm really not worthy of your affection. Actually, this is just a fantasy from your teenage years that you couldn't realize, so you've always kept it in your heart." Cui Zhi thought, "Doesn't he mean that I've always been a rich young lady who can have whatever I want, and that I'm only so hung up on him because I couldn't have him?"
Tears of anger welled up in her eyes. She choked out, "You're saying this because you don't understand me. I've always loved you, and I've never loved anyone else but you." Shu Hui said, "Cuizhi!—We're both this age now, we should be more rational." But she thought to herself, she had been rational enough. She had always been very practical, following the arrangements of society. Perhaps that was why she always regretted her fragile, prematurely ended love, never able to let go of it, and the older she got, the more stubbornly she refused to let go.
She cried. Shu Hui was also deeply saddened, but he felt that simply comforting her at this moment would only harm her. He said with difficulty, "I think the reason you can't forget those youthful dreams is because your life has been too empty. You really should live a more fulfilling life." Cui Zhi remained silent. Shu Hui continued, "Shi Jun's thinking has changed a bit now. If you encourage him a little more, I believe your future will be bright." Cui Zhi said resentfully, "You never think about me, you only think about Shi Jun." Shu Hui smiled slightly, "I'm doing this entirely for your sake. Really, for your own happiness, you should be more understanding of him. You'll understand if you think about it carefully."
Cuizhi acted as if she hadn't heard. Just then, Li Ma called down the stairs from outside, "Where's the young master? Come take a bath! Every time we have to beg him three or four times." She muttered, "He's always so unclean!" Cuizhi, probably afraid someone would come in, wiped away her tears and quickly stood up, going to the balcony. Shu Hui followed her out, and seeing her leaning against the railing facing outwards, he leaned against the railing as well, silently keeping her company on the dark balcony.
After a while, Erbei suddenly came running in, shouting, "Mom, dinner's ready!" She ran to the balcony, and Cuizhi stroked her neck, asking, "Have you taken a bath?" Erbei replied, "Yes." Cuizhi said, "Why are you still so sticky after taking a bath?" As they talked, the three of them went inside to eat together.
According to superstition, Cuizhi's ears should be burning at this moment, because someone was talking about her. At first, Shijun didn't mention his family, but then Manzhen said, "Really, after talking for so long, you haven't said a word about yourself." Shijun laughed, "Me? There's practically nothing to say—a complete failure. So when Shuhui came this time, I was a little afraid to see him. It's been so many years, and I feel that meeting an old friend is a test for me." He sighed deeply as he spoke. Manzhen said, "Why are you so pessimistic?" "I feel things are different now than before; it's a good opportunity to work hard." He smiled slightly shyly, "Actually, I've been thinking about going to the Northeast these past few days." "That's great!" Thinking that Cuizhi would go with him, it was very likely that they would all work together and see each other all day long. She might have thought of this, but she didn't seem to mind.
He was silent for a moment, then smiled and said, "But I really regret it. I didn't finish my internship before; there must be a lot of applicants this time, I'm afraid I have little hope." Manzhen laughed and said, "Here you go again! You will definitely pass the exam. Besides, even if you don't pass, in the new society, is someone like you afraid of not having a way out?" Shijun smiled and said, "You always encourage me. —To be honest, I have absolute confidence in the future of the new China, but I really lack confidence in myself."
He then began to talk about his family situation and Cuizhi. He felt he shouldn't speak ill of Cuizhi to Manzhen, but his tone betrayed his pain at the difficulty of changing his lifestyle. He said Cuizhi, due to her background, had been spoiled since childhood and had lived in a small circle of people, mostly boring grandmothers and older women. Of course, he himself wasn't good either; he never interfered with her, always polite but indifferent. He blamed himself, but it was clear their relationship wasn't good, and he was very gloomy. Manzhen listened silently. Finally, she said, "Hearing you say that, I think it would be better for you two to change your environment. For example, go to the Northeast. You can do your job, and Cuizhi can take on another kind of work. Everyone can serve the people. I believe that if a person improves their social relationships, their personal relationships will naturally improve as well."
Shi Jun remained silent. He also believed that it might be beneficial for Cui Zhi to go to the Northeast, but she would never go. Not wanting to continue, he changed the subject, saying, "Hey, I recently heard some news about Mu Jin. It's said that he was in Lu'an during the War of Resistance against Japan and was captured by the Kuomintang. His wife suffered terribly; they tortured her to extort money, and she eventually died." Man Zhen replied, "Yes, I heard that too."
She was silent for a moment, then said sadly, "He must have suffered a great shock." Shijun asked, "Where is he now?" Manzhen replied, "I heard from a fellow villager that Mu Jin took his daughter to Sichuan. The girl was still young then, and he sent her to his in-laws to raise. That was several years ago. We haven't heard from him since." After a while, she sighed again, "He just wanted to be a simple village doctor, but it seems even that can't be fulfilled."
They had already eaten and were waiting for the tram on the platform. Shijun said, "I'll take you home." Manzhen replied, "No need, come back another day. We'll see each other again sometime." A tram came by, and Manzhen smiled, "Well then, goodbye. —As long as we're on the same path, we'll always be together." Hearing this, Shijun felt a surge of warmth in his heart, and his eyes welled up with tears. He didn't know who reached out first, but he tightly grasped both her hands. Time seemed to stand still. The tram drove by in the distance, then stopped right in front of him, brightly lit, and then drove away. She left too, leaving him alone on the platform.
He returned home to find Shuhui still there, chatting animatedly with Dabei. Erbei was looking at comic books under the lamp. Cuizhi sat alone in a dimly lit corner, knitting her beaded handbag. Shijun sat down to talk to Shuhui, and Cuizhi sensed that he seemed preoccupied. Normally, she never paid attention to such things, but today, having been somewhat persuaded by Shuhui, she suddenly became concerned about Shijun. She noticed he didn't say much, yet seemed quite excited. She wondered if he had intentionally avoided them today, deliberately testing them and giving them a chance to talk alone.
After the two children went upstairs and the room quieted down, Shijun started talking to Shuhui about the recruitment of various talents to go to the Northeast. He said simply, "I've decided to apply." His unexpected announcement made Shuhui laugh and say, "What's going on today? Everyone wants to go to the Northeast! Manzhen called me this morning and said she wants to go too." Cuizhi suddenly asked, "Who? Is it your female colleague?" Shuhui said, "Yes, it's Miss Gu." Cuizhi fell silent.
When Shijun heard her ask that question, he guessed that she must have remembered that letter.
This, coupled with their simultaneous decision to go to the Northeast, naturally aroused suspicion. This matter was rather troublesome. He had originally planned to go to the Northeast, anticipating her opposition, but he was determined to persuade her no matter what. Now, that persuasion was likely even more difficult. He hadn't expected Shuhui to blurt out that Manzhen was also going. But he couldn't blame Shuhui; she was unaware of the recent entanglement they had over that letter. As for his encounter with Manzhen at Shuhui's house today, Shuhui had absolutely no idea; she had no idea he had been there.
Shu Hui was overjoyed because Shi Jun had finally made up his mind to move forward. He naturally encouraged him to go and urged Cui Zhi to go with him. Cui Zhi sat silently in a dimly lit corner, her expression somewhat inscrutable. Shu Hui knew that she wouldn't be able to accept this matter immediately, and he would have to sincerely persuade her again in a day. Because of their conversation earlier, he thought she might still be very sad, so he didn't stay long, and left after a short chat.
The guests had left, and the dog locked in the pavilion should have been released. But no one expected that it would be left there to whimper sadly.
Cuizhi remained seated, knitting a leather bag. Shijun leaned against the corner of the table, stubbing out a cigarette. It seemed an argument was inevitable. However, when she spoke, her tone was remarkably calm. She asked, "Why did you suddenly decide to go to the Northeast?" Shijun replied, "I saw the recruitment notice in the newspaper the other day, and I've been thinking about it ever since." Cuizhi said, "You must be going because Miss Gu is going. You saw her, didn't you? Just today, I passed by Shuhui's place, intending to urge him to come earlier, and she happened to be there too, so I invited her to dinner. But you must believe me, my decision to go to the Northeast has absolutely nothing to do with her."
Of course, she didn't believe it. She thought to herself, Shijun has always loved that woman; you could tell just by how angry he was over that letter. But because he's a dutiful husband, he hasn't done anything inappropriate. On one hand, he still has some affection for her, but ever since his sister-in-law spoke ill of her and Shuhui in front of him, he's treated her differently—yes, she didn't really notice it then, but now that she thinks about it, he's been very cold towards her since that day and has gone to see that Miss Gu. Thinking of this, Cuizhi felt as if her whole body had fallen into a vat of cold water.
It just so happens that today, after her thorough talk with Shu Hui, she was feeling the most desolate of all, and now even Shi Jun is leaving her. She had never truly gotten close to him before, and now she was going to lose him forever—she felt like someone who had a strong desire to return home, but suddenly realized she was homeless.
She said in a hoarse voice, "I know, you don't treat me like a human being anymore."
"You must have listened to your sister-in-law and become suspicious of me." Shijun paused for a moment, then smiled and said, "How could that be? This lunatic—wait, how did you know?"