After staring at her for a moment, Tang Yu turned her face away and said, "Okay, let's drink."
The red candles flickered in the bridal chamber, and the orange-yellow electric light cast an ambiguous glow over everything. Bai Yan, with her head covered by a red veil, sat quietly on the wedding bed, listening to the joyful laughter and lively singing and dancing downstairs.
The noise grew louder and louder until the night was deep. After everyone had eaten and drunk their fill, they gradually quieted down and then jokingly invited the groom into the bridal chamber.
Amidst the cacophony of sounds, the soft footsteps seemed insignificant, yet each one resonated deeply in my heart.
The footsteps grew closer, no longer light and strong as usual, but each step heavier and each sound deeper, as if reflecting the mood of the approaching person.
Finally, we reached the doorway.
After an unknown period of silence, so quiet that no one could hide their innermost thoughts, the door finally creaked open.
After the rustling sound of fabric, a figure stood in front of Bai Yan. With her head covered by a veil, Bai Yan could only see a pair of feet on the ground.
The leather shoes gleamed so brightly they could almost reflect a person's image, revealing their innermost thoughts.
Why hadn't she noticed before that her feet were suspiciously small compared to other men's?
As if he had been gathering his courage for a long time, Mu Xing finally lifted her veil.
Bai Yan tilted her head slightly and looked at the person in front of her.
Mu Xing stood before her, still with that pearly face and those narrow, knife-like eyes, but the sparkling light was gone.
A silent gaze met, a thousand words stuck in that moment.
Without a word, Bai Yan suddenly stood up and tore off the veil that was still half-covering her head. The force of her tear caused the pearls and jade on her head to fly everywhere, and the sound of the jade shattering was just like the joyous music outside.
"Yan'er." Mu Xing could only say this hastily, and all the rest of his words were blocked by her cold lips.
It was a trembling, flustered kiss.
It was as if it was confirming something, and denying something at the same time.
Bai Yan kissed the person in front of her fiercely and savagely, her hands around Mu Xing's neck seeming to strangle her. There was no technique, no beauty, only the undeniable aura of truth.
In the dimly lit room, only the sounds of lips entwining and two people intertwined remained.
"Whoosh—whoosh—"
Finally giving up their passionate kiss, Bai Yan buried her face in Mu Xing's arms and gasped for breath. Then, with a "bang," she shoved Mu Xing against the wall. Mu Xing let out a muffled groan, but still put his hands around her body, worried that her brute force would make him fall.
But the more silent and forbearing she became, the more desperate Bai Yan felt.
With trembling hands, she unbuttoned the first button on Mu Xing's clothes.
"Yan'er, Yan'er!" Mu Xing tried to grab her hand, but she forcefully broke free.
Then came the second, the third… She couldn’t wait to untie it carefully any longer, so she simply grabbed the collar and ripped it open with all her might. With a loud tearing sound, her fingernails and the buttons split open together, and the buttons clattered to the ground, rolling around their feet with a long, drawn-out sound, like the sound of tears falling.
"Yan'er..." Mu Xing called out to her, but didn't continue speaking. He just leaned weakly against the wall.
The split fingernail lightly traced the curves of Mu Xing's chest, leaving tiny bloodstains.
All the luck hidden in the unpredictable places shattered with a crash on those shallow but undeniable undulations.
"Miss Mu..." Bai Yan felt that she was clearly laughing, but she heard her own voice trembling with tears.
Chapter 51
Hearing Bai Yan's sobbing voice, Mu Xing felt a sharp pain in her heart. Forgetting all her hesitation, she hugged Bai Yan tightly and said, "Yan'er! I didn't mean to hide it from you, please believe me, please believe me..."
The red candles flickered, casting heavy, shimmering shadows that enveloped two anxious hearts, yearning to draw closer yet also retreating and fleeing.
The single phrase "Miss Mu" had exhausted all of Bai Yan's strength; she clung to Mu Xing like a piece of paper soaked in water.
Mu Xing held her close and whispered, "...I wonder if you remember, on a certain day in March, I met you once at the Hua Rong Foreign Firm."
"The first time I saw you in that stairwell, I finally understood how the word 'beauty' truly meant."
"You might not believe it, but one day, I was walking down the street and mistook a woman for you. By some strange twist of fate, I ended up in this Moon River and learned your name."
“‘Bright and pure, beautiful and radiant,’ I was initially attracted by your brilliance, but after spending these past few months together, I’ve long since realized you’re more than just ‘beautiful.’ I know how exquisite you are, and I understand the depth of your feelings for me; I dare not betray you. But do you know the state of my heart?”
Leaning against Mu Xing's chest, Bai Yan remained silent, only the slight trembling of her hands conveyed her emotions to Mu Xing.
“I am a woman, that’s a fact. I deceived you, that’s a fact. But my sincere heart, all my feelings for you, are also a fact. Even if you can’t believe me for a while, haven’t you ever felt all the feelings I had for you before?”
Using all his courage and suppressing all his heartache, Mu Xing said with difficulty, "Yan'er, no matter how much you resent or blame me, it's all my own fault, and I'm willing to bear it, as long as you're still willing to accept me. But I also know how extraordinary my feelings for you are as a woman. If you... if you ultimately cannot accept it, that's your freedom."
"If you reject me because of this, I will never bother you again from now on."
Each word felt like a dull knife slicing through her heart. After saying these words, Mu Xing finally collapsed from exhaustion. She closed her eyes, trembling, awaiting the verdict.
After a long while, she felt the person in her arms move slightly, and a hand gently brushed across her eyebrows and eyes.
“…I blamed and resented you, but it was never because of your gender.” Bai Yan said softly, “In the past few days, what I felt pained and resented was that I doubted that you treated me sincerely. But now, I have no more doubts.”
Mu Xing's chest jolted, and she quickly opened her eyes to look at Bai Yan. She was almost overjoyed and about to cry, but Bai Yan's next words shattered her into a living hell.
"But you and I can't go on like this."
"Why? Why?" Mu Xing's arms tightened around Bai Yan uncontrollably, almost embedding her into his very bones.
She said urgently, "I apologize, Yan'er. I'll make it up to you however you want, as long as you didn't reject me because of my gender... Is it... because of my engagement? Did you hear about my engagement? I'll break it off immediately. This engagement has long been dead in name only. As long as I break it off..."
Upon hearing the words "annulment of the engagement," Bai Yan was stunned for a moment, but she quickly regained her composure. After Mu Xing finished swearing to the heavens, she said, "Even if you can annul this engagement, you'll always find another one."
Mu Xing shook his head and said, "No, I'll explain it to my parents. They're very open-minded, I can give it a try..."
Bai Yan continued, "No, your clan, your parents, everything that has supported you to this day will not allow you to make such a choice. Don't you understand? You have your responsibilities. Perhaps you can shirk them, make a scene, or refuse. Within certain limits, you always have room to maneuver, but you cannot disobey..."
Mu Xing said anxiously, "But we haven't even tried! Can't we even have a chance to try? I'm willing to try and work hard..."
Bai Yan suddenly interrupted her: "But I don't want to!"
Meeting Mu Xing's astonished gaze, Bai Yan, her eyes red, said, word by word, "Mu Xing, I am not like you. I have no right to try with you!" Though trembling and choked with sobs, she remained resolute.
"You can try without any worries, without fearing that your seemingly impregnable life will collapse, but I'm different! All I have left is myself. I don't have the courage, let alone the capital, to gamble this future with you."
With a bitter smile, Bai Yan said softly, "If I choose you, how long can we be together? Three years, five years? What will we do when I'm old and gray, when you can no longer withstand the pressure?"
Her chest heaved violently. Mu Xing desperately wanted to refute, to deny. She wanted to say, "Believe me," she wanted to say, "I will definitely protect you," she wanted to say so much. But in the end, she knew she had nothing to say.
She knew how ridiculous these words were, and she also knew how normal and correct Bai Yan's concerns were.
She has no right to demand that Bai Yan take risks for a love that has no future.
If she hadn't met her, perhaps Bai Yan would have had a chance to meet a good man, be redeemed, and openly wear a wedding dress to get married and have children.
This is the most ordinary happiness that any woman can have, and it is also the "right path" that Bai Yan has been looking forward to for so many years.
While she was naively indulging in some deceitful and secretive little love affair, she completely forgot that what Bai Yan needed was never these embellishments.
The candle wax dripped low, submerging the flickering wick, and the bright red wedding chamber gradually dimmed. The oppressive red that blanketed the room pressed down, almost suffocating everyone.
The split fingers gently grazed Mu Xing's cheek, sweeping away a hot tear, but leaving a streak of blood, the color of fire, but without the life of fire.
Slowly closing her eyes, Bai Yan tiptoed and kissed Mu Xing's trembling lips.
"At least tonight, I am only your bride..."
…
As dawn broke, Mu Xing had already left Yu Hua Study.
After seeing the man off, the madam hurriedly returned to Bai Yan's room, grabbed the maid waiting outside the door, and asked with a frown, "What happened? Why did Young Master Mu leave so early? Did you not serve him well?"
The maid whispered, "No, Young Master Mu seems to be in a hurry. He just gave me and Xiao Juan two silver dollars, so he doesn't seem unhappy."
The madam, who had just received a reward, assumed Mu Xing had something urgent to attend to when she heard this. She instructed the maid to send a good portion of freshly made tea and snacks from the kitchen to Bai Yan, and then left happily.
While whispers were taking place outside the door, Bai Yan was sitting on the bed fully clothed, lost in thought.
Last night, until the very end, Mu Xing didn't touch her. They slept in each other's arms, fully clothed, all night long.
Just now, when Mu Xing was leaving, he said to her, "Please give me some time."
She didn't know what Mu Xing meant by this.
She dared not think about it, dared not know it.
When she spoke those words to Mu Xing last night, her heart wasn't actually beating very fast. She even thought she had frozen all her emotions, which was why she could state her thoughts so calmly and speak those words so coldly.
So that's not how it is.
That's not how it works.
All the frozen emotions melted little by little, not violently, not deeply, just like warm water flowing by, yet reaching everywhere and omnipresent.
She had barely left when she already began to miss him.
Slowly rising, Bai Yan took a hairpin and pricked her finger, watching the crimson blood slowly soak through the bridal veil, leaving behind a false symbol.
I should think more carefully. Bai Yan put her finger in her mouth and thought blankly.
For the rest of her life, she will have plenty of time to cherish those memories.
The morning mist had not yet dissipated, and scattered figures appeared in the mist before disappearing again.
Crossing the Yuejiang River, still immersed in dreams, she raised her hand and hailed a rickshaw.
The driver, still somewhat sleepy, asked indistinctly, "Sir, where to?"
"The British Concession, Mu Garden."
The problems with the pharmacy's accounting and management haven't been resolved yet; she needs to take real control of the business. There's also the prescription Zhang Derong mentioned, which she hasn't addressed. And the matter of annuling the engagement must also be put on the agenda…
The rickshaw swayed gently as Mu Xing wearily closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.
After dealing with these matters, even if she can't become independent immediately, at least she'll have some confidence and resources. This will allow her to stand before Bai Yan sooner and tell her, "I will protect you."
So please wait a moment, please wait a little longer. Don't give up so quickly, don't be so resolute. Just a nod from you and I'm willing to cross mountains and rivers, overcome all obstacles.
For you, for us.
…
Chapter 52