Lanpu

Kapitel 54

Since Yu Zheng and I went to Kaohsiung, I've suddenly had a change of heart. The reason I reacted so strongly to Tang Chen's touch and hugs—to the point of getting hives—is because I still harbored a slight, wicked thought of him as a boy.

In fact, he is Tang Chen, the man I've risked my life for. Gender doesn't matter. Although being born of the same sex might be happier... like Yu Zheng and me, even if we each marry, nothing will happen. Her husband can't suspect anything about us. Separation can be delayed for a very, very long time.

Tang Chen and I were just unfortunate enough to be born opposite sexes, so we would be forced to separate in the future. But for now, we are still together. Once this knot in my heart was untied, I understood why Tang Chen loved hugs and intimacy so much.

It felt absolutely amazing!

He would ruffle my hair, and I would hug his arm. Taking a nap on the grass felt natural, safe, and comfortable.

But when we entered the room, Shuo was laughing heartily at her desk. "...Yeah, at least it's more positive..." She burst into laughter again.

…Do truly wise people always speak in riddles? Can't someone be considered wise if they speak clearly and directly? I wondered.

We didn't see each other again until summer vacation. Tang Chen and I talked all day and still hadn't finished. But it was late at night, and I was really sleepy, but I didn't want to leave. I rested my head on Tang Chen's shoulder, and he put his arm around me. "I really should let you go to sleep."

I leaned against him, keeping my eyes open, and said, "It's okay..."

With a loud bang, before I could even figure out what was happening, a fireball fell from the sky, knocking Tang Chen over. I fell down afterward and woke up in fright.

"Tang Chen, Tang Chen, I miss you so much!" The beautiful girl with fluttering fire feathers rolled around on Tang Chen. "Do you miss me? Do you miss me? Am I pretty now?"

After a few seconds of stunned silence, I realized that the fire-feathered girl was Huang E.

I miss you so much I almost want to kill you, but I don't dare call you for fear of interfering with your cultivation...

The first thing you did when you got back wasn't to come and report to me, but to cling to Tang Chen?!

"You bastard, Huang'e!" I pounced on her and we started wrestling. Tang Chen tried to separate us, but ended up taking a lot of punches and kicks.

I had imagined the scene of my reunion with Huang'e a thousand times, but I never expected it would start with raising my fist.

Finally, Shuo separated us, and Huang E and I angrily turned our heads away.

Shuo Zhen was very composed. She smiled faintly and said, "Your Majesty, it's been a long time."

"How long?" she asked, puzzled. "I was only gone a few days ago." She then noticed we were all wearing short-sleeved summer clothes. "Huh? Is the Spring Festival early this year? Why are you all wearing short sleeves?"

"...I'm going to be in fourth grade." I said sullenly.

She was shocked (Fire Feather's expression darkened as a result), "How could this be? I've only been gone for a week!"

When she finally realized that a whole semester and summer vacation had vanished without a trace, she clutched her head, crying out, "Ahhh~ My beautiful, fleeting years..."

…You old monster, what beautiful women and fleeting years do you still have?

But she quickly rallied, "Losing a few years is nothing... I've made great progress." She said with great pride, her nose in the air.

"Oh, you've become an immortal?" I was still a little annoyed.

She glared at me, deciding not to argue. She arrogantly jumped onto the table, declaring, "I'm not the same as before."

I looked at her suspiciously. Of course, her appearance was completely different. She had grown much larger, reaching up to my ear when standing upright. She even had full, round thighs, though below the knees were still bird claws. She was more human-like than before, and the black mist had dissipated considerably, replaced by patches of fiery feathers, like a can-can dancer in a fiery red costume.

She snorted through her nostrils and hugged herself with her large wings.

Fire feathers swirled, creating a hazy mist. In a short while, a fair-skinned, beautiful young woman stood naked on the table, looking at us. One hand covered her chest, the other... well, in short, she tried not to go too far as to be offensive. She gazed at us with a seductive expression.

But her allure lasted only until she took a step. The moment she did, she fell off the table, unable to get up, and cursed, "What kind of weird feet do humans have? They don't even have claws! How are they supposed to walk?!"

…Our lady has finally learned to transform into human form.

To be honest, I'm very happy that Huang'e is back.

But she insisted on getting used to "human form," which made me very unhappy.

It's rare for a flying monster to walk on bird claws, let alone human feet. That night, she must have fallen hundreds of times before Tang Chen, unable to bear seeing her fall, carried her upstairs.

(I made her wear a tablecloth before = = What are you guys thinking...)

That wasn't the worst part. When she woke up in the morning, she forgot she was still in human form and tried to fly away, but she ended up falling on top of me and almost punctured my stomach.

"...You should just stay a ravenous bird!" I curled up, clutching my stomach. "Why bother with human form...?"

Not only was she bad at walking, but she also had trouble using her hands; she rolled around on the bed and couldn't get up. But she remained stubborn, "No way! I'm just not used to it! I'm still waiting to go find Yuntao to learn about bedroom arts..."

Are you serious?!

When she finally slid down to the floor, she gritted her teeth, stood up shakily with her toes pointing inward, her knees trembling, and fell flat on her face with the first step.

I buried my face in my palms.

After searching for a while, I tried to find clothes she could wear. But she complained that the tightness in her chest made it hard to breathe, and her skirt was stuck on her hips and she couldn't pull it up. In the end, I found a large, long T-shirt that I used as pajamas.

But when she wore that worn-out long T-shirt, it immediately accentuated her curves, making her incredibly sexy.

"My chest still feels a little tight," she muttered.

"Shut up!" I yelled at her impatiently.

I wanted to help her sit down, but her two legs were so weak... In the end, I simply picked her up, and surprisingly, she was very light.

Of course, she's a monster.

She couldn't sit still in the chair and kept slipping off. I found a belt and tied her to the chair by the waist so she could sit still.

"So being human is really not easy," she said wearily.

I didn't know what to say to her.

"Hey, hey," she cheered up quickly, "I won't get hives anymore~☆" She winked at me frantically, "How's it going? How's it progressing?"

Scratching my cheek, I lowered the high wall and "reported" to her all the changes that had occurred since we parted.

But her face grew increasingly ashen, until finally she erupted in fury. "Hengzhi, are you an idiot? It seems I can't leave your side for even a moment... Why are you getting worse and worse? Now you're at the point of being like a child riding a bamboo horse around a well! What kind of marriage do you even want? Why don't you go burn joss paper and kowtow to each other as sworn brothers?!"

Hmm? That sounds like a pretty good idea...

But Huang E, who insisted on not reverting to her original form, suddenly transformed back into her true form as a ferocious bird, pounced on me, and we fought fiercely, her emotions running high and angry, so chaotic that it was impossible to understand what she was angry about.

"Hengzhi, you idiot!" she angrily slapped at him repeatedly. "Calling you an idiot is an insult to idiots!"

We only stopped fighting temporarily when Tang Chen came knocking on the door. She turned back into human form, awkwardly wearing a long T-shirt, still cursing under her breath.

I know she tried very hard... but she got downstairs faster than all of us.

She jumped directly off the front balcony, making a very loud noise.

…Will she really survive long enough to seek out her master's teachings on bedroom arts? I never imagined that transforming into a human would be so difficult for a demon.

Is the disaster over? You're oversimplifying the situation. This earnest demon, when she didn't want to fulfill her vow, tried every possible way to find loopholes. But when her conscience kicked in and she wanted to fulfill her vow, she did it flawlessly.

Since she's going to transform into a human, she'll naturally transform into the most stunningly beautiful girl, captivating all beings. How could she be mediocre or just passable?

So when she finally managed to walk a little more steadily (but still often fell down), regardless of the many things Tang Chen and I had to do, she kept nagging and insisting on buying new clothes and new shoes.

"...Why don't you just change it yourself?" I was really angry.

“No,” she said decisively. “It’s not aesthetically pleasing to have a handful of feathers fall out when you take off your clothes.”

...Aren't you thinking too far ahead?!

"I don't have time!" I yelled at her. School is about to start, and Tang Chen and I are still buying miscellaneous items and books according to a list that's harder to understand than a book written in heaven. How could we possibly care about her indecent clothes?

"You have time to argue with me, but no time to buy clothes?" She lay on the ground, waving her limbs like a child throwing a tantrum, "I want to buy, I want to buy, I just want to buy!"

"Alright, let's take her shopping." Tang Chen pleaded for her; this guy's heart was softer than tofu.

“But…” I pointed to the form.

“But…” he pointed to the desolate mess on the ground.

"Stop spoiling this old monster!" I snapped.

"Who's the old monster? How rude!" Huang'e accused me. "I am the Golden-Winged Roc King, the Heavenly Queen!"

Amidst the commotion, Shuo, resting his chin on his hand, pleaded, "Please, get out of here! Am I even going to be able to do business?"

Going out is a big problem. Since Tang Chen's Harley doesn't have a passenger seat, he'll get pulled over by the police if he rides it three times. I want to ride my own motorcycle, but Huang E, with his slightly ruddy eyes, looks at me and says, "No need."

She cheated a little, levitating and very naturally sitting on my left shoulder. "Tang Chen's car is less likely to cause an accident."

I'm glad I haven't left the courtyard yet. After the Desolate Ones transformed into humans, naturally even mortals could see them. You think... a beautiful young girl sitting on my shoulders, and even having Tang Chen carry her...?

It turned into a circus on the spot.

“…You should turn back into the Fiend Bird,” I said.

"No." She turned her face away decisively.

"...Are you going to buy clothes or not?!" I was so angry.

"Yes, but I don't want to turn back into the ferocious bird."

After arguing for a while, I gave up and called a taxi. She insisted on sitting in the front seat, probably because she'd never done it before and found it novel. She had an innocent charm that captivated the driver during the short ride; he even asked for her phone number.

I pulled her out of the car, "...Stop it!"

"Control what?" she asked, utterly bewildered. "I didn't intend to eat him. He's been indulging in too much drinking and womanizing; he's no longer palatable."

That's not what I meant.

This shopping trip was a real ordeal for me; Tang Chen's patience is truly extraordinary. I don't understand how she could spend half an hour looking at such a tiny shop, which is clearly less than three square meters in size.

When we arrived at the department store, it was a disaster within a disaster. We were moving at a snail's pace... and we were old, dying tortoises.

She tried on hundreds of pairs of shoes and clothes, making me argue with her while holding my purse strings. Although I've saved a little from my part-time job, the depletion of moonstone has always been a sore point for me. I even buy expired clothes from Giordano when I buy my own clothes; how could I afford to let her bleed my wallet like this?

"I'll pay." Tang Chen took out his credit card. "As long as Huang E likes it, that's fine. Xiao Zhi, you should pick out a few too... It's not good for girls to dress too plainly."

"I don't have the money to pay you back!" I clutched my head. I only took that unlucky job to pay back his travel expenses.

"Is this a gift?" He touched his nose. "Uh... a back-to-school gift."

I insisted on not accepting, but I was powerless to stop the desolate cheers. In the end, she carried large and small bags, wearing a short top that couldn't cover her navel, and jeans that were so tight that her buttocks would be visible when she squatted down, making me wonder if she could even take a step.

This monster, who can't even walk steadily barefoot, bought a pair of Roman high heels that are three and a half inches high.

I admit they looked great on her feet, but seeing such a gorgeous hot girl bouncing from east to west and back again, trying to maintain her balance...

"...Why did you choose a pair of shoes that are even harder to walk in?! I bet you'd fall to your death even in flip-flops. Do you want me to lend you a dictionary? You can take a good look at what 'overestimating yourself' really means!" I punched her.

She grabbed Tang Chen, struggling to stay upright. "You don't understand. A scholar can be killed but not humiliated," she said, her face resolute and angry. "I refuse to lose to that rotten snail!"

Huh? Where did another rotten snail come from?

It turned out that when Huang'e left me to cultivate, she went to seek guidance from a supposedly highly respected old immortal ape. The immortal ape treated her very well and respected her greatly, carefully instructing her on many rules of seclusion. He even generously gave her the back mountain for seclusion and even guarded the gate for her.

But the old immortal ape's disciple was a snail fairy who had once been in a relationship with her master. Although she had devoted herself to cultivation, women... well, you know. In just a few words, Huang E and the snail fairy started arguing.