Lanpu

Kapitel 55

The snail maiden named Qingdian mocked Huang'e as a country bumpkin who even dared to dream of marrying her master.

"Yun Lang was just being polite, but you little vixen took it seriously?" Qing Tian sneered. "Look at you, you can't even transform into a human, let alone dress up. Yun Lang's vision is at the forefront of the times!"

The two almost came to blows, but the old immortal ape scolded Qingdian and tried his best to comfort Huang'e before she angrily went into seclusion.

Originally, the old immortal ape was afraid that if she got angry, she would suffer a qi deviation. But our queen, when she cried, the mountains collapsed and the earth trembled; when she was angry, she was furious. But when it came to cultivation, even I don't remember, so how could I remember anything else? This straightforward and silly bird actually succeeded in her cultivation early on, and the old immortal ape praised her as a genius that is rare to see in millions of years.

She thought she had only been locked up for a few days, little did she know that more than half a year had passed.

She had mastered the art of transformation, but in order to prove herself, she was determined to stand at the forefront of the times.

But what exactly is at the top of this era?

Women are such a hassle, regardless of race.

"Aren't you a woman?" Huang E glared at me, clinging tightly to Tang Chen's arm as he walked shakily.

“…physiologically, probably,” I admitted, “but I didn’t want to bind my feet.”

"Foot binding?" She was puzzled, and her silly tilted head was, frankly, incredibly cute. "No one has bound feet for over a hundred years."

I've noticed that after she transforms into a human, the connection between our hearts isn't as strong. That's fine, though; I won't get caught when I tease her.

Tang Chen laughed heartily beside me. He held me with one arm and the stumbling Huang E with the other, his face full of satisfaction. "How can we do without some jewelry? Let's go pick some out."

“You’ve spent too much money!” I protested.

"How could that be? I rarely spend money; my mom has even threatened to cut my credit card." He laughed heartily. "Let's go."

Huang E picked out a wolf fang necklace and a matching silver chain. Strangely enough, she didn't like jewelry or diamonds, but rather preferred things that exuded a wildness.

Tang Chen hesitated for a moment, "...The wedding rings seem a bit strange."

Who does he want to wear matching rings with? I looked at him, puzzled. He ruffled my hair. "You, sometimes you really are incredibly silly."

I was completely baffled. How could I have been so stupid?

Later, he picked out two classic-style cross pendants, paired with leather cords, and insisted that each of us have one.

"I don't wear much jewelry; it's easy to lose and a hassle." I'm starting to think that this crazy shopping spree is ruining his brain.

“Just wear it,” he coaxed me like he would a famine, “just consider it… a token of friendship. It’s a shame that a bell is a bit odd as a pendant, and they don’t have any bells.”

Thinking about those bell incidents made my face turn red; there was even one on my Harley. I almost felt ashamed to put on the chain.

It's better than a bell.

That day we took a taxi back. This time the taxi driver asked Huang'e if she lived here and if we could go for a drive with her sometime.

I suddenly had a bad feeling.

But what's worse is that Huang E was still holding onto Tang Chen's left arm for balance, while Tang Chen was holding my right hand. Just as we were watching the driver unload the bags from the trunk, a large group of our classmates passed by, chattering away.

They all fell silent, their eyes wide. Tang Chen nodded and smiled at them, and I, oblivious, raised my hand to greet them. Huang E, still struggling with his balance, glanced back at them.

It wasn't until the first day of school, when Tang Chen was selected as "the most envied and jealous man in the whole school," that I realized how big the misunderstanding was.

On the first day of school, Huang'e was impossible to wake up no matter how hard we tried. Seeing that we were about to be late, Tang Chen and I had no choice but to leave her behind and rush off to school.

Then I realized I was wrong.

I had just parked my bike in the shed when I was hit by a sudden, unexpected obstacle. She also lost her balance, but determined to become a top-tier beauty, she frantically waved her hands, staggering for a while before finally managing to steady herself by grabbing onto Tang Chen.

I fell flat on my face, landing on the ground like a frog. The biggest difference between a beautiful woman and a non-beautiful woman lies here—I don't have her obsession.

I got up, and was about to yell at her when I noticed that her short-sleeved shirt was not only torn but also had burn marks. My face turned pale.

"...How did you get here?"

"Turning your hands into wings!" she continued to complain, "You sneaked out while I was sleeping! You didn't even wait for me! You said yesterday that I was coming to school too..."

What kind of school do monsters go to?!

Wait a minute. She only turned her hands into wings?

"You..." I suddenly realized the situation was a bit serious, "Do you remember you need to become invisible...?"

"You can't become invisible in human form," she said, looking at me like I was an idiot. "Turning into my real form means having to transform back into human form, find a place to change clothes, and redo my makeup—it's so troublesome! This is so much better..."

...Aren't there enough ghost stories in this school already? Do you need to add legends of angels or demons?!

I desperately warned her, but she actually covered her ears. I thought... I wanted to kill her right then and there. If there hadn't been so many people in the bike shed, I would have jumped over and strangled her.

"Humans are such a hassle." She actually had the nerve to complain!

"Alright, don't be angry," Tang Chen smoothed things over. "Huang E doesn't quite understand yet. We'll learn together from now on."

…Three stickers will result in a fine!

Just as things were getting heated, I was surprised to find that a large crowd had gathered around, almost all of them boys, drooling on the floor. Of course, it wasn't because of me or Tang Chen.

Their appearance... is quite similar to the original inhabitants behind Tang Chen.

"Uh, Ms. Mo," a male classmate asked with a forced smile, "and who is this...? Let me introduce you?"

…What should I do? I hadn't thought of that. I can't exactly say, "This is my shikigami, the vengeful bird. She just learned to transform into human form and wants to observe and practice how to be a human."…

Thankfully, I have a couple of decades of experience as a liar, so I immediately blurted out, "This is my cousin. She's auditing classes. She's a bad student and dropped out a long time ago... My aunt sent her here hoping she can rekindle her interest in school..."

"Who's not learning to be good?" Huang'e clung tightly to Tang Chen's arm, trembling as she maintained her balance, glaring at me angrily, perfectly playing the role of a "bad girl".

"School life is so much fun!" the boy said enthusiastically. "There are so many fun places on our school, would you like your older brother to take you around?"

…Where do you intend to take her? Although she can't eat people now, she can still give you a beating you'll never forget.

Huang E rolled her eyes at him. "Tang Chen will take me, no need." She hugged Tang Chen's arm tighter, and Tang Chen affectionately removed the leaves from her hair.

"...Politeness." My veins were practically popping out. We had clearly made a three-point agreement with her.

“Yes,” she muttered. “Thank you, brother.”

The male classmate seemed to have taken marijuana, his bones feeling several ounces lighter. "What's your cousin's name?"

…Oh no. I forgot I was supposed to make up her name. I only remember making a three-point agreement with her, and now…?

"Tang Ruizheng." I forced myself to say something.

"That sounds really nice..." the male student said. "Is she related to Tang Chen?"

"No, no, it's just a coincidence." I felt deeply regretful. I should have made up a different surname, but in my haste, I couldn't think of anything else.

After they finally and reluctantly dispersed, Huang E glared at me, "...Tang Ruizheng?! Is your creativity really that bad?! There are so many names in the world, why did you have to pick such an awful one?!"

After a moment of silence, I scratched my head and said, "...Good luck and happiness."

"Bullshit! What does a vengeful bird need, tell me..." she cursed.

I also really hope that my creativity isn't so barren.

I'm very busy when school starts, several times busier than others.

I have to go and greet the old man (and get scolded), and hand over the heavily made-up girl and her cheerful companions who came to stay with me during the summer vacation to the old man, because the pub where they were staying had expired its lease and closed down.

They came all this way to seek refuge with me, I couldn't very well say I didn't want them. But my uncle's house and the witch's house weren't good places for them to live. They were sent to the Wanying Temple, but were sent back after only three days because they said the witch was partying all night and making too much noise.

(It's definitely incredibly noisy...)

If he could, the old man would have killed me on the spot, but unfortunately, he was a god and couldn't do that. He scolded me for a full hour. My legs were aching from standing, so I asked him if I could sit down while he scolded me, and he added another half hour.

The culprit I brought along is already happily mingling with the locals and is teaching them the latest dance moves.

The scolding was fierce, but in the end, the old man still took it all. "What are you going to do with all this kids after you graduate! Girl, why can't you ever learn to behave and listen? Look how many good-for-nothings you've bred..."

"The God of Defeat isn't mine," I muttered to myself.

"You dare talk back to me! I say it, and that's final!"

"Yes, yes, yes." I'm very good at changing my tune depending on the situation.

"Don't think you're so great just because you ate a golden pill! You're still human at heart. You can't even absorb half of the demon pills! And human pills aren't much use to you either... You still dare to pick them up one by one, you're really courting death..."

…I don’t want to either.

After finally getting rid of the old man, the principal called me in again. On the first day of school, the suggestion box was already full.

I know the original residents were bored all summer and were very happy to see so many new and old friends... but don't be like that after less than half a day of school.

The unfortunate girl went to the girls' dormitory first to warn that super-senior girl, whose seniority was beyond belief, not to joke around with the male students.

“I didn’t do anything,” she said, feeling wronged. “I just asked him to help me carry my luggage… He’s so cute! If I were still alive, I would definitely give him a chance… What’s wrong with letting him have some fun? Anyway, he can never go to school…”

…That makes a lot of sense. It's hard to condemn a young girl in love (no matter how experienced she is, whether her remains are even still in the picture is another matter), but it puts me in a difficult position. I had to coax her until she finally sighed and agreed not to go back to "joking" with that "senior" she liked.

I went to find that second-year student and told him that the Earth God thought he was cute and was just joking with him. His face immediately turned red, and he seemed unafraid, but his lustful nature was aroused. "...She's very pretty."

"Humans and gods are different!" I sternly warned him, "You should just stick to pursuing human girls! Stop thinking about such things!"

After finally calming things down, the landowner said quietly, "I have lived a life of innocence..."

I really want to cry. The start of the school year has been so chaotic!

I was so busy I didn't care what Huang'e was doing. Anyway, she loved to stick with Tang Chen, and Tang Chen promised to take good care of her.

But in the afternoon, Xiaoting caught me red-handed.

"Are your roommates weird?" I flipped through my notes, but I didn't see any complaints from them.

"No, my roommates are perfectly normal..." She pulled me aside. "Xiao Zhi, you really are... I thought it was just a rumor, but it turns out it's true! Do you know? Tang Chen has been voted 'the most envied and jealous man in the whole school'!"

…I've heard of school beauties, school hunks, department beauties, and department hunks, but I've never heard of such a long title.

I was probably too busy to understand. You know, besides the ecstatic original inhabitants and the dissatisfied landowners, some of the newcomers brought along karmic creditors. Just figuring it out made my head spin, so for a while I couldn't understand what she was angry about.

"...That little vixen! Although it's not appropriate to say anything since she's your cousin... but Tang Chen is your boyfriend!"

Wait a minute. What did you say?

"Tang Chen is not my boyfriend." I chuckled awkwardly.

"Oh dear, your rival is right in front of you, and you still say no?" Xiaoting was furious. "Tang Chen even broke up with his girlfriend to be with you, and your sweet relationship didn't last long before another obstacle appeared! You should know that a man like Tang Chen is hard to find... Don't let your guard down just because you're her 'cousin.' These days, young girls are quite formidable! You're so honest, you don't even realize you're being bullied..."

She lectured me for a long time, even forcing me to promise that I would be careful, before she finally left, still not satisfied.

Why is my first day of school such a chaotic mess? Why?

A month into the new semester, the chaos of my life continues.

The suggestion box was always full, and Xiaoting would give me a lecture whenever she could find me. Huang'e came to "listen in" every day, from seniors to freshmen; almost all the boys were at her feet (well, at her jeans?), completely ignoring her intimacy with Tang Chen.