Lanpu

Kapitel 61

My father was very swift and decisive. The very next day, he published a notice in the newspaper severing ties with his daughter. He even sent me a copy of the newspaper, as if afraid I wouldn't see it, with two blood-red circles drawn around it.

"It's not worth it!" Huang E cursed, "You almost lost your life..."

“It’s worth it,” I yawned. “I don’t owe him anything anymore.”

We must truly face reality in order to truly let go. In the Investiture of the Gods, Nezha returned his bones to his father and his flesh to his mother. Haven't I done enough in terms of formality?

I have truly abandoned my home and embarked on the path of a sorcerer; there is no need to look back, nor should I.

But when my uncle came to fetch me, I wondered, had I truly abandoned my home? I wasn't going home again, just without blood ties. And what did blood ties matter anyway?

"I'm so glad I can go home," I said weakly.

My uncle carried me into the taxi. "Yes, it will always be your home."

I looked up at him and threw myself into his arms, my father's arms. I guess I'll never truly leave home, because I have a family.

***

But I didn't expect Tang Chen to follow me and insist on staying in my small apartment.

"...Uncle has so many rooms." I sighed. It was because Huang'e and I couldn't stay at Uncle's house that we had to live separately. Why is he coming to join in the fun?

“You need someone to take care of you,” he insisted.

Tang Chen paid a heavy price this time... He not only suffered internal bleeding, but also developed appendicitis. As a result, when I issued the critical condition notice, he was having his appendix removed.

When he was hospitalized, he insisted on staying in the bed next to mine, but during winter break, instead of going home, he insisted on squeezing into my small apartment.

“You still feel pain when you walk, who’s going to take care of you?” I complained.

However, I can't hang the curtains because my hand hurts, so I'll leave it at that. That jinx Huang E, now we really are one crippled and the other disabled. He walks with a stooped back like an old man, and I have one arm in a cast. When we sleep, you can hear us both groaning all the time just from turning over. We've entered old age ahead of schedule.

After thinking about it seriously for a long time, Huang E finally said to me, "Actually, it's all a technical problem."

What?

"You know pregnant women can have sex, so what's a severed hand or appendicitis..."

Before she could finish speaking, I raised my left hand, which was covered in a thick cast, and hit her a beautiful home run.

Losing a hand isn't entirely without its advantages.

(After deboning)

Part Four: Invitation to a Banquet

My last winter break in college was spent with my arm in a cast, staying home to recover from my injury.

Thinking about it, I really shouldn't have complained. I had my cast removed in less than a week after arriving in Tainan, and I didn't even need a splint before the start of the semester.

To be honest, I was incredibly lucky. My uncle and my master joined forces, two renowned doctors consulted on my case, and my senior uncle, despite being extremely busy (he was robbing high-ranking officials at rock-bottom prices and had a whole truckload of girlfriends), came to help me recover. As a result, the complex fracture that would have taken several months to heal was completely healed in just one winter break. I just feel sore and weak when I lift heavy objects.

But Tang Chen treated me like I had lost all four limbs. Not only did he insist on carrying my luggage, but he also tried to take my bag.

Looking at my empty hands, I felt helpless. Tang Chen, you really aren't suited to carrying my rush bag with the sunflower on it… (covers face)

“…Give me the bag,” I said.

"What do you want?" He started rummaging through my bag. "I'll get it for you."

There are sanitary napkins inside, please don't flip it over!

Before anything tragic could happen, I quickly grabbed it, saying, "...I'll turn to the right."

"Then it won't be convenient for me to help you." Tang Chen said, quite dissatisfied.

…Big brother, my leg isn't broken. Burying his face in his palms, Huang E transformed into human form, leaning against his senior uncle, laughing until his legs went weak, and a series of high-pitched voices came over.

"Going on a date!" I glared at her and whispered, "...Don't let me see the date."

“That’s my sweet little secret with Yunlang~☆” She ignored the crowds at the train station and boldly clicked her tongue several times on her uncle’s face, “I won’t let you know.”

The senior disciple reached out his hand to her, saying, "Oh, my most beautiful little bird, my beloved~"

"Yunlang~"

Now I completely understand what it feels like to have "goosebumps all over the floor." They could have just acted disgustingly at home—I even lent them my keys—why did they have to come to the train station, pretending to see me off while actually making a fool of themselves?!

Look how refreshed Uncle Shuohe is!

He straightened his uncle's collar and said, "I'm leaving."

Uncle gently slid his hand down her shoulder to her upper arm, “…Until we meet again.”

Then we got in the car. Shuo waved casually, and this time it was Uncle Shi's turn to stare at her back.

Compared to the two guys twisting their hair on the platform, I think Shuo and Uncle Shi have a more normal relationship.

After Shuo sat down, he kept laughing. "Hengzhi, when will your obsessive-compulsive disorder about cleanliness be cured?"

"What kind of mental fastidiousness do I have?" I found it baffling.

"Alright. Anyway, you're just so awkward. When will you finally see the light? You're such a late bloomer..." She winked mysteriously at Tang Chen, who actually touched his nose and laughed along.

"What are you laughing at?" I'm not some kind of person with a clean slate, awkward and clueless person.

It's one thing for Shuo Gao to play high-flying games, but for even Tang Chen to follow suit is truly unacceptable.

***

When I got back to Shuo's house, I realized how "popular" I was.

All the monsters and dead in the entire cemetery have heard about our great battle (the monsters' gossip system is really something...), and these "acquaintances" have all sent flowers to express their condolences.

But really, don't expect too much from their common sense. I looked at the huge bunches of yellow and white chrysanthemums and gladioli in silence, and even a couple of paper lotus flowers.

Actually, chrysanthemums are quite beautiful, but the problem is that there are still wires that haven't been completely removed from them... Even the condolence cards were written on the back, and when I turned them over, there were even words like "please accept my condolences" written on them.

…I know this is at the foot of a cemetery, and there are scattered graves near the school, making it especially lively during Qingming Festival. But why did you steal flowers from a bereaved family when you came to comfort the sick…?

The flowers, arranged by Shuo's skillful hands, were beautifully arranged in a pleasing and harmonious way... you couldn't tell at all that they were flowers for a family in mourning.

But holding the paper lotus, I began to ponder the true meaning behind these monsters and the dead. Was it a lack of common sense, or...?

I'm really bored.

Generally speaking, there are two very important days for worshipping the Earth God: one is the second day of the second lunar month, called the "First Tooth," and the other is the second day of the twelfth lunar month, called the "Last Tooth."

However, since the school breaks into a winter break, the second day of the second lunar month is often missed. Therefore, the first second day of the second lunar month after the start of the new semester is considered the first day of the second lunar month. This is a special tradition of our school (?). Since Luo Jun has taken over, it is natural to let her know this, and also to take her to pay her respects to the old man and make a formal announcement.

But the old man was really uncooperative; even though I was with my female classmate, he still swore at me.

"Girl~" His beard bristled, "You're getting bolder and bolder, aren't you?! You dare to mess with karma from over a dozen generations? What are you doing back here? To ruin my zero-suicide record? You might as well not have come back at all~"

…After all these years of cursing, His Majesty rarely repeats his lines, which is quite remarkable.

I let Him vent for ten minutes. "Grandpa, Grandpa...Grandpa!" I shouted. "I'll graduate after this semester! This is my junior classmate, Cai Luojun."

The old man then noticed the timid Luo Jun beside me, scrutinized her closely, and sighed. "Young lady, why do you keep doing bad things, getting into trouble with this girl? It would be so much better to be a regular college student... Of all the people you could follow, why did you have to come here and cause trouble, you wretched girl who only adds to the family and creates chaos?"

…Show some respect to the younger female students, old man. The timid Luo Jun chuckled, making me feel even sadder.

I told her how to perform the ancestral rites and what the old man's preferences were, "...the old man doesn't like to drink rice wine."

"Can we offer herbal honey?" Luo Jun asked. "I heard that a local earth god at a university likes herbal honey."

"I'm not an ant," the old man grumbled.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again in despair. What I kept to myself was... our old man is a very picky eater.

The subsequent worship ceremony was left to Luo Jun, and I also handed over my part-time job to her. She needed to familiarize herself with the job first, while I was still in school for the last semester.

The old man praised her highly, "That's how a girl should be! Well-behaved and quiet, knows her place. Unlike some troublemaker..."

The troublemaker is pouring you a drink, old man.

But as everyone knows, our old man is notoriously proud and aloof. I know He can't bear to part with me, but he also can't bear to.

So when I have free time, I come here to hang around, chat with Him, and let Him blow His beard and glare at me. If it weren't for Him, my life wouldn't have undergone such a big and warm change.

“Grandpa,” I said seriously, “I love you.”

His face turned red, almost red to his beard, and he yelled, "...What nonsense are you spouting? Get out! You think you're so great as a student?!" and kicked me out.

Later, Uncle Zhao told me that the old man secretly wiped away his tears, thinking no one had seen him.

I always said our old man is very proud.

However, after I mentioned it, the old man didn't call me for quite a while. I still had some credits to catch up on, unlike the leisurely Tang Chen.

One afternoon, I was rushing to finish my homework in my small office when the ghost messenger A-Jia burst in. This clueless little devil was the one who wanted to see blood spurt from my pores. When I'm busy, I send ghost messengers to offer food, and everyone pushes and shoves each other, but this super clueless, dimwitted ghost hops and skips over to deliver the food, not even knowing he should be afraid of the old demon.

"The old man said you need to get over there right now." He grinned. "Master, I heard you broke your bones piece by piece and then put them back in place! When can you perform that trick again?"

The old demon sighed, "...You should be more selective when you recruit ghost messengers. This one probably started rotting from the inside out."

…A very wise suggestion. But hindsight is always 20/20.

"I'll be right there." I started tidying up the table, and when I turned around, he was still waiting expectantly.

“…Go back and tell the old man now.” I was getting impatient. “No need to wait! I won’t perform that trick!”

He left looking disappointed, and I felt so unlucky. Other people raise ghosts to make a fortune and build big houses, but I raise ghosts just to make myself miserable; it's completely useless.

"Personality determines destiny," the old demon said.

"...Thank you for your insightful conclusion."

When they arrived at the old man's place, he was beaming with joy. He said that the prince had sent an invitation to a banquet and had asked the chief shaman and the divine matchmaker to accompany him.

After the Seventh Miss got married, she became pregnant either before or after (it turns out ghosts... I mean spirits can also have children). The Eldest Miss gave birth last and is now a month old, so we want to hold a soup and cake party to borrow the old man's blessings and longevity.

I accepted the invitation. The prince was indeed a refined and courteous elder. His official rank was much higher than the old man's, yet he referred to himself as a junior and was extremely respectful. No wonder the old man was so delighted.

But I... I really dare not go. As the matchmaker, I only managed to get through the ordeal thanks to Huang E's blackmail. The prince treats the seven military commanders like his own sons. If the trickery is exposed... this soup dumpling party might turn into "the last supper."

"...Could I not go?" I asked cautiously with a forced smile. "I've been really busy with schoolwork lately..."

"What kind of coursework is there in your senior year? Are you trying to take advantage of me because I never went to college?" The old man said sternly. "I'm asking you, are you doing this for me?"

I've had people calling me "Commander-in-Chief Wu" for so long, can you honestly say that's not true? "Of course, of course."

"Is Your Highness my superior?"

"…yes."

"Do you think you're more important than me? I have to attend the banquet as invited, how dare you act so arrogantly?"