Geisterreich

Kapitel 30

"Because they have a son. She can't forget her son—people have an instinctive function to maintain their memories, especially such important ones. She can't erase the part about her son while erasing Li Yuntong's memories—the mind is far more complex than we imagine. It not only has to maintain its own memories but also its normal functioning—she has a son but no husband, which is illogical. In order to protect the brain from this illogical situation, her mind automatically creates an imaginary sailor husband for herself."

"Huh?" I hadn't expected this to happen and asked instinctively, "But other people don't know this. How will she explain it to them? Also, can the details of her 'sailor husband's' life and the evidence of his existence be fabricated out of thin air?"

Yu Fei laughed: "Have you forgotten that the human brain's functional areas originally had the function of transmitting information? Since the appearance of this 'sailor husband' was due to Li Yuntong's memory loss, a peculiar connection was formed between the two. This connection, along with Li Yuntong's unique identifying information, was transmitted through the functional areas. Everyone accepted this information, and everyone believed that she originally had a sailor husband. As for the authenticity of this husband, because of the brain's self-regulation function, no one would think to investigate whether this person really existed, and they wouldn't think about any traces of his existence. In fact, this situation is very common. Didn't I tell you before? Memories of people and events are intertwined. People can forget those people, but they may not be able to forget all the events. At this time, the brain will automatically reorganize those memories, allowing all memories to bypass the people that should be forgotten and continue to exist in a different guise."

"Is that so..." I recalled that when Yu Fei spoke to me online under the alias "Westward from Yangguan," he mentioned many things we had experienced together in the past. But I thought I had done those things alone. So, at that time, my memory was deceiving me?

How many memories in my mind have been altered? Can I still trust my own mind?

Is the world truly reflected in our minds?

I felt everything becoming adrift, as if I couldn't grasp anything at all, even the person beside me seemed to be floating. He walked beside me, surrounded by the dark night, which made me feel that he, too, wasn't real.

Perhaps it's all just my imagination.

"I have another question." I tried my best to maintain a sense of authenticity—I couldn't doubt so much. If necessary, everything is worth doubting. I should believe in something, right? I lowered my head, not looking at Yu Fei—the more I looked, the more unfamiliar he seemed, and this unfamiliarity made my tongue taste bitter.

"Why can everyone see Gu Quan in the DV? Shouldn't he be invisible to everyone?" I asked.

“Actually, you’ll understand if you think about it carefully,” Yu Fei said. “Gu Quan is already in the third stage. No information about him can be translated by other people’s brains. Since there is no translation, there is no temporary storage of memory. You have to know that even memory deletion requires some kind of comparison. The kind of DV you mentioned is just an image of a person moving on the screen to the audience. There are many similar people in the world, and many people with the same name. No one associates the image on the screen with the entity Gu Quan. So it is normal to see Gu Quan’s image.”

"But didn't you say that each functional area has a unique identifier?" I asked, puzzled.

“Yes, but the unique identifier must be linked to the memories in the mind—for someone whose basic information cannot even be translated by the brain, how many connections do you think will remain? Heh.” Yu Fei gave a bitter smile at the end.

I imagined Gu Quan's situation and involuntarily shuddered. I thought being forgotten was terrible, but Gu Quan's situation was worse than that—he still existed in the world, everyone could see him, but even if he were right in front of us, we couldn't see him—not that we couldn't see him, but that our brains refused to accept him. I thought of the man in black in the rental bookstore—no wonder everyone saw his image then; he was there all along, he should have been seen, yet he wasn't. What kind of feeling was this? I didn't know if there was anything more tragic in the world. What direction would things take? Where would Yu Fei and I go? I shuddered again, grabbed Yu Fei's collar abruptly, and asked, almost trembling, "Is the third stage the final stage?"

Yu Fei slowly turned his head to look at me, staring at me for a long while before turning his gaze away. He looked at the sky and sighed, "It's almost dawn, let's go back." His attitude terrified me. I grabbed him, preventing him from moving forward, and pressed him relentlessly, "Is that right?"

After a long while, he nodded vigorously: "Yes."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I don't know why I felt a sense of ease. Maybe it was because I knew what was going to happen. At least I no longer had to speculate about my fate. My fate was already sealed. Among all the fears, there was no fear of the unknown. That was at least a kind of comfort.

The sky was faintly turning white; indeed, it was almost dawn. We had walked for so long on the deserted streets, and all our strength seemed to have been used up.

32

Yu Fei and I finally made it back to No. 6 Yunsheng Street. As we climbed the creaking stairs, Yu Fei asked me, "What are your plans?"

"I don't know," I said, feeling aches all over and wanting to get some sleep.

"You can come to me if you need anything." As we spoke, we arrived at the door of room 202, where a faint green light peeked out from the open door.

"Hmm." I dragged my feet to go upstairs, but he called me back.

"Do you know why the doors here are never closed?" he asked, pointing to the door of room 202.

"Why?" I asked belatedly.

“There’s an old man living here,” Yu Fei said, his eyes revealing a strong desire to speak. Although I was extremely tired, I couldn’t help but stop—I couldn’t do anything more for him. He had lived in fear alone for so long; I should at least listen to what he had to say. This person in front of me had once been so important to me. If even I didn’t listen to him, who else could he talk to? I sat down on the stairs, and he sat down beside me, whispering, “His wife died a few years ago. His son and daughter both work in other cities and rarely call home. People at his workplace don’t remember him anymore. He used to go to work every month to collect his salary, but later, his salary was deposited directly into his bank account, so he didn’t need to go to work anymore. He felt that he was getting old and living alone, and if he died, no one would know. So he always left the door open, thinking that if he died, someone would smell his body and find it…” Hearing this, my hair stood on end. Yu Fei noticed this and smiled: “You’re feeling moved again, aren’t you? Every time you’re moved, your hair stands on end.”

"Hmm." I nodded slightly. He certainly understood me, even knowing this particular trait of mine, but I didn't understand him at all. Even though he was sitting so close, it still made me feel awkward—it's said that there's a safe distance between people based on their level of closeness; the closer the safe distance, the closer you are to that person; the farther apart, the more unfamiliar you are. The current distance between Yu Fei and me was less than my safe distance from him, but clearly greater than his safe distance from me—it was an inequality.

“Later, to be closest to you, I moved here,” he continued, seemingly unaware of my thoughts. “He wasn’t surprised to see me suddenly; instead, he was happy that someone was finally willing to listen to him. You know, he forgets me the moment he turns away, and usually people are terrified when they see me again, thinking a bad person has broken into their homes. But he’s never been terrified; he’s always been happy. He also told me that he’s always hoped someone would come in through the open door, but over the years, only I have…” Hearing this, I was quite moved. I felt that this old man seemed more pitiful than us. He hadn’t been forgotten, but in reality, no one would remember him anymore; he had been abandoned by society. There are many people like this in this society. Don’t newspapers often report on people who die and are not discovered for a long time, until their bodies decompose? The most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard of is an old man who was alone at home, fell, and died from a ruptured blood vessel. Two years later, his son returned home and found that his father had become a skeleton... I really don't know who is more tragic or more pitiful, people like them or people like us.

“After moving here, I kept hoping you would come in through the open door, but you didn’t,” Yu Fei said. I was taken aback and glanced at the dimly lit crack in the door. I wondered what it felt like to wait for someone to visit in such a dark room. How many lonely people are there in this world? Who caused this loneliness? He had been waiting here for so many days, and I hadn’t gone in even once—I had made him wait in vain. This world is made up of people like me. We are all so lonely, yet no one is willing to break free from loneliness, so the loneliness deepens, and people become more and more distant and estranged.

"I'll come to you more often in the future," I said guiltily. "Maybe I'll bring you flowers." I tried my best to make amends.

Yu Fei smiled bitterly: "We don't have much time left..."

"Why?" I asked, lifting my heavy head.

"It's nothing, go to sleep." He looked at me. "You're already tired, but I still have a lot to say... Let's talk about it later."

We said goodnight and prepared to go back to our rooms. After taking a few steps upstairs, I couldn't help but turn back. He was still standing in the doorway, staring at me blankly, with a look that seemed as if he would never see me again. I don't remember anything about him, but in the long days that followed, I couldn't help but think of that moment, that look in his eyes. Every time I thought of it, it felt like a knife was twisting in my heart, as if he were forever stuck on the stairs of No. 6 Yunsheng Street, waiting for me to walk into my open room, and as long as I went in, I would see that look in his eyes again.

"Let's go." He waved to me gently.

Step by step, room 302 finally appeared.

Xu Xiaobing was already asleep. The living room light was on, and her bedroom door was open. I tiptoed into the living room and carefully closed the door, but I still woke her up.

"Why are you only getting back now?" she asked sleepily. "I wasn't able to sleep soundly."

"Go to sleep," I said.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Go to sleep." I slipped into my room, closed the door tightly, and finally couldn't hold back my tears.

As dawn broke, I hurriedly got out of bed. Xu Xiaobing was sweeping the living room. As I passed by her, I suddenly felt a strange shiver run down my spine, as if some terrifying creature had appeared beside me. Involuntarily, I moved away from Xu Xiaobing. She seemed oblivious, continuing to sweep, and just as she was about to sweep me, she turned a corner and went to sweep somewhere else. The closer she got to me, the faster my heart pounded. Only when she finally turned away did I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Why did you decide to sweep the floor today?" I asked casually, but after asking the question, another wave of fear washed over me—what was I so afraid of?

She did not answer.

I walked up to her, wanting to pat her on the shoulder, but my hand, raised in the air, couldn't reach her shoulder no matter what I did—Xu Xiaobing's shoulder seemed to be a taboo. Deep inside me, a voice told me that this was extremely dangerous! An almost instinctive feeling rose from the bottom of my heart, and I staggered backward.

Xu Xiaobing ignored my actions. After sweeping the floor, she actually changed her underwear in front of me. This would never have happened before. Although we are both girls, we are very careful about our privacy and never change clothes in front of each other. This time, her behavior was very strange and completely unconventional.

"What are you doing?" I couldn't help but remind her that I was still there.

She still ignored me, her face blank, and dressed herself, grabbed her bag, and went out.

What happened to Xu Xiaobing? I'm completely baffled.

It was getting late, and I didn't have time to think about it. I quickly washed up, went out, and walked out of No. 6 Yunsheng Street.

As soon as I stepped out of the dark doorway, a strange feeling washed over me. The outside world was filled with strange smells, as if many ferocious beasts and monsters had gathered in one place. I suddenly felt a little afraid to go out.

I peeked out.

The bright spring sunshine painted the world with varying thicknesses, and people hurried to work in the morning on the dilapidated road of Yunsheng Street. Buses came and went—everything seemed normal, with no particular danger.

I carefully left No. 6 Yunsheng Street, exposing myself to the sky, completely exposed to everyone's gaze.

I felt an intense, inescapable fear; terrifying things surrounded me from all sides, and I didn't know what they were. Driven by this fear, I ran towards a bus that had just stopped, and as soon as I rushed inside, the bus started moving again.

I felt like I'd stumbled into a den of wild beasts. The bus was packed with people, both seated and standing, all staring blankly out the windows. Some were talking in hushed tones, and everything seemed normal—but I knew something was wrong, and this was not normal.

Fear radiated from all directions, and I still didn't know where it came from. I just stood tightly against the cold metal pillars inside the car, remaining highly vigilant.

The car suddenly lurched, and everyone inside fell in the same direction—I fell into the arms of a middle-aged woman, and a little girl who looked like an elementary school student fell into my arms. My sides made brief contact with theirs, and a feeling of extreme nausea and fear made me jump up abruptly.

"Ah!" I yelled, then quickly covered my mouth and looked around embarrassedly—no one noticed my lapse in composure, and they soon returned to their normal standing posture.

But I was already terrified beyond control.

I found myself afraid of them, of the people surrounding me; there was something about them that terrified me.

What is that?

As soon as the car stopped, I couldn't wait to get out. It took me more than two hours to walk to the company.

My colleagues were all engrossed in their work. I struggled to suppress my fear and reluctantly made my way to my seat. Across from me, Xiao Geng's legs stretched out from under the desk, like branches propping themselves up under mine. I was terrified, afraid of accidentally touching the feet of some animal that frightened me… Huh? Those are clearly Xiao Geng's legs. How could I think they're some kind of animal? Yet, all of them did indeed seem aggressive, like animals, like ghosts lurking with murderous intent… Their every move terrified me. I was like a frightened bird, ready to jump at any moment. I was drenched in sweat, and the entire morning felt like I was sitting on pins and needles.

But no one in the entire company noticed me.

What exactly happened?

"Xiao Geng, what's wrong?" I whispered to Xiao Geng. "Everyone seems a bit off."

Xiao Geng picked up an eraser from the table in front of me, but didn't react to what I said, as if he hadn't heard me at all.

It was as if they didn't see me at all.

My heart sank.

Yu Fei once said that people like us, when we reach the third stage, will be ignored and unheard... Could it be that I've already reached the third stage? This thought filled me with utter despair. I deliberately walked around in front of people—you know how much courage that takes. Now, every close encounter with them fills me with genuine fear. However, even with such great fear, I gained nothing—no one saw me.

They really couldn't see me anymore.

I slumped to the floor, cold sweat dripping down, quickly soaking the floor tiles. My head was spinning. I staggered to my feet and searched the office, only to realize that everything I had ever used was gone. Even my old desk had someone else's name on it…

There's no place for me in the company anymore, and I don't even have a place in their memories!

I drifted away from the company, wandering aimlessly through the streets, avoiding the bustling crowds, both afraid of and longing for them. In the distance, I saw my parents carrying large bags of groceries as they emerged from the supermarket. I ran towards them, crying loudly, but they didn't even glance at me. I clung to their legs—and as I did so, goosebumps rose all over my body. It felt as if I were hugging some ferocious wild beast. Yet, even with this fear, I held them tightly, wiping my tears on them, kneeling before them, begging them to look at me.

They didn't even glance at me. Even though I was clinging to their legs and making it difficult for them to move, they kept walking forward, completely ignoring me, as if I wasn't their most beloved daughter, as if I was just a piece of trash stuck to the soles of their shoes!

I've finally been left behind by them.

On the bustling street, amidst the crowds, I wailed and rolled on the ground, getting my clothes filthy—I didn't care about my appearance anymore, and no one would see me or care about me anyway.

I kept crying until a rapid knocking on the door woke me up.

It was Xu Xiaobing's voice. She called out loudly from outside the door, "Jiang Ling, what's wrong?"

I slowly regained consciousness and found myself crying loudly. My heart felt like it was stuck with a lump of iron, a hard, painful knot. The blanket was soaked with sweat. I was a little confused about what had happened. I slowly sat up, and after figuring out where I was, I heard Xu Xiaobi calling my name. It felt incredibly warm and comforting, and I felt so relieved—it was just a dream!

But that dream will soon become a reality! I couldn't help but cry again.

"Come out now!" Xu Xiaobing pounded on the door even more fiercely.

I ignored her and cried alone for a while before wiping away my tears with the blanket. Then I got up and opened the door. Xu Xiaobing's questioning face appeared before me, and I patted her shoulder affectionately. She looked at me cautiously: "Something really isn't right with you. Do you want me to go with you to see a doctor?"

I shook my head.

I not only wanted to pat her shoulder, but also to rub against her arm like a kitten. Suddenly, the ability to have close contact with someone became a kind of happiness, a happiness in my hands, like the donkey skin in "The Donkey's Skin," growing thinner and thinner until it shone through.

"I'm going to work. Call me if you need anything." Xu Xiaobing looked at me suspiciously and slowly left the room.

Looking at the time, I realized I should go to work, but I didn't want to move at all. I just sat there blankly on the sofa.

If I never go to work, will I never be forgotten? Is it too late? Has that part of my mind already sent out the signal? Thinking of this, I stood up, walked downstairs, and knocked on the open door of room 202.

Yu Fei came out and looked me over carefully: "You were looking for me?"

"When did the signals from the functional area start being sent out?" I asked hastily, without even having time to answer his question.

"What do you mean?" He looked at me suspiciously. "You cried?"

“What I mean is,” I brushed a stray strand of hair from my forehead, “that my functional areas are starting to transmit signals now, aren’t they?”

“Oh, I see.” He shook his head. “They haven’t figured that out yet. Nobody knows exactly when the functional area started transmitting signals. Maybe those signals were already being transmitted during your incubation period, or maybe later, but not earlier. There’s no way to be sure if your signal has already been transmitted.”

"Oh." I nodded and went upstairs by myself.

33