I sighed and said, "That's right, Brother Ying. Money makes you a god wherever you are. If you can understand that, then you haven't wasted your time here with me."
"I've also discovered that your prestige is far inferior to mine. Back in the day, when I went out to vent my anger, I had over 2,000 people clearing the way. Look at you now."
Frustrated, I downed half a bottle of water and remained silent for a long time. Fatty Ying comforted me, saying, "But I still like this, I don't want to feel angry anymore."
If our mayor knew this, he'd probably be ecstatic: Qin Shi Huang, the first emperor of a unified China, was born in the old society, but traveled to the modern era. Under his rule, people were willing to change their appearance and become ordinary citizens. What a great achievement that must be!
Just then, Baozi and the others came out. Xiang Yu was wearing a little red hat and a Che Guevara outfit, while Liu Bang wore a yellow shirt and yellow pants (it seems he still has a strong affinity for yellow). Baozi asked me from afar, "Where's our cousin?"
"I'm here." Li Shishi came out of the bookstore carrying several books, while Jing Ersha was behind her doing the bill with the shop owner.
I nervously took Li Shishi's books. The top one was "Home Appliance Repair," ugh; the second was "600 Movies You Must See in Your Lifetime," another ugh; and the last one was surprisingly "Liang Sicheng's History of Chinese Architecture," utterly baffled. I originally thought she'd pick something like "A Brief History of China"—I'd been to that bookstore before, and I remembered there was even a book called "Li Shishi, the Famous Courtesan of the Song Dynasty." This girl is unbelievable; the three books she chose provide a comprehensive and multifaceted introduction to modern civilization. She seems like a very difficult woman to deal with.
Jing Ke ran over excitedly, holding a bunch of bills. Li Shishi had bought pirated books, which only cost 24 yuan in total (hehe, 8 yuan a book, those who have bought pirated books before will understand). She guessed the price was calculated from the book covers. If she had known it was so cheap, she would have bought more.
I bought a Coke for each of the people who came out, and had Jing Ke calculate the cost, giving him the rest. I need to consciously cultivate these people's basic survival skills, otherwise, how miserable I'll be this year.
Baozi, holding Li Shishi's hand, said, "We need to go pick out some underwear. You and the others can buy a few sets of clothes to change into. Oh, and toothbrushes, slippers, and stuff like that. We'll keep in touch by phone..."
I grabbed Baozi, my voice trembling with tears, and said, "You can't leave me alone!" Baozi looked at the strange stares from passersby, embarrassed, and tried to pry my hand away. I didn't care! I'd rather wander around this crowded, bustling street with four women than find four mature, fertile African women from the jungle to drain me dry. Especially since Qin Shi Huang had tasted the sweetness of it all; he was particularly adept at it, eating whatever he saw, and I'd have to grovel over to pay for it.
Baozi asked, puzzled, "Then what do you suggest? Shall we go together?" I nodded vigorously. Li Shishi giggled, "Cousin and his wife have such a good relationship, they can't be apart for even a moment." I glared at her. In that short time, Qin Shihuang had already snatched a banana from someone at the fruit stand…
...We each had a banana in hand, and marched into a women's lingerie store. A dozen rows of plastic mannequins stood neatly before us, with two more naked beside them. I crouched down against the wall, burying my head in my crotch. If it were just Baozi and me, I could confidently accompany her, sometimes even offering my opinions—after all, women's lingerie isn't just for themselves.
But now I'm leading a group of men, following behind two women. It looks really weird, and it's easy for people to have bad associations.
Sometimes I genuinely admire Liu Bang. This guy, hands behind his back, leisurely followed behind two girls, occasionally peering at the material of the bras on the models' underwear. Several times his nose was practically hidden; I don't believe he didn't know how shameful it was. Xiang Yu was clearly preoccupied with something else. He only realized his mistake when he reached the midst of the surging waves, standing there looking around. He was so tall that even people outside the shop could see him. Jing Ke was a good man, but he stood in the worst possible spot. There were only two naked models in the whole shop, and he, searching for a semiconductor signal, stood right in front of them, a smirk on his face—he was practically a twin of those perverted men online.
Fatty Ying squatted down next to me, puzzled, and said, "Why does this look so familiar?" A lewd scene immediately flashed through my mind, and I chuckled, "Didn't you watch a bunch of beautiful women doing a striptease back then?" Fatty Ying shook his head: "I only saw them dressed." I suddenly realized, "Are you thinking about your Terracotta Warriors?"
Qin Shi Huang slapped his thigh: "That's right! How do you know everything?"
Suddenly, a cold sweat broke out on my forehead. A momentous thought struck me: the location of Qin Shi Huang's mausoleum remains a mystery. While the most widely accepted theory is that it's the Lishan Tomb, no remains of Qin Shi Huang himself have been found there, and it's been confirmed that the tomb has never been robbed. This means the Lishan Tomb is likely a fake tomb created by Qin Shi Huang to deceive the world. So where is the real tomb? Previously, no one in the world knew, but now at least one person knows: Qin Shi Huang!
I stammered, "Brother Ying, do you know where they buried you after you died?"
"What an idiot! They're starving to death, how would they know?"
Wiping the sweat from my brow (I still need to buy a bottle of water later), I said with a sigh of relief, "It's better that I didn't know; it saved me from having to think about it..."
"But before I starved to death, I told them to bury me far, far away. I only went to that place once."
"Mount Li..."
Upon hearing the words "Mount Li," Qin Shi Huang dismissively remarked, "That's fake."
I was sweating profusely, and cautiously asked, "Can you still find that place now?"
The fat man smacked his lips and said, "It's hard to say."
The Qin King's Mausoleum at Mount Li is actually a fake! I was about to ask, when Baozi was holding up a bra and yelling at me, "Qiangzi, how about this one?" So I buried my head back in my crotch. Liu Bang, resting his chin on his hand, said, "I like the black one." Baozi glared at me, then smiled and said to Liu Bang, "Then I'll buy you one?"
Xiang Yu stood in the pile of bras for a while, then strode up to me and said, "Xiao Qiang (sigh, finally someone calls me that), how fast can that thing we rode on when we came run at the fastest?"
It seems Xiang Yu, the Hegemon-King of Chu, is truly sentimental and lacks the spirit of a hero. Now he's only focused on going back to find Yu Ji. He probably doesn't understand that when I told him we couldn't go back, it was in terms of time, not distance. Li Shishi wouldn't make this mistake.
But all I could answer him for now was, "That's called a minivan, and it can go up to 80 miles per hour. If it's a good car, it can go 2 to 3 times faster."
Xiang Yu was stunned and asked, "80 miles per hour?"
"Oh, well... let me put it this way, the best horses can run over 60 miles per hour, the one you rode back then could probably reach 70, while the thing we're riding can run 80, and it can run day and night."
Xiang Yu's eyes were filled with excitement: "Will it be easier to get that thing running?"
"Uh... I need to take the driving test—I don't know anyone at the vehicle management office."
"What's the meaning?"
"It's just very difficult to get. And that thing isn't mine, so I can't afford it right now."
Xiang Yu smiled smugly: "Money is no problem—"
"The problem is I don't have the money. Brother, let me tell you the truth, I earn the equivalent of what one of your cooks used to make. Just think, how many years would it take a cook to save up to buy your black horse?"
Xiang Yu frowned, then said, "The fine armor I'm wearing is made of pure gold; the cost of having it made alone was three thousand gold pieces. Could you buy a minivan if you sold it?"
I did a rough calculation—but couldn't figure it out—so I could only say, "That's enough to buy countless BMWs."
"I don't want a BMW, I just want a minivan."
Amazing!
Xiang Yu continued, "Go back and sell it later."
I immediately remembered Lao Pan's words: a dagger used by Jing Ke to assassinate the Qin emperor would surely land me in prison for life, and a vest worn by Xiang Yu would probably be no different. I said to Xiang Yu, "Brother, I'll explain this to you slowly. If you like driving, I can teach you, but going back to find your wife isn't so simple."
Chapter Fifteen: Safe Return
Then I heard a very mysterious sound: gurgling.
Without saying a word, I hugged Qin Shi Huang tightly: "Brother Ying, we'll eat soon, so please don't go out and raid any more places."
Xiang Yu said embarrassedly, "It was me..."
No wonder, Xiang Yu was preoccupied with his own affairs and ate as much as Li Shishi for breakfast. Given his physique, even Qin Shi Huang could only eat half a steamed bun more than him.
Liu Bang, emboldened by his shamelessness, followed the two women to the lingerie counter. Baozi couldn't say anything, and could only whisper to Li Shishi. Liu Bang leaned in to listen for a while, then loudly asked, "What's sexy? Qiangzi likes white ones?" The saleswoman chuckled.