Someone in the crowd said, "Brother Xiang doesn't seem very excited."
When I turned around, I saw it was Baojin. I asked him, "Where is Lu Zhishen?"
Bao Jin said, "I didn't let him come."
How did you guys drink last night?
Bao Jin rubbed his temples and said, "He carried me back on his back, and my head still hurts."
I laughed and said, "Looks like you've lost the first round when it comes to drinking."
Just then, someone exclaimed in surprise. Looking back at the battlefield, Lu Bu's relentless attacks finally revealed an opening, and Xiang Yu seized the opportunity to thrust straight at his heart. Lu Bu couldn't stop in time, and with a shout, he lay flat on his horse's back, the spear tip grazing his stomach as it pierced through.
...If this spear had struck Lu Bu in his previous life, it would have barely missed. But this chubby version of Lu Bu, while undeniably fast and quick-witted, had a belly like that of a woman five or six months pregnant. Xiang Yu's spear ripped open the zipper of his tracksuit, revealing Lu Bu's shirt and underwear underneath, making him look like he had been ripped open—a horrifying sight.
Although the obese version of Lü Bu was uninjured, he was still on horseback and couldn't roll away. Xiang Yu seized the opportunity to press down on the shaft of his spear, which landed squarely on Lü Bu's body. Lü Bu raised his halberd with both hands to strike upwards, the spear and halberd clashing and scraping together with a sharp, grating sound. Suddenly, the tip of Xiang Yu's spear was caught in one of the handles of Lü Bu's halberd. In that instant, the two horses had just passed each other. Lü Bu straightened up, gripping the end of his halberd and shouting, "Give it to me!" Xiang Yu shouted at the same time, "Give it to me!" It turned out that both of them wanted to take the other's weapon away. In this struggle, their strength was immense, and with the help of the horses' hooves, there was a loud "crack," and the handle on Lü Bu's halberd was ripped off by the two men. Their hands were split open, and blood stained their sleeves.
Both men turned their horses around simultaneously, glaring angrily at each other. Lü Bu's eyes were bloodshot, while Xiang Yu's hair stood on end in fury. This probably ignited his fighting spirit, making him appear quite excited.
I actually know why Xiang Yu has been so listless. Ultimately, this battle is still for Yu Ji, but finding her is easier said than done. His hopes have been dashed time and again, and deep down, Xiang Yu probably knows it's an almost impossible task. He's fighting because he's forcing himself to do something for Yu Ji.
But this contest reignited his pride, making him an invincible warrior. It's said that the giant had never met his match in his life; even in his defeat at Wujiang, he committed suicide because his spirit had died. Liu Bang's hundreds of thousands of troops could barely surround him. Today, encountering Lü Bu, he initially underestimated him, but his interest was piqued when he realized the other could easily hold his own. Men can never live solely for women; career, dignity, face, and sometimes even just a game can make them incredibly devoted. Xiang Yu's longing for his rabbit, I think, wasn't simply about affection; deep down, he probably still yearned to conquer the battlefield.
Needless to say, Lü Bu was undoubtedly the undisputed champion of martial prowess in the Three Kingdoms period. Regardless of his character or whether he had ever suffered a defeat, he was undefeated in one-on-one combat. In the era of the Three Kingdoms, a time teeming with powerful warriors, this was nothing short of legendary. Today's protracted battle was both a humiliation and a thrill for him. After half an hour of fierce fighting, Lü Bu completely forgot all his inhibitions, even forgetting that he had already died. He had once again become the formidable Lü Wenhou.
When the two clashed again, they became ten times more ruthless than before. As Xiang Yu unleashed his power, the battle became fierce and intense, with both sides exchanging blows. The sound of clashing weapons was deafening, and many people hurriedly retreated.
I watched as Lü Bu, with his halberd that looked like a battle axe with one ear shortened, slashed open a gash in Xiang Yu's chest. Xiang Yu then used his Overlord Spear to stab Lü Bu, tearing off a piece of his scalp. All I could do was wring my hands and stamp my feet, repeatedly asking the onlookers, "Brothers, think of something! If this continues, someone will die!"
Hua Rong gripped the bow and arrow, his hands so wet with sweat from squeezing the arrows: "These two are too fast. The only way to stop them is to shoot their horses."
Shoot a horse? You can't shoot a rabbit, can you? If you shoot that big dappled horse, wouldn't that make the Liangshan heroes look like they're biased? Not to mention Hua Rong wouldn't do such a thing, even if he did, I'm afraid not only would the heroes look down on me, but Xiang Yu would also turn against me. I know all too well the character of these so-called heroes.
As the two horses circled, Xiang Yu and Lü Bu shouted simultaneously, indicating they were both seriously injured. A moment later, Lü Bu yelled, "Xiang Yu, you scoundrel! I, Lü Bu, have fought Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei with my might, and I once shot an arrow at the gate of the camp. How could you possibly be my match?"
Lin Chong was taken aback: "This man got carried away with killing and went mad."
Xiang Yu didn't reply, but snorted angrily and thrust at Lü Bu with increased force. Soon, several water stains appeared on the ground where the two horses had been circling, it was unclear whether they were sweat or blood. A few moments later, the water stains multiplied, becoming a horrifying sight.
I couldn't take it anymore and reached for Hua Rong's bow and arrow: "Brother Hua, let me shoot. Who I hit is anyone's guess. I just hope both of them are safe." As I said this, I suddenly realized that I also had a lot of feelings for Erpang. After all, we were childhood friends. It was really difficult for me to deliberately help Xiang Yu, so I had to come up with this solution—I would shoot the arrow. That was the fairest thing to do, because, to be honest, even I didn't know who I would hit.
But just then, a long shout drew everyone's attention:
"Your Majesty—"
The person we called out to ran towards us from the shadows. She appeared somewhat frail, her steps faltering with panic. The night wind ruffled her long hair, a look of lingering sorrow. As she drew closer, the tear tracks at the corners of her eyes were clearly visible.
I exclaimed in shock, "Yu Ji?"
The cry of "Your Majesty" made Xiang Yu turn around and look into the distance. A warm and satisfied smile unconsciously appeared on his face: "It's Yu Ji—" Then he sat blankly on his horse, waiting for Yu Ji to rush into his arms.
With a whoosh, Lü Bu's halberd thrust forward, piercing deeply into Xiang Yu's shoulder. Had the rabbit not nimbly dodged, the halberd would have pierced Xiang Yu's heart. But Xiang Yu seemed oblivious, still intently gazing in the direction Yu Ji had come from. Perhaps the halberd in his shoulder bothered him; he gently brushed it aside with his hand, completely ignoring the gushing blood from his wound.
Seeing that he had struck the enemy with his halberd while the enemy remained seated on his horse, Lü Bu flew into a rage. He swung his halberd horizontally toward Xiang Yu's neck, and the heroes shouted in unison, "Stop!"
Of course, it wasn't just shouting. Hua Rong, Pang Wanchun, Zhang Qing, and Ou Peng all took action, some shooting arrows, others using hidden weapons, all rushing towards Lü Bu with a series of "whoosh" sounds.
Lü Bu, wielding his halberd, charged through the air, arrows and stones flying, yet he remained unharmed. After this brief respite, Xiang Yu, succumbing to blood loss, finally fell from his horse. Seeing his opponent's horse now empty, Lü Bu couldn't help but laugh wildly, "I am invincible! Hahaha... Ouch—"
A flip-flop landed squarely on his face, knocking Lü Bu off his horse. Even with his halberd gone and his face swollen, Lü Bu scrambled to his feet and continued his maniacal laughter: "I am invincible! I am invincible!" Blood spurted from his spear wound, his face a dark red, but he ignored it all, repeatedly shouting, "I am invincible!" It was a chilling sight.
The heroes and the Four Heavenly Kings were all seasoned veterans of the battlefield. Upon seeing him like this, they were horrified and exclaimed, "Oh no, he's exhausted!"
Lin Chong said, "We must subdue him immediately, or he will die of exhaustion in no time!"
I clasped my hands together and bowed deeply to everyone: "Brothers..."
Lu Junyi and Fang La stopped me, saying, "No need for further words." They both turned and called to their men, "Attack together!"
Leading the charge were Li Kui and Wang Yin, both of whom had fiery tempers. They rushed forward partly to save people, and partly out of resentment towards Lü Bu's reputation and his earlier actions.
Wang Yin was faster, grabbing Lü Bu's shoulder to knock him down. Lü Bu shrugged, pulling Wang Yin's arm and throwing him more than five meters away, then elbowing Li Kui in the face, leaving him bruised and battered. Next were Fang Zhenjiang and Bao Jin. The formidable Lü Bu exchanged a palm strike with Fang Zhenjiang, forcing him aside, and then shoved Bao Jin away with his shoulder. This guy was flailing his arms and legs, shouting and yelling, his strength was astonishing, and his moves were surprisingly disciplined. Lü Bu's ferocity was indeed formidable.
Wu Yong shouted from the side, "Brothers, hurry! If this keeps up, the men will die!"
Waves of heroes charged forward, only to be smashed and kicked away by Lü Bu, who sent the man flying like splashing water. In truth, if Lü Bu had wanted to kill him, he wouldn't have been standing this long, but the heroes were determined to save him, and coupled with the young man's frenzied ferocity, they simply couldn't subdue him.
The heroes attacked from the front, and I quietly circled around to Lu Bu's back, slowly approaching him. Suddenly, I pressed myself against his back and grabbed the mass of fat under his ribs...
Everyone knows that I, Xiaoqiang, am a complete idiot, so they all shout, "Xiaoqiang, you're in danger!"
A strange thing happened: Lu Bu, who was acting erratically, suddenly slowed down. He tried to turn around and hit me, but he was too weak. His arm went limp like a noodle halfway up, and then gradually went limp.
I held him until he slowly lay down on the ground and closed his eyes. Only then did I let out a long breath, wipe the sweat from my forehead, and say, "Done again."
The heroes and the Four Heavenly Kings were both amazed and impressed, and asked, "Xiao Qiang, how did you do that?"
Hehe, that's not something I'd tell outsiders. In other people's eyes, he's the bravest warrior Lu Bu, but in my eyes, he's just that chubby kid I used to fight with since we were kids—do you think I defeated him later? It's because I discovered this secret of his: he can't be tickled. Once tickled, he'll immediately collapse into a pile of mud.
Amidst the curious gazes of the crowd, I suddenly threw my head back and burst into laughter: "I am now invincible!"
Hu Sanniang came over and kicked me down, then trapped me in her arms and twisted my head with her fist: "You're invincible now, huh?"
I hurriedly begged for mercy, then picked up the flip-flop, looked around and shouted, "Whose is this?" The owner of this shoe could take the head of a general in the midst of a thousand troops; his fighting prowess is comparable to mine.
Then I saw Ersha, supporting his inseparable best friend, hopping on crutches as he approached me. Zhao Bailian stretched out his hand to me and said, "Give it to me."
I looked down and saw that the slipper Zhao Bailian was wearing on one foot was exactly the same as the one I was holding.