I snorted and said to He Tiandou, "You really should learn from Lao Liu how to be a good person."
He Tiandou sighed and fell silent. I had only taken two steps when I heard Liu Laoliu whispering gloatingly to He Tiandou. His voice was too soft to hear clearly, but I caught bits and pieces of what he said: "Why did you tell him... to let Baozi... look at his crotch... He's going to be in trouble."
I looked down and sure enough, my zipper was open. This was after I was on horseback, wielding my sword against Shi Bao. I turned around and yelled angrily, "Liu Laoliu, how could you be such a scoundrel?"
Liu Laoliu chuckled and said, "It's because you wouldn't let us speak."
He Tiandou then said leisurely, "Sigh, it seems I still have to learn from Lao Liu how to be a person in the future."
I said with a forced smile, "You're a gentleman, how can you compare yourself to someone who just hangs things out to dry on the street?"
Sitting on a stool, Liu Laoliu gesticulated wildly, saying, "What is a gentleman? Gentlemen are all idiots. Was Xiang Yu a gentleman or not? He still couldn't defeat the villain Liu Bang."
He Tiandou smiled and said, "That's why I can never beat you."
Liu Laoliu said modestly, "Neither of us can beat Xiaoqiang."
...
I asked them, "Is the Feast at Hongmen coming up soon for Xiang Yu?"
Liu Laoliu said, "It will take some more time."
Since we've brought this up again, I might as well ask, "What would happen if I wanted to bring my clients back?"
Liu Laoliu shook his head vigorously and said, "Didn't I tell you? This is absolutely not allowed. People are sent back by the Heavenly Dao. If you bring them back, you'll be waiting to die. But I know what you're thinking—if you want those old people to gather, you can do it on their turf. But people on the task list who haven't completed their tasks can't just move around."
I looked up and thought for a moment. Take the group of five for example, Fatty Xiang Yu and Liu Bang still have missions, only Li Shishi is unharmed and has been kidnapped by Jin Shaoyan, who knows when they will be able to reunite.
I waved my hand dejectedly and walked home with my head down. When I entered the bedroom, Baozi was lying on the bed reading a prenatal education magazine. I silently slumped onto the bed, cuddled her, and fell fast asleep.
I'm truly exhausted. All this back-and-forth of breakups and reconciliations is exhausting. I admit I might be influenced by Xi Jinping in this regard; I now crave crowds and want to gather everyone together to drink and chat. But the reality is so frustrating. We're like a group of mice separated by wooden boards, able to smell each other but unable to see one another.
With Fang La's affair over, I finally got to live a peaceful life, just as I had wished. Occasionally, I would receive calls from a few of my heroes and Fang La's side. These guys lived lawless lives, as carefree as bald dogs bathing in a river on a sweltering summer day.
According to them, the Jin dynasty had already begun to encroach upon the territory of the Song dynasty…
I also tried calling Jin Shaoyan a few times, but there was no response at all. Grandma Jin, on the other hand, remained remarkably calm, as if her grandson had simply gone on a honeymoon trip out of town.
I also tried to drive around the timeline again, but strangely enough, the old car, when not on a mission, could no longer successfully reach Einstein's faster-than-light speed.
Two months passed, and then it started again with clients saying goodbye. This time, the first to leave was that scoundrel Qin Hui. The old bastard's departure was quite tragic; we'd almost all forgotten about him. It wasn't until the day after he died that Yue Fei called me. Saying goodbye to yet another journey through life, only someone he'd framed in a past life saw him off. I wonder if Qin Hui felt anything. But Yue Fei said that his work attitude had been very upright during this time, helping the disciplinary committee expose quite a few corrupt officials.
Next up was Lord Su Wu. My clients, knowing about the Human Realm Axis, took farewells lightly, turning almost every parting into a grand "homecoming send-off party." But Lord Su Wu was an exception; his departure meant another 19 years of primitive life. I firmly promised him, holding his hand, that I'd bring him an electric blanket the moment he left, but Lord Su Wu didn't care about that; he was playing the extreme game of survival.
Then there are those artists and legendary doctors. I've collected all the calligraphy works by Wang Xizhi, Liu Gongquan, and others, and aside from giving one copy to Master Gu and another to Fei Sankou so his daughter can practice calligraphy, I rarely show them to anyone. Bian Que and Hua Tuo's cancer research has entered the crucial cellular stage. They entrusted me with a stack of materials, saying that if I have the chance to visit them, besides bringing them a copy, I could also leave it for my future doctor clients, such as Li Shizhen and Zhang Zhongjing, so they could stand on the shoulders of giants and continue to advance.
Yu Boya was filled with anticipation to see Zhong Ziqi again, and consulted the two renowned physicians, Bian and Hua, about the symptoms Zhong Ziqi had experienced before his death. They finally deduced that Zhong Ziqi had simply died from the common flu...
I won't go into details about the others, but there was a troubling matter. Ever since Zhang Zeduan discovered charcoal, he developed a bad habit: he would sketch the human body on the toilet door whenever he went to the toilet—purely artistic practice, as we know that ancient Chinese painters weren't particularly strong in figure drawing. However, the problem was that after Zhang Zeduan finished his sketches, those lifelike charcoal drawings of toilet doors were exploited by a few unscrupulous students who added numerous genital details, turning them into a filthy form of toilet culture. This had a very negative impact, and I tasked Mao Sui with using psychological manipulation to quickly solve the case. In the end, the case was solved, but what to do with those drawings? Erasing them was unthinkable; I had originally planned to apply for intangible cultural heritage status for them along with the Yucai Wall. Leaving them unerased was also unsightly. I could only ask Old Wang to replace all the doors and store them in the warehouse. In the history of Yucai, this incident is known as the "Toilet Door Incident."
Chapter 128 Honeymoon
Among these customers, there's one person who can't be overlooked: Hua Mulan. Unlike my brotherhood with Xiang Yu and the others, her bond with Baozi was like a sisterhood. After the group of five left, she spent most of her time with Baozi. But she too had to leave, and the carefree Baozi seemed to have forgotten all about it. That day, as Baozi turned to get the soup, Hua Mulan suddenly smiled, smoothed her hair, and said to Baozi in the kitchen, "Baozi, I'm leaving. Don't be sad; it's not good for the baby." Then her figure began to fade, and by the time Baozi came out with the soup, Hua Mulan had completely disappeared.
Baozi stared blankly at Mulan's seat, then suddenly burst into tears, sobbing, "I thought Mulan wouldn't leave if we didn't bring this up!"
So she didn't forget, but rather hoped to infect the heavens with her absent-mindedness...
Having learned his lesson, Wu Sangui took it to heart. On the day he was to leave, I got up early in the morning and happened to see the old man strolling outside with his hands behind his back. I asked him where he was going, and Wu Sangui smiled slightly and said, "It's time. I'm going out for a walk and won't be coming back. I don't want Baozi to be sad."
I was heartbroken, and holding Wu Sangui's hand, I stammered, "Third Brother, you're a real man too. Don't take those armchair critics to heart." But then I didn't know what to say next. With others, I could joke about wanting to hang out sometime, but Wu Sangui was different. Going to him would only evoke painful memories and force him to make choices. Without a doubt, his agenda was to lure the Qing army into the pass and then rebel. If things went wrong and I was sent on a mission, it would mean he was trying to repent. If I then went to force him to comply with the drug, it would only make things more awkward.
Wu Sangui seemed to see what I was thinking and said nonchalantly, "Xiaoqiang, it's fate that we met, so there's no need to force it. It would be best if we didn't meet again."
Then, the old traitor walked away leisurely in the sunlight with his hands behind his back. I noticed that the old man's back was already a little hunched.
Guan Yu had left long before Wu Sangui, leaving Zhou Cang to keep an eye on me. He insisted that I go find him around the time of their oath of brotherhood in the Peach Garden, because he still had a lot to say to Liu Bei and Zhang San. My second brother even shamelessly tempted me, saying that he would introduce me to Zhao Yun after I arrived…
I'm not going to do anything like that, and besides, it's just a black face, right? I used to admire him because he could use a gun, he was handsome, and most importantly, I suspected he was my real self—everyone on Liangshan except odd-and-even-hoofed animals could use guns, and his good looks were a given. The arrival of my second brother completely shattered Zhao Yun's image; anyway, I know he's not as fair-skinned as me. The key point is that He Tiandou said I was just a passerby in my past life, which completely killed any lingering feelings I had for Zhao Yun.
The four emperors were the last to leave. The four of them seemed quite auspicious, exchanging winks and playful nudity as they departed. I learned upon asking that they had agreed to visit each other again upon their return, engaging in a prime ministerial-level exchange of visits.
I was exasperated and said, "Can you please stop making things worse? Besides, how do you know I'll definitely come looking for you?"
The four men chuckled and said, "You little punk, we don't believe you wouldn't need our help for nothing!"
Zhu Yuanzhang brought up the old story again, and pulled me aside with a sly look, saying, "Come play with me, that's the thing—as soon as I get home, I'll hand over all the beauties I promised you for a selection process."
Li Shimin said, "If Xiaoqiang really likes this kind of thing, he might as well go to my place first. The princesses of our Great Tang Dynasty are all quite delicious."
I said disdainfully, "Are all the princesses of your Tang Dynasty French?" Judging from his expression, he wasn't sincere at all. He probably just planned to find some random maid, say she was a princess, and hand her over to me. The princesses with any reputation either led armies into battle or married Tibetan officials. I'm just getting the title of imperial consort, and I'm still a generation below him. The emperor's heart is truly filthy!
Genghis Khan chuckled and said, "A man needs land and subjects to have beautiful women. Xiao Qiang, our one-day agreement is valid forever. Wherever there are Mongols on the grassland, there are your friends. Fresh and sweet mare's milk wine and delicious hand-pulled meat are waiting for you."
Well, this Mongol king promised me that he would grant me all the places I could reach in a day as my territory, and that the people on those lands would be my subjects. This condition is quite romantic.
Before Lao Cheng's words could even move me, Zhu Yuanzhang was already tempted and tentatively asked, "Can I go?" The mutual visits that the four of them had previously discussed were all across generations, after all, the relationship between Zhu Yuanzhang and the Mongols was quite sensitive.
Genghis Khan glared at him and said, "All you've come with is a scimitar!"
Zhu Yuanzhang shrank back. Genghis Khan laughed and said, "I was just joking with you. Welcome to the grasslands."
Seeing that all three of them offered me substantial bribes, yet Zhao Kuangyin remained unmoved, I couldn't help but admire him, saying, "Brother Zhao is the most reliable."
Zhao Kuangyin waved his hand with a heavy heart and said, "I have plenty of beautiful women and land, but I remember I even appointed you as Grand Marshal of the Army. If I had known I could go back, I wouldn't have been so reckless. I don't feel at ease until I drink this cup of wine with you."