Xiang Yu exclaimed happily, "Yes, yes, Hua Tuo is excellent. It's just a good thing Cao Cao didn't kill him."
Ersha firmly stated, "Hua Tuo won't work."
We all asked in unison, "What's wrong?"
Ersha turned his gaze back to us and said, "I talked to him; Hua Tuo couldn't have children."
I broke out in a sweat and said, "So Hua Tuo doesn't know anything about obstetrics and gynecology?" As soon as he said that, I remembered that Hua Tuo seemed to be skilled in traditional Chinese medicine and surgery, but I had never heard him mention obstetrics. Bringing him here was just a desperate attempt to find a cure. If he dared to say he was going to perform a cesarean section in the Qin Dynasty, I would kill him!
Yu Ji suddenly said, "Who is Hua Tuo? Why don't you go to Bian Que? His pediatrics and gynecology are said to be excellent. Hasn't Xiao Qiang ever treated him?"
I slapped my thigh and ran onto the road: "I'm going to find Bian Que, you guys keep an eye on Baozi!" It's a good thing Yu Ji knew about such a miraculous doctor, otherwise Wu Sangui might have revealed Zhang Zhongjing and Li Shizhen's names.
So far, the farthest I've traveled was the Qin Dynasty; this is my first time venturing into the pre-Qin era. I adjusted my direction, no longer caring about the timeline, since I'd reached the end anyway. Entering the timeline, it was roughly the same distance as crossing two streets normally. The car stopped in what was neither a village nor a town; the architectural style was similar to the Qin Dynasty, though nowhere near as grand. A long line of people stood in front of a small thatched hut. Inside, an elderly man with wrinkled skin and white hair sat intently inquiring about a patient's condition. Those behind him murmured, "It's rare for the legendary physician Bian Que to come to our place for treatment; we're truly blessed!" Their expressions were quite pleased.
I got off the bus and pushed my way forward, while the people behind me shouted, "Line up!" I didn't care and squeezed to the front. Bian Que had just finished dispensing medicine to someone when he looked up in surprise and said, "Why aren't you lining up?"
Normally, I could have tried to get the old man the blue medicine first. But the situation was urgent, and I didn't have a good excuse, so I could only tell the truth: "Doctor, my wife can't have children!"
Bian Que scratched his white hair and asked, "What's going on? Is it your problem or your wife's?"
I paused for a moment, then said with a mournful face, "It's my wife's problem—she had a difficult childbirth!" The old man misunderstood, thinking I had come to him asking for aphrodisiacs. If it were really my problem, I would have gone to An Daoquan!
As expected of a doctor with the heart of a parent, Bian Que listened intently and said, "Oh dear, this is a matter of great importance. Do you live nearby?" It seems that my approach was correct. Even if you give a doctor like Bian Que the blue medicine first, he might not be willing to do you a favor. Especially now that I am so wealthy and powerful, it is easy to annoy the old man. As the divine doctor Bian said, those who rely on their power to bully others and are arrogant and domineering are incurable!
I said, "My home isn't close, but it won't take you long to get there if you come with me."
Bian Que tidied up the few simple items on the table and said, "Then let's hurry, it's a matter of life and death."
The patient in front of us said anxiously, "But I'm in a hurry too, miracle doctor!"
Bian Que put his straw hat on his head and asked, "What's wrong with you?"
The man was so anxious he was almost crying. He said, "My child was eating fish and a bone got stuck in his neck. He's crying in pain."
Bian Que said with difficulty, "This is troublesome. Normally, I can go home with you to help the child remove the thorn, but now..."
I slammed my hand on the table and said to that person, "Drink vinegar!"
The man asked hesitantly, "Will it work?"
I said confidently, "It'll definitely work. If that doesn't work, hang the duck upside down to collect some saliva. That's the final solution. If that still doesn't work, it means your son isn't actually choking on a thorn; he's just trying to avoid going to school..."
The man clearly still didn't believe me, and looked at Bian Que questioningly. Bian Que thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, duck saliva to dissolve thorns, that's a really good method. I never thought of that before."
The man was overjoyed upon hearing this, gave me a thumbs-up, and said, "You're amazing!" Then he flew away like the wind.
Before we left, the second person squeezed his way up, saying, "Uh, miracle...uh, doctor, uh..."
Bian Que had already gotten up, but he couldn't help asking, "What's wrong with you?"
The man said, "I...uh, I'm hiccuping...uh, not just hiccuping, uh...what should I do?"
Before Bian Que could speak, I pointed at the man's nose and said, "Hold your breath!"
The man was startled and asked doubtfully, "Will it work?"
I shouted at him, "Are you a doctor and am I a doctor? Listen to me!"
The person obediently stood to the side and held their breath...
The third person blocked my way, waving his arms and legs, and said with one eye closed, "Doctor, could you also take a look at this? I have a small pebble in this eye, and I can't get it out no matter how I try to wash it." Seeing his pained expression and one eye still closed, I casually said, "Just pull your upper eyelid over your lower eyelid and rub it a few times, and it'll be fine." Then I ignored him and pointed to the next person, "Hurry up, hurry up, I don't have much time. What's wrong with you?"
...
It's fair to say that people back then were pitiful. They basically had to tough it out on any illness, big or small. When a doctor was available, they'd come to him for advice no matter what was wrong. Luckily, my shabby little life hacks usually solved most problems—I used to buy those calendars where each page had a little remedy, and I'd tear one off to look at it when I needed to use the restroom…
In the end, I became increasingly unable to walk, and people started directly asking me why I ignored Bian Que. Bian Que didn't seem to feel particularly bad about being ignored. He first looked at me with disbelief, then lowered his head and silently memorized all the folk remedies I had mentioned. At this point, the one who had been holding his breath could no longer hold it in. After catching his breath for a while, he exclaimed happily, "Ah, it really works! Thank you, divine doctor!"
I didn't have time to pay him any attention and casually said, "You're forbidden from calling me a miracle doctor. There's only one miracle doctor around here, and that's Master Bian Que. Understand?" Actually, I figured he would have gotten better long ago even without holding his breath—hiccups can be so effective when someone suddenly startles you, and I had startled him before he even held his breath...
The one who had rolled their eyes blinked and said, "It's amazing, the pain stopped immediately."
I said, "These are all methods invented by the legendary physician Bian Que. I'm just telling you on his behalf."
People immediately stood in awe and exclaimed, "A divine doctor is indeed a divine doctor!" Bian Que felt slightly uncomfortable and didn't know how to explain, but his expression still showed a hint of delight. Doctor Bian was indifferent to fame and fortune and didn't care about such empty titles, but this was definitely more considerate than inviting him in a grand sedan chair carried by eight men.
Just then, my ultimate assassin appeared. A man ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and said, "Big brother, please save me."
I frowned and asked, "What's wrong with you?" The man had a strong smell of garlic in his breath, which made me roll my eyes.
The man grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go, saying, "I regret eating a braid of garlic with my noodles for lunch! My wife won't be affectionate with me anymore. Brother, you must have a way to fix this—"
I leaped three zhang away, peeled a piece of chewing gum and tossed it to him like a hidden weapon, saying, "Chew, but don't swallow!" Of course, this chewing gum was just the ordinary kind.
The man picked up his chewing gum, chewed it a few times, and looked blissfully pleased. He gestured with his hand to his throat and chest, saying, "From here to here, it feels comfortable!"
While I was at it, I finally managed to get Bian Que into the car. As I started the engine, I said, "Please wait a moment, divine doctor. We'll be there soon."
Bian Que stammered, "I think you are the real miracle doctor."
I blushed and said, "Don't say that, it's just cleverness."
Bian Que said somewhat embarrassedly, "Can I use these prescriptions you just mentioned when I practice medicine in the future? Of course, I will tell people that they are your inventions. By the way, may I ask your name, young master?"
I said, "Just call me Xiaoqiang, I won't say any more. I'll give you something to eat in a bit and you'll understand everything." I patted myself down and said awkwardly, "Oh no."
"What's wrong?"