Holding her in his arms, he slowly fell asleep, and even in his dreams, he saw them embracing each other.
Why is tonight so short?
First visit to Jiangnan
Song Zixing and his group traveled for another day, and soon they were approaching Xiangyang County. They encountered only a few bandits along the way and faced no major obstacles. As they entered Jiangling territory, night fell, and the group set up camp deep in the mountains. Song Zixing took Hua Wuduo out of the carriage and noticed her face was covered in tears. He realized she had already woken up.
He placed her on the soft cushions inside the tent and carefully wiped her face. She opened her eyes and looked at him. The effects of the alcohol had worn off; her cheeks were slightly pale, and her gaze was somewhat dazed. Song Zixing's heart tightened, but he still smiled. He helped her sit up, supporting her with the cushions. Song Zixing took a bowl of chicken soup from beside him, scooped up a spoonful, blew on it, and said softly, "You've slept for so many days; you're very weak. Drink some soup to soothe yourself before eating anything."
He brought the chicken soup to her lips. She paused slightly, her gaze shifting from the soup to Song Zixing, her eyes brimming with tears that streamed down her cheeks in the blink of an eye. Song Zixing smiled faintly, took a handkerchief from his chest and wiped her face, saying, "Things have come to this, why make things difficult for yourself?"
Upon hearing this, she leaned back blankly, staring listlessly at the top of the tent, tears streaming down her cheeks and behind her ears. Song Zixing's gaze darkened. He put the bowl and spoon aside, pulled her into his arms, and said in a deep voice, "If you want to cry, then cry your fill."
She nestled in his arms, feeling the warmth of his chest and the comforting touch of his palm on her back. She didn't struggle at all, letting Song Zixing hold her. She didn't cry for long, and gradually drifted off to sleep in his arms.
She was extremely weak, and if she didn't eat soon, her life would be in danger. Song Zixing frowned as he looked at her unconscious state, and slowly channeled some of his inner energy into her to wake her up. He reheated the chicken soup again and again, and finally fed her a small bowl before letting her fall asleep again.
Hua Wuduo had just fallen asleep when a scout who had gone out to explore reported that Xu Qing and his party had been attacked by bandits the day before, suffering heavy losses, including the theft of two carriages. Xu Qing was also seriously injured and his life was in danger.
The scouts reported that the bandits who attacked Xu Qing were launching a midnight raid. There were about two hundred of them, and they were ruthless, killing anyone they saw upon entering the camp. They were also highly trained, unlike ordinary bandits. After a night of fierce fighting, Xu Qing's side suffered heavy losses; only about ten of his men managed to break through the encirclement, while the rest perished.
The next day, Song Zixing sent dozens of people and his accompanying physicians to meet Xu Qing, while he and Wu Zheng, along with more than a hundred others, led Hua Wuduo on a fast horse to Jiangnan.
Although Hua Wuduo had woken up, she remained drowsy every day, sleeping more than she was awake. So Song Zixing provided her with a carriage to rest in.
Among the hundred people accompanying her, few had seen Hua Wuduo's true face. Although she no longer wore a mask, firstly, she hid silently in the car all day, and secondly, even when she got out of the car, she would put on a face mask to cover her face.
The caravan continued south for several more days, passing Jiangling and about to enter the Jiangnan region.
Hua Wuduo hasn't uttered a single word since waking up, often lost in thought, occasionally shedding tears for some unknown reason. She eats very little each day, and no matter what Song Zixing says to her, she remains listless, rarely responding, and even showing some resistance. Even when confronted by highway robbers, she doesn't open the car door.
Hua Wuduo accompanied Song Zixing to Jiangnan in the depths of winter.
Even in winter, the Jiangnan region cannot hide its desolation. For days, it has been gloomy and rainy, with light but persistent drizzle, making it increasingly cold and gloomy, and causing people to feel depressed.
The Governor-General's Office of Jiangnan was in Hangzhou, but Song Zixing's Annam General's Office was in Suzhou.
Suzhou, the residence of the Annan General.
Hua Wuduo has lived in seclusion here ever since, rarely going out and often staying alone in his room.
Song Zixing came to see her several times, but she was always lying in bed and refused to let him in. When Song Zixing called to her from outside the door, she would say, "I'm asleep." Song Zixing had no choice but to leave.
Since leaving the capital, she has been largely unresponsive, eating very little, and often staying indoors alone without meals. She doesn't groom herself or dress up, and has even stopped wearing her mask. Although it has been raining frequently lately, making it unsuitable for going out, Song Zixing knew that she was in a bad mood.
Since returning to Jiangnan, Song Zixing had been very busy, rarely visiting the General's Mansion, but he made time every day to see her, to say a few words, a simple greeting, or to call her name—he never missed a day. Although she rarely responded, he didn't seem to mind. Sometimes when they met, they would sit together in silence, staring blankly at each other. Song Zixing would look at her, while she would gaze at a corner of the room, her eyes unmoving. Even after he left, she would still be staring at that corner, lost in thought, her eyes filled with sadness and loneliness.
One day, Song Zixing returned to the general's mansion early and ordered someone to bring three jars of aged wine to Hua Wuduo's residence. According to Song Zixing, this wine was a gift from the people of Cangshu Town to thank him for his efforts in attacking the bandits of Qionglong Mountain.
Smelling the aroma of the wine, Hua Wuduo finally perked up a bit. Regardless of where the wine came from or why, he drank a lot in one go, but still didn't say much.
Song Zixing would occasionally ask her a question, and she would answer it. If Song Zixing didn't speak, she would keep drinking until the sun was setting and she had finished all three jars of wine before she stopped.
She had a high alcohol tolerance, but after drinking so much strong liquor, she was starting to feel unsteady on her feet. She leaned awkwardly against the table. The room was quiet; it was already dark, and the maid who was supposed to light the lamps hadn't come.
Song Zixing also propped his head up with his hand and half-closed his eyes, clearly having drunk quite a bit too much.
A short while later, she suddenly rushed out of the house and vomited up everything she had eaten and drunk.
Hearing the commotion, Song Zixing came out as well, patted her back, and handed her a cup of tea. He intended to help her into the house, but she shook off his support and staggered back on her own. Unintentionally, she tripped and fell awkwardly on the steps at the door. She pushed away Song Zixing's help, rolled over and sat up, but as soon as she stood up, her arms and legs gave way, and she fell back down. Suddenly, she smiled and decided to stay still.
Song Zixing remained silent and sat down on the ground with her, leaning against the door.
She leaned against the steps, feeling the cool night breeze on her face. She reached up and touched her face, finding tears. When had she started crying? She wiped her face with her sleeve and laughed at herself.
Night fell, the sky was dark, there were no stars or moon, only the cold wind blowing slowly in the night dispelled her slight smell of alcohol.
Her face was buried in the shadows. After a long while, she whispered, "Do you know? Actually, I lied to him. I didn't tell him my true identity. I was wrong, but I stubbornly blamed him for deceiving me and betraying me..." At this point, tears streamed down her face again, but she continued, "If I had told him my identity back then, perhaps things wouldn't be like this now. I used to think that if he was with me because of my identity, that wasn't what I wanted, but..." She shook her head, tears streaming down her face. She wiped them away, but more flowed, seemingly uncontrollable. "But I... I understand now, I regret it. I often think, if he had known my identity back then..." "Then he'll be with me. I'll still be me, and he'll still be him, what's wrong with that? An identity is an identity, and identities are meant to be used. Having one is better than not having one. Why was I so stupid back then? Why couldn't I see that? I always thought that if they knew my identity, they wouldn't be genuinely kind to me, so I deliberately hid my identity. How could I be so stupid..." She buried her head between her legs, becoming more and more heartbroken and on the verge of tears. "Now everything is irreversible, there's no way to make amends. Why did this happen? Why did this happen? It's all my fault, my fault!" At this moment, she just wanted to talk to someone, no matter who that person was. Perhaps Song Zixing wasn't her friend, but right now, only Song Zixing was by her side, and only Song Zixing could understand what she was saying.
Her words were somewhat incoherent, but Song Zixing understood them perfectly. He leaned against the door, half-hiding his eyes, and said softly, "You did nothing wrong. Even if you had revealed your true identity to him from the beginning, he still wouldn't have chosen you."
Hua Wuduo raised her head upon hearing this, looking at Song Zixing with confusion. He seemed unusually listless, unlike his usual self. She had expected him to laugh at her, but he didn't; in fact, he seemed quite strange. She asked, puzzled, "Why? Am I not good enough for him?"
Song Zixing shook his head and said, "No, you are worthy, but the Qi family's influence in the court is unmatched by the Fang family. What Empress Liu desires most right now is the position of Empress Dowager, and only the Qi family can grant her that wish. Your Fang family cannot give Empress Liu what she wants. Not only that, but there's something you might not know: Tang Ye is Liu Xiu's cousin, and Tang Ye's mother is Liu Xiu's aunt. The Tang family has always maintained close ties with the Liu family. On the day of your sister's wedding, Tang Ye sent someone to kill Li Kang's uncle, Li Dao, and impersonated him to assassinate your brother-in-law, Li Kang. The Li family hates Tang Ye to the core, and Li She, to avenge his uncle's death, secretly recruited many martial arts figures to hunt down Tang Ye. So... even if Liu Xiu knew your identity, compared to the two, he would still choose the Qi family and marry Qi Xin, while you... even if you are not abandoned, you will be in a rather awkward situation."
Only now did she learn about the assassination attempt on her brother-in-law, Li Kang, by the imposter Li Dao. After the initial shock, she remained silent for a long time, remembering that she had once made a mask for Tang Ye. Could the mask's original form be Li Dao? She stopped crying and asked, "Why did he kill Li Dao? To ruin my sister's wedding?"
Song Zixing said, "There are two reasons. First, the Tang family and the Liu family have intricate connections. Tang Ye is the young master of the assassin organization, its de facto leader, and the Tang family is the organization's behind-the-scenes supporter. Behind the Tang family is the Liu family. The Li family has some grudges against the Tang family, so their attitude towards the Liu family is unclear. The Liu family also senses that the Li family's ambitions are not with them, so this marriage between the Fang and Li families will inevitably pose a threat to them. For them, it's better to sabotage it. Second, do you know about your sister's relationship with the assassin Wuyin back then?" Seeing Hua Wuduo nod, he continued, "I think Tang Ye's reason for not wanting your sister to marry Li Kang might not be without this reason. Very few people in the world know Wuyin's identity, but I do."
"Who is Wuyin?" Hua Wuduo asked.
“Wu Yin is Tang Feng, the second young master of the Tang family. He is also Tang Ye’s older brother,” Song Zixing replied.
Song Zixing didn't continue, and Hua Wuduo nodded and said, "I understand. The grudge between the Li family and the Tang family that you mentioned is probably caused by the conflict between Li Kang and Tang Feng back then."
Song Zixing nodded and said calmly, "It all started with your sister."
The winter night wind made her even more sober. The effects of the alcohol had worn off, leaving only a bitter taste in her mouth. She didn't want to say anything more about her sister's faults, so she just snorted softly and said sarcastically, "I thought my status was very important and useful. Turns out I knew nothing and ridiculously overestimated myself."
Song Zixing sat behind her, gazing at her profile, slightly lost in thought. She wasn't wearing a mask, and her hair, unkempt for days, hung loosely down her back, giving her a somewhat disheveled yet languid air. Even so, in the pitch-black, moonless night, she was breathtakingly beautiful. His voice softened unconsciously as he said softly, "Don't belittle yourself. Your identity is important, but it's not the most crucial bargaining chip the Liu family needs right now."
Hua Wuduo fell silent. Deep down, she didn't entirely believe Song Zixing's words. Although there was some truth to them, she knew that Song Zixing's words might have been meant to comfort her, downplaying the seriousness of the matter. Even though she understood this, she still wanted to believe Song Zixing more. Only in this way could she feel better.
Song Zixing added, "It's too late to dwell on it now. No matter how much you regret it, he has already chosen Qi Xin."
Yes, he chose Qi Xin. Thinking of this, her heart ached. She pounded her chest, then pounded it again, as if that would ease the tightness in her chest, but she knew it was all in vain.
She told herself she couldn't think about this anymore. Her thoughts drifted, and as if suddenly remembering something, she turned back and asked, "Why did you take me with you?" Hua Wuduo was referring to Song Zixing bringing her from the capital to Jiangnan.
Upon hearing this, Song Zixing chuckled softly and said, "Weren't you coming to Jiangnan for a visit? I'm coming back anyway, so taking you along is just on the way."
Hua Wuduo gave a soft snort, knowing full well that he wasn't telling the truth, but he wasn't in the mood to delve into it. He then asked, "How did you know I was coming to Jiangnan?"
Song Zixing said with a half-smile, "I guessed."
Knowing full well that he was lying, Hua Wuduo merely snorted, glanced at him, and then looked away, asking, "Why did you suddenly go to the capital?"
Song Zixing had also drunk quite a bit tonight. Hearing her ask this, he couldn't help but smile faintly, his expression slightly hazy, as if he were recounting a story or reminiscing. "That day, you and Liu Xiu fell into the valley in Luoyang. I searched everywhere but couldn't find you. So I contacted many friends in the martial arts world to look for your whereabouts. I finally found your trail in Luzhou, but when I arrived there, you and Liu Xiu were already gone. Later, I learned that you and Tang Ye had gone to the capital together, so I set off to the capital to find you. Although I didn't know what kind of situation I would encounter, I had a premonition that you would need me."
Upon hearing the words "You'll need me," Hua Wuduo's eyes flickered, but she then curled her lip in disdain, clearly not believing it. She said, "Why do you always follow me? Ha, I know, it's because of my status. Although Liu Xiu doesn't need me, you do, don't you?" Hua Wuduo's question was extremely direct and uncompromising, leaving no room for negotiation and giving Song Zixing no face whatsoever. Hua Wuduo was always this straightforward, especially towards Song Zixing, with an instinctive aversion to him, and she had never given him a kind look. At this moment, a sarcastic sneer played on her lips as she watched Song Zixing's eyes darken as if his thoughts had been exposed, and she felt a strange sense of vengeful pleasure. Knowing Song Zixing's character, she didn't expect to hear a satisfactory answer.
Song Zixing sighed. The woman before him, though injured, was covered in thorns, and though she was the one who was being pricked, he felt a strange mix of helplessness and joy. He said, "You're right. If you could marry me and forge an alliance between the Song and Fang families through our marriage, the Song family would be greatly strengthened. My father, my uncle, and everyone in the Song family hopes I can marry you. This thought arose when I guessed your identity, and it still lingers now."
Hua Wuduo chuckled and said, "Your answer was quite straightforward and frank."
Song Zixing said, "It's nothing. We are all living in this world, and we are inevitably influenced by family ties, power, and desires. Different people make different choices, which is understandable. However, the reason I brought you to Jiangnan this time is not to make you marry me."
Hua Wuduocai didn't believe it and coldly replied, "What else could it be?"
Song Zixing's lips suddenly curled into a smirk, and he abruptly moved closer. She quickly dodged away. Her evasiveness appeared as a hint of amusement to him. He chuckled softly, saying with a touch of flippancy, "I want you to develop feelings for me over time."
This was probably the funniest joke Hua Wuduo had heard in recent years. After his lips twitched twice, Hua Wuduo suddenly burst out laughing, pointing at Song Zixing's face without any politeness and spitting out a laugh: "This skin... haha, how can this skin be so thick."
Song Zixing seemed unconcerned, gripping the fingertip pointing at him tightly in his hand, not allowing her to break free.
His gaze burned like fire, taking in her smile, her dejection and disappointment, and her attempt to conceal her inner fear with nonchalance. He wouldn't let her escape his control, he wanted her to hear every word he was about to say. With a faint smile, he spoke with crystal clarity: "I have a quirk. Things that are dispensable to me, I usually disregard. But if such a person or thing becomes something I yearn for, I will do everything in my power to obtain it. Even if I don't get it, I won't regret it because I tried my best. When you fell into the abyss, I was terrified upon hearing the news. I turned back to Luoyang and used every means to search for you. When I didn't hear from you for days, I couldn't sleep for days. When I learned that you might still be alive, I was restless and just wanted to see you immediately. When I learned that Liu Xiu was going to marry Qi Xin, and that you and Tang Ye were on your way to the capital; when I abandoned everything and traveled thousands of miles without stopping to rush to the capital for you, I had already made up my mind."
"What idea?" she asked hesitantly, her palms sweating and her whole body tense without her realizing it. She didn't know if it was because Song Zixing had spoken too quickly, making it hard for her to react, or if Song Zixing's relentless pressure was making it difficult for her to breathe. In any case, she subconsciously asked those four words.
He stared at her intently, noticing that her earlier sharpness had faded, replaced by tension and a hint of evasion in her eyes, yet she remained stubbornly resolute. He then calmly and deliberately said, word by word, "I want you to fall in love with me!"
*Thump...* Hua Wuduo, who had been dodging backwards, hadn't noticed she was already at the edge of the steps. Hearing the last sentence, she was so startled that she fell down the steps. At that moment, she couldn't care less about the pain in her body; she only felt that Song Zixing looked exceptionally terrifying...
She stared at Song Zixing, speechless, her expression one of utter terror...
Song Zixing coughed lightly, not bothering to help her up. He got up, dusted off the dirt on his clothes, straightened the wrinkles at the hem, glanced at Hua Wuduo who remained silent, her eyes wide like copper bells, and then turned and walked away. As he passed Hua Wuduo, he paused, then suddenly burst into several loud, impolite laughs. The sound startled Hua Wuduo, jolting her awake, only to find him already gone.
Three words suddenly popped into Hua Wuduo's mind: He'd been tricked!
Damn it! Turtle Planet truly is the most detestable planet in the world!
Chaos in the world
He left, and her tense nerves suddenly relaxed. She suddenly felt very good, and the frustration and depression of the past few days were relieved. She didn't get up, but just lay down on the steps without any regard for anything, letting the damp and cold air soak into her hair and body. It was cold, but it felt very good.
After a while, she suddenly rolled over and jumped up, grabbed her disheveled hair that hadn't been washed for days, smelled her own body, and almost vomited for a moment. She hurriedly shouted outside, "Is anyone there?! I want to take a shower."
Just then, someone outside the door replied, "Please wait a moment, young lady, I'll have someone prepare it right away."
After that night, although Hua Wuduo would occasionally drift into a daze, he would go out for a stroll instead of staying cooped up in the house.
What's the point of clinging to the past if we can never get back the things and people from the past? Although I know I should forget, I can't control my thoughts, so when I'm in pain, I keep telling myself that since I can't forget, I should try to face it, and maybe I'll forget it in time.
Memories of being with Liu Xiu would often surface unexpectedly in her mind. Even hearing a homonym for "Xiu" would make her pause, fall silent, and then, after a faint bitter smile, tell herself that she would eventually forget. Besides Liu Xiu, another person's gaze frequently appeared in her mind: the incredulous look in Gongzi Yi's eyes when he learned her true identity. She remembered the day he held her hand and said, "No matter what, I will always be by your side." But in the blink of an eye, she had fallen into Song Zixing's clutches. Was he blaming her for deliberately deceiving him all along? That's why he hadn't looked for her. Would he hate her for this?
After spending several days in Suzhou, she finally learned that Song Zixing was a household name in Jiangnan. Everyone revered this general; women admired him, and men respected him. She had originally thought that Song Zixing was at most a nobleman's son, and even if he had any ability, it was due to the blessings of his ancestors. She never expected that he would be so beloved by the people of Jiangnan.
Hua Wuduo had only passed through Jiangnan briefly the last time, but now that he had stayed there for several days, he discovered that everyone from the noble families with status to merchants, commoners, and even beggars, all looked on with admiration whenever Song Zixing was mentioned.
Especially women, particularly unmarried girls, almost always start with a scream when Song Zixing is mentioned. Is it really necessary…? Hua Wuduo couldn't help but shudder every time she heard it, especially when she thought about what he said that night. What's most infuriating is that she actually believed him for a moment!
However, a few days later, Hua Wuduo wanted to scream when he mentioned Song Zixing, because damn it, how could he be so rich... Ah!
Song Zixing said she could stay at the General's Mansion or one of his several villas in Jiangnan, and he would provide food and lodging wherever she wanted. If she didn't like either of those, she could stay at any inn in Jiangnan, and he would cover all the expenses. She could even ask him for money if she bought anything in Jiangnan. If he wasn't there, she could ask Uncle Wu, the steward of the General's Mansion, for money, but this was only within Jiangnan; he wouldn't take care of her outside of Jiangnan.
This was a trap, Hua Wuduo immediately recognized it and scoffed at it. Such a shallow and unoriginal trap—how could Song Zixing have come up with it? Despite her disdain, she had to admit that Song Zixing's actions were indeed a tremendous temptation for her, an irresistible allure. When she and Tang Ye fell into the deep cave, their silver notes were already soaked and unusable. Later, when they arrived in the capital, they had very little silver left. And now, in the bustling Jiangnan region, how could they survive without money?
Hua Wuduo felt that without money in her pocket, she had no strength to walk, no taste in food, and no meaning in life. So she decided to stay in Jiangnan for the time being and eat and live there. However, she mustered up the courage to ask him for more money several times, but she gave up halfway. She always felt that taking his money for nothing would make her feel indebted. After careful consideration, Hua Wuduo went to Turtle Star to negotiate a price in person.
With a sincere expression, she said she was willing to offer a small amount of effort in exchange for a large sum of money. Although it was obvious she wanted to take advantage of him, she felt much more justified.
Turtle Star agreed without any resistance, casually asking her, "What can you do?"
Hua Wu hurriedly replied, "I know martial arts and used to be a bodyguard." This was the only proper job she had ever done; being a maid didn't count.
After some consideration, Turtle Star gave her a job as his sister Song Ziyin's bodyguard.
Song Ziyin originally lived in the Governor's Mansion in Hangzhou. Recently, she said she was going to Suzhou for sightseeing and to visit some of her sisters, so she came to stay at her brother's General's Mansion in Suzhou for a while.
Song Ziyin rarely left his home, staying in the garden all day long. He didn't need any bodyguards. He only went to worship gods and Buddhas occasionally. Whenever he went out, he was always in a sedan chair or carriage, surrounded by servants. In particular, given the Song family's reputation in Jiangnan, Hua Wuduo felt that no one would object to Song Ziyin walking around with impunity.
As Song Ziyin's bodyguard, Hua Wuduo felt completely superfluous, which was exactly what she wanted. However, since she was in charge of the bodyguard position and had received a generous sum of money from Song Zixing, she had to give a token gesture.
She occasionally accompanied Song Ziyin to worship Guanyin, and sometimes attended the young ladies' tea parties. Life went on like this. These young ladies of Suzhou especially loved gold and silver jewelry; each one was adorned with gold and silver, jade and pearls from head to toe, clearly from wealthy families. Their conversations consisted of a third about Song Zixing, a third about music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, and a third about cosmetics. Hua Wuduo quite rudely fell asleep standing up several times.
Because she had things to do, Hua Wuduo gradually spent less time daydreaming.
Spending time with Song Ziyin these days, Hua Wuduo accidentally discovered a secret—Song Ziyin's secret.
One day, bored, Hua Wuduo hung upside down from Song Ziyin's roof. He inadvertently saw Song Ziyin take a scroll from the bottom of a cabinet, unfold it, and then, with a dazed expression, repeatedly stroke the figure in the painting. Hua Wuduo, upon closer inspection, was startled; the person in the painting was Wu Qi. No one could understand Song Ziyin's feelings. Back in his room, Hua Wuduo sighed repeatedly, lamenting that Gongzi Qi's seemingly innocent and beautiful appearance had deceived the pure heart of a young girl.