“I already know that, don’t worry, I don’t hate him.”
My mother looked at me in shock. "Did Ling'er tell you this?"
"No, he's such a proud person that he wouldn't want to say it; someone else told me."
"...In that case, you still need to be careful of Ling'er; that child is too dangerous."
“He’s always been dangerous.” I frowned slightly when I saw the silvery-white strands of hair falling across my mother’s cheek.
"What I'm saying is that you must be very careful what you say in front of him, especially don't mention that child, Moru. You always think that no matter what you do, Ling'er won't do anything to you, but everyone has a bottom line. You hurt him too deeply before, and I'm afraid that you won't know how to take care of yourself and that Ling'er might do something extreme."
At the time, I did take those words to heart, but how could I change my habits and temperament that I had developed over so many years?
I spent about ten days with my mother, and those ten days passed in the blink of an eye.
When Mother passed away, she was peaceful, just a little too thin and pale; otherwise, she would have looked like she was just asleep. I held her hand, and it still felt like her bones were craning. I knelt by her bedside all night, and only when the lamp was burning low and the east was beginning to lighten did I feel my eyes stinging.
I asked Xiao Qin, the gatekeeper, to help me carry my mother to a cemetery a little further out in the suburbs. I sent Xiao Qin away and then spent most of the day digging a hole. I carefully straightened my mother's clothes before burying her. I kowtowed three times, covered her with soil, and then kowtowed several more times. My eyes were still dry and sore.
I never thought of having Nangong Ling give my mother a proper burial. At that time, such a thought never even crossed my mind. It was only much later that I realized that I had subconsciously stopped trusting anyone.
Chapter 52
People say that good fortune never comes in pairs, but misfortunes never come singly.
Yue Linghe and I returned to Wuyue Palace together. I went straight to my Embroidered Gold Pavilion, closed the door and locked it as soon as I entered. I needed some peace and quiet.
And so, her mother passed away too.
Even if my father used me, he still genuinely loved and doted on me. While I can't say I completely killed him, I was certainly involved to some extent. My mother was the most innocent in all of this, but because of my selfishness and negligence, I caused her death.
I'm unfilial; I'm the one who should die. I clenched my wrist, but the taste of blood couldn't dispel the bitterness in my heart. No matter how much it hurt, I just couldn't cry.
"Lian'er, open the door."
A soft, low voice sounded outside the door, accompanied by the light tapping of fingers on the wooden door, piercing the eardrums and causing pain deep in the memory.
The sweet, fishy smell grew stronger, but it couldn't dispel the dryness that had solidified in my eyes.
"Lian'er!" The person outside raised their voice, and the fragile wooden door was easily shaken open.
Wrapped tightly in the silk quilt, feeling the lack of air, my heart clenched painfully.
Someone tried to pull the blanket off me. They first tugged at it gently and said something indistinctly, but I couldn't hear what they were saying.
Gradually, the person increased the pressure, and I felt a pain in my hand, losing my grip on the silk quilt. The cold fragrance that rushed in was too sudden, and my throat itched. I let go and couldn't help but cough.
The person stood in front of the bed, clutching the silk quilt tightly, frozen in place.
I took a deep breath and finally felt a little better, but when I looked up, I felt suffocated again.
His face was deathly pale, and his pearly white teeth were tightly biting his lower lip, the white lip so taut it looked as if it could burst open at any moment and drip bright red blood.
Those unfathomable black phoenix eyes were as cold as thorns and as sharp as blades.
It's terrifying; I can't even breathe.
An unbearable itch rose in my throat again, and I choked on the thin air and started coughing again. It felt so uncomfortable.
His slender, fair hand slowly reached out, and perhaps due to blood loss causing blurred vision, his fingers trembled slightly.
It was ice cold; in such a hot weather, the temperature of his hands was unbelievably low.
"You..." The voice was frighteningly hoarse.
I regained some clarity and felt the biting cold on my face.
"If you're feeling down... cry it out..."
Yunzhi, stop making that expression, it doesn't sound like you at all. And why does your voice sound like you're about to cry?
She opened her mouth, wanting to laugh at him, but her eyes welled up with tears, and warm liquid slid down her lips. It tasted so salty.
I was stunned for a moment, and before I could react, he covered me with his whole body and hugged me tightly, almost as if he wanted to embed me into his body.
Smelling the familiar scent, her fingers instinctively tugged at his clothes. The suppressed bitterness surged from her limbs to her burning eyes, turning into tears that soaked his white brocade robe.
Later, I cried until I was too tired to move anymore and snuggled in his arms.
"Ling'er said you haven't eaten all day, are you hungry?"
An unpleasant name. Even if his voice is gentle, the very first two words ruin the mood.
“I hate Yue Linghe. You sent her back.”
His body stiffened. "I know you're in pain, but you don't need to take Ling'er..."
“If it were Mo Ru, he would never make things difficult for me for another woman.” His expression had changed, but my mind was blank, and I couldn’t control my mouth at all. “Whatever I say, Mo Ru will definitely do it.”
His breathing became unsteady, and his hand was already raised.
"Mo Ru would never hit me; he wouldn't even touch me."
The light emanating from his slender phoenix eyes was even more captivating than before, and with a twist of his hand, which was halfway raised, he cleaved the heavy screen in two.
When this man gets angry, he doesn't hold back. He pushed me aside, turned around and left. My back hit the sharp bed beam, but I didn't utter a sound.
You treat me like this because of Yue Linghe. What's the use if she's similar to me? She's still a different person. Why do you pamper her?
I opened my eyes wide, and tears streamed down my fingertips, each drop like a falling flower.
Without that cool fragrance, my throat started itching again, and this time it felt like I was coughing up my lungs. My whole body ached, as if I were about to die.
Rong Liancai disdained to be like other women, fighting and being jealous over a man.
I can live a good life without you. But without you, Yue Linghe has no choice but to die.
Chapter 53
I thought I could keep my feelings tightly under control, but when I had the idea of leaving Wuyue Palace, I realized how wrong I was.
It's an obvious form of avoidance; because they've been hurt, they're unwilling to face it.
I felt so pathetic and shameful. After finally calming down a little and gathering a bit of courage, I realized that I might have gone too far when I thought about what my mother had told me. Despite the pain all over my body, I decided to apologize.
But man proposes, God disposes. What I saw in the flower hall outside Shuiyun Pavilion easily shattered my already weak intention to turn back.
What was that? Nangong Ling actually rested his head on Yue Linghe's lap. An incense burner on the soft couch emitted soft, fragrant smoke, the swirling smoke seemingly enveloping the two of them in a secluded, tranquil place. Like an outsider, I watched as the tenderness in Yue Linghe's eyes became a sharp knife, and Nangong Ling's peaceful sleeping face pierced my eyes like needles, taking root in my heart.
All composure and courage were crushed in an instant.
Liars, they're all liars.
Stepping out of the flower hall, the sunlight shone down without any obstruction, yet I felt an unprecedented chill.
“Miss Rong…” Shao Ming would stammer every time she saw me.
Sometimes I have to admire myself; I can always laugh no matter what the situation.
"Shaoming, you're familiar with Luoyang, aren't you?"
"I grew up in Luoyang, so I am familiar with it."
"Oh, what's fun? I'm feeling a bit bored, and your master has allowed me to go out for a walk."
He looked at me suspiciously, "Then... please let me go and confirm again."
"He's asleep, do you want to disturb his sweet dreams?"
I raised an eyebrow, my hand unconsciously clenching into a fist. If he insisted on going in, he shouldn't blame me for being impolite.
Shao Ming was taken aback, of course, she knew that their palace master often suffered from insomnia, and when he was able to sleep, he would never disturb him.
"Otherwise, why would I need to contact you?"
He didn't dare to think too much and followed me out of the outer courtyard of Shuiyun Pavilion.
Fortunately, Wuyue Palace was large enough, and the people in the palace each had their own duties, so at this time there would be no one else at the gate except for two guards.
Leaving would have been a piece of cake, and shaking off Shao Ming would have been easy too. It was as if fate was on my side, for I happened to run into Shao Ming, the weakest and most naive of the three. If it had been Shao You or Shao Yan, I might not have been able to leave so easily.
As I left the city, I felt a moment of confusion. Where should I go?
The winding road stretched on endlessly, and large swaths of sunlight streamed down, making me feel dizzy.
I found a small pavilion and sat inside for a while. I took out a handkerchief and wrapped it around my rough wrist. I took a deep breath and felt a little better.
But as soon as I stopped, the scene in the flower hall just now was like a lingering shadow. The more I tried to forget it, the clearer it became, to the point of being suffocating.
"Sister Rong."
The sound made my back stiffen instantly, and my heart sank.
This year is really unlucky. It seems like God is punishing me for all the glory I've had before.
"Why are you so pale? What happened?"
The sapphire blue Suzhou embroidery, the auspicious clouds outlined with silver thread, and the painted tassels at his waist all subtly accentuated his somewhat childish yet dignified demeanor.
"Little friend, you live in Yanwubao, right? How did you get lost and end up here?"
Anger flashed in his round eyes. "You're not that much older than me!"
"Being one year older than you is still being older."