Chapter 56
When I woke up again it was noon. The weather was particularly nice today, and the sunshine felt warm on my skin.
On a day like this, the most pleasant thing to do is to brew a pot of tea in the courtyard, enjoy some pastries from Baohetang, and watch a sword dance performance.
I used to spend every year like this, but now when I think back on it, it feels like a distant memory.
I moved a long bench to the front of the house. Since there was no soft couch for me to lean on, I could only lean against the wall, hoping to recapture a little of the soft, floating feeling I had when the afternoon sun shone down. As I sat there, I started to feel sleepy. Actually, I hadn't slept well last night; the chill didn't gradually subside until dawn. I think I only managed a short nap of a little over an hour.
"Lian'er".
"Lian'er..."
In my dream, someone kept calling my name in a careful and gentle voice. Careful and gentle? What a joke. There are no people who truly care about me anymore, so what am I still hoping for? Anyway, you are stubborn, willful, and domineering. Even in your dreams, God doesn't want to let you off the hook. He insists on making you see clearly the things you once had but didn't value. When you wake up, you are all alone with nothing around you. This is the kind of regret that leaves you with nowhere to cry out for justice.
One half of myself thinks things through clearly, while the other half is unable to extricate itself from the dreams of the past.
Unable to withstand the impact, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. Before I could even see my surroundings, I coughed up a mouthful of blood.
I bent over and started coughing incessantly. The pain in my back pierced my heart, and tears blurred my vision as I coughed, my hair sticking to my skin with sweat. That's how I got through the night before. The only good thing was that at least I wasn't feeling that unbearable coldness right now.
A dark shadow loomed over me. I was startled, and only then did I realize that something was wrong when the person reached out and tightly gripped my hand.
The pain was so intense that my face turned deathly pale, and I forgot to cough, all I could do was gasp for breath.
"Does it hurt?" A gentle voice drifted over, and my heart skipped a beat; I felt fear. "You know it hurts, so why did you leave after agreeing to stay?"
He was smiling, as radiant as the most magnificent peony.
"I knew you wouldn't keep your word. You must be suffering from the effects of the Guanghan Powder."
Every word was so ethereal and soft, yet to me it was like a bolt from the blue, making me forget to even cry out in pain.
This man's cunning is so deep that no one can see it. I was so foolish to worry about such a ruthless person. There's nothing Nangong Ling can't get, even if it means resorting to any means necessary. He's already given me plenty of patience to see how far I can go, but I've challenged his bottom line time and time again. People say that even if Heaven punishes you, you can live with it; but if you do, you can't. That's exactly what applies to people like me.
"You'd even stay in a place like this to avoid me, can I call that progress?"
He was laughing so happily, but his eyes were icy cold; it felt like having a sharp blade against his neck.
"Speak up, are you mute or deaf?"
He used to be very indulgent towards me, which made me take his sharp tongue and the hidden doting affection for granted. It made me forget the fear and dread others felt when they saw him, and forget that he was a ruthless and heartless person.
So this is what it feels like. Faced with the furious Nangong Ling, you don't even have the courage to speak under that intense pressure.
His patience wore thin, and his handsome brows began to furrow. I knew he was about to strike, so I reached out to block, but missed.
I looked up and saw his gaze shifting as he stared at my hand, his brows furrowing more and more tightly. Then, one of his hands suddenly changed direction and grabbed me.
He gripped my hand tightly, my knuckles ached, and his anger was rising, yet he was desperately trying to control himself.
"It hurts..." I managed to squeeze out a sound from my throat, using almost all my strength.
The cold fingertips traced the unsightly scars on my wrist, then touched my pulse. Suddenly, his expression changed, becoming extremely ugly and terrifying.
I was scared when I saw it, and I subconsciously pulled my hand back. His hand tightened, and his expression quickly returned to normal, but his eyes were still frighteningly gloomy.
"Let's go back." He gripped my hand tightly, as if I would disappear at any moment if he let go.
"I...I don't want to."
His voice was so low that even I could barely hear it, but when he suddenly turned around, his eyes showed an unusually intense surge of emotion, revealing shock and a fleeting pain.
"Why?" His voice was hoarse, which made my heart pound.
I took a deep breath, but under his icy gaze, I still couldn't utter a single word. Feeling his hands growing colder and his lips taut, I panicked and wrapped my free hand around his sleeve. He seemed taken aback, and the sharpness in his eyes softened slightly.
"I mean, um... could you please listen to me patiently?"
Perhaps because he rarely heard me plead like this, he was stunned for a while before nodding, and his aura finally softened, no longer as domineering as before.
Chapter 57
"Yue Linghe, what do you plan to do?"
His expression became complicated as soon as he asked the question, and then he habitually narrowed his eyes.
“It’s your own fault, always giving her opportunities to take advantage.” He grabbed my hand that was wrapped around his sleeve, bent down to look me in the eye, and said, “How could I not know her feelings after raising her by my side all these years? But she knows my weaknesses. There are so many women in the world, countless who are willing to be good to me, and some I admire and like, but I can forget them all in an instant. Only one person has lived in my heart for so many years, only one person I will never forget and never let go of. But this person has been running away from me because of my past mistakes. How can I bear it? It’s too painful. I’ve even had thoughts of wishing I could just die. So I can only find solace. Call me self-deception if you want, but if I don’t do this, I don’t think I can get through it. I can’t give her what she wants most. My selfishness ruined her, so I want to make it up to her. Besides, her smile is very similar to yours, especially around her eyes.”
I felt a lump in my throat and my heart was racing. I wanted to speak, but when the words reached my throat, I didn't know what to say.
"But in the end, she did something she shouldn't have done."
"What's up?"
He looked at me, pursed his lips, and seemed to be considering how to say it.
“I have someone put a little bit of Guanghan Powder in your food every day. If you don’t smell my cool fragrance for a long time, you’ll feel uncomfortable. But I know you’re playful and might get so engrossed in playing that you lose track of time. I don’t want you to feel too uncomfortable, so I have a very small amount added.” At this point, his gentle gaze turned sharp again. “I didn’t expect her to be so bold. Because I feel guilty towards her, I’ve tried to indulge her in many things. I thought she was spending so much time in the kitchen practicing her cooking skills. In fact, she acted very well. Now that I think about it, it turns out she increased the dosage of Guanghan Powder for you. Just now, when I checked your pulse, it was very weak and your qi was floating.”
"No wonder... it was Guanghan Powder. You knew I was most afraid of the cold and hated taking medicine. That's perfect..."
That little bit of emotion I felt just now vanished in an instant.
Seeing my cold expression, he frowned and finally softened his voice.
"It won't happen again, okay?"
I pulled my hand away from his. "If you don't have the heart for it, why bother? Pretending to like someone is exhausting."
"Pretend?" He turned my face towards him, anger blazing between his brows, yet a hint of pain lingering in his eyes. "Then teach me how to pretend when I like someone?!"
"You're still trying to lie to me? How Yue Linghe treated my mother, don't tell me you don't know. Do you dare deny that you didn't protect her? And now you expect me to believe you? If you didn't like her, would you tolerate her being so unruly? It's laughable. Can you tolerate even a speck of dust in your eyes? Isn't it just because playing me like this gives you a sense of accomplishment..."
The rest of my voice couldn't come out; he silenced me with his lips.
The memory of that first deep kiss was terrible. I was angry, so I opened my mouth and bit his tongue hard.
He let out a muffled groan of pain and released me, his eyes looking quite terrifying.
"...It was my negligence regarding your mother's matter, but do you dare say you're completely without fault? Do you think I really have that much energy to control everything?" He gripped my hand tightly, preventing me from escaping. "If I didn't like it, do you think you'd be alive today? Even if I made mistakes, I've tried my best to make amends. If you still insist on running away, I've said I don't mind destroying what I can't have. Or do you really want to grant Yue Linghe's wish and let her take your place?"
This person was trying to provoke me, and I knew it, but I always had to be one step ahead in my words.
"Of course not!"
"Alright, come back with me."
I bit my lip, my eyes red as I looked at him. "I already said I don't want it!"
They gripped my hand tightly, and I winced in pain.
He slowly narrowed his eyes. "Don't force me."
At this point, if I still had the audacity to challenge Nangong Ling when he was furious, I must be courting death.
"Don't push me!"
But this stubborn streak is something I can't shake off, and it always seems to surface at the most crucial moments.
Ouch, that hurts! How can this person have such a strong grip?
He stared at me, and I stared back at him. The two of us were locked in a fierce struggle, neither of us knowing how to give in.
"...Why don't you want to come back with me?"
After a long silence, he gritted his teeth and finally spoke first.
"Why go back? To see you lying on another woman?"
He was taken aback, as if he had just realized what I was angry about.
“I…I was angry at the time. When I returned to Shuiyun Pavilion, she had already been waiting inside for a long time. Seeing that I looked unwell, she brought me some calming tea. I hadn’t slept for many days…When I woke up again and saw Shaoming kneeling outside, I knew something had happened. I didn’t expect you to be so resolute…”
Although it's not entirely his fault, I'm still quite annoyed.
"See, you're still jealous..."
"Only a fool would be jealous!"
Because his vulnerable spot was exposed, he jumped up when he bit, which only made things worse.
The fierce look between his brows slowly dissipated, and he stopped speaking, simply holding me and stroking my back repeatedly.
Just as I was about to be captivated by his cool fragrance, I vaguely heard him say "I'm sorry."
"What did you say? Either don't say anything, or say it louder, otherwise who are you talking to!"
I maintained my fierce tone, and my displeasure subsided slightly.
“I said there’s a villa not far from here. It’s cold, are you really going to wear such thin clothes? Go over there and put on some clothes and take care of your hand injury. It would be so ugly if it left a scar.”
"Then don't look, why do you care so much..."
He took my hand, and we bickered as we walked.
Chapter 58
We didn't stay at the villa for long. After cleaning the wound on my hand, they gave me a padded jacket and a few outer robes before hurrying on our way.