Precise loss of control

Chapter 1

1

1997

"Mr. Li, the report we just prepared is out. Unfortunately..."

"...Are you disappointed?"

"Based on the current test results, you only have one month left. We will arrange for you to be hospitalized as soon as possible."

"!"

I've been staring blankly at the clouds outside the car window for over two hours.

It was getting dark, and the clouds had dispersed.

The news broadcast on the bus had been a constant chattering for over 130 minutes, reduced to pure sound with no connection between the words. Nothing the host was saying actually reached Youchen's ears.

Her daughter should have been out of school half an hour ago, but Youchen didn't leave the designated parking lot next to the hospital at all.

To put it nicely, it's a process of settling; in reality, being scrapped is the most accurate description.

Youchen knew perfectly well that everything was over.

The dream was never realized.

None of them have been realized.

"When you were in junior high, you wanted to be a race car driver even better than Schumacher, right?"

Looking at his reflection in the rearview mirror, Youchen said sarcastically, "So now I'm driving an automatic. I only drove a manual car when I was learning to drive, and I was terrible at that."

The reflection in the rearview mirror seemed to be mocking the good-for-nothing Youchen.

"When you get to high school, you want to be the first Taiwanese comic artist to be serialized in JUMP."

Youchen scoffed and wiped away the tears from the corner of his eye with his finger: "In the end, you were just a reader all day, and all you got into was a diploma mill. You didn't even draw a single complete character during your four years of college."

What's next?

His life that followed was unremarkable, and he still failed to accomplish anything he had promised himself.

When Yu-Chen was in college, he thought he would become a programmer in the newly established science park after graduation. He thought this was a very realistic idea. Unexpectedly, after completing his military service, his college degree was just a piece of paper. Many of his college classmates who were originally just as useless as him at least worked hard and got into research institutes to make their degrees more substantial, while he, his degree couldn't even get him a foothold in the science park.

Taking the postgraduate entrance exam? That's too much trouble. I'll think about it after I've accumulated some work experience in a few years.

So, after much deliberation, Youchen took a job as a junior clerk at a trading company in Neihu, handling clerical work that could be easily replaced by anyone. As for graduate school, he decided to postpone it until his daughter was older.

He can blame his unsatisfactory work performance on a lack of ability. He wants to collect several comic books to display on his bookshelf at home, to feign a focus on personal life and fulfilling childhood dreams, but so far he hasn't even bought the most basic Dragon Ball set. His wife says she's worried the kids will be corrupted by too many comic books, so he obediently listens.

There was only one Doraemon book on the bookshelf, bought from the magazine rack outside the general store, and it was a pirated copy with unclear authorization. That day, my daughter cried and said she would be good if I bought it, she promised she would be very good, and she even held up her finger to make a pinky promise.

Thinking of his daughter, he was glad that he didn't say "we'll talk about it later" that day, but instead bought the Doraemon book directly.

Fang Lin has a deep dimple on her left cheek but not on her right. When she smiles, a little bit of her upper gum is visible, and her head tilts slightly to the right. She's so cute, even cuter than a real angel.

Family members are the best morphine for failures who cannot achieve their dreams.

Since his daughter was born, Youchen has finally convinced himself that there are too many things in life that sound luxurious but are just unrealistic dreams. Only having family by his side is the most real happiness.

Watching my daughter grow up and become more sensible every day is more meaningful than being a race car driver, cartoonist, or park engineer.

Indeed, family is the best excuse.

By invoking the phrase "for the family," all inertia is transformed into sacrifice and dedication, and no one has the right to judge him—this is also the excuse used by 99% of men worldwide who fail to achieve their dreams.

"I'm sorry, Dad didn't pick you up from school today."

Youchen looked at the old telephone booths under the hospital corridor in the distance.

Do you remember that the phone card in your pocket still has a balance of over ten yuan?

However, Youchen didn't want to have any contact with the outside world... no, he didn't want to have any contact with his family.

For now, he just wants to continue in his current state of disrepair.

2

When I started the engine again, the streetlights next to the parking lot had slowly come on.

Where to go?

I don't want to go home for the time being, and I have no appetite.

Without any particular thought, I simply pressed the accelerator lightly and drove forward, my back to the road home...

"I've only been coughing for a few days, how could it be terminal lung cancer? I haven't smoked for years."

"We will arrange for you to be admitted to the hospital as soon as possible so that you can undergo more detailed examinations. Please be sure to come over in three days."

"Doctor...do I really only have one month left?"

"If this image is correct, I'm sorry. With proper treatment, there might be a chance to extend the treatment to three months."

In prime-time dramas, whenever someone is diagnosed with terminal cancer by a doctor, they act as if struck by lightning, then break down crying, grabbing the doctor's shoulders and yelling, "This is impossible! I don't accept it! You must have made a mistake!" It's all just a nonsensical performance.

After learning that his death date had entered his calendar, Yu Chen's mind remained blank for a long time, unable to form a basic concept of "death."

The first thought that barely surfaced after I was in a daze was to mock my own consistent helplessness.

The car slowed down and finally stopped outside a convenience store.

“Lung cancer…that’s really something.” Youchen pulled the handbrake: “Cough cough cough cough…”

The radio news broadcast focused on recent hot topics, including the CPBL match-fixing case: "There's a new development in the CPBL match-fixing case. This afternoon, the Taipei City Investigation Bureau summoned nine Times Hawks players—Wang Guangxi, Liao Minxiong, Zeng Guizhang, Chu Zhiyuan, Li Congfu, Chen Zhixin, Xie Qixun, Huang Junjie, and Qiu Qicheng—for questioning. After further questioning by the prosecutor, they were released on bail of NT$50,000..."

Fixing matches... Professional players must earn a lot of money, right? They probably live a life of signing autographs for fans all the time, so why... no, why would they fix matches?

Yu-Chen used to be a die-hard fan of the Times Hawks. If it weren't for the even greater misfortune that befell him today, he would probably be feeling very sad right now.

cough.

But it doesn't matter at all now.

Fixing matches to make dirty money is at least the player's own choice, but his only options are... having only one month to live, or cooperating well with treatment to receive an extra two months of life as a reward. Besides cursing him, he didn't know what else he could say in his acceptance speech.

He walked into the convenience store while coughing and bought a pack of cigarettes.

"Which one?" The shop assistant looked up listlessly.

“Whatever.” He placed a few coins on the table: “And a lighter, the cheapest kind. Cough.”

Sitting on a green plastic chair next to the trash can at the shop entrance, Youchen lit his cigarette with a cheap ten-yuan lighter and started smoking clumsily. What brand? He didn't know, and he didn't care.

After just a few puffs and a few coughs, the feeling of being a heavy smoker from back in the day came right back.

Since their daughter was born, household expenses have increased, and the details in the accounts have become more and more complicated. Without his wife needing to remind him, Youchen naturally quit smoking. He said it was for his daughter's health, but in reality, it was to save some money.

Although quitting smoking hasn't caused Youchen any trouble, nor has it made him unhappy or caused him to complain, smoking a cigarette now at least allows him to pretend to be fighting back against fate for something.

Fang Lin, who couldn't wait for her father to pick her up, probably called her mother a long time ago to ask her to take her home.

"I'm sorry, Dad, please calm down." Youchen let out a deep breath.

A gleaming patrol car was parked in front of the convenience store.

The police car door opened, and a chubby patrolman took the sign-in book from the pillar and signed it. Then he stood at the door, adjusting his belt, which was being squeezed down by his large belly. A slightly thinner patrolman went into the store, bought two cans of iced oolong tea, and came out staring intently at the old Yulon motorcycle parked next to the police car.

"Sir, is this Bluebird your car?" The slightly thin patrolman glanced at Youchen, who was sitting to the side smoking.

"..." Youchen merely glanced at him.

"This is the red line, drive away quickly." The chubby patrolman took the oolong tea.

Youchen stared blankly ahead, saying nothing.

"This is the red line. If you don't move, I'll issue a ticket." The slightly thin patrolman frowned.

"..." Youchen seemed not to hear.

This nonchalant attitude angered the two policemen.

They didn't originally intend to cause trouble for ordinary people; they just wanted to demonstrate their power as police officers. But now they've taken out their ticket book and are copying down the license plates of Yu Chen's old Yulon truck.

"Driver's license and vehicle registration." The chubby policeman stood up, his zipper pointing directly at Youchen's face.

“Just hoist them away,” Youchen said casually. “Ahem.”

His voice trembled slightly, and his ears slowly warmed up.

But Youchen showed no intention of backing down.

"If you don't produce it, we'll issue you a driver's license for not having it with you." The chubby policeman reminded him gently, seemingly wanting to give Youchen a chance: "Cooperate a little, we're not that hard to talk to, at most we'll issue you a supervisor's license."

"..." Youchen continued smoking and turned his head away.

In the past, when faced with similar situations, such as turning right on a red light, speeding, crossing the parking line, or running a red light, no matter how slim the chances were, Youchen would always humbly say a few words about how expensive the children's tuition was and how his salary hadn't increased in a long time, hoping to avoid issuing a ticket, or at least not a heavy one.

But at this moment, Youchen realized how disgusting that kind of face, which expects others to beg him and pretends to do good deeds, is—this time he won't succeed.

"Signature." As soon as he finished copying, the slightly thin patrolman handed the ticket to Youchen without any ceremony.

"Is this all you can do?"

Youchen sneered, and couldn't help but add this sentence as he accepted the ticket.

"What did you say?"

"Police officers are amazing."

If human personality could be quantified, Youchen's personality would roughly be the average of a million people's personalities. Of course, the same applies to talents, life experiences, and even the pressure of bank savings and mortgage payments.

Simply put, it's the most mediocre of the ordinary. So mediocre that it has no distinguishing features whatsoever.

Two hours ago, all of Youchen's life stats changed rapidly.

“Say that again and I’ll sue you for insulting a police officer,” the officer beside him said in a deep voice.

"What insult?" Youchen flicked his cigarette. "Cough cough... cough."

"I'm accusing you of obstructing official business."

"What's in the way?" Youchen asked without even thinking.

"You disregard public authority."

This is hilarious!

“I’m not showing contempt for public authority, I’m showing contempt for you.”