Precise loss of control

1

1997

"Mr. Li, the report we just prepared is out. Unfortunately..."

"...Are you disappointed?"

"Based on the current test results, you only have one month left. We will arrange for you to be hospitalized as soon as possible."

"!"

I've been staring blankly at the clouds outside the car window for over two hours.

It was getting dark, and the clouds had dispersed.

The news broadcast on the bus had been a constant chattering for over 130 minutes, reduced to pure sound with no connection between the words. Nothing the host was saying actually reached Youchen's ears.

Her daughter should have been out of school half an hour ago, but Youchen didn't leave the designated parking lot next to the hospital at all.

To put it nicely, it's a process of settling; in reality, being scrapped is the most accurate description.

Youchen knew perfectly well that everything was over.

The dream was never realized.

None of them have been realized.

"When you were in junior high, you wanted to be a race car driver even better than Schumacher, right?"

Looking at his reflection in the rearview mirror, Youchen said sarcastically, "So now I'm driving an automatic. I only drove a manual car when I was learning to drive, and I was terrible at that."

The reflection in the rearview mirror seemed to be mocking the good-for-nothing Youchen.

"When you get to high school, you want to be the first Taiwanese comic artist to be serialized in JUMP."

Youchen scoffed and wiped away the tears from the corner of his eye with his finger: "In the end, you were just a reader all day, and all you got into was a diploma mill. You didn't even draw a single complete character during your four years of college."

What's next?

His life that followed was unremarkable, and he still failed to accomplish anything he had promised himself.

When Yu-Chen was in college, he thought he would become a programmer in the newly established science park after graduation. He thought this was a very realistic idea. Unexpectedly, after completing his military service, his college degree was just a piece of paper. Many of his college classmates who were originally just as useless as him at least worked hard and got into research institutes to make their degrees more substantial, while he, his degree couldn't even get him a foothold in the science park.

Taking the postgraduate entrance exam? That's too much trouble. I'll think about it after I've accumulated some work experience in a few years.

So, after much deliberation, Youchen took a job as a junior clerk at a trading company in Neihu, handling clerical work that could be easily replaced by anyone. As for graduate school, he decided to postpone it until his daughter was older.

He can blame his unsatisfactory work performance on a lack of ability. He wants to collect several comic books to display on his bookshelf at home, to feign a focus on personal life and fulfilling childhood dreams, but so far he hasn't even bought the most basic Dragon Ball set. His wife says she's worried the kids will be corrupted by too many comic books, so he obediently listens.

There was only one Doraemon book on the bookshelf, bought from the magazine rack outside the general store, and it was a pirated copy with unclear authorization. That day, my daughter cried and said she would be good if I bought it, she promised she would be very good, and she even held up her finger to make a pinky promise.

Thinking of his daughter, he was glad that he didn't say "we'll talk about it later" that day, but instead bought the Doraemon book directly.

Fang Lin has a deep dimple on her left cheek but not on her right. When she smiles, a little bit of her upper gum is visible, and her head tilts slightly to the right. She's so cute, even cuter than a real angel.

Family members are the best morphine for failures who cannot achieve their dreams.

Since his daughter was born, Youchen has finally convinced himself that there are too many things in life that sound luxurious but are just unrealistic dreams. Only having family by his side is the most real happiness.

Watching my daughter grow up and become more sensible every day is more meaningful than being a race car driver, cartoonist, or park engineer.

Indeed, family is the best excuse.

By invoking the phrase "for the family," all inertia is transformed into sacrifice and dedication, and no one has the right to judge him—this is also the excuse used by 99% of men worldwide who fail to achieve their dreams.

"I'm sorry, Dad didn't pick you up from school today."

Youchen looked at the old telephone booths under the hospital corridor in the distance.

Do you remember that the phone card in your pocket still has a balance of over ten yuan?

However, Youchen didn't want to have any contact with the outside world... no, he didn't want to have any contact with his family.

For now, he just wants to continue in his current state of disrepair.

2

When I started the engine again, the streetlights next to the parking lot had slowly come on.

Where to go?

I don't want to go home for the time being, and I have no appetite.

Without any particular thought, I simply pressed the accelerator lightly and drove forward, my back to the road home...

"I've only been coughing for a few days, how could it be terminal lung cancer? I haven't smoked for years."

"We will arrange for you to be admitted to the hospital as soon as possible so that you can undergo more detailed examinations. Please be sure to come over in three days."

"Doctor...do I really only have one month left?"

"If this image is correct, I'm sorry. With proper treatment, there might be a chance to extend the treatment to three months."

In prime-time dramas, whenever someone is diagnosed with terminal cancer by a doctor, they act as if struck by lightning, then break down crying, grabbing the doctor's shoulders and yelling, "This is impossible! I don't accept it! You must have made a mistake!" It's all just a nonsensical performance.

After learning that his death date had entered his calendar, Yu Chen's mind remained blank for a long time, unable to form a basic concept of "death."

The first thought that barely sur

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