Unable to breathe

Chapter 17

After a while, in a quiet moment, he suddenly stood up and found the strength to pull her into his arms. He slowly walked to the bedside, gently placed her on the bed, and then knelt down beside the bed to look at her, caressing her with his eyes, from her neck, from her shoulders, from her breasts, to her abdomen, and then to her thighs... It seemed that he had never appreciated a woman's body so carefully and attentively before.

He was panting heavily, and his clothes were soaked with sweat.

She said, "What's wrong with your clothes?"

He said, "Once I take my clothes off, I can't control myself."

She said, "Fool! Who wants you to control me! I want you!"

He said, "No! I must control it!"

She got angry and shouted, "Why? Why? Why?"

He kissed her, kissed her, and said, "Because I love you! If you were just a friend, I would take off my clothes; if I just loved you, I would take off my clothes. But I love you so, so much, I want to love you for a lifetime, so I can't take my clothes off now, I can't, I can't!"

She was no longer burning with passion, nor was she agitated; only tears remained.

He wiped away her tears again and again.

He only began to speak when she had stopped crying and was as calm as if nothing had happened:

"Lanzi, I don't need to know anything more about you. We're like old friends, and now we're just meeting again. Because I love you with all my heart, I can't bear to hurt you like this. It wouldn't be fair to you if I did this, because you don't know anything about me. I have to let you know everything about me before you can choose whether or not to love me."

Lanzi finally understood that he had his reasons, because she already knew that he was a very responsible man.

Lanzi used all her strength to hug him, and suddenly felt a pleasant sensation flowing through her body like a stream.

Since receiving her birthday gift, Dawei has not only started to smile, but he also laughs endlessly whenever he is with Lanzi.

From then on, they slept in each other's arms every night, but only in each other's arms, without engaging in the passionate lovemaking they didn't yet want to do. However, they felt that their daily intimacy and physical closeness had already made them feel as one, and they increasingly longed for the day when they could give each other all their love.

In these days and nights of mutual caress and tenderness, Dawei felt his vitality, passion, and life awakened. He rekindled his desire to be a true man, growing stronger and more steadfast each day. Ah, it was a desire so strong it was about to erupt and so firm it was about to explode. It would be the best gift he could give to the one he loved in the future.

They didn't part ways until Lanzi had only enough money left to buy train tickets home.

"If you're willing, my Lanzi, let's meet again next year. If I can't come, I will definitely write to you, and then I will tell you everything. So this is not because you're not good enough, but because of my own problems, and of course, it's also because I love you. I hope you can understand that I truly love you, so I must make a promise to you."

After saying this, Hao Dawei was already sobbing uncontrollably. After a long while, he handed a letter to Wang Liguo:

"I came here this time to tell her."

My Lanzi:

A close friend of many years cheated on me, taking almost all my savings. But the biggest blow wasn't the money, but the emotional damage he inflicted. Many friends had warned me about his character, but I hadn't believed them and had even lost some good friends because of it. So his deception hit me hard. Before I could recover, my wife betrayed me. Suddenly, I felt like a complete failure. I felt utterly hopeless, completely hopeless. I became a lonely person, feeling like everyone around me was laughing at me. I was afraid to go out, and staying at home was utterly boring. I felt like I had nowhere to turn; I didn't know what to do. Days and months passed like this. I smoked and drank heavily, living a life of waiting to die. Finally, one day, I started feeling unwell. I was constantly sweating, feeling weak, and my mood was terrible. I was also plagued by a persistent cold.

Later, a friend found out about this and insisted on taking me to the hospital for a checkup. From then on, I noticed that he always spoke to my family in a secretive manner, and sometimes when they were on the phone, they would immediately start saying unrelated things as soon as I appeared. After this happened several times, I realized that what they were saying must be related to my illness. I suddenly understood that my illness was very, very serious, and they were hiding it from me.

I called the doctor who treated me and said that I was Hao Dawei's good friend and that I would like to hear his advice on how to treat Hao Dawei's illness.

The doctor asked me, "What's your relationship with the patient? Can you represent his family? You should understand the difficulties we doctors face; we can't easily pronounce a death sentence on someone." I said, "I understand, thank you."

Not many days later, my family made up a lot of reasons to get me hospitalized. They were surprised that I went to the hospital with them without any objection.

What kind of hospital is that? A cancer hospital.

I guessed what illness I had on my first day in the hospital.

I've learned from other patients that several lung cancer patients have already passed away in this very hospital bed I'm sleeping in. Why should I believe I'll leave this bed healthy? Why won't I leave this world sooner than them? I simply don't believe I'll have a better ending; I have absolutely no confidence in my body. I just feel it's only natural that I'll leave my life in this hospital, while my body is reduced to ashes by others.

But the thought of disappearing from this world in just a few days was an indescribable pain. It was then that I realized I was actually terrified of death, lacked the courage to die peacefully, and was unwilling to simply die like this. I haven't even turned 35 yet!

But what good is it if I don't want to die? Do I have any power to turn the tide?

I have nowhere to cry. I'm a man, I can't cry, but I've fallen to such a miserable state, what am I supposed to pretend for? For my family's sake, I have to pretend, I have to say I feel good every day, that today is much better. I have to pretend I don't understand the lies of those who come to see me, I have to thank them for deceiving me, and I have to force smiles at them one after another.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I left the hospital without saying goodbye.

When you see me, I'll have changed cars again. I don't know where I'm going, where I'll die, or how many days I have left to live. Sometimes I think about having another birthday, but I'm more afraid. Who will celebrate this birthday with me? What's the point? What joy is there? What's the necessity?

Lanzi, you're sitting across from me. I'm a man, after all, and I'm not blind. Of course I can see your beauty. It's just that all of this is too luxurious for me. It's a beauty that I'll never see again. So I'm not indifferent, but I envy and am jealous of you. But I don't hate you, because I'm not a pervert.

I'm a man, after all. The way that thug treated you was something I absolutely couldn't tolerate according to my principles. So, I presumptuously stepped in to teach him a lesson. But I didn't expect there to be a group of them. It was only then that I suddenly thought of letting them beat me to death! So please don't misunderstand me as some kind of hero. No, I'm not. I'm just a cowardly fool who's afraid of death. But, I do have a lot of sincerity towards people in my heart. When I came to help you, I had no ill intentions whatsoever. I never imagined I'd trick you into liking me so much.

Why did I wait until today? Because you truly love me, and I truly love you too, so I had to wait until today to tell you the answer.

After breaking up with you, I went to the hospital for a checkup.

My original attending physician looked at all my test results, repeatedly looking at me and then at the test results, but he didn't say anything.

I spoke first: "Your condition has worsened, hasn't it? Tell me, doctor, I'm not afraid of anything now."

The doctor asked me: Where did you sneak out of the hospital? Can you tell me the truth? Who did you see for treatment? Can I know? Can I meet this person?

The doctor's explanation left me speechless; I didn't know what to say. Later, I roughly told him the truth.

The doctor thought for a long time, and I remembered every single word he said because it was crucial to me!

The doctor said: Hippocrates, the famous ancient Greek physician and father of Western medicine, said that the patient's instinct is the patient's doctor, and the doctor's role is to help the instinct.

He thought I didn't understand, so he explained further: "If you think you have no hope, even God can't save you. Only when you have a strong will to live can you possibly overcome the disease. And love is the most potent elixir we know of that can awaken a person's survival instinct. I think it might have been an unexpected love that saved you." He stood up, took my hand, and said, "Congratulations! Your tumor is clearly shrinking, clearly shrinking, do you understand? It's a miracle!"

No one has ever washed my feet since I became an adult. When you asked me what was wrong, I felt so comfortable that I couldn't help but cry. No one has ever given me such a wonderful birthday gift, allowing me to grow up again day by day in your love.

Let me tell the whole world! Let me tell everyone! My dear, it was your love that saved my life, and my love will always belong to you!

Your Dawei

Later, I saw this letter in Wang Liguo's office, and reading it made me feel very sad and indignant.

The tragic destruction of Lanzi and Dawei's pure love deeply saddened Wang Liguo. He later told me more than once, "I often think about their love. I feel that if they could have been together, it would have been a virtuous cycle. Their families and descendants would have learned to cherish love, and they would have used their love to influence those around them and society, building a beautiful network." Lanzi's senseless murder destroyed a potentially positive system. Dawei's future is uncertain, and his despair and hatred will undoubtedly influence others; his negative emotions will infect society. Murder is like cancer, killing healthy cells and spreading toxins, despair, and hatred throughout society.