"Little Purse, how is she?"
It was Jiang Chen's voice. Thinking about the repeated misunderstandings between Yunzhou and me because of him, I felt even more upset, so I simply closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.
Little Puzi sighed sadly, "Alas, she has a fever and a cough. Young master, please watch over Miss for a while, I'll go and brew the medicine."
I felt the edge of the bed sink slightly, and then a cool hand covered my forehead. I couldn't help but shiver slightly. He knew I wasn't asleep, so he leaned down and said, "Xiao Mo, what would you like to eat?"
I shook my head, almost burying my face in the pillow so he wouldn't see the tear stains on my face.
He sighed silently and muttered to himself, "You haven't been sick in a long time. I remember the last time was when it snowed last year."
I didn't say anything. That time, he was hunting pheasants in the snow. After roasting them, he called me over. I sat around the campfire, ate with great interest, and then caught a cold when I got back.
The bed stirred, as if he had gotten up, but I didn't hear the door open, so he probably hadn't left the room. The room was silent except for the sound of dripping water. What was he doing?
Suddenly, a warm towel was gently placed on my face, covering my forehead and eyelids. My swollen eyelids immediately felt much better.
He gently turned me over. Thankfully, my eyes were covered by a towel, so he couldn't see any traces of my crying.
His fingers brushed the hair behind my ear. I stiffened, extremely uncomfortable with his touch, but dared not move, afraid that if I moved, the towel would fall and he would find out that I had been crying.
His fingers brushed against my chin, and I involuntarily trembled slightly again. Normally, I would have jumped up and given him a piece of my mind, but at this moment, I felt a sense of utter despair, letting him grope me twice. Oh well, I unintentionally touched him a couple of times when I snatched the little gold lock, so let's call it even.
He said softly, "Xiao Mo, when you're better, I'll take you home. Mother wrote and wants to see you. You haven't been to the capital yet, have you? How about I take you around to relax?"
I did not answer.
He talked to himself about the capital city, its beautiful scenery, delicious food, lively theaters, and spectacular variety shows. His voice was very gentle, echoing softly in my ears, much like the tender care my master used to give me when I was a child, lulling me to sleep. My heart gradually calmed down, but one place still ached faintly, as if a piece had been gouged out.
Suddenly, he grabbed my right hand. I panicked and tried to pull away, but he held my hand with both of his, as if a pearl were encased in an oyster shell.
My eyes were covered by a towel, but I could clearly feel how large his hands were; they were more than enough to cover mine. I struggled a couple of times, but it was futile; the giant clam shell didn't budge.
"Xiao Mo, do you know how much I like you?"
I never dreamed he would say such a thing. I was startled and immediately tried to pull my hand back as a reflex, but he just clenched his fist tighter.
My face felt a little hot. Luckily, I was blindfolded and couldn't see his face, so it wasn't too embarrassing. This was the first time someone had confessed their love to me, but unfortunately, it wasn't Yunzhou. The pain and bitterness in my heart grew stronger, and my eyes welled up with tears again.
"Xiao Mo, I know you might not like me, but it's enough that I like you. Someday, you'll like me too, won't you?"
He seemed to bend down, and that soft, gentle "Is it?" was close to my ear, clear as a spring breeze, the willows just turning yellow, and a dragonfly touching the tip of a lotus leaf.
A sudden, bewildered feeling welled up inside me. Was it? Or was it not?
Suddenly, a masculine scent wafted onto my face, and my lips felt warm and moist.
My heart pounded as if it had exploded. I immediately tried to sit up with a somersault, but the towel slipped down my forehead as I was about to raise my hand to cover it.
A hand held the towel firmly in place, still covering my eyes safely.
He gently pressed me back down on the bed, slowly moved the towel up a bit, and whispered, "You should rest well. Whether you like someone or not, it takes time, doesn't it?"
I'm still confused. Is it? Or not?
He let go of my hand. A moment later I heard a soft creak of the door, and then the room fell silent.
I slowly removed the towel from my face and blew out the candle in front of the bed.
The night was still, and the moon was dim. I looked out the window and sighed softly. How I wished there was a figure outside the window who would gently ask me, "Xiao Mo, are you still awake?"
If time could turn back, if... But there are no ifs.
The illness came on quickly and went away quickly; the fever subsided early the next morning, but I had no appetite at all, and only drank two bowls of millet porridge over two days. My master remembered how I used to become listless and withered if I didn't eat a meal, and he was so worried that something bad might happen to me from hunger that he was jumping up and down in a panic.
After my seventh uncle came to see me, he said, "Little Mo, it's summer now, so it's okay to eat less. You'll look good in clothes. If you really can't take it anymore, your uncle will give you some internal energy."
I weakly declined my seventh uncle's offer and hugged the blanket, feeling utterly dejected.
On the morning of the third day, when Xiao Hebao was combing my hair, she looked at me in the bronze mirror and sighed, "No wonder there is a saying that Xi Shi was sick. Miss, you are even more beautiful now that you are sick. Your eyes are watery, like the waves of autumn water."
I looked at myself in the mirror dejectedly. My once round face had become an oval shape. My eyes were already big, and now it seemed like my whole face was made up of eyes. My friend said my eyes were watery, but she didn't know that my heart was already overflowing with emotions.
A flash of light appeared before the door, and Jiang Chen, dressed in flowing white robes, walked in gracefully: "Little Mo, have you been longing for me for so long?"
The moment I saw him, my eyes froze. That day, taking advantage of my feverish delirium, he actually kissed me! This is a grudge I must avenge, but I've been racking my brains for days without a clue how. I can't exactly kiss him back and get my revenge, can I? With no other way to seek revenge, I could only glare at him with my eyes.
He was carrying a bundle, his breathing slightly hurried, as if he had just returned from a long and arduous journey, which puzzled me. He placed the bundle on the table and opened it; inside, three layers deep, lay a food box. Even through the lid, I could smell the enticing aroma. He opened the lid and took out several dishes from the box, one after another—these were some of the famous dishes from the Shiweitian Restaurant in the city.
He handed me the chopsticks, looked at me eagerly, and said with hope, "You haven't been able to eat these past two days, so I specially went down the mountain to buy some. I used my lightness skill to travel back and forth, and wrapped the food box in several layers of cotton cloth. It's still warm. Would you like to eat a little bit?"
I stared at the warm dishes on the table, speechless, a warm feeling of gratitude welling up inside me. Putting aside our marriage, just considering our relationship as fellow students, he had always treated me very well. This gesture of affection was truly touching. Oh well, I'll just treat his kiss as a mosquito bite.
He looked at me intently, with a tender and loving expression, and said softly, "Xiao Mo, don't lose any more weight. I love your round face, with those two little dimples. You're so pretty and cute. You're a lucky charm for your husband, and also for your wealth."
The first two sentences sounded alright to me, but the last one... it sounded like he was saying I was a Pixiu or a golden toad! I glared at him. Did he only like me because I looked like I'd bring him good fortune and wealth? Could it be that the few words of confession I heard him say a few days ago were just a hallucination caused by my fever?
I stared at him, mesmerized. He was truly handsome, a feast for the eyes, yet I couldn't see into his heart. I've never liked worrying, much less racking my brains to guess what people are thinking. I wish every word they uttered was plain and honest, laid bare before me, completely transparent and clear. A large part of the reason I like Yunzhou is that although he's a man of few words, every one of his sentences is sincere and trustworthy. Jiang Chen's words, on the other hand, are often shrouded in mystery, requiring careful unraveling to discern whether they're a butterfly or a moth.
Besides, I always felt that being with a very handsome man, while pleasing to the eye, wouldn't necessarily prolong my life, because there would be too many suitors, and it would be exhausting to fend them off. Especially someone like Jiang Chen, with his flirtatious nature and bright eyes that seem to spark at the slightest provocation, if I don't fend off these suitors, I'll end up being cheated on; if I do, it makes me seem narrow-minded, petty, and jealous. It's a dilemma.
Thinking about my future with him, and then about my past with Yunzhou, my thoughts are in turmoil, and my heart aches. A thought churns within me, surging and roaring, but I can't bring myself to say it when I'm facing him, because I don't want to hurt him.
He's just not right for me, not a bad person. I actually like him, just like I like He Xiaole, just like I like my master, but this kind of liking isn't the same as that kind of liking. That kind of liking is a heart-fluttering feeling, a sense of gain and loss, something that lingers in the heart and mind, something that feels like heaven and earth, something that you search for a thousand times in the crowd, something that makes you envious of the lovers who are not even immortals.
That kind of affection is unique.